Mongoose

He is a potential companion.

He is a powerful fighter. He is also supposed to amuse and exasperate the player.

His astonishingly good abs are always, always visible. He is 6’2” tall, with chiseled features and excellent hair. He wears a renegade style cowboy hat. Some part of his clothing is ostentatiously emblazoned with the American flag.

He wears a stylish jacket and no shirt. One arm says “50MT”. The other says “Gun Storage”.

His pants are tight, with a lace up fly.

He wears alligator skin boots, which are somehow always immaculate. The boots have shiny metal toe caps.

Has a tattoo of a snake charmer partially visible over the waistband of his pants. The tattoo is configured as if his penis is a cobra rising from a basket.

He has a tattoo of a cartoon mongoose on his deltoid, with a floating scroll saying “MONGOOSE”.

He has a belt buckle that says something like “Bad to the Bone”.

He never exaggerates or lies. Despite this, many of his stories sound impossible.

He was born the seventh son of a seventh son.

He was a star quarterback in high school. He worked as a stunt man briefly after high school, but was more attractive and charismatic than the leading man he was doubling for, so they gave him the role.

When war broke out, he enlisted in the special forces. Training was accelerated and he saw combat very quickly. It turned out that he excelled in combat and was soon commanding a small unit. His unit got attacked by a force 10 times larger and they suffered heavy casualties. They were sent away from the front lines to rest and recuperate.

A major motion picture was being filmed in the jungle nearby. They were having problems with guerrilla attacks, and so the R&R stint was modified to being in charge of security for this film. Guerrillas attacked again and the attack was defeated. He killed the guerrilla commander just as he was trying to put his gun to the head of the leading lady. Impressed, the leading lady soon began sleeping with him. She got pregnant. The film had scenes scheduled to be shot in 7 months time (during the rainy season) and since hiding her baby bump proved impossible, filming had to be delayed until she could give birth. During this time he slept with the director’s wife.

Before filming resumed, he was reassigned into the astronaut corp. His version of events is entirely accurate. He was tasked with expediently impregnating 4 female volunteer astronauts in order to verify that humanity could survive in space. There were real concerns that space colonies might need to be established to provide a backup for civilization in the event of all out war.

He was too successful and within 24 hours, all four women became pregnant with twins, so the data was not directly comparable to the Earth-side pregnancy data.

At that point he was reassigned to lead an assault squad on a Chinese space station which military intelligence had realized was being armed with nuclear weapons. The assault was bloody but successful. Badly wounded, he was anesthetized for an operation when a Chinese counter-assault retook the station. He was kept a prisoner of war for the next 6 months, at which time he managed to lead an uprising which retook the station.

All out war had erupted below around the time of the initial assault. He piloted a Chinese capsule down to US territory to join the fight, but discovered that the area in which he landed was almost completely depopulated by nuclear attack and a subsequent wave of epidemics.

You ever have someone say you look like 50 pounds of fighting cobras poured into a ten pound sack? Usually you’d think that means they think your clothes are too tight. Funny thing is I wasn’t wearing a stitch at the time.

(Upon seeing a Darcy Upton billboard [famous movie starlet]). I actually worked security on that movie. I was fighting over in Indochina at the time and got assigned to protect the film set as a sort of in-country R&R thing. Some guerrillas attacked and I ended up stabbing one of them through the neck just as he was about to put a gun to Ms. Upton’s head. After that she insisted I run her personal security team. Of course everyone got pretty pissed when she got pregnant and filming got delayed 9 months. The director still asked for my autograph when I left though. I told him, ’No problem, I already left one with your wife.’

I wanted to stick around to see the rest of the filming, but I got drafted into the astronaut corp. There was some debate about whether or not humans could colonize space. The big question they had was whether children could be safely raised in space. Since it was super expensive to maintain astronauts in orbit, and budgets were contracting due to the war, they were ordered to accelerate the project as much as possible. I was tasked with impregnating four female astronauts so the geeks could study their gestation, then I was supposed to come right down. Unfortunately the commies had other plans. The pencil necks figured out they were arming their space station with nuclear weapons, so I got drafted into an assault group tasked with capturing it. Now THAT was quite a thing, but it’s a story for another time.

You see this right here? [points to bicep] 50 megatons of TNT.

[following gun combat] Fighting in space is pretty crazy. Your gun acts like a rocket engine. If you didn’t do it just right, now you’re tumbling. If you hit a guy, his spacesuit will vent air out of the hole. Since he’s bleeding, blood sprays out too. First the blood boils, then it freezes into little pellets. With no air in space, they go really fast and never slow down. You shoot a guy and he can damn near kill you with his own blood. It’s crazy.

[following melee combat] When you knife somebody in space, the blood gets all over the inside of their spacesuit. They got these little fans blowing air across the inside of the helmet to prevent frost. But if he gets knifed, they just suck up the blood and spray it at the visor. Now he’s bleeding, losing air, and he can’t see. It’s a hell of a pickle.

Nuka Cola? I never drink that shit.

I lost pressure in my spacesuit once. I could actually feel the saliva on my tongue boiling. Craziest thing. You got about ten seconds to patch your shit up before you pass out. If you patch it right, your suit will re-pressurize itself before you die and you’ll wake up in a minute or two. …did I say “once”? Actually that kept happening to me. Pain in the fucking ass.

The whole space baby experiment was a failure anyway. Turns out the lady astronauts all got pregnant with twins. None of the data was usable. Haha! What are the odds!

Hey, you went to college, right? Whatcha call a “Ménage à trois” when there’s more than two women?

[disturbing area]
You think this is bad? You shoulda seen that Chinese space station.

I used to drive this amazing Cadillac. Drop top. Tail fins. Chrome for days. I wonder if it survived the war?

You ever hear about the Karman club? ... It’s sometimes also called the 62 mile high club.

[leaving combat]
Wow. Did that just happen?

[taking drugs]
You sure you need all that? Ok, buddy. Your life.

[in combat]
You want some, motherfucker?! Oh yeah? You too?

[in combat]
Alright, all you assholes line up. There’s plenty of whoop ass for everyone.

The player encounters him shortly after the capsule lands. He doesn’t know much about the ghosts yet.