forum Tear apart my child?

Started February 24, 2018 by @getroastytoastymrmcghosty

tune

I've been working on making her really well and I wanted to know how to make her better. All feedback is appreciated!

I'm not really sure if you're still looking for feedback (I'm kinda late), but this character is too good not to comment.
Few minor nitpicks (or just curiosity, actually):
- You listed her eyes as both vibrant and pale, which seems like a contradiction. Is that intentional?
- "her pants always have holes or slits on the back of her knees because it's one of the most painless places to draw blood. She sees her friends as idiots to cut their hands over and over for blood offerings." Whoa, wait, what? Blood offerings? As far as I could tell, it didn't really come up anywhere else and the world didn't seem very fantasy, so I'm intrigued as to why they'd be regularly sacrificing their blood.
- How do her motivations affect her? Don't misunderstand, they're very good motivators, but what do they motivate her to do? Like what sort of actions do they prompt her to?
- Hunting? What does she hunt?
- Whatever caused her legal guardian to live in a different state from her? Where were her parents? Why did she move to America?
- Why is she ready to be killed by a hitman?
Definitely a top-notch character though! Amazing job!

Oh man, I planned on responding earlier, but my computer crashed. It's never too late! I'll just respond by corresponding bullet points.
-It was intentional because I didn't know exactly how to phrase it. I was actually thinking about that for a few days. I asked my friend if it made sense and if it was a color and she was like "well, anything is a color, really." So I was really thinking of a bright pale blue. Thanks for pointing that out.
-Yeah, the world is almost like ours but it has subtle keys of magic and sorcery.
-Well, that's a really good point. So they motivate her to try to do something big, to leave a legacy. She sometimes loses sight of what's right because of that.
-She's more of a mercenary really.
-He is very headstrong and thinks that because he already has set his roots in that other state, he can't move. (Really, he wants to stay close to where his wife is buried.) Her parents are still in London to homeschool her other siblings. Her legal guardian does have a trusted adult that lives with her though. She moved for an education. She wanted an adventure.
-It was just something to say that shows that she's made enemies and is ready for death.
Thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it. Thank you!

This is a really good character.