forum I'll critique characters for you :) [CLOSED]
Started by @stolenbrocoli group
tune

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@stolenbrocoli group

So, @algalithe 's Tavim Vaare
Looks- so i only have one thing about this is the weight compared to his height and body type. Its not a super big deal because i doubt he’s gonna go through the story talking about how much he weighs. But it’s my understanding that a healthy weight for men that are 6’2 is usually 150+ especially considering he is lightly muscled, he would probably be around 160-170. Not super important, its just for your own personal reference so it’s completely up to you.
Nature- so it seems like his only motivation is surviving and escaping homelessness. I don’t know what this story is about but i feel like there should be more than that.
Social- also not superrrr important but i think that its good to figure out your character’s favorite things. It helps humanize them and just get to know them a little bit better, even though it seems small. Also, why is he against learning anything about politics.
History- it think it would be important to get down how he feels about his dad. Does he resent him? Is he uncomfortable around him? Does he not care about what he did? Getting this down will help get an idea of his morals. I also think that his background is extremely sparse. How did he find out about his father’s involvement in those deaths? Or did he always know? How old was he when they left? What did they do when they got to Menthe? Just to give you an idea on what kind of information would be good. Finally, another super small thing, but what year was he born? Its not an immediate thing that you need, especially if you don’t really have a dating system or timeframe figured out yet, or if the society they live in doesn’t really use years for some reason.

Overall, i like this character and you’ve got a good base going. I think that there are just some things that need to be more rounded out.

@stolenbrocoli group

@AloeVera ‘s Jean White
Wow. you were right when you said hard to critique. You even got his OVERVIEW in depth. AND HIS LOOKS!! This is impressive i have to say.
Nature- so, to start, what are his triggers? Is it someone raising their voice, moving their arms a little to abruptly? Talk about what sets him off. Does he know that his addictions are likely worsening his mental health, and is he does, does he care? How much would you say the gym is helping him? Also, how does he go to the gym, because it seems like he would spend most of his time drunk, hungover, or high? Do you think that his self serving behavior is a mask, like he demands things in return for every favor he does so that people never know that he cares even a little? How does he have so many skills? We know how he might know how to fix a gas leak, but what about everything else. Did his dad and brother cause him to see men negatively or did something else happen? And do you think anubis might have contributed to this view at all? Considering hes often seen as a jerk and very emotionless and stoic, does he really have the capacity to be charismatic? I know you said that its a last resort but i’m just wondering if it usually works at all. And wouldn’t people (at least those that know him) recognize that his is off character and see that hes trying to get something from them?
social- what are his political views? Maybe on a scale from liberal to conservative (i’ve learned a lot from @/CinnamonRoll). He seems like a libertarian to me in a way that people can do what they want as long as it doesn’t hurt him in any way, and better yet as long as he profits from it.. Also how does he value money? Is it something that he’s always chasing or is it just a nice little thing to have? What kind of value does he place in his cat? What might he do if someone were to hurt it? How stressed would he be if he realized he forgot to feed it but already left the house?
history- other than killing his whole family, did anubis do anything to help jean through his emotional issues. How did jean feel toward anubis after this, especially when it came to his sister.
family- How did jean feel about his family, not just after they died, but before as well? We know how he feels about his dad, but how about everyone else? Does he resent his mom or pity her, same goes for his brother? Since him and crystal are the closest out of everyone, does he recognize the emotional abuse she gave him and does he see her as an enabler for his addiction?

Sorry these are all just questions lol. But yea i will say, THIS WAS A HARD ONE. and that’s in no way a bad thing. This is an extremely well rounded character and everything i pointed out was more for depth than it was for correction. Overall, this is a very interesting character and i had a lot of fun with this :)

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

Me reading the critique, sobbing tears of happiness: th,is,,,i,s ,,,,,the ,,greatest critique,,,,I've gotten,,,,i,n,,,,quite a wh,ile,,,,,this is genuinely gonna help w adding development to him and im SO grateful thank u so v much uwu

@stolenbrocoli group

@WoodlandCryptid ‘s Avery

looks- so i realized you don’t have any height or weight down and i think that would be a good thing to add.
Nature- so, as someone with ADHD, does he hide his stims? Because it’s really common for neurotypical people in general to hide them to the best of their abilities and i was just curious if he did as well. Next, where did this greed and cynicism come from? He doesn’t have any background down so i think that when you get to that you should add some background for those. What are his family values? We know that they come second to his greed, why is that? How does he view all his family members? How did he start scamming people? What are some triggers for his PTSD and anxiety? Where did the ptsd come from? And finally, be a little more detailed then asshole when it comes to his personality lol.
social- politics and religion are super important!!!! Where would he fall on the scale of liberal-conservative? What are his religious views and how do they compare with the views he was raised with?

This was extremely sparse and it definitely needs some fleshing out, but a good base going :)
And i was going to work one his brother but it seems i don’t have access to his page, so let me know when you get that up and i’ll work on him

@stolenbrocoli group

@Bugz26 ‘s Vincent

looks- i noticed there’s no weight. You should add that in but make sure to take into account healthy weights for men his height and age and how his muscle mass might affect that. Remember that muscle ways more than fat.
nature- i don’t think that apathetic would be the best way to describe him, unless you specify that he is apathetic about material possessions and death. Is his lack of skill in lying really a flaw? Because i feel like it would only really be considered one if he still tried to lie. Because if he does try to lie and he’s bad at it, then i think it could be considered more of a virtue, considering he’s an honest person. Where does his lack of trust come from? Was it taught by his mother or mercutio?
social- once again, RELIGION AND POLITICS!!! Even if they don’t partake in either, it’s still important to say. Where does he fall on the liberal-conservative scale? Is he religious, and if not would he be considered agnostic or atheist?

This is all i have for you. Very sparse, but good base. Definitely get into his backstory more.

@stolenbrocoli group

Me reading the critique, sobbing tears of happiness: th,is,,,i,s ,,,,,the ,,greatest critique,,,,I've gotten,,,,i,n,,,,quite a wh,ile,,,,,this is genuinely gonna help w adding development to him and im SO grateful thank u so v much uwu

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! it was definitely a hard one considering how detailed you were, but at the same time the details gave me more work with. i had a lot of fun with this character and i would love to hear more about the others :D

Deleted user

Invalid Character Here's Angel, so sorry for that. I'm not really used to Notebook's format yet!
Thank you for the critique! He's one of my main characters for my podcast and I want him to be the best!

@stolenbrocoli group

@WoodlandCryptid i still can't see his page :/ to make it public i've found that it's easiest to make the whole universe public. i always have problems with it if i try to make the singular page public.

@stolenbrocoli group

@AAAAAGGGHH-HECK-YES-SPOOKY-SEASON ‘s Kay

Overview- super minor thing, but in the role section, i believe that’s meant to specify the role they play in the story, such as main character, side character, stuff like that.
Nature- i think you should be a bit more specific as to her personality. If you gave a deeper description it would make it a lot easier to understand what she’s like, and if you plan on writing her into a story or rp then it would help you keep her consistent.
Social- LIBERAL- CONSERVATIVE SCALE!! I find it so important. Its great that you have down how she feels about her current government tho and i think more people should be adding that in. Also, religion. It’s super important to get their religion in because it can help determine how well they tolerate other people and their differences and so much more. If she doesn't align with any religion, is she agnostic or atheist.
History- She doesn’t know how to read or write, never forget that if you write her into a story. Also how does her lack of education interfere with her job as an assassin? If someone sent her a letter with a target, how would she handle that? Also, how did they meet the princess, you’d think she’d be more guarded. And why would she want to bring down officials in her own government (assuming its her own)? Also, you’d think that Kay would be traumatized by knives. Why does she always have them?
Family- i think it’s important to get down how she feels about her family and how she feels about their deaths.

@stolenbrocoli group

How tf do you make the gd univers/ anything public!!!

here's a doc with instructions on how to make it public.

i got it from this discussion