forum soup

Started October 13, 2023 by @Elise_Is_Feeling_Very_Homosexual_Rn

tune

(wait how tall is grandpa skittles i want him on our team)

(He's an Eldritch horror he can choose which side he wants to be on)
(But hey Skittles if you ever see this offers a bag of Skittles)

(offers BIGGER bag of skittles and the entire skittles franchise)

(Ok now that's just power-playing 🙄 /j)

(CRY ABT IT)

(boo hoo you're just salty you're vertically challenged)

(Yeah but im not the shortest. My friends the same age as me (give or take a couple days) and shes 4'9)

(I'll make sure grandpa skittles sees this 😂 hopefully you will get the answer you seek soon. He has been notified.)

(drops into the chat with a disgusting SHLORP sound)
(Yes, my children, I have heard your cries!)
(takes the offered skittles, nomming them Cookie-Monster-style)
(I am an amorphous skittle blob creature…. height is a fluid concept for me)

(Grandfather Skittles, I must protest. . . The short ones threaten acts of violence upon us at the drop of a pin, it must end quickly. With your help, it will be easy to do so. And before an argument by them can be made; our own threats and jokes at their disposal are made after their own threats are made. Clearly we are the ones being assaulted in this fight.)

(objection, not only did they insult our kingdom's queen and high judge, but they murdered a child, a fluffy child named henry and soup cult kingdom's mascot.)

(its sad honestly, you feed a cult, teach them, care for them, and then you turn your backs and suddenly a child is murdered. grandfather us short people request your help in righting these wrongs and fighting the injustice the tall people have brought upon us)

(Hmmm…. I have heard the cries of both sides, and have come to a conclusion)
(flares rainbow-colored tentacles)
(No one is guiltless in this scenario, and thus, all shall have a part in the resolution. I have a way in which to remove the biases and differences that have lead to this war, in which all contribute equally…)
(And then we shall see what shall be done about Henry. As a fellow be-tentacled eldritch space octopus-adjacent creature, I sympathize with his plight. I shall require more Skittles to resurrect him, however)

(Yes, hello Eli. I exist occasionally)

(takes the ocean of Skittles Elise apparently offered)
(eats and eats some more and begins to glow with eldritch power)
(separates one skittle of each color and uses them to surround Henry's little broken body)
(Henry begins to levitate, his bits and pieces reattaching with an unsettling sizzling noise)
("Hey, while that's percolating, lemme solve the problem of the Tols and Smols.")
(multiple skittle tentacles appear, and begin spinning. becomes a whirlwind of death, an eldritch lawnmower, if you will)
(anyone under 5'5 loses their feet just above the ankle)
(anyone over 5'5 loses their legs just under the knee)
(the legs and feet are switched and cosmically bonded onto the opposite bodies, leaving everyone with Frankenstein-looking legs and feet, and also everyone at the average height of 5'5)
("See? Is this not better? No more Tols and Smols to fight. Now just Mediumols!")
(grins with a maw full of skittle teeth, and turns back to help Henry being knit back together)

(Grandpa Skittles, with all due respect)
(I am stealing my legs back)

(Understood, but my duty is done. I was asked to bring an end to the conflict, and I think this is effective. If y'all wanna start another to steal back legs and whatnot, that's different ;)

(A very good point. Much appreciated then.)

(_{because I melt in the lights…)}

(I remain the same height)

(I gain an inch lmao. Thanks grandpa skittles!)