Hello, would you mind taking a look at my boi over here please? qwq
Thank u y3y
Hey,
so what color is Hiryur's hair when he's a human? I suggest a natural color like black to fit into the human world.
he seems a little young for the emotional maturity and growth that he had to endure, may I. suggest maybe 22-25? It would feel more real- in an emotional maturity way.
I like the part in his bio about his favorite color. It feels like a little piece of him was shown at that little moment. I think you need more little things like that around to make him feel like a real person.
Ummmmm… Why is he the villain? It doesn't specify why and how he is going against the protagonist, and what his deep motivations are for that.
Tell me if you want me to specify more into this, and sorry it took so long,
Jana
Can you critique these characters please? Also, please tell me what weight they would all be, as so far I’ve just been ignoring that.
Sup, so we have Rohl, Sashay, and Asla…
First up is Rohl-
his weight, for being healthy- a good 180 lbs. But with muscle then about 195 lbs (because muscle ways so much more than fat). I have no idea what you mean by "slightly above average" like chubby? muscular? so maybe just 185 lbs for overall.
honestly, fun and fresh character dynamic going on here. I love it. I would mostly focus on Sashay's obliviousness to it and how this fake relationship affects both of them, Maybe turning him into a better person?
lol, love that he was chosen because he was gay and it wouldn't turn into that romcom of he actually loves her at the end now.
They have a kid??? I thought this would have been just like a yearish long relationship so he doesn't have to live out his life in a lie and with Sashay and find happiness with some guy that would even help him become a better person. Wow, can Sashay really live unbeknownst to his turn intentions for that long? I mean I know that they're enemies now, but how did he have sex with her??
Now is Sashay-
if she's skinny and fit at 5'6, I'm going to say 125 lbs- 135 lbs. Depends on the amount of muscle, but since she is skinny I'm going to say 125ish.
why did they want this information from her and why did they choose a fake relationship for her? Like was the info that important? Give more motivation a backstory on this part because I am honestly confused.
Fill out more. More mannerisms, more flaws (she's a mother and comes with a lot too), more hobbies, she needs more than the thing that she does for a living.
Last is Asla-
5'5 and fit. I'm going to say she's going to look 120-130 lbs. Really it comes down to how much muscle mass of her.
What is her role/purpose in the story? What does she do? What does she add to the plot?
Tell me if you have any questions or if you need me to explain something,
Jana
Woop, I have another character for you to review if you have time. I recently decided to flip the script on a very important aspect of the story which means that she had to be completely re-evaluated. she's a bit of a mess right now but I'm not sure what needs work at the moment. So… Can you help out a bit?
Also, warning, she has a bit of a weird name because I first came up with the nickname and hero name and then I thought "shit, she needs a real name to" but I'm bad with names.
Sure,
So Missy feels very blunt (If you couldn't tell by now, I'm too), and I really like that. And that hero name… My reaction was "ehhh…" So I think you should change it. ANd her first name too. her are suggestions:
Elizabeth and call her Eliza or Liza (pronounced Leeza)
Phoebe
Marie (maybe a middle name)
I can also see her as a Charlotte
Cecilia
Cordelia
Ophelia
All these names are ageless, many of them go back thousands of years
Last Names:
Jackson
Faye: Old French fau "beech tree"
Jones
lol, you can really choose by yourself because you know the world
Superhero: Really try and choose another this is one Miss Cheif, is just ahh bad.
She looks pretty good other than that. She has to be able to judge quickly to keep ahead of the villain, so what does this effect have on her normal life and her relationships with the people around her. Think about this too all of her flaws and the justifications behind them. Describe more on how she got her powers- more of the science behind it, and then why she was affected like this and others weren't.
Alexander Jones could you all please critique y character, Alex? He is my precious boy and I would appreciate it.
Ok, so I have Alex,
I don't have any problems with his character since he's like eight and hasn't gone through life yet. My problem is the story. I got nothing out of reading this. What's the plot? What are the complications and restrictions with making it in an eight-year-olds perspective? What are the themes? What's the overall purpose?
I have kinda skimmed over his backstory and such, mostly because he is such a new character and still in development. It would mean a lot to me if you could critique him because I really want him to have an impactful presence in my story.
Thank you so much xX
So I've had this character for a long time, and I have been trying to flesh him out. I have a long backstory that probably makes no sense, but I would be appreciative of any feedback you can come up with so I can further develop my story. I'm very thankful for people like you who take the time to help others. Thank you :)
(Just as a side note, the story is intended to have comical elements, and that element bled through in the outline)
Hello, would u mind taking a look at my character, she's actually well developed character(only in my head, though) but i cant seem to describe it with words, due to my horrible english. But i did some work on her backstory, so i hope u can analyze it.
And for a side note, her story and her overall character is based on two canon games of final fantasy. So i hope u could consider it if anything doesnt make sense. Thank u so much in advance
Oh, hi! This is the first discussion I'm actually participating lol Would you mind giving my character a look? He's at a really early stage, so it would be nice to have some feedback to develop him well x]
I realize you have quite a line haha, but hope it's okay if I drop off another character: Mortimer Wilkerson Hasn't been critiqued yet, so might be a lil wonky.
So sorry I've been gone s long, I just moved all the way across my country from Wisconsin to Florida while doing a ton of other things. My plate was completely full without any room for this type of stuff. I'll be completely back soon.
A couple of side notes, Trinity and Irene are not part of the same universe they do not exist together at all. I'm still working on both of them, but I would like to know what I can improve about them thus far.
Thank you in advance!
So sorry I've been gone s long, I just moved all the way across my country from Wisconsin to Florida while doing a ton of other things. My plate was completely full without any room for this type of stuff. I'll be completely back soon.
Oh, neat! I bet the weather is much nicer down there, winters here in Wisco can be awful!
Deleted user
Hello! Could you be really mean when critiquing my girl Syrune? I'd really appreciate it :)
I have kinda skimmed over his backstory and such, mostly because he is such a new character and still in development. It would mean a lot to me if you could critique him because I really want him to have an impactful presence in my story.
Thank you so much xX
Sup, sorry I'm like 3 months late to this… So I have Luke here (kind of?)…
This doesn't seem very realistic with the mutation stuff… You're really going to want to research a lot more into that.
More flaws to his character to flesh him out.
You keep on saying he's dead; then you go on about his mutated self like he's alive again just not really himself.
you need themes of the story built into this character to either foil (refect) it or be someone who has a bit of the theme built into them.
So I've had this character for a long time, and I have been trying to flesh him out. I have a long backstory that probably makes no sense, but I would be appreciative of any feedback you can come up with so I can further develop my story. I'm very thankful for people like you who take the time to help others. Thank you :)
(Just as a side note, the story is intended to have comical elements, and that element bled through in the outline)
Hey, sorry this is so late. Here are my critiques on Leomihr, and by the way, you are so sweet! Thank you!
I would put in more tendencies/mannerisms even if they aren't destructive because the little things we do say a lot about ourselves. (Maybe more caring tendencies- ei: observing others making sure they're okay, helping others by habit, or just softer stuff to show that people have many dimensions to them?
I like his progression as a character, but I would like to see it go more in-depth? Like what makes him discover his not so selfish path? What (or who) affects his change in perspective?
more flaws I guess, to feel more fleshed out as a person.
I really want to see him grow for him to overcome the toxic repetition of thoughts that he has put into his head of blaming himself about things he couldn't control for real character development and for that to tie into a theme of the story. Maybe tie more flaws or past grievances into that?
kinda a cheesy last name… but it's fine if you like it, just so you know- it does read off as tweenish.
106 is really, REALLY skinny… I mean even for an anorexic adult and her height… Could I suggest putting at least 10 lbs on her?
She would be a VERY dysfunction person in real life, and it's not good romanizing these heavy topics you're bringing up. I'm not saying you are, just handle these things with delicate care because no one needs another 13 reasons why on mishandling these things.
Really not that much filled out- I would get on that.
I feel like I bearly know her by reading all of that- try and add demotions and flesh her out other than putting "She's kind" because that really doesn't say much.
Hello, would u mind taking a look at my character, she's actually well developed character(only in my head, though) but i cant seem to describe it with words, due to my horrible english. But i did some work on her backstory, so i hope u can analyze it.
And for a side note, her story and her overall character is based on two canon games of final fantasy. So i hope u could consider it if anything doesnt make sense. Thank u so much in advance
Sure,
my real thing here is what makes her her? She seems to be just a thing with a bunch of lists conveying her basic character- straight forward with nothing special or a real person about her character. She doesn't seem like a real person, just a collection of ness. Idk if that makes sense to you.
How does she play into and off the story, other characters, and themes?
Oh, hi! This is the first discussion I'm actually participating lol Would you mind giving my character a look? He's at a really early stage, so it would be nice to have some feedback to develop him well x]
Thanks!
Heh, sorry this so late… Sorry that this was your first one was with the inactive me…
And I can't view it because it is not public…
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