forum Character/ Plot Critique
Started by @AJ
tune

people_alt 9 followers

@Celestial-B

I'l have a go and your character!

Is her name actually 'Crazy Jane Murphy' or is that what she goes by. Because if it isn't, you should only put her literal given name and put that in her nicknames! Next, her weight is a little big for her height, it should be somewhere between 100 lbs to 130 lbs, so you might want to fix that! And some of her identifying marks don't make senes. The identifying marks are something like freckles or scars and I guess the die in her hair would probably be one too! Ok, so i'm assuming you don't know what mannerisms are. Mannerisms are 'A habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving.' So for example, 'Bites fingernails when nervous,' or 'licks her lips when thinking' or something like that lol. I guess you can leaver her mentality in there if you'd like, but i'd recommend putting it in the personality type :D. I see you're writing a character with Hypomania and ADHD! I suggest doing A LOT of research when writing a character like that! I see that some of her personality traits contradict each other so i'd try fixing some of them! I think you can add a bit more into her backstory. Like how were her parents to her? Did she have any siblings or pets? Did she have any friends? Why did she get so bored, did she never have anywhere to go?

Anyways, I think you have a pretty solid character on your hands, just a few things to fix and she'll be good! Good luck with the characters and story!

@AJ

Hey, thanks for reviewing my character! To address a few of your concerns:

-Yes, her nickname is "Crazy Jane", while her actual name is Jane Murphy. However, because of the prominence of this nickname, I decided to put it in the Name slot.

-I added in her non-physical characteristics (like the glasses and boots) because those are big parts of her character (I forgot to write this down, but Jane sleeps in her clothes as a habit). So I count them as identifying marks because she is never seen without them.

-I wrote her down as Hypomanic and ADHD as mainly a note to myself for when I finish the Mannerisms box. As for the research, I plan to do A LOT of it, but also work off my own experiences with ADHD and Hypomania.

-Which personality traits contradict each other? They make sense to me.

-I didn't add a ton to her backstory mostly because it isn't story-relevant. Because Jane is living in a reform school away from her family, it wouldn't matter much whether she had siblings or pets. As stated, she doesn't care about having friends, and as for how her parents treated her… well, she wasn't exactly the easiest kid to care for. They're just really tired.

-Jane gets bored because she's the type of person who needs CONSTANT excitement and stimulation to feel content. The minute something begins to stagnate, she gets bored and decides to make her own fun.

Again, thanks for the review!

@Celestial-B

No problem!

And about the personality traits the contradict each other, I accidentally read some of them wrong lol. My brain likes to mix up words and letters occasionally xD

@Masterkey

Alrighty let's go

Story: Looks interesting! Not much here to really critique, but the synopsis is good enough to catch my eye at the library. I'd definitely end up borrowing it.

Character:

  • Where did she get the Kool Aid packets?
  • How is her hair style "loose" but in a "tight braid" at the same time?
  • Where'd she get needles and earings for the piercings?
  • Any long-term goals/dreams besides escaping?
  • How does she refuse to take her meds? The employees at the center's job is to make sure she improves, so how does she get away with not taking them?
  • So is her prejudice really based on no reason or experience (since that's what a prejudice is)?
  • "Doesn't have a job because she couldn't care less about money." Or because she's in a juvenile delinquent center. ;P
  • Good lord! Pixie Stix? Hawaiian Punch? Get sugar away from this child! The reformatory doesn't let her have candies like this, does it…? Disaster waiting to happen. XD
  • Oooooh what could be in the backpack… Is it the mysterious object(s) inside that REALLY means the most to her?
  • Who let her keep the Swiss Army Knife?!

That's all I could think of as I read it! Crazy Jane seems, well, crazy (and I love her).

@AJ

Thanks for critiquing my character! To answer a few of your concerns:
-Jane has a bit of a talent for acquiring contraband (like needles and Kool-Aid and such). And by the time anyone finds out about it, the deed's done and she no longer cares if she's caught.
-I've actually just uploaded her picture to her profile, if you're curious to how she looks (besides just the description).
-Jane isn't really the type to think ahead to the future, only to her next "adventure".
-If Jane doesn't wanna take her meds, she will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to keep from taking them. She's a very good pretender when she tries, and it's not hard to fake taking a pill then acting slightly more normal for the next hour or so. Every now and then she actually does take a pill, but only when there's no other options.
-For the prejudice thing, Jane is basing this opinion off her own over-the-top emotions rather than reality. There is nothing she hates more than being boxed in and restricted, and for the most part, the authority figures in her life (her parents, teachers, etc.) have been done nothing but trying to "cure" her for her wild behavior. Thus, a prejudice is born.
-(inwardly facepalms at myself) What I was trying to say is that she has never and will never have a job, regardless if she's at the reformatory or not.
-Again with the contraband thing. If Jane wants to satisfy her sugar fix, then she will satisfy her sugar fix. Besides, she lives for risk-taking. Candy that she got illegally is WAY better than the normal kind!
-All I'll say is that there's a good reason why she's never let anyone look in her backpack. ;)
-The power of blackmail really is a beautiful thing~

Hope that answers everything! I'll be updating the characters/ story regularly, so stay tuned if you're interested~

@Masterkey

Jane should consider a future in espionage. XD She could be a freelance spy, "will do anything for money."

All of those answered my questions! I hope you get published so I can read it. Do you know what you're planning on naming the book?