forum Critique My Summary?
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Deleted user

This story is probably gonna be a rewrite of a story I wrote a while back. One portion of it is about a small boi named Zackary (or Wings) who ultimately got betrayed by his best friend Demon after a traumatic incident. The random parenthesis are botes to myself, please ignore those.

Here you are! And thank you so much!

Dent is a well-known Demon who is surprisingly powerful and high-up on the chain in Hell. He is basically Lucifer himself, considering almost and any Demon will listen to him. He is known for being manipulative and absolutely evil and awful towards others.
Dent has taken many small future to-be Demon children under his large Demonic wing, but a very honerable example is Wings (or Zackary, lol). Dent was most compassionate of Zackary, who was orphaned after a fire burnt down his home, which killed his mother and brother; His father went missing and was declared dead after search (he was actually killed when he begged a fake God for magic to protect Zackary).
But this compassion was not long lived. He helped Zackary escape the tiny orphanage in which he lived, and live the street life. He rose Zackary as his own, raising him and forming his teenage personality.
Once Zack got into college at eighteen, Dent abandoned Zackary. Zackary himself was living alone in a townhome near his university, and did not like the loneliness. He trailed after Dent like an irksome fly, asking for advice on magic and when he would be expecting to become Demon (because their sharp teeth grow in and stuff).
Dent got irritated with Zackary and told him he would never get the Demonic magic, telling him he didn’t show enough potential.
Zackary was reprimanced but he was hard-headed. He kept fighting back with Dent with pure determination, unwilling to accept the answer. So Dent decided it was better at most to just get rid of him. He took Zackary somewhere secluded and attacked him after a monologue of how much “training” Zackary would have to do by himself to get to his magic (this was false, btw).
After the attack to the head with Dent’s sharp claws, Zack was left with five deep gashes on his head, one the classic scar that is clear on his face in adult life. This scar was Dent’s thumb, therefore the others were hidden in his hair. Zackary almost died that night, but Dent was stopped by his son Truth, who distracted Dent enough for Zackary to flee with his formerly deceased brother (who arrived earlier to make surr Zackary didn’t get hurt but was too weak to do anything).
Dent got cannonically slain by Zackary himself in an onslaught of rage a TON of years later.

@CoolBeanz

Alright so:
It doesn't really read like a summary. It reads more like when you're a writer and someone asks what your story is about so you start rambling on about your plot. That's all well and good, but it's not a summary. A summary should summarize the THEME of the story, not the PLOT. What is your story about, not what happens in the story.
It doesn't have a clear tone or voice, and that's what captivates a reader. A good summary should get someone interested in reading your story, and this one doesn't do that yet.
Also, it's long. Too long for a summary, since a summary shouldn't really breach on 1,000 words.

But, the story you wrote about is intriguing! In order to write a summary to do your story justice you simply need to phrase this a bit better in a way that works for you, establish more of a tone (preferably one that falls in line with your story's), and focus it more on theme than on plot. I hope this helped!

Deleted user

Hi! Sorry I took so long to respond, lol.

It doesn't really read like a summary. It reads more like when you're a writer and someone asks what your story is about so you start rambling on about your plot.

This is… exactly why this came into existence. I guess I should’ve asked about the plot. It sounds rushed here cus it’s all I could think of, but what do you think of it?

Do you want me to criticize you on the demonology side? Or do you prefer to create your own mythology?

I create my own mythology. Demonology is taken lightly in my Universes, mainly because I like to work off of my own mind and ideas.

What do you think of my very brief Demon description (I can give more information for it if you’d like)?