Nolan sighed in relief. He rummaged through his bag and pulled out an extra shirt. He drenched it alcohol. He turned to Ayce and lifted his poor excuse for clothes so he could have more access to his wounds. He tried to be as gentle as possible as he cleaned the wounds. Ayce had been through enough, that was clear, Nolan didn't want to add to the trauma. Once he had finished, he ripped his shirts into strips and made makeshift bandages. He was able to cover the more major ones but there were a few minor wounds he wasn't able to bandage. "This will do until we get back to the base. They'll be able to patch you right up." He said, trying to give Ayce some hope. "Are you hungry? I have some jerky if you want to nibble on it. I have some water left too if you're thirsty."
Ayce flinched sometimes as he cleaned the wounds and bandaged them, but didn't make a sound. At the mention of the base, his eyes narrowed slightly. "Who is in charge?" He asked softly. "And…water. Please." His voice was quiet, and he glanced over at Nolan for a second, then down at the floor, biting his lower lip. I can't I cant I can't i can't I can't go back…why do they want me back now after all this time? He thought, his mind jumbled and blurry with the lingering fear and pain. He swallowed slightly, shifting a little.
Nolan brought his canteen to Ayce's lips, helping him sip the water. "Jalaan Farway. I'm not sure if you remember him or not. It's been a long time." He cleared his throat. He let Ayce sip from the canteen one last time before putting it away. They had to conserve the water until he could find a river to refill. Nolan noticed Ayce didn't seem all there. He wanted to comfort him but didn't know what to do, so he just started talking. "The war hasn't destroyed everything. My best friend grows a garden at the base. It's small, but beautiful. I think you'd like it."
Ayce's throat closed up at Jalaan's name, but he forced a nod. At the story about the garden, his lips twitched slightly in an expression that could almost be called a smile, but it soon vanished. He curled his knees up to his chest again, as if he were trying to make himself appear as small as possible. "Should have been over by now." He whispered mostly to himself. He rested his chin on his knees, his hair hanging in front of his face like a curtain. The white streaks were discolored with blood and grime, but then again, most of his body was.
"Yes it should have. But both sodes are too stubborn to yeild." Nolan sighed. He looked at Ayce, taking him in. "We'll look for a river or sometging tomorrow so you can bathe. Then we'll go to the nearest town and get some horses and restock in supplies. Do you think you'll be up for traveling tomorrow?" He asked in concern
Ayce nodded, then shrugged slightly. "I don't have a choice, do I? Never did." His eyes were still dull, almost lifeless. "We travel whether I want to or not. We fight whether I want to or not. And if I stop…" He trailed off. Those sentences were probably the longest he had every spoken to or around Nolan. He kept his chin resting on his knees. The planes and angles in his face were unusually sharp. That was both natural to him, and from starvation.
Nolan reached out his hand and stroked Ayce's, feeling the prominent bone. He withdrew his hand after a quick moment. "I'm sorry. But the sooner this war is over the sooner you can be free to do whatever you want, go whereever you want." Nolan stood. "I'm going to scout the perimeter. You should try to rest."
Ayce nodded, then shrugged slightly. "Okay." He said simply, in response to everything Nolan had said. He bit his lip slightly, and glanced over at him. "Do you have a name?" He asked softly, biting his lip. "You obviously know mine already." He seemed to have grown a bit more comfortable around Nolan, now that they were away from Raifa, but there was still a slow hesitancy, and fear, when he spoke.
Nolan gave him a warm smile. He tried to clean off the dust from the bed as well as he was able too. He set the water and food next to the bed in case Ayce needed any. "Nolan." He said softly. He strapped on his weapons though he prayed he wouldn't have to use them. "Now sleep, please. You're going to need it. If you get thirsty or hungry, small quantities. I don't want you to get sick."
Ayce nodded. "Okay." He said quietly. After Nolan left, he lay down on the bed, curled in a ball on his side as if to protect himself even in his sleep. Of course, he had grown so used to sleeping in strange, awkward positions that he could sleep in pretty much any position now. He closed his blue eyes, hair spilling out behind him.
Nolan walked out of the little cottage. It took him a little over an hour, scouting the perminter, triple checking everything to make sure he didn't miss anything. He still felt paranoid but he had covered enough ground that he headed back to the cottage. He walked intsode quietly, not wanting to disturb Ayce.
Ayce had fallen asleep, curled into a tight ball on the bed. His entire body was rigid, his face drawn. He wasn't sleeping well, plagued by incessant nightmares. He had had them ever since the stay at Raifa had begun. At first, he had resisted. He had been as strong as ever. But over the course of years, that courage and fight had worn away to fear. The strength had turned to nothing. The laughter had turned to silence.
Nolan sighed softly as he looked at Ayce. He gently stroked his hair before moving away. He unstrapped his weapons and put them in his bag. He kept his knife strapped to his side. He took a sip of his water and nibbled a bit on the jerky. He sat down in one of the chairs in the room and watched Ayce.
Ayce twitched slightly, and after a few more minutes of sleep, woke up with a soft, ragged gasp, his eyes flying open. He stayed in the same position, biting his lip hard enough that it bled a little. Can't sleep can't sleep can't can't can't can't. He thought, taking a deep breath, eyes focused on the floor. Should have died should have died it was a suicide mission that's what it was i should have died not survived i shouldn't be like this. He thoughts simply ran together unintelligibly.
Nolan blinked in surprise as Ayce woke up. He knelt by his side. "Hey, hey. Breathe for me, Okay? You're not there anymore. You're never going back there. I promise you that." He said in a gentle, soothing voice. "Focus on me okay? Eyes on me."
Ayce dragged his eyes to Nolan, breathing slightly shaky. He was mumbling under his breath, and if someone were to listen closely, they could probably hear him. "Should been a suicide mission should have died should have died I was supposed to die was never ever supposed to end up like this they sold me out they sold me out oh god it should have been a suicide mission." Over and over and over. What he was saying was hardly intelligible, and didn't make much sense because of how disjointed and blurred together his words were.
Nolan wasn't sure what to do. Wait it out until he snapped out of it, he supoosed. He tentatively reach a hand fkrward and soothingly stroked his hair. He spoke over Ayce's mumbling. "The flowers in my friend's garden are beautiful. I don't knowntheir names, im not good with plants. But they're beautiful. Various shades of blues and purples and oranges and reds. I could sit in her garden for hours if I could. You'll love it." He rambled on. "She grows more than just flowers too. There are some fruits and vegitables she grows. They're the most deliscious things I've ever tasted. Though I suppose anything would taste delicious after being stuck on rations for my entire life."
Ayce took a shaky breath, still looking at him. He didn't move as Nolan touched his hair, biting his lip still. He went quiet as he listened, calming down slowly. He swallowed, listening to the description quietly. Why is he helping me? All Jalaan would have said to do is get me and take me back not help not ever just to bring me back because he finally remembered what I've done my best to forget and he needs me to tell him how. He cut his thoughts off, closing his eyes.
Nolan brought his other hand up to his face slowly. He gently pulled Ayce's lip from between his teeth. He continued to talk to him. "I have to train almost all the time. It's tiring. Sometimes I just want ut to end no matter who wins. But i was born to be a warrior so I suppose that's what I have to do. But if I could… If there was no war, no conflict. If I wasn't in a military. If I could, I would a writer. I love putting my thoughts to paper. I love writing my own worlds where everything is peaceful. You would never be able to get me away from a pen and paper."
Ayce froze as Nolan's fingers touched his lips, eyes flickering open slightly. Game game what game is he playing what is he trying to do? He wondered. He swallowed. His lip twitched in a very, very small smile at what Nolan said about being a writer. He himself hadn't thought of what he would have wanted to be in…well, since well before Raifa. Ayce had been a weapon. His magic had been powerful, and that had been…all he knew how to be.
Nolan dropped the hand, leaving his remain one stroking Ayce's hair. He was careful not to pull on the knots or clumps of hair. He needed a bath desperately. "If I could, i would writie a beautiful place, somehwere far away fron here. There would be no war, no confilct. There would be flowers that were every color of the rainbow. It would be a beautiful place. Someplace that I would never want to leave." He had a bright smile as he looked at Ayce.
Ayce looked at Nolan. His eyes were vulnerable, with a few traces of lingering fear and pain. "That… would be nice." He whispered, looking over at Nolan. His knees were still pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs. What this land could have should have would have been if I had done what they wanted from me ifni had just buckled down if I had just rolled over and surrendered and done what they wanted.
Nolan's smile widened as Ayce responded to him. "It would, wouldn't. Maybe we'll get that one day." His hand moved from his hair to Ayce's cheek. His strokes were gentle and slow. "What would your perfect world look like?" He asked him. He was hoping that Ayce would relax enough in his presence to be comfortable around Nolan.
Ayce shrugged slightly. I don't know I don't know I don't know I… He took a deep breath. "I don't know…no more war." He shrugged his shoulders slightly, going quiet again. His breath hitched slightly when Nolan's hand moved to his cheek, and he bit his lip slightly. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him without trying to hurt, and he would probably stiffen and expect pain for a long time.
Nolan pulled Ayce's lip out of his teeth again. "Don't bite your lip. Let it heal." He murmured. He traced his cheekbones and jawline. "That would be a good place. How about I take you with me to my world? That would be nice. You could have anything you wanted. You woukd have all the tike in the world to heal."
