Brendan Joseph Clare

Bren online, BJ to Noah (he hates it)

questioning bi-gay (comphet/projected homophobia)

he/him

post-op trans guy

21

— noah : his best friend, could be something more if brendan wasn't so prideful. has a soft spot for him, but he doesn't need to know that.

— cynthia : his mother. he misses her and wishes she never forgot about him and pushed him to the side when he desperately needed her. she calls him occasionally and he holds in his tears until she hangs up and sometimes even longer until noah leaves for work.

— andrew : his father, who is not only disappointed in him for being a living breathing sin and for looking exactly like his mother, but even more angry that brendan is "weak, pathetic, and a worthless freak." texts brendan and he doesn't have the heart to read or answer them, but cant bring himself to delete or block his number either.

— resents the rest of his family. holds bitter feelings but part of him wants to shoehorn himself into his mother's family more than anything.

— has social anxiety, but talks to people around the city when they talk to him first in one or two word answers. exchanges pleasantries with listeners of his music online as well in his dms and comment sections, but always keeps conversations short.

satanic withcraft

anarchist

inky blue (the colour of the sky at night from above their apartment)

pepperoni pizza and chinese (sw/s chicken, rice, lo mein)

grunge emo stoner losercore

sweet smells like vanilla, honey, ginger and bubblegum.

cats and deer

makes music but doesnt get much money from it, has like 20k-30k followers and around 5k listeners but makes enough money to get himself food and weed and to just barely pay his half of the rent.

kinda intimidating especially with all the rumours of him online and with his rbf but he has his soft spots despite seeming untouchable.

5'9

darker brown with blonde underneath

wavy, messy, neck-length wolf cut, longer curtain bangs, often worn half up-half down with the half-up being a ponytail or bun.

stubble, shaves often

dark brown, has a chunk of hazel in his left eye that's hard to notice (noah pointed it out once).

cheeks and nose are lightly dusted pink, warm skin tone

white

english and dutch on mum's side and irish + german on dad's side

lanky with some abs and arm muscle definition

mole under his right eye, scar down his calf from a childhood fall, freckles across his nose cheeks and arms, slightly crooked teeth, dainty hands which he's incredibly insecure about, birthmark on his hand

nervously-done "professional" tattoos from noah, some silly doodles, a couple bugs, sorta just whatever noah feels like practicing. noah also gave him most of his piercings (he pierced his own septum when he was 16), noah gave him a daith, two double lobes, a helix, angel fangs and an eyebrow piercing.

baggy and half-hazard. favourite outfit is baggy wide-legged ripped blue jeans, chunky converse and some big t-shirt or hoodie. doesn't wear anything fancy. at night he'll just take off his binder and jeans and sleep in plain coloured boxers.

friendly enough to get what he wants if he needs to. not opinionated but only because he doesnt really care about anyone around him since they've never cared about him, but also doesnt care about himself either. doesnt have the time to appreciate the little things because he routinely keeps himself busy as a distraction. irresponsible, impulsive and reckless. gets him and noah into risky situations for the thrill of it because he gets bored easily and noah has be the one to get them both out of it. restless, thoughts are always raging, easily angered. sensitive but not empathetic; he's sensitive as in, if you poke and prod at him you risk making him snap. is scared of how much of a shitty person he became. believes he ruins everything and that there's nothing about him worth loving, so he pushes everyone who's left away as far as he can and keeps them at arms length — almost in a manipulative way — close enough so that they know enough about him but not so close that they know anything personal. closed off, secretive and distant but uncharacteristically fiercely loyal to noah who has earned brendan's tolerance. scatterbrained, sort of a wuss, still stuck in his teenage years, and hard to get along with unless you're very patient and tolerant. strangely philosophical and will have long talks about the meaning of it all at night, has a soft spot for small animals and is a great listener given that he actually gives a shit about what you're saying. either hates you or is obsessed with you and when he's obsessed with you, you may as well think he hates you.

weed, soft animals (esp cats and deer (one time he saved a deer and it imprinted on him)), cemeteries, fire, being right, doing absolutely fucking nothing, ordering chinese and pizza, writing poetry, songwriting, playing piano and electric guitar, drinking noah's coffees, finger foods, fast night drives to nowhere, watching movies, being alone, history, handling things on his own/being independant, sweet smells, long novels, lazing at home, composing, falling alseep at 6am waking up at 1pm and taking a nap at 2, libraries, breaking into places, his favourite lookout spot, shitty weather (cold, rainy, snowy), punching shit, walking around at night, being depended on (uses it to his advantage if you aren't noah and if you are he cherishes it with his life), converse, blasting hard rock or emo alt music in his headphones (bonus points if he cant hear anyone trying to get his attention) video games (smash bros, fighting games)

too much attention, ordering anything in person, the smell of axe, crowded places, happy families, being reminded of his parents, needles, children, being seen crying, strangers, worrying about other people, being relied on at all, men, eating healthy, being bored, being teased, wearing anything tight-fitting, answering questions about himself, the sun, wearing shorts or short sleeves, cleaning, cooking, being creative in front of people, rap music, staying in one place, people more intelligent than him, being wrong, stubborn people who wont hear him out, lack of communication from people who say they care, routine.

secretive, pushes people away and keeps them just close enough, explodes with rage at a moment's notice, homophobic (projecting), ignores people if he doesn't care about what they have to say, hates people but is loyal if they give him a reason to be, way too prideful to ever admit vulnerability, gives up if he can't do something perfectly the first time, doesn't have many opinions besides typical anarchist ones but besides that he couldn't care less about what a single other person does or thinks, takes advantage of people (he doesn't trust) because they have something tangible that he wants, is a huge crybaby but refuses to cry in front of absolutely anyone (can only do this for so long).

music (guitar and piano, think ethan bortnick and bmth mixed together), writing, poetry, getting himself into trouble, video games, exploring, laying on the couch with noah and getting stoned

has a crooked smile, swears excessively when he's nervous, cracks knuckles and fidgets with fingers, has a scary stare, mimes guitar chords with his hands when listening to music, hyper eye-contact which results in people being uncomfortable around him due to the combination of that and his rbf, forces his lips into a smile if you're someone he tolerates so they aren't scared of him, rolls his eyes lots, drums fingers on surfaces, stumbles over his words too much so no one usually listens and prefers to hear others due to it.

getting what he wants (usually something tangible like weed, money or food), being depended on, being worthy of someone's time, the person he's obsessed with acknowledging the good in him

anarchist and satanist

music, he's like. so good at it, can make a melody out of anything, writes poetry that could make anyone shiver, good driver, can match any pitch perfectly, cats love him, is good at makeup, good with fashion, good at cooking (just fucking hates doing it)

ptsd, bpd, intermittent explosive disorder, social anxiety, depression (very prone to rage and lashing out)

ruining things for people, being worthless, being truly alone (loves being alone but not... alone), dogs, going out during the day, needles and piercings (is noah's piercing/tattoo guinea pig), never living up to his own potential

dislikes anyone with a good family, or even a normal functioning one. hates men in authority. hates people who force him to be a certain way or are too forceful in their opinions on him. hates rich people. hates teachers. dislikes all christians no matter how "accepting."

his parents met in college, since they were both in school to be doctors. andrew was empathetic but emotionless and cynthia was kind and meek due to her past. they had brendan after graduating. his mother ended up never using her degree, opting to stay home with brendan and give him a good life, and andrew called her pathetic and lazy, also unintentionally revealing a few other minor red flags. being so passive, cynthia never acknowledged them and tried as hard as she could to make him proud. cynthia would encourage brendon to always be himself after andrew would abuse her for doing the same thing. he would find other excuses to too, often pulling at strings to find one and cynthia apologising and promising to make him proud. eventually, it became too much for her and for the first time in her life, she was selfish. she packed all she had, ran away and fled to her best friend's house who she met in middle school, thomas graves. andrew always accused her of cheating on him with thomas, but nothing had ever happened. brendan was left behind with andrew while cynthia eventually married thomas and had two twins. cynthia is finally happy and brendan feels guilty for wishing he was apart of that. his father always either ignored him or abused him. he realised it was more worth it to let his presence be unknown. the one pro was that his dad didn't care what grades he got, so he favoured smoking weed behind the school over turning in his math work. he loved his english and history classes though; he didn't bond with his teachers at all but he did every single assignment for them in between weed breaks. andrew always dreamed of his child being something successful, but brendan, due to all of the torture from home and school, turned to poetry writing and songmaking to cope. andrew always called him a freak, a faggot, a mistake, things like that, and always told brendan how he ruined everything, especially andrew's relationship with cynthia. his mother said this was untrue during a phonecall a few years after but it plunges into his heart every time andrew tells him that. he started saying that whenever brendan disappointed him to keep a hold on him and to keep him weak. because of what's been ingrained into him, he doesnt want to ruin his mum's new family, so he tries not to attach himself to her all over again. he would blast music, write poetry and smoke weed to cope with all of what's happened to him. him and his dad lived in a nice part of town as he was a doctor, right near the beach so he'd go there to relax. always struggled with art and math but excelled in english and history. he was sort of a nobody besides the attention he got from short lived friendships which caused him trust issues and a fear of being close to people. although he has been beaten and nearly killed by his father since he was a child, he had always been told it was his fault, and so he took it in and always tried to please him and everyone else. cynthia tried to defend him but became too meek from the abuse too. brendan had all sorts of friends until he became colder, reckless and more apathetic in his teenage years. those friends had manipulated him up until he began to become apathetic to their abuse. they abandoned him, painfully, one by one until he was left. even when he was being manipulated, he was useless to others.

january 28th (aquarius)

high school dropout

has gotten in trouble for petty crimes, but no jail time. shoplifting, tresspassing, breaking into abandoned houses both for shelter and to explore for fun.

— exes : [unsure, wip]
— current : noah miller, his roommate. close with him, and lives with him in their shitty but homey apartment. although they dislike people similar to the other, it seems as though they only hate the extremes and could get used to someone having those traits in a digestible way. they live together and do almost everything together when noah isn't at work, but brendan would never acknowledge he enjoys that and always waits until noah asks to do something even though he's itching and yearning to be closer by to him. is his test dummy for piercings and tattoos despite hating needles beyond belief, taste tester of their coffee and unknowingly, the inspiration behind some of noah's art. only tells noah what he asks and nothing more and noah knows to not push and prod. brendan is secretive still, but noah has a general idea of bren's old home life and past up to this year. they met after highschool and brendan ended up moving in, making his home in his lounge and throwing his blankets on his couch and putting his piano next to the tv.

— occasionally talks to his weed dealer and the cashier at his favourite dairy but for the most part, his one and only true current friend is noah.

cynthia graves. extroverted, friendly, over-generous and a doormat to a fault for anyone who looks at her nicely. very beautiful and has a heart of gold. brendan was the light of her life. she ran away, not taking brendan with her, after years of abuse and torture. she ended up moving in with thomas, her best friend in highschool and they ended up together and married with kids soon enough. she's a kind woman but brendan wonders what his life would be like if she didn't forget to take him with her. she's happy now without him anyways. the only time cynthia was ever selfish, she forgot all about her son, who she still accepts and loves as he is, so she doubled down on her people pleasing tendencies. knows her relationship with her son is strained and feels hopeless, like it will never be the same again.

andrew clare. easily angered, yet emotionless. must have some sort of empathy for others, given that he's one of the best doctors around, but perhaps he uses up all of his empathy before he gets home from work. doesn't really seem to care about anything. spends his time at bars, or drowning himself at work. an intimidating, emotionless man. he had been abusive before the divorce, but then it only got worse after he decided to take it all out on his "daughter". despises his father but sometimes he feels ... guilt: guilt for being his father's worst nightmare, guilt for missing his father and guilt for wishing things were different.

was an only child. has two half-siblings, [name] and [name], from his mother's new family. brendan has been offered to meet them before, but decided he's already ruined his mother's life enough. also resents them, because they have his mother and a kind father.

— honey. male. light and dark grey ragdoll. his mother's cat who she adopted before her and andrew moved in together. died of old age.
— baby. female. yellow lab. cynthia allowed him to name her when he was younger. childhood pet. currently lives with cynthia and her new family as she followed her out of the house when she ran away.

thomas graves, cynthia's new husband. he's a decent guy, but brendan resents him for obvious reasons.

moved out when he dropped out of highschool at 16. before he met noah, he would break into abandoned buildings to sleep in and would sneak back into his house when he knew his dad was at work with the key he still had to steal food and snacks, to charge his phone and to take books and shit to distract himself.

• brendan is

• has a locked notes app with poetry about noah, loves writing songs which he posts online (is very minorly famous, does piano and electric guitar) but sometimes when he gets tired, he ends up writing love songs/poetry about noah




• lives with noah, mooches off him bc the music thing doesn't make him a huge amount of money but it's the only thing he has the motivation to do




• peer pressures noah for a cat and when they say no, out of spite brendan finds a stray, gives it treats and brings it home and doesn't say anything until noah notices that it's there. what does he care, he's not on the lease