freddie graves critique
–
(i know you said you were still working out the fine details, but i decided to discuss some of this in spite of that.)
basic plot
simple plot summary
“so freddie's mom died when he was really young and his dad basically blames him for it and abuses him for his entire childhood…”
- this is a pretty common trope amongst writers trying to convey an emotionally unstable character. this doesn’t mean you have to change his entire history, but i would advise changing at least some parts around if you’re going for something a little more original. otherwise, i think you make it work other than the glaring question of why his dad blames him for his mom dying of cancer?
“so freddie ends up murdering his soulmate but is too high to realize what's happened so when he wakes up in jail he has no memories of what's happened and still believes that his soulmate is alive. no one explains to him what he's in for, so for the next ten years or so he's convinced that his soulmate is still out there waiting for him (his brain is really fucked up from all the drugs).”
- did he never go to court over this? most law enforcement would ensure he knew what he was in for, and while i hate to bring this up when your story seems to depend so heavily on it, this portion is pretty easy to poke holes in. because it is so crucial, an alternative i might suggest is perhaps having a source that had enough connections to slip drugs to freddie while he was being held before trial, so that it would make sense if he was high during said trial and ended up forgetting or repressing the memories of what happened during and after. that said, it is your story and this is entirely up to you.
overview
zodiac sign - “pisces i think?”
looks
identifying marks - “scars from where his dad hit him.”
- this doesn’t give much of an image. try describing at least some of the types of scars and where they’re located!
weight - “135lbs”
- i’m sure you know this, but just in case you don’t, this is about 15 lbs underweight for someone his height. bmi would be 16.87
nature
talents
“he loves to climb things and to run. he spends most of the time climbing up ladders and fire escapes so he can smoke on the roof of his neighboring apartment buildings. he likes the way that being up so high away from all of humanity makes him feel. subconsciously, he likes this because in his mind it's the farthest he can get away from his father.
he always feels an urge to jump, not because he wants to die, just because he wants to know what it's like. he doesn't realize this but he wants to do this just so he can feel something.”
- not that this is bad information to have, but most of it is unrelated to the talent section. this might fit into a more psychological category, if you’re worried about that kind of thing.
“he doesn't acknowledge the fact that he likes this, but he loves to burn things. it's just kind of a habit for him, and he'll just instinctively burn small scraps of paper or pieces of wood.
another thing he does instinctively, he kills bugs and small animals. this is found in pretty much all young serial killers, so i had to include it. it's mainly like he'll dismember ants or squish bugs when he's bored. he doesn't feel any regret or empathy towards them, he just kind of does it.”
- again, these aren’t really talents, but habits and/or tendencies.
sexuality
"(if you're reading this, do you have any suggestions for what the event is that caused him to realize he's gay?? i can't come up with anything that would make sense in relation to his character and the plot.)"
- not sure if it’s what you’re looking for, but the first thing to pop into my mind was maybe he gets angry whenever he sees straight/lesbian couples making out in the hallways, but didn’t get angry when he saw a gay couple doing the same thing. assuming the school he went to isn’t super conservative, that is.
personality type
“but at the same time he wishes there were people he could talk to because being alone with his thoughts scares him. but he knows this could never happen, because whenever people are friendly towards him he says the wrong thing or uses too much sarcasm and they stop talking to him, at this point he gives up even though he wishes he could salvage the conversation.”
- i’m not an expert on sociopathy, but from what i’ve gathered, it’s not super realistic to say that freddie would want to seek out someone to talk to, having been raised in an environment where his own survival was his biggest priority and emotional comfort was scarce, if at all existent. also, it doesn’t seem likely that a sociopath would realize what they did wrong to cause another person to withdraw from a conversation. i could be wrong, but i researched a couple different sources on that one.
social
politics
“ it's not as if freddie doesn't care about politics, he doesn't agree with his dad and thinks the opposite, but he doesn't get involved because he sees how much politics can hurt people.”
- i find it odd that a sociopath would care about how politics negatively impacts other people.
–
i know i focused mostly on the negative in this critique, but that’s not to say i didn’t enjoy learning about him! freddie is a really interesting and well-developed character, and it’s obvious you’ve put a lot of time into him. i’d be vey interested in reading your story when it’s been written!
my main advice after looking him over is:
- if you haven’t already, research statements made by sociopaths about what life is like for them to ensure you’ve got a good handle on what one’s mindset would be, and then double check his template for any mistakes or potentially contradictory information.
- fill in some of the blanks i’ve pointed out, and try to cement the storyline as you go along. don’t be afraid to fact-check even minor things, because what you learn may be surprising!
- it sometimes felt to me as if you were letting freddie’s anxiety overshadow his sociopathy, when it would normally be the other way around. try to keep in mind that sociopathy tends to cover up most everything else!
- that’s it!
i’m terribly sorry if anything in this critique comes across as condescending. please know that it wasn’t my intention if it does! i’m in no way an expert, and these are merely the things i noticed when reviewing him.
hopefully this helped, at least a little!
%20pngg.png)
