I realize you have quite a line haha, but hope it's okay if I drop off another character: Mortimer Wilkerson Hasn't been critiqued yet, so might be a lil wonky.
I feel like I've done a couple of yours? Maybe I'm wrong… Well anyways…
lol that name
wtf is "China blue?" like the porcelain china that's painted in that dark blue?
more motivations– every character needs a goal for the story to progress
seems very sweet and just a nice guy altogether.
how does his past abuse translate into how he is now- basically how is it still affecting?
Other than that, you really seem to know what you're doing :0
Jana
servilely underweight… add at least 15 more pounds to her! Jeez…
the death of a loved one that was so close to us completely changes us. How has this affected her and how she perceives the world, and how does it affect even just her mundane actions?
Needs more to her personality than just being a good person and caring and blah, blah, blah. Shes reads off as just like all the other female basic protagonists and I, to be honest, hate it. How is this story different and this character different to give us more insight into the world?
I realize you have quite a line haha, but hope it's okay if I drop off another character: Mortimer Wilkerson Hasn't been critiqued yet, so might be a lil wonky.
I feel like I've done a couple of yours? Maybe I'm wrong… Well anyways…
lol that name
wtf is "China blue?" like the porcelain china that's painted in that dark blue?
more motivations– every character needs a goal for the story to progress
seems very sweet and just a nice guy altogether.
how does his past abuse translate into how he is now- basically how is it still affecting?
Other than that, you really seem to know what you're doing :0
Jana
Hey wow I actually forgot about this thread! Thank you for getting back to me, I appreciate it :) Good things to look at, will do! (Also I'll see you in my own thread sometime soon ^^)
So I've had this character for a long time, and I have been trying to flesh him out. I have a long backstory that probably makes no sense, but I would be appreciative of any feedback you can come up with so I can further develop my story. I'm very thankful for people like you who take the time to help others. Thank you :)
(Just as a side note, the story is intended to have comical elements, and that element bled through in the outline)
Hey, sorry this is so late. Here are my critiques on Leomihr, and by the way, you are so sweet! Thank you!
I would put in more tendencies/mannerisms even if they aren't destructive because the little things we do say a lot about ourselves. (Maybe more caring tendencies- ei: observing others making sure they're okay, helping others by habit, or just softer stuff to show that people have many dimensions to them?
I like his progression as a character, but I would like to see it go more in-depth? Like what makes him discover his not so selfish path? What (or who) affects his change in perspective?
more flaws I guess, to feel more fleshed out as a person.
I really want to see him grow for him to overcome the toxic repetition of thoughts that he has put into his head of blaming himself about things he couldn't control for real character development and for that to tie into a theme of the story. Maybe tie more flaws or past grievances into that?
Other than that looks absolutely marvelous!
Jana
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your input, it helps a lot. Also don't worry about it being late. Everyone gets busy, and you are no exception. Besides, it was a pleasant little surprise :)
