forum Marvel AU OxO?

Started November 29, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

tune

Bucky nodded a little bit. "Alright." he agreed, looking over at Steve for a moment, then away again.

Steve nodded, wondering if going to Greenwich Village might be fun to go to after the movie they saw; with all it's rainbow pride flags and known inclusiveness. Well, maybe it won't, and we'll both just be uncomfortable. "So…I was thinking about maybe goin' to therapy tomorrow or the day after.."

(are you watchin the superbowl? i am!! im backing san fran!!)

Bucky looked at him. "Oh. Right. And you wanted me to…come with you? Right?" he said slowly, studying Steve carefully. He ran a hand through his hair, pulling it out of the bun.

(Yeah. Haha I'm not a huge fan of football in general, but…I'm deep in KC territory, girl. Go Chiefs!)

"Yeah, if you want." Steve nodded, meeting his gaze, "I just think it might be good to…see that it won't be that bad." He shrugged, catching the way his hair spilled out into soft waves, "Just in case you…want to reconsider."

(🤙🏽ayee same but i like the hype, you know? my dad has this shirt that has the KC logo, and up until today he thought it was a KC And The Sunshine Band shirt,,,,smh)

Bucky nodded a little bit. "I'll go." he said, looking away again. "I may as well." he put the hair tie away.

(lmaooo oof)

"Hm, I'm glad." Steve smiled, hoping that this would be a good step towards Bucky getting into a better headspace to talk about his memories. "I think it'll be good, for both of us."

Bucky nodded slightly. "Yeah. Maybe." he replied, running his hands through his hair again, the brown locks hanging down to his shoulders again.

Steve smiled faintly, forgetting the fact that he'd have to actually be vulnerable in therapy when they'd go, and it wasn't just to help Bucky. This is good, he's not as hesitant. "I've heard from others that it isn't actually that bad, and that it really helped them, even if there isn't exactly anything 'wrong.'"

Bucky shrugged again. "Still. After what I've done…" He shook his head, eyes darkening for a moment. "It's not…I don't know." He sighed softly.

"You didn't have a choice." Steve simply said, watching a few pigeons fly overhead, "You're the victim here– and I want you to get better."

Bucky shrugged a little. "I'm pretty sure the victim isn't the murderer, Steve." He replied tiredly.

"You're not a murderer." Steve said, nudging him with his elbow. He looked down at the sidewalk, "You didn't want to do those things."

(I'm watching the Winter Soldier rn XD)

"I am a murderer." He replied, shaking his head. "I killed people. That's murder."

(…that's wierd… because my sister literally just asked me if we could watch that on my computer. (~_~)

"But you didn't want to." Steve told him, feeling the creeping guilt find its way back to him, "They made you do it. You know that."

(lmaoooo)

He shook his head slightly. "Not how the law would see it, Steve." He replied softly.

"I'll agree that it's complicated, but it's not about how the law sees it. It's about how you see it." Steve said, quietly realizing that Bucky was trying to take responsibility for what he'd done. "You can't be blamed for this." He shook his head, "You can't blame yourself for this." Even though I want to blame myself.

"I'm the one that remembers it. Or, some of it, anyways." enough. Enough to know it had never been gentle. Never been quick and easy and painless. "I'm the one that did it. I…" he trailed off, shaking his head.

"But you know that you didn't want to." Steve said, glancing at him, "Everyone else knows that too." He swallowed, looking away like Bucky might hear his thoughts through his expression. "You're a good man, Bucky. Bad things happened, but that fact doesn't change."

"Yeah? And what makes you so sure of that?" Bucky replied. "I was a good man once. I don't know what or who I am now. Just because I used to be a good person doesn't mean I always will be."

"People don't change that drastically," Steve softly shrugged, pained that Bucky still saw himself as less than he used to be. "Sure, you're different than how you were before, but you're still the person who'd pick me up outta alleyway fights," He pursed his lips, "–Still the person who pulled me outta the river."

He sighed softly. "Yeah, maybe." He replied. At the mention of the river, his mouth twitched. "Yeah, I did."

"And that person was –is," Steve corrected, glancing at Bucky, "–A good person. And you're that person, so," He smiled, letting his thoughts get lost in the white noise of the crowd.

Bucky shrugged a little, and didn't say anything more. He didn't know what to say. What he could have said that would have made Steve believe him.

Steve sighed, clearing his thoughts and reassuring himself that some part of Bucky knew that he couldn't be blamed for this. "Anyway, we're all backin' you up here, so if things go south– which they won't, we've got you covered."

He shrugged again. "Maybe." he replied softly. He ran a hand through his hair, a few dark strands falling into his face. He tucked the loose strands behind his ear.