forum Journal Entry Critique
Started by @SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group
tune

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@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Entry #25
It has been three years since the wretch known as Spartain was put to death by my own hand. We have had a period of peace since then. My wife woke up and vomited this morning, so I have sent for the royal physician. Debilis has refused to see him though. We, my wife and me, have warrants out for the capture of several of our enemies; such as a witch that calls herself Duvainethgwendes.

Entry #26
Debilis has given me news that we are to be parents! We are so happy that we have decided to throw a ball, which we have not done since Spartain’s treachery!

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Entry #26
Debilis has given me news that we are to be parents! We are so happy that we have decided to throw a ball, which we have not done since Spartain’s treachery!

Entry #27
The people are happy that we are going to have a ball.

Entry #28
Urchin, Daneris, the Elven Council, and our other guests are so happy for my wife and me.

Entry #29
Urchin has given the unborn baby a gift; a beautiful sword spear made of mithril. The blade is crafted oddly. I will give it to my child when it is old enough to use the weapon.

Entry #30
I have told Daneris and Urchin that they are now as family. They shall be a part of my child’s life, and if anything were to happen to Debilis and myself, they would raise him as their own. Debilis is happy that I have made them part of our family. We welcome them with open hearts, and open arms.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred group

Entry #31
(Eight months later.)
An uninvited guest came to see me and my lovely wife today. This person wore a hooded cloak, and covered her face when she first came. She said that she had a gift to give to the child. A gift that would stay with it for as long as it lived, but she said that the gift would not start to work upon the child until it was the age of ten. She asked if she could lay a hand upon my wife’s stomach. Debilis hesitated at first, and then the woman said that the gift could not go to the child unless she was touching Debilis. Debilis finally allowed the woman to touch her. The child within moved, and she told us that the child was healthy. She started to speak in Elvish, stopped, removed her hand, turned around, and started to walk out.

I asked her what she had done. She turned back to face me. She smiled, and told me that she had given the child a gift that would make it evil every full and new moon after it was ten years of age. I drew my sword, and advanced upon her. She just stood there, smiling as I held the edge of the diamond blade to her throat. I asked her who had sent her. She laughed, and told me something that shook me to the core; that she was sent to deliver a message to me from the one that was truly responsible for the attack that took the lives of my parents, and that the ‘gift’ was her own idea!

I had the woman lower her hood. She was the witch, Duvainethgwendes, whose real identity was Braigdes, one of our advisors! She laughed, and told me that the one that was responsible is on the Elven Council. Debilis stood up, and yelled at Braigdes that she would see to it that she died a very slow, agonizing death. The guards came in, seized Braigdes, and took her to the lower dungeons upon my order. The dungeons that I had them take her to lie beneath the castle that is under the dungeons of my family’s castle. The ‘gift’ that she gave to my heir was no gift, but a curse!

Entry #32
Debilis has asked Daneris to lie a curse upon Braigdes that will have her never die. If Daneris does that, then the witch shall live for all eternity, alone in her cell! I fear that Debilis is planning something worse than that. Daneris has told me that the particular curse that Braigdes gave to my unborn child is unremovable, and cannot be altered or the child would die.

Entry #33
(A month later.)
Debilis has given me a son today! He has brought light into our lives during these dark times, and seeing that the name Tenebris means dark, he shall be called Lux, which means light. It is only fitting that he have this name, for his left eye shines a bright blue while his other eye is brown. Tonight we celebrate as a family!

Entry #34
I have told Daneris and Urchin what the witch had told me, and warned them to be careful when dealing with the Elven Council. Daneris is now having suspicion grow inside of her. It pains me that I had planted that seed, but it had to be done! The Elven Council can’t be trusted at this time, but Urchin said that they must still obey those on the Council.

Entry #35
(Ten years later.)
Lux became evil today. We had sat with him in his room, and when night time fell upon us his eyes became black. This black is unlike any other black that I have seen. I could see the blackness swirling inside. Lux tried to bite me, but I pulled away, for I saw that his teeth had become sharp and pointed. As I looked back into my son’s eyes something took hold of me, and I just stared into those swirling black vortexes.

My worst fears became a reality before my very eyes. My family lay dead before my feet, the kingdom lay in ruins, and my people were running from something evil. To my horror I saw Tritain at the helm of the siege. I tried to fight her back, but she pierced me through my abdomen. I saw myself fall before her blade, bleeding as I reached out to touch the hand of my wife. I had seen myself and my kingdom die in Lux’s eyes.

@ccb group

(i like the idea! are you incorporating these into your canon text, or are you using them as more of a character study?)