forum I'd be willing to critique your character
Started by @jantz
tune

people_alt 59 followers

@jantz

would you mind critiqing Eve? Eve Shasting

@sunnyskies
Eve Shasting:
Right off the bat I can tell that not a lot of time and energy was put into this character. Every description I saw on their character sheet was really bland and, to be quite frank, the bare minimum.

Looks
Try describing Eve's hair better. "Usually up" gives me very very little descriptive detail and how their hair actually looks.

Nature
I see that you've fallen into the category of simply describing your character's personality as a Myers-Briggs type. I'd avoid doing this as it gives people who look at he character sheet no indication as to how your character acts.
Describe Eve's flaws better
"Procrastination" isn't necessarily a talent, put it in the flaws

Social
Try describing what makes Eve a democrat/liberal

History
Write out a well-detailed background instead of just saying "lives in a nice area"
Instead of saying "fuck you" give Eve a birthday

Great start, just flesh out the character sheet. Good luck :)

@jantz

serena rose goodwin Here’s mine

Serena Goodwin:
uhh

Overview
Give her an age

Looks
It looks to me (heh I'm funny) that you did the absolute bare minimum here. There are no descriptive details on how Serena looks. Try visualizing every little thing about her in your head and write down the most important stuff. (and it may seem like I'm nitpicking but also try capitalizing the start of your sentences)

Nature
Maybe start by actually making a nature section?

Social
Again, add something here

Family
Try going a little more in-depth about the polar bear, and give it a name.

History
Write a background for Serana

Notice how short this critique is. That's because there was very little to critique. Try writing a little more Serena and come back. Good luck <3

@jantz

(Hi! Is it okay if I drop off another character??)

Why yes of course. You can do as many as you want, just one at a time, please.

@jantz

Can you do my pony? Snowjon Stane Ederia

@KHS-SunGod-The-Charger
Snowjon Stane Ederia:
oOoo I've never critiqued a pony before, this should be fun

Clothing
This is nice. Very few people add a clothing section on their character sheets and it's even more interesting considering its horse/pony attire

Looks
You use really good descriptive details with his body and hair; I can very visibly see Snowjon.

Nature
You've got a lot written here, and that's good to a degree, but you seem to repeat that he's angry a few times. I think describing it once is enough. For example, you list being angry as a hobby. I'd refrain from doing that as it may either be a personality trait or a health condition. Other than that everything else here seems to be pretty good.

Social
Everything seems pretty good here

History
I like how you added a "family line" even though it wasn't completely necesary, very interesting.
However, in his background, I'd add a little portion to describe the time he's in. Because in today's world "attack pon(ies)" aren't really needed so if his story was in an earlier time-frame that'd make a lot of sense.

Anyways, Snowjon is very interesting and his story seems interesting. Good job and good luck on your future writing <3

-Davis

@jantz

(I promise I'm working on your critiques, I've just been out of it this weekend. Sorry, hopefully, they'll be done by tomorrow)

@jantz

Oh, thank-you so much! ^^ I'll make sure to improve him using your advice :D
Could you do his rider as well when you find the time? ^^

@KHS-SunGod-The-Charger
Java Ratan Stane

Clothing
Again, this section is really nice

Looks
I'd describe his hair a little more. What you have is nice, but you might wanna go into detail about the texture of hair, how greasy it gets, where the part is, etc.
Also, Java's body type seems a little lacking. Sure, you say he's a little muscular, but where? You said Jav is a rider so he probably has big forearms. Just something to think about.

Nature
try not making a bullet list for something as important as his personality type. Instead, try describing his personality in paragraphs or something.
How do his flaws affect him? You say he's prideful, but how so? Does he get boastful after beating someone in sword-fight? Does he get prideful during battle and that throw him off? How is he single-sighted? Does he only focus on one thing at a time? Does he not take criticism and/or the opinions of others well?

Social
He serves no job? Even as a prince?

History
Probably go a little more in-depth with his background

Overall you have a pretty solid character here. I hope I was able to provide something at least a little helpful to you. Good job and good luck.

-Davis

@jantz

Awesome, thanks in advance oppy!

Here’s my boi Kai for you to take a peak at!

@Celestial-Burst
Kai Shore
Oh, boy, do I love this character. Even the meaning of his name is cool.

Overview
There's a typo in Kai's "Other names" section

Looks
Everything seems to be pretty good here. The only thing I'd say is to maybe describes his hair a little more. Does all of it end around his neck, or are his bangs a little shorter? Where's his part? When you say messy does that mean wavy, a little curly, full of knots and lumps, oily, etc.? But otherwise, good job here.

Nature
Mannerisms: Try describing how he reacts differently when his emotions shift. What does he do when he's mad? What about when he's happy?
As for flaws, I really like how they're sweet and to the point, good job.
You broke rule number one in Kai's personality section. Everything was really really great until you brought his anxiety. To put it simply, anxiety isn't a personality trait. Avoid using conditions as personality traits, especially anxiety. They go in the conditions section.

Social
Everything seems good here; nothing to say.

History
Holy cow his background caught me so off-guard
I was just vibing to some chill music and then I read it… oh dear
Still, pretty good despite it being incredibly shocking.

Family
So like, did he name his pet fox after his dad or…? I dunno, maybe I'm nitpicking but it's whatever.

To conclude, I really like Kai. He's super cool and I'd like to see more of him. Good job and good luck <3

-Davis

@jantz

I know you're busy but if you have any time could you critique my character?

@salami011
Nicholas Norman
After reviewing Nick I can tell you've put some thought into him and his story seems interesting

Looks
Upon looking here I couldn't find anything wrong or in-need of improvement so props to you for that.

Nature
His motivation could use a little work. It’s really simple and I’d recommend explaining how he wants to be accepted.
Also, multiple motivations are a really good thing to consider in a character. Like for example, I’m guessing since he started piano at a young age it was probably implemented into his regime by his parents. You could explain that he wants to become a great pianist to try and impress his parents and feel like a “model child” similar to his older sister.
Motivations can go a long way if you really plan them out, and I’d recommend that for Nick.

Adding “Fears” in his flaws was a good idea; good job.

Good job on his hobbies. I like how you incorporated several smaller hobbies instead of a couple really big ones. That really makes a character seem real.

I see this a lot for some reason, but try avoiding listing off different things in his personality section. Instead, try describing his personality in sentences or even paragraphs. Indirect characterization is a really useful tool for a writer and I’d recommend using it on Nick’s character sheet.

Social
Nick’s “Job” section really makes me feel like I’m missing out on an important detail. Who exactly is Thomas and why does he need to be “look(ed) out for”? Why does Nick feel inclined to look out for him? When reading Nick’s character sheet that definitely feels like something that should be included about his character.

History
Good job with his background

Hope I was able to be at least a little helpful. Good job on Nicholas and good luck on your future in writing.

-Davis

@moss

Thank you! That's so helpful and I'll definetly incorporate those suggestions into his character.