Jayde
So i'm not very good at writing but I decided to give it a try? It may be super bad so if you don't feel like cringing I wouldn't click on this
So i'm not very good at writing but I decided to give it a try? It may be super bad so if you don't feel like cringing I wouldn't click on this
Sorry in advance if it is bad! Good luck lmao
“We’ve helped her parents enough! I’m tired of hiding it under this roof and acting like it’s normal! If they take her away then so be it!”
With my back pressed up against the wall I could vaguely hear my uncle and aunt arguing as they usually. Strangely, though, I had a feeling this wasn’t one of their usual arguments.
“Don’t you understand! We could’ve been put to death! Reporting it was the best thing for both of us and you know it!”
Probably because whatever they were talking about didn’t seem right and also because my aunt is just sitting, quietly, like a statue while my uncle rambles on. Which is completely unlike her by the way.
“Can’t you respond? I have both of our futures in mind, what is one person compared to the two of us? Don’t you want to be happy again?”
“A-” My aunt finally started “A response won’t change what you’ve done.”
“I should leave” she continued
“Why?”
“I have to fix what you’ve done.”
Not actually bad. Not especially good either, but it's far from terrible.
Thanks for looking at it! Do you have any advise on how I could make it better?
You need more "said". You need to make who is talking more obvious. You say her back is pressed against the wall, listening, but then you show what is going on in the room.
Make "as they usually" into "as they usually do". I would put something more like "Would you please answer me?"instead of "Can't you respond?" If you do choose to show the action, -for instance she's peeking from upstairs- then put an action like sitting or standing up before "I should leave."
That's all for now.
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