forum Story Critiquing for My Novel

Started March 22, 2021 by @Im-just-here-idk-what-life-means group

tune

Please critique my novel as I write it for the Ray Bradbury Award for Science Fiction & Fantasy. Grammar, word replacements, and help with descriptions are needed too.

Here's what I have so far. (Next post)

My name is Charles Walker. Before I start my story, let me go ahead and warn you. I’m not normal. In fact, if you were to have what I have, you wouldn’t want it either. Sure, it’s cool at first. But things get complicated after a while. The worst part is I’m pretty sure I’m the only one. It’s my secret. I have powers. Telekinetic powers.
I don’t know how I got these powers, but what I do know is that I have them, for better or worse. Maybe destiny has some fate bigger than most set up for me. I don’t know. I just prepare for the ride of my life. This is my story.
I guess I should start off where I am now. Fourteen years and nine months into my existence.

First of all: you're definitely a talented writer. I can see that right away, as soon as I start reading, which is good. I like the concept of the story, I just have a few critiques. First of all, I think that a lot of stories start out this way. With the introduction, then the "I'm not normal". I would probably hold out on letting us know about his telekinetic powers until later, secondly. And lastly, it's a small thing, but the "Fourteen years and nine months" seems a little specific. If they have average intelligence or something, then stick to fourteen years. If you want it to be a little more unsettling, add things like "Fourteen years, nine months, three weeks, two days, one hour, and five minutes into my existence". But I do like what you're setting up the story for, and I can't wait to read more :)

Yeah, i was going to do 3,535 days into my existence…

I like that :)

okay :)