forum Character Critique Doctor

Started May 28, 2018 by @AmmyPajammy

tune

In the mean time, I will get to everyone else after a short hiatus, most likely by tomorrow night. So don't worry, I forget no one!

@Syguy20132 mind if I say one thing about the "edgelord" jab?

I think she's right! But also wrong. Basically if you've got a character who's 16 who writes fanfic loves fall out boy and wants people to fear him, he's an edgelord. However, is that a bad thing? Nah, not it's done correctly! I know I was super edgy and angsty a year and a half ago (when I was 16) screaming twenty one pilots on a ukulele and hating my life… so, yeah. I think it's realistic. As long as you don't try to make him too "cool" of a character, you're okay.

I kinda want to do a full critique! Later on (when I finally get my laptop in the mail) I'll make a character critique thread like this one. If you want, I'll do yours too!

hey howdy hi you seem v thorough so here's a boi who's quite developed whatever you can think of,,,,,and ik you said you don't pull punches but honestly,,,,do ur worst,,,,,,,be absolutely relentless, i really want to get everything covered
anyway quick summary this boi is in a fantasy world and his story is conjoined with three others' stories which i'll also develop but i wanted to have this guy be the main focus so that he can be a good reference to developing other characters ya know! i try my best to explain the world in his character considering i'm somewhat limited, and from other critiques he's been through, i've noticed that there are questions you might have that are answered later on in his character sheet, which i wholly understand! i've had to go back and edit some critiques too haha, anyway good luck and thank you very much! i understand doing many critiques in one sitting is exhausting, so take your time!

i almost forgot to post his link i'm honestly screaming

Hello, I´d love if you could review the character from where all my story came from. I´m striving for a mom who doesn´t want to let go of the good old days sort of feel (even if her species can live to 300, aging normally until they stop between late twenties to middle thirties). Most of it is in topics so I apologize in advance for it, also there´s a drawing of her "true form" and I´ve been considering removing some features like the extra wings for just one pair.

To summarize the story.
Myths are a race of old beings who´ve blended into the world as the myths and legends we know and survive by eating humans once every week/two weeks. In the story they´re the main focus and portrayed in a sympathetic light and the majority are attractive or do their best to be perceived as such because it´s how they catch their prey, humans.

Thank you so much for the help.

Hope you won't mind critiquing my girl.
Jasmine: Jasmine {Whitbread} Granger
She's a farmer's wife that is trying to help her friend.
Blurb about story: Since the universe began, two entities have been fighting. One is a being of Light, the other Darkness. No mortal knows why they've been fighting but legends say it was a lover's quarrel. Every 100 years, the Dark Being is brought back to the mortal realm to try and destroy the world by taking control of their chosen puppet. The Light being is brought back as well, to fend the Dark Being off by taking control of their chosen hero. Every time they clashed, the beings never could destroy each other. In this story, it tells of one of these times.
(It's set in a medieval-like era but with more modern clothes and has some elemental, mental and healing magic)

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime Finally getting to you. First, let me say that your book idea is very interesting! I'd love to read something like that one day, and I say that as someone who doesn't do much reading, especially not of YA novels, anymore.

So, on to critique. I have to ask, why did you submit this character to me? Were you just trying to show off? I mean, really? This character is SOLID. Like, I truly can't begin to tell you how much I was nodding my head with every section that I read. It all just clicked! Her motivations made sense, her character design was interesting (you don't really get many overweight Asian characters in good roles), and she is sympathetic for someone in her position.

The only true gripe that I have is her prejudice. You said that she's a communist, but she doesn't like poor people? That doesn't fit to me. The whole point of communism is, as Karl Marx once said: "to each according to his ability, to each according to his needs". That isn't the philosophy of someone who doesn't like the poor, that's the philosophy of someone who believes in their plight. If you mean that she's a hypocrite, then that works, but I couldn't be sure if that's what you were going for.

But really, other than that, 10/10, would recommend! Because your character wasn't sick, there's not much I can give you, so here's your bill ❤️️

@Snowmirror Sorry this took so long, so let's get down to it.

I wanna start by saying that I like your book idea and the way you treat magic in your universe; it's quite unique. You definitely won yourself some points for that alone.

Looks

I couldn't help but notice that you didn't add a height. I think it's important to know, not only for character purposes but for continuity as well. Without a height, how do we know if he can reach the top shelf? I know that sounds silly, but as someone who wrote a character needing to use a stool in one scene, and then forgetting all about that in another, it really does help, especially when in relation to the heights of other characters. I know you stated that he was one of the shortest in his group, but how much shorter is he? Shorter than average? Does he come up to the average person's chest? Shoulders? Neck?

I'm a sucker for the dark hair, blue eyes character archetype, so nice.

Since he was a child soldier who had undergone rigorous training, him being muscular makes sense, but be careful, because I noticed that you said that he was nursed back to health over the course of a year. Muscle doesn't stay forever and has to be maintained, so you might wanna add a line or two in your story about how he was able to recoup his full strength. Hopefully, something a little more substantial than "a witch did it".

As someone who thoroughly enjoyed Bayonetta, I'm really diggin' the sun and moon symbols on the hands.

As an aside, this has nothing to do with the critique and just a general question: are there wizards in this world? I know that people like to conflate witches with women and wizards with men, but you don't do that, so do they exist? And how is the distinction made? Or is everyone magical just called a witch?

Nature

The thing about the paper stars intrigued me. I know that Kamith physically needs them for his magic, but it's more than a little obvious that he's personally attached to them. Do you ever explain why in your story? I sure hope so, because even though symbolism is hard to pull off, I really think that a lot can be read into why he chose paper stars as his casting item of choice, and why he's so attached to them.

You say that Kamith is independent, but he tends to hide behind people? He doesn't seem like he comes off as a coward. If it's an anxiety thing. I think I understand, but this just jumped out at me as strange. Did he always do this? Or is it something that he learned to do after getting comfortable around his friends? And even if that's the case, why do it at all? You said in other sections that he's extremely competent at his magic and is defensive of his friends, so wouldn't he be the one leading the pack against threats?

His flaws and prejudices make sense for someone who was raised to be a soldier his whole life and then suddenly left. If I may make a small suggestion, have you ever considered having him suffer from PTSD? It's extremely common not just in soldiers, but in children who have suffered abuse, and Kamith was certainly abused. It would explain why he's so anxious all the time, and may also explain why he instinctively hides behind others despite being confident in his skill.

After reading his personality, it really would make sense if he suffers from PTSD. Just a thought!

Social

No complaints here, very well done. The fact that he is only religious for convenience adds a lot of depth to him, as well as the fact that he no longer supports monarchies.

History

His education shocked me, I will not lie. I really think that you should be more specific about the level of his literacy (or lack thereof). Can he not read at all? Or at a level well below what should be for his age? Can he do basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division? Can he write at all? If his education is so lacking, why did no one try to rectify this? Surely it doesn't make sense for a detective agency to hire someone who can't read? Or is he just hired muscle? Don't feel pressured to change this; a character like that can work. It just has to be explained and make sense in the context of the story.

As far as his background, no major complaints. Pretty solid history; I understand exactly who he is and where he came from, and how he got to where he is now.

Very good character; Kamith is definitely interesting! My complaints were relatively minor, so if you do ignore most of them, I don't think he'll suffer too much. I hope I was of help, and please enjoy this complimentary stationary; I'm sure Kamith can make use of it ❤️️

@"Aloe Vera" Sorry for the wait, here we go!

Wow. I…. I got nothin'! I literally have nothing to say. Your character is just, wow. I just wanna…give him a hug, y'know? What I'm trying to say is: SOLID character! All those critiques you put him through must have really helped because while I wouldn't say he's perfect, he's a good freaking character that I would love to read about. His backstory? Interesting! His character design? Interesting! His actual character? Flirts with the stereotypical nerd archetype but twists it in a way that makes sense! The fact that he's still religious after everything he's been through? Excellent gateway for deep character analysis! The fact that he struggles to coexist with humanity after they murdered his whole family, as well as the fact that he wants to save someone's life to give his shell of a life meaning? Mind=blown. Also, I have a soft spot for last-of-their-kind characters who self-medicate the pain with alcohol, because my main character does just that. She has much less self-control, however.

But yeah, I really hope to see Yuki flourish in his own book one day. I know that gushing doesn't do anything to help, but I really couldn't help myself. Any complaints at this point would be extremely minor nitpicks, and I really can't think of a way to make him better. I'm sorry about that, so I hope someone else is out there that'll be able to do such a thankless task. I prescribe this poor man with boundless hugs ❤️️

Demoness Kneesocks, I can't view your character. Make sure that you set the permission to "public", please and thank you. Once you do that, I'll put you next regardless of how many requests I get after you.

@Lightningclaw13 The wait is now over; let's get into it.

I'm a real sucker for Jasmine's design. For one, I like older characters, and two, Jasmine and my main character actually have something in common. My character also has something wrong with her left eye that would frighten anyone who knew about it, so she covers it with an eye patch. She used to use her hair, but it turned out that that wasn't sufficient because her magic is activated whenever she looks at certain people.

But enough of my shameless self-promoting.

Looks

I love tall and curvy women, and the less I say about that, the better.

So she has dyed hair. I know you said that this is a medieval setting with more modern clothes, but how common is hair dying in this world? Does it have anything to do with the Light Being? Is it natural? or did she just decide to dye her hair? Also in medieval times, purple dye (for anything) was an extremely uncommon and extremely expensive commodity reserved only for the wealthiest of families such as nobility and straight up royalty, so does that have any relevance here? Or are all colors just naturally available?

I'm gonna assume that the white splotch over her eyes means that she's been chosen by the Light Being, so I'm gonna treat her as such for the rest of the critique. If I'm wrong, I apologize in advance, so it might be a good idea to indicate that somewhere so that others won't get confused.

Nature

What is hypermobility? I had this question in mind throughout this entire section, so that also might be something that you want to explain somewhere for others' benefit.

Head-tilting and eye-rolling are fine mannerisms, but take care not to use them too much because they can get old and cliche fast. It's something that I too struggle with a lot, so be careful. Also, I think you could add another mannerism or two that is wholly unique to your character; I'm sure that you can think of more that sets her apart from others than just that.

For your motivations, I'm going to assume that she is this way because she is the hero chosen by the Light Being. If that's the case, then that makes sense.

What exactly do you mean by her being "weak"? is she physically weak? Mentally weak? Emotionally? Magically? Also, why is that a flaw in the context of this story? How does her supposed weakness hamper her growth? Other than that, I think that her flaws fit her character.

Her prejudice doesn't make sense to me. Believing that everyone is inherently good is the opposite of a prejudice, last time I checked. Do you mean that because she thinks that everyone is good, she refuses to give up on them which can lead to her putting others in danger? If that's so, that's less a prejudice and more of a character flaw. A prejudice is something that a character dislikes about a person, other people, places, ideas, etc. As the hero chosen by the Light, wouldn't it make sense for her to be prejudiced against the Dark Being and all of Its followers/minions? Maybe that contradicts what you said about her believing that everyone is inherently good, but at least that's something.

Being personable is a good talent that fits Jasmine's character, but I'm once again baffled by what "hypermobility" is supposed to mean in the context of your story. Is it a magical thing?

Her hobbies are good considering she's a housewife, but what exactly does she do to help others? Does she volunteer at shelters? Babysit for her neighbors? Head her child's school PTA and spearheaded a program that makes sure that all children are guaranteed a free lunch? Be more specific about this. Also, even though she's in the home most of the time, there must be something else that she likes to do other than reading that has nothing to do with taking care of her household. And if not, maybe go into the specifics about the kinds of books that she likes to read and why she enjoys them so much. Are they an escape for her? Or does she like to expand her knowledge with them? Or even a bit of both?

She seems like a loving and sweet, motherly character, but if you can help it, try to write out a personality that goes into specifics and doesn't rely on one-word descriptions. talk about how she's optimistic, outgoing, and the like, and if possible, get into why she's this way.

Social

The first thing that jumped out at me (well, not the first thing, but after I read her history and then went back through her sheet, it did) is that she was friends with Tristan, whom I am going to assume is the chosen of the Dark Being. How did that work? Do these "chosen" not have a natural revulsion to each other? This isn't a critique so much as it's a comment about something I was curious about.

Another comment about medieval times, eating pork was generally frowned upon because it tended to make people sick. Even today, pork that isn't thoroughly cooked can lead to contracting Trichinosis which is a nasty little parasite that people back then did not have a reliable way to treat. I say all of this because I see that jasmine's favorite food is bacon, a food item that almost certainly did not exist back then. Once again, how exactly does this world work? And are you absolutely certain that you want to keep it in a medieval setting? Because your characters are pretty modern. Not to say that your new, fictional world has to be 100% period accurate, but if you're going to set it in a specific period, you have to know exactly what parts your keeping and what parts you're throwing out, and then stick to the rules that you lay down ahead of time. Breaking those rules can lead to readers being taken completely out of the story, kind of like how I was when I saw that bacon somehow exists, so just keep that in mind.

Other than that, no major complaints.

History

A 5th-grade education in those times would actually be considered fairly intelligent, and intelligence had to be purchased. Who educated her? Her parents? If so, is her family relatively wealthy? If her parents didn't do it, did they hire a tutor? You should go in-depth about how well-off her family is/was. Peasants were widely illiterate because knowing how to read and write was a) expensive to learn because books were so expensive, and b) completely irrelevant to their lives as mostly farmers.

Her background explains who she is and how she got to be where she is now, which is good, but I think that, as per my above complaint, you should go more in-depth into what kind of family she had.

Misc.

Does Jasmine being bisexual imply that she is or was in love with her friend Karla?

Her back problems under "health problems", you should really explain that because I'm intrigued. Is she sickly? Is this what you meant when you said that she was weak in her flaws? Was she always like this, or did something happen to make her this way? Go into detail about this.

And with that, I'm done. Jasmine can use some work, but she's got the potential to be a good, sympathetic character. It's nice to see the hero for once being an older woman, so I'm definitely rooting for her in that regard. Since she has an actual health condition, I'd like to offer her this back brace. Hopefully, it'll bring her some comfort ❤️️

I´m sorry, it´s public now. Thank you :)

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime Finally getting to you. First, let me say that your book idea is very interesting! I'd love to read something like that one day, and I say that as someone who doesn't do much reading, especially not of YA novels, anymore.

So, on to critique. I have to ask, why did you submit this character to me? Were you just trying to show off? I mean, really? This character is SOLID. Like, I truly can't begin to tell you how much I was nodding my head with every section that I read. It all just clicked! Her motivations made sense, her character design was interesting (you don't really get many overweight Asian characters in good roles), and she is sympathetic for someone in her position.

The only true gripe that I have is her prejudice. You said that she's a communist, but she doesn't like poor people? That doesn't fit to me. The whole point of communism is, as Karl Marx once said: "to each according to his ability, to each according to his needs". That isn't the philosophy of someone who doesn't like the poor, that's the philosophy of someone who believes in their plight. If you mean that she's a hypocrite, then that works, but I couldn't be sure if that's what you were going for.

But really, other than that, 10/10, would recommend! Because your character wasn't sick, there's not much I can give you, so here's your bill ❤️️

Really?? I actually thought she was one of my weaker characters… Thank you so much!! And yeah, you're right about the prejudice. That's definitely a contradiction. I'll need to sit and rethink that. I think maybe what I was getting at was that she dislikes the way poor people in their society are so opposed to the Board. I hope that's what I was getting at, anyway. Thanks again! I'm going to go reevaluate her prejudice/political leaning right now!

Thank you so much for critiquing Kamith! I'll finally settle down and pick his height, and as far as the witch thing goes, there are no wizards. Witch is the term across the board, mostly because I think it evokes a more eerie vibe than wizards, who are often pegged as wise and usually benevolent. I do go into why he uses the stars a bit in the story. Mostly, it's a play off the fact that he holds the moon and the sun in his hands (the symbols), so he completes this by using stars, the only celestial thing missing from his body. On a more personal level, he really uses them because stars are untouchable and powerful. When we wish on a star, the star isn't harmed or changed, unlike owning a rabbit's foot or blowing dandelion, and in some ways he wants to be closer to the stars than things that get destroyed by other people. I totally forgot to put the PTSD thing down in his character, because he definitely has that. Hiding behind people he trusts is a new thing for him, and he does it because he's jumpy and has never been the leader of a group, always a follower, so it allows the person in front of him to take charge in the conflict. It's not fear so much as "I don't know how not to be a follower/soldier, so this is me handing the situation over to you". His education is very low level and he was never concerned with it, so he always refused help with people who tried to teach him. But yeah, he's just hired muscle. A witch is pretty good to have on hand.
Once again, thank you! I don't know if it's okay to submit another character…? I'd love to see your opinion on a few more, but I don't want to clog up your critiques, so thank you for now!

@AmmyPajammy
Thank you!

Looks
Hair dying is pretty rare because of how difficult it is to do. Only her and 1 of my other characters has hair dye. All colors are naturally available but some are more difficult to find than others.
You're right! Honestly, it's kinda obvious right?

Nature
Hypermobility is having joints that can move beyond the normal range of motion. An example is her being able to make her thumb touch her wrist. It's technically called joint hypermobility syndrome so I'm thinking about if I should move it to help problems or not.
I added Constantly fixes the hair over her "eye."

Motivations
Yep!

Flaws
Physically weak. It's hard for her to defend herself, much less her friends and family. She feels horrible about that and has a breakdown at one point.

Prejudice
I changed it to Against The Dark Being and their followers (Specifically people.) She dislikes people that follow them more as they have a choice while demons were made my The Dark Being.

Talents
I added Empathy, as I don't know if I should keep hypermobility there.

Hobbies
I changed some to Helping others (with emotional/physical problems) and Reading history books and I added Being outside.
I added (because of her past) to Optimistic. Will probably add more later.

Social
Yep, they were and he is. Neither of them really knew. The Light being resides within her, waiting for The Dark Being to strike. The Dark Being more so possess their chosen puppet, but it can take a while, as very strong emotions (anger mostly) trigger them to spread. With Tristan, he was born with a black mark on his left middle finger and it grew to this https://notebook-content-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/content/uploads/original/2b7881f8-d661-4822-8dee-49c9bcda3e01.png?1515422069
(Hopefully you can see that)
I changed her favorite food to being Fruit (Mostly grapes and apples), seeing as I think it'd fit her better (and picking bacon was stupid for the times but eh)

History
The education system is more modern, in a sense you need to have at least high school level knowledge to really do anything.
H̲e̲r̲e̲'̲s̲ ̲a̲ ̲r̲u̲f̲f̲ ̲o̲u̲t̲l̲i̲n̲e̲ ̲
All classes learn the elementary level because they are taught by their parents (Lasts until 5th grade) {4-11 years old}
All classes can learn the middle school level (Lasts until 8th grade) {11-14 years old}
The middle and high class can learn the high school level (Lasts until 12th grade) {14-18 years old}
The high class can learn the college level
Her parents were high class but only taught her what she had to know, and even then they didn't really teach her very well.
I changed part of her backstory to "They tried to act like the mark wasn't there but after 7 years of rarely speaking to her or acknowledging her at all, they knew it wouldn't work. They then decided to make sure she never interacted with anyone."

Misc.
She was for very long time but she was very worried Karla wouldn't reciprocate the feelings and that she would leave her.
It's nothing too special. Since she has a fairly large chest, it weights down a lot in front and causes her to have bad posture.

Aww, thank you so much! (Honestly, all my characters need a lot of work)
I'll be sure to give it to her~

@Snowmirror You can submit as many characters as you want as long as you do it one at a time. I wanna make sure that I get to other people, too.

@Lightningclaw13 I don't usually make follow-up comments here, but I had to for this:

I totally called the back pain due to chest thing! I didn't wanna say anything because I didn't want to be vulgar, but I had a feeling that that was the case lol

@AmmyPajammy
Yeah lol

Ok @"Demoness Kneesocks" (glad you got an @ for your username btw), let's take a look at Alanna:

First off, let me say that I love her monster design! Have you ever played Final Fantasy 7? Cuz I'm getting some Jenova vibes from her, especially with the tentacle coming out of her stomach. If you want a little more design help, I have this old fanart of Jenova that I found on the Internet years ago that you can use for reference. It's more of an aquatic monster design, but I think it might be able to help you out still. If you need it, of course; I think she looks pretty rad.

Do people still say rad? Whatever.

But I do wanna point something out. Your story sounds incredibly interesting, and writing stories from the perspective of the monster is a good choice. However, I have to warn you: your readers are human. I know that I'm pointing out the obvious, but hear me out. One thing that's a struggle for authors of books with monster protagonists is that they find it difficult to balance their monster's perspective with a human one. Casual readers feel alienated when they read about things that they can't relate to, which is why you'll always find at least one sympathetic human character in a monster/alien story. I noticed that after Alana's love dies, she vows to swear off humanity forever, which while interesting, might hurt your book if there are no more sympathetic humans. As I said, readers find it difficult to relate to non-human beings, especially non-human beings that kill humans, and especially especially if that non-human being is female. I hate to say it, but it's the reality: readers still find it difficult to sympathize with female characters, and that goes doubly so for female characters who are older. Throw in the fact that she's a literal man-eater and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. I don't say this to discourage you; I just want you to be aware of the risks. If you haven't already done so, I think you would find it beneficial to throw in a token human or two. Maybe not another love interest, but at least a close friend.

But I'm not your editor, so on to the critique:

Looks

The first thing that jumped out at me was her height. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that you didn't actually mean that she the Imperial equivalent of less than a foot tall, right? Since I'm pretty sure you meant "meters", I see that she's average height and kind of stocky, which is what you described in her body type. Her making herself look attractive to ensnare her prey is a fine touch.

As I said earlier, excellent monster design. Her human facade is good, too.

Nature

I like that she bites a pencil even when she's typing on a computer. It's a unique trait, but I still have to ask: why does she do it? Unique as it is, it's rather strange. Is it a succubus thing? Does she have an oral fixation and always finds herself chewing things when she's idle? The rest of her mannerisms are pretty solid.

Her motives make sense for what she's been through, so no complaints here.

Good flaws, too. I find motherly characters easy to write. While it's easy to make them cliche, you avoid this just by the mere fact that she's not human.

Her prejudices also make sense for someone who's been through what she has. Taking everything that I wrote above into account, does she ever grow out of this? The point of prejudices and flaws is that it forces the character to learn and grow throughout the story. If they don't, then they remain stagnant until the very end, and that is the first step in fumbling a story. Let's grab some low-hanging fruit here and pick on Bella Swan from Twilight for comparison's sake. Bella's flaws are made clear at the beginning of the story, and I'm not talking about her clumsiness. She's overly-critical, she's clingy, and she's selfish, to name a few. But she never changes throughout the saga, does she? If anything, she just becomes even more of these things, and that is one of the main reasons for why the books were so badly written.

Her talents and hobbies are all typical mom behavior, which is good. Her personality is also good.

Now that I've gotten through the "nature" section, I can bring up the fact that there's nothing here that indicates that she wants to return to an older time. I understand now that that "older time" is her relationship with her parents and how she felt about her lost love, but she doesn't act like someone who's stuck in the past. In fact, she acts the exact opposite. She's become cynical and has completely washed her hands of humanity. She only seems to care about her son and her friends, and she's dedicated to raising her son to hate his humanity as much as she does. If she were still pining, she would be more likely to embrace humanity, even at the detriment of her relationships with her fellow succubi, and she would be obsessed with having her son embrace his humanity.

Social

No complaints, and specifying which parts of her victims that she enjoys the most is a good, albeit gruesome, touch.

History

Does she not have a birthday? Or does your world run on an entirely different system than the real world?

Other than that, solid background. I really got a feel for what your character is about and how she got to her current position.

In conclusion, good character, but I think you failed in your objective that you laid out for me. I suggest that you go back and tweak her a bit so that she more closely fits what you want her to be. You could also abandon that objective because she's a rather solid character as she is now. Just fix her admittedly minor problems, and she's golden. Here's a stethoscope to help her listen to her broken heart ❤️️

Ah, thank you very much! I believe that's a sign that he's certainly reaching an uncritique-able level, so that's very reassuring! Also yes, Yuki could really go for a hug, haha. It's actually really funny because when I first created him and had all my characters laid out with a general but vague idea of a story, I realized I didn't have one for Yuki. I decided I wanted to give him flaws and struggles, so I basically gave him the most tragic story of all my OC's, developed him steadily, and he gradually became my most focused on character! Funny how he starts out with so little, haha. Anyway thank you very much!

@"Aloe Vera" Yes, Yuki touched my heart; I really do wish him the best. But a word of advice: no character is uncritique-able. I've noticed that you've put him through the ringer, which is good. But like running clothing too many time through the wash, his character can start to fray and you'll lose sight of what makes him who he is. Striving for perfection is a noble goal, but it is something that must always be worked towards, never obtained, or else you'll be stuck with a rigid character who's good in concept, but nothing more.

Got it! So then, if you wouldn't mind, this is another main character in the same world as Kamith! Her name is Anput, and she works as one of the detectives in the story. Of all the characters I've written, I struggle with her the most. I feel like she's very bland and under developed, or at least not intriguing, so I would love some input!

Thank you the input. I know the story from the monster perspective isn´t that appealing but in all honesty that´s just how I want it to be, to try and make the reader feel like a Myth and not a human until they think "wait a minute, why am I on the side of man-eating monsters?". I do have a liking for horror monsters so it´s definitely that side of me showing its colors.

I was planning on making her evolve through the middle to the end of the story and grow out of her "hating humanity" you pointed out but I fear I made it seem overboard. She doesn´t despise humans, but believes they´re too different to be able to get along, with the food chain and all and will ignore previous feelings from her late lover. Along the way her son will act as a balance to this in a way he still views humans as prey but will do his best to balance out this relationship/food chain.

For going back to the "good old days" I meant she´s still a bit childish even though her son is 12. Her MO for catching humans hasn´t changed since her youth and that keeps her grounded with a basic routine she´s familiar with. She can also be selfish as in manipulating people and not wanting to change her views, kind of like a stubborn teen/young adult. Drinking is also a way to cling to a past where she was still free of responsibilities (oops forgot to mention she will sometimes leave Alex with someone else to do this, but always has regrets later but the cycle always ends up repeating). I wanted to make obvious she wan´t prepared at first and still doesn´t have some things pinned down and does regret her actions and in the future will have a talk with her son about how this has had an effect on his development and their relationship.
As for the pencil she used to drift off in high school and write instead of taking notes (I´ll make sure to add this to the bio).

For human tokens I do have at least two planned out, one for a coroner that helps cover up the Myth activity and a future love interest for a Myth character.

…I will admit that I forgot her birthday lol.

In any case thank you for the input and I will improve on Alana.

I must say, gang, this is a lot of fun. I'm so glad that you all have been so receptive to what I have to say, even when what I have to say is not necessarily what you might have wanted to hear. No one wants to be told that aspects of their character don't work, so I've tried to tailor my responses in a way that is critical, but fair and helpful. I know that I'm just a random stranger on the internet, but I've been around the block a few times and I wanted to share what I've learned with you. I really love character building and I wanted to share my love with you, so thank you for allowing me to ❤️️

Don't worry, this isn't a goodbye speech or anything, so keep 'em coming!

Also, a little bit of housekeeping: In light of recent events, if you have issues with what I had to say, please feel free to inbox me. I understand that I'm not perfect. After all, I am a random stranger on the internet, and if you feel that I got something critically wrong, let me know! I'm more than happy to go over things with a fine-toothed comb with your guidance. In fact, that's kinda what I prefer to do because it can be difficult to translate intent, which is a lot more fluid, onto a rigid character sheet. Likewise, if you have any questions or you need a little more insight into what I was thinking while I was critiquing your character, don't be afraid to let me know. I prefer it in my inbox only because I don't want this thread to get too cluttered; I do a lot of scrolling because I like to take into account the blurb that you wrote for me while I'm looking through characters, and that's difficult to do when there are 20 messages in between that and my reply.

Thank you all for your time, and happy writing ❤️️

LEVI: Levi Darker
(I'm still working on him, yet would like to know what you think of him so far.)

BLURB: Levi Darker is a new art and literature teacher at Winchester High. Set in the future -exactly 18 years from 2013 in a small town in Michigan- technology has advanced, and the old government of the United States of America has been eradicated and rebuilt. When a horrifying string of murders begins, Levi takes it upon himself to stop the murderer before all of his students are killed. Will he be able to save them in time, or will the killer get away with everything?

Lilith: Lilith
(Villains are always tricky for me)

Blurb: "Noriko" takes place in another planet with a futuristic and magical society quite similar to ours. An academy for people with abilities is set up by a comic book nerd who inherited control over the military by his late father. A year later they are sent out to eradicate a threat that could be easily defeated by the army. Just as they do their superhero pose the military stages a coup against the Nerd and defeats the threat with the army. Many of the applicants are wealthy and influential so in order to appease their family's wrath they make the applicants legalised bounty hunters and adventurers and set aside for future use by the government (though they never intend to actually use them). The story follows one group of adventurers formed by the protagonist and her 4 friends, their exploits, adventures, romantic dramas, normal dramas and teen angst all while a threat from the protagonist's past resurfaces for revenge.