So, I finally finished working on my boy, and he's definitely the character I know the most about. He actually feels human to me, and I'm curious to see if you guys can catch anything I missed!
I've been writing him for a year now, over two and a half books, and I feel like I know him better than he knows himself at this point.
Thanks!
@Young-Dusty Here you go, ty!
Gonna preface this by saying that i am not good at critiques, but I'ma do my best for your boy.
Overview
Name- I love his name! It just seems really unique, and I love that, because I feel like so many protagonists have the same/similar names
Other Names- I also really like that you explain where his nicknames/other names are from, instead of just listing them off. I am confused as to what this "captured by the Virus" means, but I'm hoping that it's explained later
Orientation- The information about his orientation is great! The story behind him figuring it out is very helpful
Clothing
Maybe just…organize it a bit more? Spread out the section into different categories, ie by "Casual", "Uniforms", and other stuff. Just a suggestion
Looks
Weight- Maybe figure out what he would weigh, and then describe it? That would make more sense to me than the weird, kinda clunky paragraph you've got right now
Hair- The only comment I have for his hair is that you say that "long hair is impractical". This seems like an odd detail to include?
Identifying Marks- Some more information on these scars and tattoos would be great, especially the tattoos. Like, what do the tattoos mean to him, exactly? Why these specific ones?
Nature
Conditions- Love the details!!!
Personality Type- Again, details are bomb!!
Talents- Sounds like a good guy to have on your side
Prejudices- I am so glad that you actually took the time to write this out and describe it!! Yay! They seem to fit with his character, too, which is awesome!
Flaws- What rules are there? Again, some more explanation of what "the Virus" is, would be amazing, since the little bits I've gotten from his bio don't really make sense.Also, try to like…list these a bit better? Right now they all run together and it's a lot a little confusing
Motivations- I like the motivations. BUT. Where did this best friend come from? Please tell me this is explained later, because I am confusion.
Mannerisms- Good! You have lots! He seems real enough
Social
Favorite Food- I, too, love french fries more than life lol
Favorite Possession- Little confused about the dog being a possession, but other than that, I love that you gave plenty of information about the dog. Helps to understand!
Favorite Weapon- He sounds scary. But good details!
Favorite Animal- Aww, Great Danes are awesome. Again, good details!
Job- That's…quite a combo
Friends-
Religion- Seems to fit with his character pretty well, no other comment
Partners- The story about the girl from 5th grade is hilarious.
Politics- Again, makes sense with his character, good job
Occupation- This doesn't make sense? Earlier you listed a job, so. Maybe i'm just confused lol
Favorite Color- DETAILS. YES.
History
Backstory- Looks good! YES FINALLY, AN EXPLANATION FOR THE VIRUS. He looks good, though! Enough details that I understand his life, but not so many I'm overwhelmed. Nice!
Family
Pets- Only comment is I think you misspelled Michael. Was that on purpose?
Notes
No comment, really, since this seems to be a collection of miscellaneous information. I read it though, and it's a lot of great details about him!
Overall
You have a lot of really great details, and overall the character seems very well put-together, and the story sounds intriguing. Best of luck with it!
First off, tysm!!! So sorry i haven't been on to thank you properly, these past few days have been hectic for me!
I really appreciate how detailed you got with this, this is an amazing critique!!
Definitely going to organize his cloths more. You're right, they're totally messed up xDD
I'll be improving him based of this for sure! This is incredibly helpful!!
Do you think it would benefit other readers if I rearranged the order of the sections, or wrote a little thing that explains his history? To avoid further confusion based on out-of-context information?
It's fine!
You're welcome! And yeah, the clothes was messy lol
You're welcome!
Uhm…you can rearrange if you want. I think it was just confusing because it was such an obviously big part of him, but there was no explanation about it.