forum Anyone want to read a poem I wrote?
Started by @thehobbit
tune

people_alt 42 followers

@thehobbit

Thats it, that’s all I have to say. If you wanna read it I’ll post it in here. Just fyi, it’s kinda long, like >1000 words so, yeah.

@thehobbit

okay, cool!

the poem is called, "Learning Through Firsts"

Sometimes it’s really hard to talk about relationships with people. All I get are things like:

When do you want to get married?
How many kids do you want?
Do you want to adopt?
Do you have a boyfriend?
Have you ever had a boyfriend?
What’s your type?
Who’s your crush?
What do you mean you don’t like anyone? You have to like someone!

These questions are hard for me. None of my answers to these questions are straight forward,

I am eight years old when I find out what sex is for the first time
My dad and I are watching a nature documentary. I am confused and disgusted I wonder why anyone would ever want to do that

I am in 2nd grade when i'm asked if I'm gay for the first time
I don't know what that means, my friends refuse to tell me. In finding out what gay means I discover that apparently there are wrong ways to love other people.

I am in 3rd grade when i'm asked who my crush is for the first time
My mind goes blank, no one, there is no one, at all. they insist that i'm lying and beg me, nagging me me to tell “the truth”. I lie and say a friend’s name, it feels foreign on my tongue. My friends judge me on my choice and I realise I don't understand the criteria for a good crush

I am in 5th grade when I hear the word “hot” refer to a person for the first time
I don't understand what it could possibly mean, it definitely seems different than beautiful or pretty. everyone else seems to understand. Maybe hotness is the criteria for a good crush, If only i knew what hot meant

I am in 6th grade when I hear that sex is about love for the first time
My mom says that sometimes people can't help themselves, like they really need to have sex somehow. She says i'll understand when i'm older, I still don't understand

I am in 7th grade when I hear the word “dick” for the first time
I hear this from my friends who are gushing over celebrities. When I find out what it means I wonder why they were talking about them in the first place

I am in 9th grade when i'm given sex advice for the first time
I'm embarrassed and confused. I don't know why I need to know, why my friends would need to know, why they would want to know. How were my friends not embarrassed like I was, this senior was detailing her first time having sex!

I am in 10th grade when I hear the word Asexual for the first time
I tell myself that I can't be asexual, no matter how accurate the definition might be because i’ve been taught that anything other than straight is wrong. And, I already know that i'm straight, I think boys are cute, I like boys… I think

I'm in 11th grade when I take sex ed for the first, and last time
I am completely uninterested and disgusted. My teacher has us write an assignment detailing under what conditions we would be willing to have sex. I say I am never planning on having sex and don't know if anything would make me want to, i'm called weird and broken

I'm in 11th grade when I am in a relationship for the first time
It was nice to finally be able to say I had a date. The relationship lasted a month and a half. I still do not know if I ever actually loved him or if I just loved the idea of loving him

I'm in 12th grade when I come across the word asexual a second time
AVEN says an Asexual person is a person who rarely or never feels sexual attraction
I'm trying to understand it, trying to define sexual attraction because I like people
I think
I like people in the same way that I like paintings
Like how I like roses
Like how I like kittens
I like them because they look… nice,cute, pretty? But not hot

I don't think that I feel sexual attraction

I am in 12th grade when I tell my therapist I think I'm asexual for the first time
They tell me it’s a phase. They explain to me that i'm just developmentally delayed because of my autism. I am confused, just because my Autism causes me to feel something should not invalidate my feelings, or lack thereof.

I'm am in 12th grade when I tell my mom i'm Asexual for the first time
She tells me that i'm a late bloomer and will find the right person someday
She says she doesn’t want me to be lonely. She says I don't need to tell the world who i'm willing, or not willing, to have sex with. She doesn't understand Asexuality isn't about sex, but is about attraction.

I am in 12th grade when I tell a church friend that i'm asexual for the first time
They say i must be destined for celibacy, just like “the gays” and others who love ‘wrong’. They tell me I can't get married if I don't want to have sex. I insist that I still want someone, a friend I can do life with, they tell me they don't think that can happen

I am in 12th grade when I tell a school friend that i'm Asexual for the first time
They tell me they just don't understand how I don't feel anything. I wonder if my platonic love for them and our friendship means nothing to them.

I am in 12th grade and I suddenly feel like i'm broken and alone

I am in 12th grade when I tell my best friend that i'm Asexual for the first time
She says she doesn't quite understand but she will support me and accepts me exactly as I am

I am in college when I ask questions of people on AVEN for the first time
They tell me that love and marriage without sex exist and are just as valuable and fulfilling as traditional love and marriage

I am in college when I come out to a friend group on the Internet for the first time
They assure me that I am not broken and that my feelings are real and matter to them

I am in college when I go to my Christian schools LGBT+ club for the first time
They tell me that God accepts me exactly as I am, there are many kinds of love after all, and all of them are equally important

I am in college when I realize a few things for the first time
I realise that just because others may not understand what I experience doesn't mean that my experiences aren't valid
I realise that I am not alone because in a world full of billions of people, one percent of them are exactly like me
I realise that it’s okay for me to be LGBT+ and still be a Christian
I realise that my happiness is more important to me than the love of some other person I have yet to meet, if that person even exists
I realise that platonic and familial love are just as strong and valuable and important as romantic and sexual love

When I am in college I realise that there are others like me who still think they are broken
There are others like me who think they will have to have sex for their partner to love them
There are others like me who are trying to force themselves to feel something that they just can't and are frustrating themselves and hurting themselves and hurting those they love because are trying so desperately to love them in the way society expects them to
When I am 18 I write a long poem so I could let others know that there is nothing wrong with them

At 18 I still don't like answering those relationship questions, but I realise that I should tell the truth
No more lying saying friends names as my crushes. They arent my crushes, they are my friends,
I don't have a crush on anyone
I don't have to like someone. I don't like anyone that way, never have, never will
I'm Asexual and for the first time I'm not afraid to admit it

@thehobbit

that would be cool but I dont know how, and the fact that everything I wrote about was 100% real is somewhat terrifying because like, my friends and family will want to read it and………. well I didnt necessarily write super nice things about them

@thehobbit

no you're fine, there is no need to apologize. I consider it a huge compliment that you think it's good enough to be published, and maybe, one day I will publish it, but I just dont feel like I could do that right now.

@thehobbit

thanks guys! I dont know how to tell you how much the positive feedback means to me. other than soundling really repetitive and saying that it means a lot, lika a lot
also idk if you knew this or not but the "friend group on the internet" was the LGBTQ community chat on here

Deleted user

well fictional stories and poems are different things,,,or to me at least

Joyce Greene

Just read the poem. Its incredible! I think its so important to be proud of being in the LGBTQ+ community. It's a grear community. Trust me.