High schoolers aren't the only ones that sound utterly insane out of context. I'd love to hear your best quotes if you have any!
My mom:
"And you'll still die miserably…"
"MATH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE UNIVERSE"
"You don't want to be remembered as the girl with long-haired clothes"
"….get it to a nice hot heat in here"
"I beg to not be misquoted dangit!"
pleadingly "Your brain, your brain!"
"I'd rather die on a deer road than a DANG road!"
"Don't you want to brush your hair before you go? You never know when you might end up in the hospital…"
My dad: (sadly I only have one from him so far)
"I am the Grand Exalted Father of Boogey Down."
(You earn the title)…"From a lifetime of Boogey-Downing."
My co-workers: (For some badly-needed context, I work at a vet clinic)
"When I was little I told my baby sister that all my Barbie dolls had been murdered so I wouldn't have to share them with her. Surprisingly my parents never sent me to counseling for that."
Laughter. "I'm about to cry." More laughter
"I can't handle true crime anymore. I'm a mom now."
"Hi Shortie" COUNTLESS times a day (The boss's pet corgi is nicknamed Shortie)
"Don't clean up that poop yet, I need it"
"I like to add more and more soap until they're just one giant bubble"
While running in the kennel area "Never run in the kennel area! It's a slipping hazard!"
"We need groceries but we only have $100 in ones to pay with….."
People screaming at each other in the background "JuSt AnoThEr SaTuRdAy At WaLmArT! :)))) "
My dad:
"Dam-buti!" (Don't worry)
"What do you mean we have nearly any money? One dollar is enough!"
My math teacher:
"Now this will help in life many ways you didn't know!"
"You must take notes. Get your notebook!"
"DIE QUIETLY!" (This needs a LOT of context)
"Ben and Ben!"
"Sit. Down"
My Science teacher:
"Oh my god… COUSENS WILL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTHS?"
"I never wanted this job."
"I have bitcoins."
"Ok time to talk to the principal…"
ELA Teacher: (Only one for now)
"TakeASeat.Com!"
"I had an idea yesterday! You know how I call my students 'Zoom students'? Over the weekend I thought to call you guys 'Zoomers'."
"How dare the boys steal my Saturday. They will all burn. Rescind your foolhardy claim to the Saturdays and you may be spared."
All wonderful contributions xD
"There's nothing lit about a lit review."
-me, a really sad excuse for an adult
My dad, today, in annoyance: "Sometimes truth is truther than fiction."
"GOOD MORNING MY BEAUTIFUL ZOOMERS AND ROOMERS."
Me: Dad well why is feeding bread to the ducks bad for them?
My Dad: Because they pollute the water
Me: Wdym, how do they pollute the water?
My Dad: The bread makes them start shitting all over the place and all in the water! I don't know how I can explain it much any simpler
My Dad:
"you may never know when you need a meth light…"
"I am jesus!" "Praise me!"
"do you ever have that feeling when your life is just not real and all in your head"
"I hate women sometimes, I would have loved to be gay."
"You are the most chaotic person I have ever met."
My little Sister:
"I ONLY HAVE FOUR TOES?!?!?"
"I'm just boujee like that."
"If you have a baby and then you die, will your mom connection be lost?"
"Honestly, just shut up."
"NOOOOOOOO…HE DIED!" (While reading a book, presumably where the main character dies)
"PLEASE DON'T DEFLATE MY NBA BASKETBALL YOU WHORE!"
"Why?? Why must evey boy I like be so short?!?!" angry Screaming
My Little Brother:
"gay people can't do math, I hate math and im bad at it… does that mean im gay?"
"WHATS UP FUCKERS! YOURE FAVORITE GINGER HAS ARRIVED"
"[insert little sister's name] has crush on this kid who's like a whole foot shorter than her. So now she's crying because she hates being tall." (context: my little sister is in 4th grade and is like 5'2 maybe 5'3 so she's like unnaturally tall)
(my favorite) Math teacher:
"You're writing makes me want to gouge my eyes out" (translation: write neater please)
holds long ruler menacingly
Unironically uses the phrase "hunky dory" and "happy happy joy joy"
absolute sarcasm
My (favorite) college professor:
at the end of every class "alright, now go away" (even though our next class was in the same room xD)
random unintelligible professor noises
the class brings him snacks every day
"Give me another cookie"
Your grandma might say In grandma voice You are perfect in every way! Don't believe Grandma! She is wrong!
"I need someone's laptop" -constantly lol
Gave us m&m's
Me:
To a waitress unironically yesterday * "Do you have, lemonade-flavored lemonade?"
"See! Daytime doesn't exist!"
*in a dream-throws man down to the ground "SOrry AbOUt yOUr hAt"
"We're not envelopes!"
"Who's Sjlad and why did you buy him chocolate?"
""That cheese was my first love"
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