I'm looking at @CinnamonRoll and @Mish because you all were really helpful before and I need help with this new character. That doesn't mean that nobody else can comment!
Here's the character:
You can roast me to the ground if you want XD
cracks knuckles
Oops, sorry London. Eh what the heck, I CRACK MY KNUCKLES WHEN I WANNA CRACK EM. (Yes actually I do have a problem.)
It looks great so far! Now I just need to see him in action. I am a bit confused about there being no religion or government, that seems a bit unlikely. Also, have you read Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children? Because the little fact that his dad named him an alliteration (first name and last name starts with an L) to sound like a superhero is something I remember from that book. :P
I actually have not read that book, I will look into it though. =P
Thank you for the commentary, I'm writing his story soon. Hopefully is will turn out okay :D
Hi hi! I apologize for my absence. I've been really busy with things and forgot abt this. (Also, I was mentioned–what?! ^/// - ///^ I feel so special!)
Okay, so starting with background:
"After he was born, his mother ran away from the cabin she had given birth in and was never seen again by the city people."
This sentence is a bit weird, I can understand it fairly well, it just seems a bit clunky. If I rewrote this, I'd do something like this: London was born in a cabin (insert location details here). Being born on the first day of Uhi, his mother abandoned him there before running away, never to be seen again. (Tying that bit of his birthday info into the background to keep everything consistent.) Mentioning the people in the city seems a bit out of place here, so I left it off. You could keep it if you wanted too.
"His dad named him London Leylind because he wanted to make him sound like a superhero from the comics he read because he found them in the trash."
This sentence is really confusing. Do you mean that London's adoptive father found him in the trash as well? Or it was just the comics that were found in the trash?
"His dad raised him until he ran away because he was involved in the wrong group."
You might want to add what type of "wrong group" his father happens to be in. Otherwise, this is just confusing for readers (like me!)
"London was then raised by his older sister until she died after the same group decided to get revenge."
Mention of "the group" again. This makes so sense whatsoever, so I highly recommend embellishing on this point.
EDIT: Okay so you mentioned the gangs in the politics, but we still don't know why they tried to kill his family. I would highly recommend adding the part about the gang affiliations (even though it seems repetitive–trust me, it'll help in the long run.)
Love his favorite color btw. ^-^ It's such a cute little quirk.
"The place is a dump, literally, and if he can get off the planet he can start a better life. Also, his little brother, Jais, is safer on a different planet."
I'd recommend fixing up these sentences a bit to fit better together. Maybe something like this: …better life and to give his little brother, Jais, a safer place to live.
Simple fix: London's weight is too little. If he's a muscular 5'11'', he should be around 160lbs, with 190 being an ideal (SUPER MUSCULAR) weight.
Okay so that's all I have for you rn. This was suuuper rushed and quickly typed up so apologies if it's awful. okiebyee!