@Moxie group
Hi! This is the prologue for the story I’m writing and I would really appreciate any critiques!
I’m trying to leave a little bit of mystery about the man on purpose, just so you’re aware
Prologue
The night was dark. The full moon shone down on a small hut in the middle of a forest of redwoods. Pink, purple, and white flowers lined the outside of the hut. A small candle stood in the small front window, unlit. Nailed above the door was a horseshoe.
A strong wind whipped throughout the dark forest. It blew towards the little hut, flattening the flowers that grew there to the ground. The window rattled and the horseshoe swung wildly back and forth.
Inside the hut a man sleeping man sat straight up, suddenly very awake. He glanced outside and gasped at the wind. He was out of his bed in an instant and started to pack a small leather backpack with food and clothes. In the bed next to his a girl with short, mousey brown hair slept very soundly on her back, like someone had told her to sleep that way and she had listened. Tucked into her arm was an infant girl with wisps of curly blonde hair, no more than three months old. Her father getting up woke her and she blinked her bright blue eyes and cooed. He smiled and walked over to her, the now-packed satchel slung over his shoulder. “Hello Aster,” he whispered, smiling softly. She blinked at him and giggled. The man picked her up. “Shh, little one. We need to be quiet now. We do not want your mother to hear us.”
The man gently shook his older daughter awake. She sat up in an instant, realized Aster was not next to her, and started to look around frantically. “I have her right here, Parker.” Parker looked up at her father with wide eyes and sighed in relief. “Now you two need to leave, quickly. Your mother is here.”
Parker’s eyes were wide and fearful, but the nod she gave her father was determined, certain. “Yes father,” she whispered, in a barely audible voice. Silent as a spring breeze, she slipped out of her bed and started to put on the clothes her father had placed on the edge of her bed. Her father swaddled Aster tightly in a blanket. Parker stood up from slipping her boots on and started to wave her hand over them, muttering something.
Her father heard her and looked over his shoulder. “No!” he whispered, as loudly as he could. “No magic. Good job practicing, my sweet, but it will make it easier for her to sense you.” Parker gulped and nodded. No magic?Her face grew paler and paler. She leaned down to tie her boots while her father tucked Aster into a small sling. When Parker straightened up, he placed the sling over her shoulder. “There. Now this way you do not have to worry about holding her. She’s all snug right here. Now I know you know the way, but I tucked a map in your bag, just in case.” As he talked to her he placed the backpack on her shoulders and tightened the straps. “I’ll stay here and fend her off. Now when you get to the school—” The wind blew harder, causing the little hut to shake. The man glanced over his shoulder. For a brief moment his face was pained with worry, but when he turned back to his daughters his face was lined with certainty again. “After tonight I can’t protect you anymore Parker. You’re in charge. I know you can keep you and your sister safe using the things I have taught you. Can you do this my sweet?”
“I can do it Father.” Outside, the wind picked up even harder. The horseshoe outside of the house blew wildly, until it blew right off the house and fell into the dirt. Father and daughter turned to look just as the front door blew open.
“Go Parker!” Parker gasped and ran towards the back door, holding her little sister tightly. She didn’t care if the sling did that for her, she held on for dear life.
Parker sprinted out into the woods. Twigs snapped under her feet. The wind whipped her hair around. Parker glanced over her shoulder as she ran. She gasped as she saw the shadows closing in, shutting out the moonlight. She spotted a huge tree in the distance and ran faster, hiding behind it. She pulled Aster to her chest as squeezed her eyes shut as the shadows rushed past her right. She stayed there for a moment, holding her breath and willing Aster to stay silent. After a few moments she turned to the right. The forest was silent. No rushing shadows, no wind. She breathed a sigh of relief and turned to her left, where she was immediately engulfed in shadow.
Parker tried to scream but no sound came out. She couldn’t see anything. All the sounds of the forest had vanished and a deafening silence took their place. She vaguely felt the ground underneath her back. Her hands flew up in front of her chest, in front of her sister. There was a flash of light and the shadow was gone.
Parker slowly opened her eyes and sat up. A mouse ran by her and she yelped. “It’s just a mouse,” she whispered to herself. She looked down at Aster, who was sleeping peacefully in her sling. Her cheeks were pink and her curly blonde hair was matted against her head.
Parker stood and looked down at her hands. Her father had said no magic, and she really hadn’t been trying to. It was a reflex. She smiled softly to herself. She had never been able to do magic on reflex before. She looked around. She could hear the wind, that awful wind, in the distance. But it wasn’t anywhere near where she stood. Parker closed her eyes and focused. Before her father knew she existed she lived with her mother for the first year of her life. She didn’t remember what she looked like and she hadn’t seen her sense but she did remember what she felt like. She had felt it back in the hut, but she didn’t feel it now.
Parker knew there was no other option than to start to walk. She would reach a bus station in a few hours and that would take her to a school her father had arranged for her to go to and stay at.
A few hours into the walk, Parker brought out a bottle of formula and filled it with water to give to Aster. When she got closer to the bus station she made sure her hair was smoothed out and there were no twigs or leaves sticking to her coat. People were less likely to look at her funny that way.
Parker continued to walk through the forest, which her sleeping baby sister and the moon as her only companions.
