John tried his best not to jump too badly at the loud laugh behind him. Doing his best not to spin around, his fight or flight response was going absolutely crazy. He tried not to laugh again at the lion woman's obvious amusement at his attempt to translate. Well, toss that idea in the trash and set it on fire.
When he was faced away it wasn't too bad. He could just pretend he was talking to a gruff sounding woman. And then his brain violently reminded him it was a giant lion woman. Like when she turned to look at him and grinned, he swore he saw his entire life flash before his eyes. He was much too young.
And then if he thought his heart had stopped at the grin, he was in for a surprise. When the world suddenly shifted, his whole perspective changing as he was thrown over a shoulder. Jonathan shrieked, feeling himself being held in place by something, as the lion lady took off at a run down the road. John held over her shoulder like a screaming banner, heralding the woman's presence.
Katarina was going. . . probably somewhere around 34 MPH down the road. Not too fast, but definitely fast for a humanoid entity.
It took a bit, but she reached her destination - a tiny roadside cafe. It reeked of meat and alcohol.
She stops at the door and the iron wires wind their way back into the earth, freeing John from her back.
"We're here." she says cheerfully.
She opens the door - a little too hard. The glass shatters as the door leaves a dent in the wall it had slammed into.
Oh no, oh no no no no no-
This was bad. Jonathan had recognized the cafe as they approached, going much too fast for a creature carrying a full grown man in his opinion. It was dingy and greasy and looked shadier than a waffle house after a concert, so he hadn't stopped.
But his new ride seemed to think it was the perfect place to stop. He was placed down and the wires unwrapped from his body. He blanched but did not have time to think of that right now. A miracle to break his brain later then.
"We're here." The lion lady said, wrecking the door shortly after. Jonathan panicked, moving forwards and grabbing onto her shoulder, trying to pull her backwards, about as effective as a kitten trying to stop a bulldozer.
"WAIT, wait wait wait no no no-" He tugged again. "You can't go in! Um- There's- uh- Laws!!" John couldn't see past the lion womans height so he couldn't see if there was clientele inside, he really really hoped not.
"I've been in worse places, most likely. And your laws mean nothing to me. I don't even belong here." Katarina laughs loudly, striding in, ignoring the stares of the full grown - emphasis on "grown," since they all likely used steroids - and takes a seat at the counter.
"A couple of beers for me and the little guy." she smirks at the person behind the counter, resting her elbows on said counter, her arm muscles bulging.
She looks back at Johnathan. "Get your ass in here."
Jonathan groaned, burying his head in his heads, letting out a long sigh. What was he doing? Well it wasn't like he could just drive away.. Oh god, his car. How was he going to get home?
He lingered by the door, unsure of if he was supposed to go inside, but when ordered, he did so, trailing after the lion woman, glancing around at all the people watching. He raised his hands, laughing nervously.
"Um, me and my friend here are uh- Just passing through!" Need a lie, need a lie, need a lie- "We're.. From Canada." …so not his best work. Walking over awkwardly, John fiddled with his hands for a moment before finding a booth to sit at.
"…could we get menus?"
Katarina gives Johnathan a strange look.
"I don't know what he's going on about." she says simply. "I just showed up wherever the fuck this place is about. . . 6-ish minutes ago?"
She shrugs. "Either way, I need a drink and a large meal or something."
She looks back at the person behind the counter. "So. . . a couple beers and your largest meal."
Jonathan sighed again, feeling his life span slowly ticking away the longer he was inside. He pulled out his wallet and luckily, he'd remembered to get cash the last time he'd been to the store. He handed some to the older man behind the counter, sheepishly smiling.
They didn't smile back. But, blessedly, did go to get some food ready. Looked like no one was actively calling the police and no one was screaming.. So… That was good. He glanced at the lion lady again and paused, he lowered his voice so the whole restaurant couldn't hear him.
"So, since you kind of wrecked my only way home and it looks like I'm going to be stuck with you for dinner.. Can I at least get a name?"
"My name? Katarina Asteri, Fang of the South, Kingkiller, Godslayer, Hūatl's Pride and Natāh's Champion." she replies with a large grin, revealing those huge teeth once more. "Also, sorry about wrecking your. . . thingie. I also wasn't in control of where I ended up, so. . ."
Jonathan blinked, getting about half of the titles. Most of it went in one ear and out the other, he was honestly more concerned with Katarina's fangs. He shuddered every time she grinned. He latched on to the last sentence though.
"Yeah- Wait. No, how did you get here?? I mean, you're not exactly um.. A common kind around here?" That was putting it lightly.
"I'm not even a common kind where I come from! Most of us are normal human sized, y'know." Katarina chuckles. "As for how I got here, I haven't even the slightest foggiest fucking clue."
"Probably one of the gods messing around with me,again, if I had to guess." she shrugs.
John choked on air, the conversation had been almost normal for half a second. Introductions, apologies, talking! He could have wept with joy. And then that sentence came and punched him half in the face while flipping him off and walking backwards. He coughed and spluttered for a moment, trying to regain his breath. He managed a squeaky: "wHAT-" when there was a dull thud on the table. Food had arrived.
Katarina doesn't even notice the effect the sentence had had on John, focusing entirely on the food that had been set on the table.
Not bothering with utensils or anything, she picks up her food and devours it. Fast. She probably shattered so many world records without trying, but hey, the food was good and she didn't know what a "world record" even was. If she did, the whole world would be in serious trouble.
Jonathan watches with a kind of spectators horror. It was like watching a train derail, or a murder. He didn't even touch his own food, just watching her with mouth agape. Even with all of her other characteristics, even the fact that she could probably tear him in half like a wet paper towel, somehow now was when he was the most intimidated. And kind of in awe.
The food was practically inhaled, and John pushed his plate towards her with a tiny nudge, eyes massive. The eyes of everyone in the restaurant had never left them, though a few people had managed to slink out of the broken door.
Katarina notices the tiny nudge and immediately devours Jonathan's plate of food as well, somehow managing a faster time than with her own food.
"I desire more of this!" she declares happily.
Jonathan looked like he was going to be sick. But he did manage to wave down the same person who'd brought them the food before. It wasn't hard, everyone was watching anyways.
"Um- Sooo.. Kat? What do you do for a living?" John offered lamely, the limp question an attempt to kill time. His own job might be a bit difficult to explain in terms she'd understand. So he didn't say anything yet.
"You sure do have a lot of.. Titles?"
"For a living? I kill monsters, demigods, rampant dragons, demon lords. I brawl in my spare time. Throughout all of it I'm eating!" Katarina grins. "As for my titles, well. . . I had to overthrow a dictatorship for the Kingslayer title. I got the Godslayer moniker for. . . I actually can't remember what. I think I killed Hægret? I am the Fang of the South because I am the best warrior of the south. And the entire world, as a matter of fact. Hūatl is my mother, and I am her pride and light. I fight for her. Natāh is the Goddess of Earth. I am her only prodigy."
Blink once, blink twice. Breath in, breath out. Okay. Nope, couldn't do this. John very carefully placed his head on the table, ignoring that it was uncomfortably sticky and that it probably hadn't been washed in the past week or two. He raised his head, looking exasperated.
"Okay.. I think- We might need to lay out some ground rules about Earth. Number 1:" He raised a finger, trying to sound firm. "No killing, please for the love of all that is holy, please don't kill anyone. Very, very illegal."
"But- what else do I do then? I'm not going to sit around and twiddle my damn thumbs all day." Katarina snorts. "As for what's illegal, the rules of this world don't exactly apply to me. After all, I'm not even from Errth."
She stares John down as she speaks.
Jonathan shrunk back into his chair, shoulders pulling inwards in an unconscious defensive maneuver. Who spoke so casually about killing??
"Um yeah- I guess- You're not really a citizen, but I guess you'd be a hostile foreign dignitary then? With a good lawyer they might be able to get you out, but I'm starting to think maybe you wouldn't wait in court and then local forces might have to use lethal force?" John still had an uncertain tone as he rambled, and to be totally honest he was making half of this stuff up. But this kind of thing was right up his alley, so he'd stopped stuttering and looked almost excited. Then again, his only law experience was playing the Ace Attorney and had cried during several of the cases because they were too stressful.
Katarina grins as Jonathan shrinks away.
"'Hostile foreign dignitary' my ass. Whatever 'hostile foreign dignitary' means on Errth, I am not a part of any particular political leaning or religious belief, meaning I can't be a dignitary. As for those other words. . . 'loyor?' What does that even mean?" she snorts. "If it's anything bad, you can be sure the 'loyor' and the fuckers using lethal force will all end up with their heads detached."
It hits John now that this might be a tad harder than he thought it would be. He trailed off on his ramblings.
"Fuck." Deep breath in.
"Um okay Kat. I've seen you do some pretty impossible stuff, so I'm sure you can take out some cops, but like- The army?? National guard? Do you even know what a nuke is?" His voice raised just a little bit, including his pitch, he was only slightly hysterical. How do you tell a lion woman not to kill? How do you answer her when she says no??? She didn't know what a car was! Could she fight a tank? You could practically see the smoke coming out of his ears as his synapses were committing evasive suicide rather than think about these kinds of questions.
"Whatever a 'nook' is, it can't be more powerful than a god, and I've killed one of those. Took some effort, alright, but it happened. As for an army? What do you think I am, a child? What is an army to a creature that's toppled a kingdom, a god, countless dragons, demon lords? A creature that fistfought a god and won?" Katarina grins. "Whatever this world can throw at me, I'm sure I can take it. From what I can tell, you guys don't even have magic, so how strong can you really be?"
(I just wanna say, the name of this thread is very interesting. I love it. Have a nice day, y'all!)
(Aww, why thank you! Hope your day is lovely as well :)
Jonathan practically melted into a puddle of jelly, weeping silently about things like "nuclear radiation" and "atom splitting". Scientists across the world feel a brief moment of sadness, before moving onto to science things. Or at least, John hopes they do. Magic though- He thought silently for a second, head tilting, and even before he spoke he knew the words out of his mouth would be shot down mercilessly by the lion woman.
"Magic? Like card-tricks and rabbits out of hats? Or magic like, science we don't understand yet?" A pause. "ᴬˡˢᵒ ᶜᵃⁿ ʷᵉ ᵍᵒ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ ᵗᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᵏᶦˡˡᶦⁿᵍ ᵍᵒᵈˀ"
"Neither." Katarina grins. The floor rumbles as a 15 pound chunk of tungsten is unearthed from. . . somewhere. "Magic as in, pulling the earth itself apart to fit your needs, altering the winds for smooth sailing, calling upon demons and angels for aid. Magic, as is the primordial thing that is within everything. Except, apparantly, Errth."
"Also, I said I killed a god, not capital 'G' God. Those are two entirely different beings." she chuckles.
