I honestly really love that and am way to spacey to critique anything but I’m going to forget it and I want to tell you I read it. Uh, watch your past and present tense?
Oof. What a mistake. I am a failure.
Thanks for pointing that out! :D
I haven't started it yet, but I had an idea for something.
Someone who was a cop/firefighter/soldier (anything where someone can potentially save someone else's life) dies on the job. Upon dying Death (as in the horseman Death) approaches them, and tells them that they've been personally selected to be trained to be a reaper (because Death can't do the job alone).
I would totally read that!
(Those one word responses. awkward laugh)
Oh yes. Whoops. I meant to imply how blown away I was by that twist. I was so into it. I could feel it all and thought I understood all when BANG!
XD I'm glad you enjoyed the twist
Oh hey this exists! Perfect.
I wrote this today.
The door stood in front of him menacing and inviting. All the doors he had passed through before were different. They were ornate, often covered in patterns or covered in precious substances. This one was made of plain wood, worn with time, the handle sparkling not from the glow and glitter of gold but by many uses throughout the long years. All the doors before had all had writing near the top. He was never able to learn what they said. This time he was almost certain this one read Curiosity.
He put his handle to the door softly. All the doors before had led him to great things. The first one had led him to his first job, when he was just a boy, when the doors first started to appear to him. The second one had put him in the position to save a wealthy man’s life, and gain all the wealth he could wish for. The third had led him to the loveliest woman he had ever met. His wife. Ever since then, whenever a door appeared, he had gone through immediately, and been more than richly rewarded. He now possessed power and respect beyond all his peers had ever dreamed of. But now he hesitated. For one, something felt different. Something in the door’s magic seemed to pull at him more strongly than the others. But still he hesitated. What more could he gain? What was there beyond the door? Every time he had passed through a door, the world had changed. Rearranging itself around him for his pleasure. He gripped the knob. And began to turn it. All reason left his mind and his eagerness to see what lay beyond gripped him like the jaws of a wolf. An instant, and he was through.
The land ahead of him was barren. At first it seemed like a great desert before him, but reformed into the cool shadows beneath a highway. He froze in horror when he saw the occupants. He spun around, hoping more than he had ever hoped that the door was still behind him. But, like always, it had disappeared. Only for a second did the words on the door sparkle, before fading away as a fierce gust of wind came through the darkness. One of the huddled bunches spoke to another.
“So. Another one.”
The others all turned to him, their eyes full of sympathy. Sympathy and crushing loss. He felt dizzy and fell to his knees. The others murmured something that sounded like understanding. But he felt none of it. He sat on the dirty hard ground, and began to weep.
If anyone remembers the myth this is based off of, please tell me.
I don’t know what myth this is from but please tell me because this is beautiful
I have a sad, that I wrote a while back and made some changes to. Hope you like it.
She waited on the shore, watching the ship leave. The sun in her face, sinking into the water. A few clouds on the horizon and a light breeze shaking the beach grass. Her white dress trailed back, waving in the wind. Strands of her golden hair blowing in her face.
As the sun sank out of sight, so did the ship as it sailed away, with white sails raised to the sky. The sky now a deep purple and growing darker, she did not move. A cold wind set in, now whipping across the shore, blowing sand into her face.
Her cheeks were stained with dry tears, and her eyes were a light dull gray. The ship continued without stopping, taking her heart with it. Darkness settled on the land, the moon covered by dark clouds that moved in. A woman came out and guided her off the shore and into a house.
Night came with no sleep. Wind howled, rain pounded, and waves crashed. Lightning illuminated the clouds, and thunder deafond her.
For days she sat at the window, and waited. Waited for her heart to return. The woman watched her solemnly, knowing an awful truth. One that she could not bring herself to share.
A misty morning arrived and a bell was sounded. She arose and raced out of the house. The woman watched her leave, tears rolling down her face.
Wind whipping her face, her feet pounding on the earth, her breathing out of her own control, she reached the dock. A ship had come into port. The mist was clearing, she could see the splintered wood, the scorch marks, and the torn white sails. Men were coming off the ship. Some were limping, some were fine, some were on stretchers, all looked dead inside. And many came in wooden beds, with silk lining. This wasn't the ship that she had watched leave, she realized with a heavy chest and a lump in her throat.
Dragging her sadness like an anchor she trailed back to the house. The woman was in her room with the door closed and locked. But even the closed door, couldn't hide the cries. The desperate, broken, agonizing cries, from a broken soul. A month went by, her heart and the ship had not made their return. A year, and still no sign.
She waited longer on the beach. Wading in the water, all the way up to her waist. The sun signaling high noon, and her eyes drifted to something coming over the horizon. A tiny shape at first, that slowly grew into a large shape. The same ship that she had watched leave, was limping across the slow moving waves, towards the port. Her ears didn't hear the sound of the sad bells that sounded through the ocean town. She stood there in the freezing water, watching it pull in. Unable to believe what she was seeing.
The once glorious ship, with golden bows, white sails, and the finest wood in all the land. The fastest ship in the sea. Was limping back slowly, with burned sails, broken rails, and a bow with a hole through it. It was halfway underwater.
An hour went by and she did not move, she seemed frozen by the water. A man with a shaved head, wearing a blue, red and white suit, shined shoes, and a white beret, approached her from the shore. He held a carefully folded cloth with red and white stripes, a blue corner and white stars.
His kind words didn't reach her as he handed it to her. Everything seemed to collapse in front of her. Her fingers slowly traced over the brilliant flag. And a fresh wave of pain engulfed her, a numbing pain that never went away. Her heart had gone down miles from her, in an unfamiliar ocean, surrounded by unfamiliar strangers. Never to be recovered again.
And she was left staring at the ship that had taken him. The man with her heart. Who had promised he would come to her sixteenth birthday. Was two hours too late. She was left alone on that shore, holding the only thing to remind a daughter, who's daddy would never come back, on a ship that did.
I absolutely love how well you tell the story without focusing on the actual ship. The emotional descriptions are amazing, the action description is perfect, you give just the right amount of detail at just the right time. However, the basic color words kind of jump out at me because everything else is so elegantly described. Keep in mind that colors aren’t the most important thing, though you can use them to symbolize and show emotion, make sure they don’t stick out.
I don’t know what myth this is from but please tell me because this is beautiful
All I remember is that it is about a man who is given magic doors that give him all he could ever want. Then he goes through one more and is lead to a place where there are a bunch of old men crying because they have done the same thing and lost everything.
I don’t know what myth this is from but please tell me because this is beautiful
All I remember is that it is about a man who is given magic doors that give him all he could ever want. Then he goes through one more and is lead to a place where there are a bunch of old men crying because they have done the same thing and lost everything.
Huh. That’s intriguing, I might have to do some research.
I absolutely love how well you tell the story without focusing on the actual ship. The emotional descriptions are amazing, the action description is perfect, you give just the right amount of detail at just the right time. However, the basic color words kind of jump out at me because everything else is so elegantly described. Keep in mind that colors aren’t the most important thing, though you can use them to symbolize and show emotion, make sure they don’t stick out.
Thank you! I really appreciate the criticism. It helps my writing get better, so I really really appreciate it. Thank you.
I don’t know what myth this is from but please tell me because this is beautiful
All I remember is that it is about a man who is given magic doors that give him all he could ever want. Then he goes through one more and is lead to a place where there are a bunch of old men crying because they have done the same thing and lost everything.
Huh. That’s intriguing, I might have to do some research.
Well if you find it, hit me up. I've read hundreds of myths so I can rarely track them down again.
I absolutely love how well you tell the story without focusing on the actual ship. The emotional descriptions are amazing, the action description is perfect, you give just the right amount of detail at just the right time. However, the basic color words kind of jump out at me because everything else is so elegantly described. Keep in mind that colors aren’t the most important thing, though you can use them to symbolize and show emotion, make sure they don’t stick out.
Thank you! I really appreciate the criticism. It helps my writing get better, so I really really appreciate it. Thank you.
anytime:)
I don’t know what myth this is from but please tell me because this is beautiful
All I remember is that it is about a man who is given magic doors that give him all he could ever want. Then he goes through one more and is lead to a place where there are a bunch of old men crying because they have done the same thing and lost everything.
Huh. That’s intriguing, I might have to do some research.
Well if you find it, hit me up. I've read hundreds of myths so I can rarely track them down again.
I will do that