I had one of those dreams again. The one where monsters made of shadow are everywhere. This time there were at least ten, which is unusual. There’s usually only one or two, roaming around the edges of my dream. What’s even more unusual is the other person present in my dream. I only remember snippets of her. Her raven black hair, rolling like waves in a stormy ocean. Her blue eyes, like the clearest sky in a hundred different shades of blue. I can't remember her face, though, and it drives me insane.
Choppy and feels like not well done exposition. Sorry…
Ways to improve: Vary your sentence length.
Who is this directed at? The audience? Or is it self monologue type?
It's an inner thought she's having.
Okay, I would change it to reflect that as it sounds more like telling someone else about it.
Okay, I would change it to reflect that as it sounds more like telling someone else about it.
I agree. Although I think the description was very…well…descriptive! It really painted a picture in my mind about the girl.
Correct. The description of the girl is good. And has a little bit of… flare perhaps? Good job.
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