forum Yo I'm feeling confident, anyone wanna read a few chapters of my wip novel?

Started June 13, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

I won't post them here yet just for how longgg they are, but if you wanna, just reply and say so, you can critique if you want. :3

Don't know if I will have the time to critique all chapters if they are that long, but maybe one or two?

It's not a critique, I just want to share and get some input on what you think about the overall story and theme. :3

Sure, bring it on! Where can I find this story?

Right here. :3 I present chapter Zero and One. Zero is a bit of work in progress but I can't quite place exactly what I want in it together with my style, so it's a little off, but I'm doing my best to fix it. Please enjoy, Dam.

Zero:

The crashing footsteps echoed wildly within the empty dark forest. Small wails and sobs of pain could be heard from the figure as he dashed through the shadows. His eyesight was wavering, the fear pulsing through his veins, the shock and sorrow in his heart pushing him forward.
Hollow howls rode on the wind like feathers in a tempest, the animals of the wild beginning their nocturnal hunts. Their mournful and horrifying cries instilling terror into the figure, who pushed on harder, not giving a care to the low hanging branches and undergrowth that whipped at his freezing red face. Small cuts and scrapes lined his face and stung as tears found their ways to the openings.
His quickly fleeing feet had betrayed him, hitting an unseen stump just as he was coming upon a road. His momentum launching him forward onto the rough and unforgiving pavement. With pain, sorrow, and fear in his veins he was able to fight to get to his feet. A light, seemingly from nowhere, blinded him, causing him to stumble and fall. As the light quickly approached him he recognized that it was a car, speeding toward him. Adrenaline now pumping through him, he jumped to his feet and sprinted across the road, but his legs giving out as he rolled into a muddy ditch.
Car doors slammed open and voices could be heard, asking where he went, what he was doing. The sounds of confused and scared passengers.
Getting to his feet, he made a mad dash back into the forest full of shadows.
They wouldn’t understand. The blood on his hands would condemn him for something he didn't do. His mournful wails resumed as the memories played out in his mind. The tears filled his eyes again, his mind denying all he saw, all he witnessed. Words screamed in his head, picking away slowly at what was left of him.
Running without end, the words in his head breaking him bit by bit, he collapsed on the forest floor. He gasped as his body shook with a mournful cry.
All he had, all he loved, all he had ever known
Gone.
How long could he hold on after this? Pretending it’s all normal, pretending it's okay. His whole life was a lie, forged by false promises that it would all be okay. His crimson hands grabbed at the dirt, his clenched hand with dropping what he held as a cold wind rushed through the forest. Few would understand… he’d be shipped off, but did it even matter?
Light footsteps neared him. He lifted his head wildly, gripping the item that fell from his grasp. A humming started full of emotion. As time passed. A song rode on the cold winter breeze. The notes low and soft, seemingly coming from a multitude of voices, but the most prominent one being a light female voice.
He froze, gripping the item in his hand tightly, his only defense. A figure dressed in silver approached from the shadows. He looked down at what he was gripping, the realization striking him now. In the faint light, he saw a blood-tipped black arrow. His eyes filled with fear and he turned them back to the feminine figure.
He took a defensive stature as the woman raised her arm, her palm pointed at him, where a small sword was clasped in her hand. “Get away!” He cried. From her hands wisped a source of light that installed terror in his eyes.
Her arm remained pointed at him, her eyes a cold dead stare. The strange terrifying light growing bigger. He looked on with horror as he concluded on what he had to do. “Stop!” He cried, his lips trembling.
“Mortals who step upon this very ground always perish.” She finally spoke, but her gaze seemed to be distracted
“Mortals? Wha-” The light aimed for his chest shot from her hand with the sword. His eyes widened and he did even know it, but he had dodged somehow and the arrow had embedded itself in her chest. Blood welled from her chest and she fell to the ground, dead.
His eyes widened. Two lives, taken in one night. “No… no..” He whispered harshly, the blood all too familiar.
Her body unleashed a silver light which flew into the air and dispersed in a grand explosion. His breath quickened in confusion and fear. It surrounded his paralyzed body in a darker light.
And suddenly it was all gone.
He felt emotions rush through his veins. He grasped to the dirt, crying out in fear and agony. He took a life. He lost a life.
Voices surrounded him, taking their forms in harsh whispers and lights which floated about him like fireflies on a summer's night. The voices mumbled together into a few coherent words.
"Be- the hero-… start the- collapse-"

One:

“Some might say it's just a boring day at school, boring day of life, but life is never truly boring, is it? Though your life may not be full of action now, who knows what will come later.”
Those motivational words were written on the bathroom wall in small thick ink. It dripped down the walls in an elusive pattern before coming to a rounded stop on the poorly painted white brick walls.
He was aimless, wandering about the school territory almost brand new to him. He was the odd one out, the "new' kid on these blank tiled grounds. Yet he rolled his eyes at the thought. A "new kid" is a kid fresh to the chaotic ecosystem of high school, where hatred and the stale lights fill the bland halls. Bullies, mafia, and gang members fill the building, overturning those who are there for the sole reason to gain an education.
But according to Maple Bay's Code of Conduct, Hunter was just as bad as those who inject drugs into their bloodstreams in the janitor's closet. So that's why he was here, in these bland halls, wishing he knew exactly where his next class was.
They always cry those iconic and cliche words, "my life is over!" when life changes, but it simply isn't. It's just a change of direction, taking a sharp left from Maple Bay Drive to Oaken Stream Boulevard.
Hunter straightened the hefty bag he carried on his shoulders and set his course to the next plain classroom for the next boring lesson. The walls were filled with the normal "first day at school smell", a smell most students know, but can never quite explain, maybe because they don't want to remember the pain of leaving the freedom of the summer sun to the invisible chain-link fences barring you from fresh air.
Clatter filled the halls, but you could tell it was a somber and rough approach by their brisk postures.
A slam bounced off the walls, ringing in his ears before fading away. Yet others walking about the building didn't seem to notice or care. A rather short teen, who looked about the age of a freshman, was pushed against the aluminum lockers. Holding a rough hand to the freshman's chest a larger blonde haired teen, a scowl dressed his face and violence surrounded his nature, almost radiating into the walls themselves. With dark eyes wild with anger, he was truly a powerful figure. "Watch where you're going, freak!" His fist slid up to the freshman's throat, pushing his head back and causing the kid's breaths to become ragged.
"Pl-please, let me go." He let out a strained plea. "I have money!"
The older teen gave a harsh laugh. "Give me it now-" His fist was pressed rougher into the kid's skin. "Or you'll be using that money on your own medical bills."
The kid started to reach for his pockets when Hunter cut in.
"The hell do you think you're doing?" He asked, dropping his bag to the ground with a thud.
The blonde turned to Hunter with a wicked glare and grin dressing his face. "What was that?" He pinned the freshman to the steel harder, his hand clasped around his neck. "Speak up," He put his other hand to his ear. "I can't understand freak!"
“Just leave the kid alone.” He sighed. “Drop the act or whatever the hell you’re doing. You’re not doing anyone any good.”
"Y-yeah…!" The kid gasped before he was knocked unconscious by the blonde's fist.
"Learn your place, maggot!" He yelled. "And that goes to you too." He released the kid, letting him slump to the floor, turning back to Hunter. "But you have a lot of guts, I'll give you that. You're the new transfer, right? No wonder you don't know your place." He took a couple of steps closer until he was in Hunter's face. "Let me tell you this, stay out of my way unless you want to end up with scars all over that pretty little freckled face of yours. Got it?" He growled the question, his ugly bloodshot blue eyes filled with a sense of power.
"Got it, I'll stay out of your way." He gave a small pause. "On one condition." He tilted his head, his copper hair lining his face as he crossed his arms.
He put his hands up in a mocking manner and took a couple of steps back. "Look, everyone,-" He addressed the forming crowd. "we have a tough guy!" He pushed Hunter with a growl, causing him to stumble backward a few feet. "What's this 'condition', Jackass?"
“Leave these kids the hell alone, you’re only making yourself look retarded by ‘ruling’ a high school.” He slit his dark brown eyes. “You don’t want to look retarded, don’t you? Because that’s all you’re doing to your image.”
A grim smile broke out on his face as he gave a rough chuckle. "Really? An edgy hero thinks he can alpha me? I warned you, Jackass, now you'll be choking on your own blood." He pulled out a small switchblade from the pockets of his baggy cargo pants and flicked it open, the nasty blade stained crimson. "Let's dance, "hero"." He rushed at Hunter, hand outstretched with the blade ready to do what it was designed for.
One of Hunter's feet instinctively planted into the ground, he pivoted the side and dodged, grabbing his outstretched arm. He pinned him down to the cold tiled ground, his hooked nose pushed down roughly, causing the skin to begin welling up with colorful bruises. Hunter twisted the blonde's wrist, the jagged knife falling from his grasp. He kicked it away from his fighting hands. "Violence, attempted theft, attempted murder, attempted assault, violent threatening and misconduct on government property,-" Hunter listed off charges, counting them on his fingers. "Bud, that's enough to get you in Juvy'!" He exclaimed, patting the blonde kid's shoulder.
The pinned teen squirmed to be free of Hunter's grasp. "Let me go you oversized bug! I’m gonna slit your throat and watch you bleed to death as I gut you like a-” He rambled off with various threats, each one more and more gore-filled and quite unpleasant to the ear.
"Okay!" Hunter replied cheerfully, cutting the violent blonde off. "But, I'll be taking this-" He reached over to pick up the switchblade, closing the blade gently. "to the principal's office. These are not allowed on school grounds." He turned the weapon over in his hands and got up slowly. "And look at this, it has your name written on it too huh, Gabriel? Oh well, have a nice day bud!" He exclaimed, pulling up his bag and briskly walked away from the scene he just created, leaving Gabe to mumble and growl to the crowd.
He'd met the principle in a private meeting a week earlier for the exact scheduling of his classes, so turning in the switchblade wasn't an anxiety-inducing chore. The secretary took it with a quiet nod and stored it in a place, urging him to head to class before he missed it, and so that's what he did.
As the day progressed, the cold halls slowly became warmer, and so did the attitudes of the students. He was indeed a little off with his bruting statements about the truth of high school, but there's always a silver lining to a dark thunderstorm. But school isn't that bad.
He found himself back in the forest where he was walking the other day, dodging through the undergrowth and soaking in the warm arm of the summer season which was coming to a close. The green leaves sprouting through the tall trees would be missed as the seasons changed, but the heat of noon was unbearable at times. It was a win for win, loss for loss situation.
He had seen a flicker out of the corner of his eye and turned towards it.
In the middle of a sun patch, hanging from a low branch, a metal bracelet danced in the breeze. It was odd since his family owned that section of the forest, and neither his sister or mother owned a pure metal bracelet like the one he gazed upon. He picked it up and twisted the metal in his hand before slipping it on. It fit him perfectly, and the metal was gentle on his skin. He pulled it off once more and observed it.
The metal looked like that of silver, but it was hard to tell, and a moderately sized gemstone crowned the side, a clear diamond-like stone. He had to admit, it was beautiful.
He twisted the bracelet gently on his wrist as he walked from his class, heading to the final one of the day. The forest was always a peaceful topic for him, just to think about. He turned down the west hall where he stopped at his locker. He started switching out books when he felt some arms drape around his shoulders. "How're you doing, pretty boy?" A voice asked him.
"Sup' James." He replied, finishing up grabbing the materials he needed for his next class.
"Awwww, no over the top blushing? No wondering who the guy behind you is? I'm sad." James leaned against the locker in a dramatic pose, his dirty blonde hair a ruffled mess.
"I know you too well, Jamie." He gave him a blank stare, pulling out a pencil at the bottom of the locker which caused a ton of books and papers to fall upon the tiled floor. He gave a quick wide stare at the books before bending over to clean them up.
James smiled at the number of things that fell before bending down to help him pick up what he dropped. "Now I know I have to be more unpredictable around you." His sky blue eyes sparkled with humor.
"That won't work, I know you far too well." He gave a chuckle as he placed the last of his books into his locker. "No amount of unpredictable can deceive me."
"Hmmmmmm… well, you're the expert on me." James leaned back against the lockers. "What class you headin' to next?"
"History, last one for the day." He gave a short reply, going through the papers he had filed in his locker before they fell. "You?"
"Biology, cuttin' up dead stuff" He pushed off the lockers and began to walk off. "Good luck learning about another war today."
"You too, don't get blood on your shirt." He turned to James as he walked off.
James turned around, walking backward and finger-gunned Hunter. He then bumped into someone and fell into the crowd.

He slid into the black pickup truck that hummed in park. The air was heavy with a nearing storm cracking upon the horizon, and the sky was dark and cloudy. Aileen messed with her phone before slipping it into her pocket. "Did James want a ride?" His sister asked him, brushing some black hair from her face.
Hunter gave a small shrug, his dark eyes lined with drowsiness. "No, he said Lilac would be home early today and he'd walk home." He placed his bag on the floor, leaning back in the leather seats, the growl of the motor somewhat relieving.
"How does she juggle it all?" She muttered, shifting the gear out of 'park' with a click.
Hunter gave a small shrug, his copper hair being blown around by the air conditioning unit.
"The teachers at Maple Bay really miss you." She broke the silence. "They liked their brain of a pet."
He shrugged, gently fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist.
"Hey!" She smacked his thigh. "You have a mouth for a reason!"
"I-"
The truck slammed to a jolty stop, causing Hunter to jolt up against the seat belt. It took him a while to catch his breath. Aileen cursed. Someone was a few feet from the hood of the car shaking. "Oh my god… I almost hit her." She fumbled with the seat belt which locked on her, her wavy black hair falling into her face at random.
"I'll go see if she's okay," Hunter stated while sliding out of the car onto the rocky asphalt. The pavement radiated heat from the sun that beat down on them from between the clouds. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked, concern for the teen lining his voice in a sweet tone.
"I'm ok- I'm fine." She stuttered, she crouched down to pick up a book that fell onto the road. Her hands were trembling, more obvious now with the book in her grasp.
"Are you sur-?"
Aileen rushed out of the truck. "Ember, I am so sorry!" She exclaimed. "Are you okay?" She looked her over quickly, making sure she was unscathed.
"I'm fine…" She repeated, clasping some books to her chest. "I'm sorry for holding you up…"
"It's okay! All that matters is your not a road pancake, hun." Ali gave a small laugh. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah… I'm fine." She shot a glance towards Hunter who had backed away from the conversation, which he met with his own. Dark circles lined the bottom of her eyes, fading into her skin almost hidden beneath the bright color of her eyes.
"As long as you're okay." Aileen smiled at her.
Ember glanced the way she was walking prior. "I'm-I'm sorry, I should get going."
"I'll talk to you later" Aileen gave her a smile as she walked away. Hunter got back into the truck, sliding his seat belt on, waiting for Aileen.
"How do you know her?" He asked once she was in the car.
She didn't stop latching her seatbelt as she responded, "She's Robert's little sister."
He searched his mind for a Robert he knew, sadly coming up with nothing. "Robert…?"
"My boyfriend."
"Ah." Hunter nodded his head knowingly. Aileen is a family person, she loves the siblings of her multiple boyfriends. He turned his head to look at where Ember disappeared to, resting his chin on his hand and elbow on the door of the truck.
"I feel so bad." She whined, using one hand to tuck hair that fell in her face behind her ear.
Hunter laid a hand on his bracelet, running his fingers over the smooth metal and circled them around the gemstone. "You should, you almost ran her over." He placed his hand over his fist and popped his knuckles, glancing at her from the corner of his eye.
"It's not just that, she's so timid already. I feel like I really scared her this time." Her fingers tightened on the leather wheel.
"Well, at least she seems fine." He shifted in his seat
"Yeah, just so upset I scared such a sweet girl."
They had exited the school parking lot and entered the scenery of the small forest town. They passed under the edge of the forest, speeding up on the nearly empty road. Thunder shook the sky in the distance, but the sky was bright with only a few storm clouds nearing on the horizon.
“Also, language.” He poked her
“Hunter Eves,” She growled. “Do you want me to nearly hit another teenage girl?”
"You do you." He chuckled with a shrug.
She backhanded his shoulder. "On a more serious note, we need to do something to apologize to her."
He looked to her, raising an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"
"We could invite her over for dinner, take her out…" She paused. "Anything really."
"Interesting options." He stated.
She gave a short pause and a wicked smile. "Maybe you could take her out to dinner."
He twisted the bracelet on his wrist. "I don't work that way, Ali."
"She has a younger broth-" She began with a giggle.
"Oh my god," He gave an exasperated sigh. "I'm not gay." He pushed his face towards the window.
"I know," She reached over to mess up his wavy copper hair. "I'm just your older sister, it's my job to be a horrible nuisance."
He crossed his arms. "You're doing too good of a job of it," Hunter growled.
She tilted her head. "Alright, how's Oaken Stream High then?"
He didn't know he unconsciously dreaded that question, his mind rewinding back to the fight this morning. After a short pause, he replied. "It's okay, nice being in the same school as James. But I could practically smell the druggies." He sniffed the pine-scented air.
"You need to stop hanging out with James, you don't pull off sass that well." She sighed. "You tried."
Hunter shrugged. "Anyway, I'll talk to Ember for you, arrange something for an apology.
"That's better." She patted his back."You need more friends anyway."
After that last statement, conversation dwindled to a minimum.
The bright screen illuminated his face as he stood over it on his desk, the bracelet from the forest on the desk beside it. He sat down slowly on the chair and looked at the metal that shone in the stark light. The metal seemed to be pure silver, a metal rare in his country. He tapped his fingers on the smooth wood and looked up various gemstones and minerals that could hold the name of the inch wide clear gemstone.
If this thing really was something valuable, he could sell it for quite a bit, if he's lucky, enough to fund his college tuition. Looking at the average prices gems similar to that on the bracelet added with the price of pure silver, he made up his mind.
He grabbed the piece of jewelry and brought it close to his face. The craftsmanship on it looked precise, it truly was beautiful. He noticed an inscription on the inside, a language that he couldn't read nor looked like any he knew of. He twisted it around to look at the gemstone. Something in him wanted to know exactly what this thing was. The more he looked, the more he seemingly was enchanted by it. There seemed to be something there, he felt it. Something was very off about this.
He was hit with a wave of dizziness and set it down, his eyes strained too much in the poor light.
What the hell is this thing?

Okay I just wanted to say that I have only read 2 paragraphs and I already love it so yeah I'm gonna keep reading now

Oh my. Just finished chapter zero and I just gotta say that this is some good stuff you have here.

Really? Thank you! :D

Okay I'm done. Dude… that was really good.

I mean I found some minor grammatical errors along the way but other than that? I wouldn't change a thing. I really like it, you should be proud of your work.

Thank you so much! Would you want to read the second chapter?

Maybe not right now (gotta catch up on some rps and my own writing) but if you posted it now I would love to read it later! Also I just gotta say I love James he's amazing

Thank you so much, I really mean it. ^u^

Of course. You deserve it.

Here's chapter Two, take your time getting to it. :)

Two:
Coffee doesn’t actually help you when you need it, one of the laws of physics. Nothing works for you. He didn’t even know why he was so tired, but he was. Probably another growth spurt to his five-foot-ten figure. He shrugged it off as he stumbled out of Aileen’s pick up. His copper hair was a frizzy mess upon his head, dropping down to cover his freckled face in some parts. He dreaded going to school in such a mental state, a state which was mostly the speckled buzz of a crashed television.
He felt his consciousness slipping into oblivion, but he steadied it out. He kept on walking through the halls filled with walking, sleepless, corpses.
As Hunter’s sleepless brain rounded a corner he slammed into someone by accident, the yelp shocking him out of his trance. In front of him stood, a still stumbling, Ember.
Now that he was this close, he could really see her form clearly. She wasn’t quite average looking, only at first glance would you think that. Her brown hair was curled down to her shoulders with some face framing bangs. She had a curvy stature, seeming like the softest thing he’d seen since his bed. Her bright eyes were covered by some glasses.
“I’m sorry!” She yelped as she braced herself against the wall. “I’m so sorry.” She stumbled to pick up some books she dropped.
“It’s okay, I should be apologizing. I was looking for you.” He gave a short grin.
“You’re Ai- you’re Aileen’s brother…”
“Yeah,” He held out his hand. “I’m Hunter.” He gave her a smile.
“I’m Ember, but… you knew that…” She took his hand. She was shaking,
He cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry about yesterday, nearly running you over. Aileen and I talked and we’d like to invite you over for dinner sometime or something similar, our treat.”
“No, no I’m not sure…” She trailed off, pulling at her hair.
“I’ll let you think about it,” He pulled his bag from his back and pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper. He scribbled down some words and handed it to her. “My number, so you can tell me when you’ve made up your mind.” He grinned and held it out for her to take. “I’d also like to get to know you more.”
She took the paper. “Thank you.” She managed to say without stuttering.
“I’ll talk to you later.” He gave a her her a final gentle grin.
“Yo-you too.” She gave a small smile and continued on her way.
He watched her go, gazing upon the gentle sway of her curly hair bobbing against her shoulders before she disappeared among the small crowds.. He gave another grin, happy to make the shy teen smile herself.
"Bruh, you just got here yesterday.” James leaned on his shoulder, making Hunter jump in surprise. “and you gave a girl your number… how are you this lucky?"
“What?” He turned to face him, his expression morphed in shock.
“Bro, you’re lucky. Wish I could be that smooth, I’d get any person I want.”
He looked at him in pure confusion. “I’m not…? Why would you think that I’m…?” His eyebrow raised in turn with his question.
James pointed his entire arm to Ember who was putting the number in her phone clear among the crowd a few yards away. “Then, what was and is that? You bumping into her caught my attention then that happened.” He leaned against a locker with his arms crossed. “Try to explain that one.”
His expression was still muddled with confusion. “She’s Aileen’s boyfriend’s sister. Ali nearly ran her over yesterday… we’re inviting her over as an apology treat…?” He trailed off in a question, both wondering what he was thinking and if his answer was good enough for his friend.
James rolled his eyes. “Sure” He dragged out the word, his tone lined with sarcasm. “an ‘apology’ treat. First day and you nab Ember, I applaud you.” He lightly punched at Hunter’s arm.
“How do you know Ember?” He asked, pushing a few strands of dark copper hair from his eyes, his stature less visibly confused..
“Ay, everyone knows her, super smart, funny and shy as hell. Also, she and I have classes together throughout the day.” He narrowed his eyes and leaned a little closer. “How? Just how did you get her to like you so quickly… it was the fight with Gabe wasn’t it?”
“N-no! How’d you hear about that?” He stuttered, taking a step back. His dark brown eyes dressed with confusion and fear.
James pulled his phone out of his pocket and showed Hunter a social media feed “Dude, you did one thing and you handed his ass to him. Everyone is talking about it!” He pulled his phone away and scrolled farther down the feed. “This fight dethroned a bully and made him look stupid as all hell. Good on ya, man!”
Hunter’s eyes widened. He was genuinely shocked. Not at how fast the news traveled, but the realisation of what he did in the heat of the moment. Yes, he lives to stand up for others, but he never truly did something as large as that. He hadn’t realised it until then, but something about his sudden and indistinguishable courageous nature didn’t seem right to himself in the slightest. “I’m… sure it has nothing to do with that. I’m just being friendly, after all we could’ve killed her or at least heavily wounded her if we had hit her with the truck…” He trailed off. “Gotta be better than the norm and apologize truthfully with all your heart.”
James put his phone away and looked at the less crowded halls “Don’t think he’ll be too happy though…” He glanced at where Ember was standing prior, his voice falling into a hushed whisper. “Since his forced girlfriend was stolen away by a badass like you. Just thought I’d tell ya about that.”
“Wait, what?” He cried out in confusion and alarm. “You have it wrong, I’m not stealing anyone’s girlfriend and there’s no way she’s his!” He shuddered at the thought of what that violent bastard could do to a timid girl like herself.
James gave a solemn nod, “Well, they’re not dating but, seeing as Gabe usually gets what he wants he’s kinda been… well, a huge jerk, to say the least. Kicking everyone’s ass who he even thinks likes her.” James pulled out his phone again. “Sadly, it got removed from the forum but damn… should have seen the number he did to a dude named ‘Sky’… the guy had to go to the hospital and he’s still there.”
“Why does everyone like her? Other girls exist what kind of cheap rom-com or YA novel is this?” He guestered out to the other people walking near them, exasperated.
“Not many people do, only about five have ever been interested, everyone else just glosses over her and goes for the supermodel looking chick.” His voice turned very stern and serious. “But when they do, it’s because of the innocence they see, it’s because they see someone who doesn’t fit like them. Then they find out the hard way that she’s under surveillance by Gabe. The worst part is, she doesn’t even know.” He gave a solemn sigh. “She’s being controlled by that freak, and feels unwanted because of it. No one dares to near her out of fear they’ll end up in the ICU.”
Hunter couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There was no way someone could have that much power over another human. He wanted to bring James close and ask him if it was all just a joke. A stupid, made up, prank to push his buttons, but James never pulls off his easygoing mask unless it’s necessary. He took in a breath. “That’s so messed up…” Was all he managed to mutter.
James nodded again, pulling Hunter closer and pulling down his shirt a little, revealing a gash along his collarbone.. “The freak got a lucky slice on me, had to get fourteen stitches in it.” He pulled his shirt back up and shrugged it off. “I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you, just thought I’d warn you of what could happen.”
Hunter grabbed his shoulders. “We’ve been friends for ten years and you tell me this now? When did he do this to you?” His voice was lined with concern and anger, seeing more scars on his best friend’s already scarred body. “Jamie, by god…” He muttered, looking down to the floor.
James shot glances at everyone that was looking at them and covered his own mouth “Be careful what you say and where you say it, Gabe has eyes’ everywhere. No one knows who’s working for the freak.” He shot a few more glances at everyone who was now turned away. “Looks like we got lucky this time, everyone would have fled if they worked for him.” He stood up straight again, putting a smile back on “Don’t worry about the scar, you need to get to class.”
His dark eyes pooled with concern. He gave a sigh. “Alright.” He clenched his jaw. “I’ll talk to you later…” He turned away, his mind a jumble with the information he just learned.
James nodded “Talk to ya later, Hunty, don’t be a stranger!” He shot finger guns as he walked backwards to his next class.
Hunter shoved his hands into his pockets to stop them from trembling as he tried to calm himself down till he got to his next class.
His hands felt warm in his pocket as the afternoon sun beat down on him as he walked down the sidewalk lining mainstreet. The brick buildings had just started from the main road of the forest town. He looked around, gazing about the place before him. This was a familiar place to him, the wavy strip on the East side of town, yet now, it looked different in a way. Various shops had closed their doors, their windows blacked out with shadows. He gave a sigh and turned towards the shop he was looking for, the bright yellow sign reflecting the sunlight, making the plain black text rather hard to read.
He neared the door of the pawn shop, but stopped when he felt a tugging at his gut. The bracelet on his wrist felt heavier than usual, and a sudden urge to flee fell upon him. Blood drained from his face as a bit of himself started to feel empty.
He shook it off and pushed open the door, the wrenching feeling of his gut growing larger on the backburner of his mind. There was a ding, and the man at the counter looked up from an article he was reading.
He was middle aged, topped with mousy brown hair and a messy stubble. He got off the chair he was reclining on and leaned over the counter, a small pin with the word “Charson” glinted in the light. “What can I do for you, kiddo?” His breath smelled of cheap coffee, the bad yet addictive kind.
He pulled the bracelet from his wrist and set it on the wooden counter. “I want to find out what this is and how much it would sell for.” The tugging at his stomach almost made him feel sick, but once again he ignored it.
“Where’d you find this?” He looked it over skeptically, before turning to the back and rooting through some obviously messy drawers.
“In the forest.” He replied, “Just… hanging on a branch.
“In the forest…” The shopkeeper muttered, still going through the drawers before pulling out a magnifying glass tangled in some cords. He bent over it, looking at the metal through the wonky glass. “Must’ve been a lucky find, this seems to be pure silver…” He murmured, as if in disbelief.
Hunter nodded, “That’s what I thought it was, but I have no idea what the gemstone in the middle is.”
He looked up, expression filled with suspicion. “Son, where did you really get this?”
Hunter gave him an odd look. “In the forest, like I said.”
“Kid, I find that hard to believe, where did you get this?”
Hunter sighed. “Sir, can you please just tell me what the gemstone is and how much its worth?”
“The gemstone is nothing like I’ve ever seen before in these parts, and that’s why I’m questioning where you found this.” He reached to pick it up. “I don’t make transactions with theiv-” There was a small flash and the shop owner dropped the bracelet, the piece of jewelry rolling onto the floor with a thud. He gave a yell of pain, shaking his hand, which was blackened and blood pooled from the cracks in his skin.
“Are you o-?” Hunter started to ask.
“You disgusting teen! I’m calling the police for assault!” He yelled, reaching for his phone.
Hunter’s eyes widened and he reached down to pick up the bracelet, the tugging at his gut becoming unbearable and bolted through the door. He slipped the bracelet on and fled from the shop, his footsteps noisy on the sidewalk while he slid past a couple families. He breathed in raggedly, pushing on more until he rounded the corner into a small alley.
He pressed against the wall, looking at the bracelet upon his wrists, the feeling in his gut completely gone now. He looked to the side, not seeing anyone chasing after him, and let out a sigh, gasping for air.
“Well then, who’s this?” A female voice spoke up from the other side of the alley. She swung a baseball bat in her hand, using it as a cane. Dark brown brunette hair fell down to her back, and a clear strip of pink was twisted into a braid. She had blue eyes that were filled with disgust.
He turned to look at her, his dark eyes filling with confusion. “I’m sor-”
He felt more people crowd around him on the other side, a bunch of teens and young adults with their faces covered in some way, sometimes bandanas, sunglasses, or ski-masks. Some held weapons, others had none in sight.
“What’s going on?” Hunter asked, glancing back at the brunette.
“Heh, so the hero isn’t as brave as he seems, huh?” A familiar voice spoke with a chuckle. “A single hero can’t topple a whole kingdom, Hunter.” Gabe gave him a wicked smile as he rounded a corner, with his arm wrapped around another teen, who looked just as evil as Gabe, with lighter brown hair in a messy ponytail, and a knife strapped to her shoulder.
His other arm rested on Pink Braid’s shoulder, and he held them both close.
“How do you know my name?” Hunter asked, backing away from him only to feel the breath of the armed teens hot on the back of his neck.
“Word gets around fast, Jackass.” He grinned evilly. “You may’ve got lucky yesterday, but I’m here to fulfill my promise. After all what’s a King without his Knights and Queens?” He tightened his grasp around the girls, the other one giving a giggle while Pink Braid stared blankly at him.
Before Hunter could speak, he motioned to Pink Braid. “Restrain him, Jessica.”

Jessica took a small step forward before sprinting at him and smashing the baseball bat across his face, the back of Hunter's head banging against the rough bricks. The blunt of the blow was in his jaw, and he felt it swelling up. His head spun as his vision wavered.
“Hey! Keep him unscathed, I want to deal with him myself!” Gabe shouted to Jessica, who gave a brisk nod before turning him around and tying his hands together with speed Hunter couldn’t keep up with. She pushed him against the wall, his head smacking the rock roughly.
“Good…” Gabe muttered before taking a step towards Hunter. “How does it feel, Jackass? Huh? You had to be a hero but you don’t seem very heroic now, you’re just a little weakling-!” He grabbed Hunter by his copper hair, turned him around and smashed his knee into his face. Pain split through Hunter, but something in him willed him to stay conscious, to keep fighting. His fingers messed with the rough rope that was on his wrists, trying their best to find a hole to untie it by.
“I did say I’d put scars all over your pretty face, didn’t I?” Gabe gave him a growl filled smile. “Let’s make that one true-” He slipped out the blood-stained switchblade and pressed it against Hunter’s upper cheek, causing him to squirm in discomfort. Gabe pressed it to his freckled skin, and pushed it in, blood welling from his face with a hiss of pain. With a quick movement, Gabe sliced down through his lips to his chin, causing Hunter to cry out, blood dripping down his face. His fingers found a hole in the knot, and he started undoing the ropes around his wrists.
Gabe used his other hand to grab the side of Hunter’s head, “You know,” He pressed the blade of the knife above Hunter’s eyebrow. “Let’s give you a good, old-fashioned hero scar!” Gabe sliced downward, just missing Hunter’s eye, the blade parting his flesh with ease and cut deep into the meat of Hunter’s face.
He cried out more, the blood dripping into his left eye. He wished he could lose consciousness, let them kill him, but something kept him fighting. His hands were free of the rope, but he couldn’t take on all of Gabe’s squad by himself. He pressed his head to the wall, panting.
Gabe’s eyes were wild as his evil grin spread across his face again. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you getting free from the rope.” He roughly grabbed Hunter’s arm, holding it upward, and pressed the point of the blade to his palm before something caught his eye. “Oh… what’s this?” He slid the knife down Hunter’s hand and rested it above the bracelet. “Looks valuable… must have been an amazing gift…” He flipped the knife closed. “Only fair that I take something you hold dear.” He began to try to pull the bracelet off.
He grimaced and felt something have him pull his arm back, away from Gabe’s hand. His ears perked at a sound in the distance.
With one swift pull the bracelet was free from Hunter’s arm “Thank you for-!” Gabe was cut off as a massive pulse of electricity was sent through his arm, blackening the skin that touched the bracelet. Gabe cried out in pain as he tossed the bracelet away, clutching his right arm and riddled with pain. He pointed to Hunter with a vicious pain filled growl. “Knock his ass out!”
Sirens blared, and a car door slammed shut. The teens scattered, and Gabe scrambled up and fled too. Soon it was only Hunter, covered in blood alone in the dirty alley. He reached down to pick up the bracelet, and hobbled off, covering his face with the jacket tied around his waist. The cloth stung against his wounds, and he felt light headed, but he kept walking along the back of the buildings until he got to the forest. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Aileen, asking her to pick him up.
He gave a pained grin when he saw her truck, and endured her lecturing and fussing over the gashes on his face, but somehow, when he looked in the mirror, the tiniest edges seemed to be healed already, the smallest of fresh scarred skin covered by dry blood. He looked at the bracelet, ignoring Aileen’s reprimand, her words sounding so distant to him. He gazed at his wrist before blacking out against the leather seats.

Thanks, I'll probably read it tomorrow or something cause my battery is running low right now

Thanks, I'll probably read it tomorrow or something cause my battery is running low right now

Oke, thank you so much Dammy! :D

Np! See? That's how a parent should be. Interested in their kids lives and supportive… yep, I really am a good parent. I should adopt more kids. Also ignore me if you want to cause I feel like that was really weird.

Np! See? That's how a parent should be. Interested in their kids lives and supportive… yep, I really am a good parent. I should adopt more kids. Also ignore me if you want to cause I feel like that was really weird.

Bes Dam there is.

'Kay. I've read it now. Great stuff as usual, my friend. Only one thing… to me, it might seem a bit what is the word in English I only know it in Swedish oh right now I remember it unmotivated to invite Ember for dinner just because they almost ran over her. But that might just be me. Like last time, I found a few minor grammar mistakes, but other than that it was great. Just a couple of leftout commas, and stuff like that. And if I may fangirl a bit over here… HOW DARE GABE HURT HUNTER HE CAN'T DO THAT CAUSE HUNTER SEEMS LIKE A PRECIOUS LITTLE DORK AND NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HURT PRECIOUS LITTLE DORKS okay I'm done.

It is rather hard to write the beginning chemistry between Ember and Hunter, and I'm working out those kinks the best I can.
Also, thank you, I love my precious little dork too.

Also, what do you exactly mean by "Unmotivated"? Like it's not that big or small enough of a deal, or they're not very happy about the idea or…? Sorry, I just want a little clarification.

James is precious too. So. Please don't hurt him.

Also, what do you exactly mean by "Unmotivated"? Like it's not that big or small enough of a deal, or they're not very happy about the idea or…? Sorry, I just want a little clarification.

Um… more like… why would they invite her to dinner just because they almost ran over her? It seems like a bit too much. I get that it might be necessary for the plot though.

James is precious too. So. Please don't hurt him.

sharp inhale