forum Anyone who just needs a place to release cuz of daily tasks and life

Started September 08, 2023 by @CharlieTheSlayer fastfood

tune

poor kitty :(

I just need a really long, really hard, really felt hug from any of three specific people; j, m or my sister. im falling apart and only they can keep me together

does anyone else just feel like they're full of scribble?
right now, I dont have organs or brain matter, im filled with scribbles. im sad, im mad, im restless, I desperately want to sleep. I want to accomplish great things, I want to die. the scribbles fill my head and swarm my chest with clouds of acid, so loud in the silence of my isolation.

does anyone else just feel like they're full of scribble?
right now, I dont have organs or brain matter, im filled with scribbles. im sad, im mad, im restless, I desperately want to sleep. I want to accomplish great things, I want to die. the scribbles fill my head and swarm my chest with clouds of acid, so loud in the silence of my isolation.

that's literally me

does anyone else just feel like they're full of scribble?
right now, I dont have organs or brain matter, im filled with scribbles. im sad, im mad, im restless, I desperately want to sleep. I want to accomplish great things, I want to die. the scribbles fill my head and swarm my chest with clouds of acid, so loud in the silence of my isolation.

that's literally me

🙃

i would be a good gf, i just need a lil crumb of support with my problems and i would literally return it tenfold without trying. why cant i have a sweet lil dumbass bf who would say mean things with a smile right back at me when i do that to him and would be a little bullying cause i need that to bounce off of, but would be super gentle and sweet when i have a hard time, and has bad pickup lines and lame dirty jokes and would make me laugh when im trying to be serious or pay attention to somethin else and would point to the weirdest looking bugs and fish and say 'thats ones you' but then take me to a restaurant and tell me he loves me more than garlic bread and that im more beautiful than all the stars, and tickle me when im in a good mood and snuggle me when im in a bad mood and he'll carry me around if i ask him to, or tell him not to (cause i dont really mean it) and yeet me into a bed or on a trampline or in a pool even though im yelling, but he knows im not really mad mad cause im still smiling at him and he wouldnt give me flowers, he would throw them at me or place them silently on my head, and yeah basically my best friend but as a tall, less religious boy 😭 and he'd make out whenever or steal lil smooches and randomly rest his head or arms on my head (cause i classify as 'not tall') and have longish hair and likes music and has a dumb sense of humor and calls me nicknames but made-up ones that sound super strange to other ppl but i love them
but also, me as a girlfriend;
i would do all of the above to him and more. id make mean jokes unless i realize it actually hurt his feelings, then apologize profusely because i make lots of mean jokes, but i never mean any of them and i ddont want to hurt anyone. id call him sweet nicknames like babe and sweetie and honey sarcastically, then call him 'love' and 'my love' and 'garlic bread' in all seriousness and affection. and i would make food that isnt very good, but id try my best and put my heart into it if it was food he liked. and i would learn all the words to all him favorite songs, because singing is a form of expressing love, both for people and the song being sung, to me. i would learn songs on the guitar that he likes. and i would drive us to random dates and places and teach him how to use chopsticks and make sarcastic sexual jokes about everything. and i would be clingy and goofy, exaggeratedly sad when he has to go somewhere, fake weeping when he says fake mean things. id be the "smol an' chaotic" of the two of us, until i get tired and then id be either the chill one or over-the-top wild child. id tackle him, and push him over, and laugh until my face hurt and my stomach muscles get sore. id say something bitchy and rude, then give him a kiss and tell him that his eyes are my favorite color other than red, then say something else mean while grinning all the way up to my eyes. id make references he wouldd get, then teach him references i would get. id FORCE HIM AT FORKPOINT TO WATCH MURDER DRONES WITH ME. cause i love MD.🥰. id take him to my house, and tell him about my horses, and we'd lay in the fiddlehead ferns at the bottom of my property and watch the clouds scudding across the sky. id show hm favorite books, and read all of his favorite books.
IM LONELY AND SAD AGAIN DAMMIT😭

Just minor issues with school and my "weird" biology. Or family…

My mom works, and I get told that she's trying to provide for me, yet she gets home sometimes early drunk. Her boyfriend calls me a mistake or a freak of nature being born with both parts my mom brought it up drunk or buzzed. I cook myself a grilled cheese her boyfriend got mad at me for talking too much about Greek myths. Even when I cried and screamed in fear when he honked his horn, My mom once left with the other set of keys so I had to stay at the nice old lady next door until she came home. I love my mom since she stayed but I wished she'd spend more time with me like we used to. When she bought me that Greek myth book to read when she left to talk to some men I was 9 at that time I still got the book.

havin' a minor crisis here cause last year I lost pretty much everything and now im a quarter through this year and ive still got nothing

in June, I lost my sport. Competitive Equestrian Drill Team, riding with other riders at speed, carrying flags and running to music. I was alive, and ive been dead for months. the last time I was kinda alive was last Saturday, when I had a horse show and it was a lot like drill team. my team was the best in our association: we ran for three years, and in each year we were the national champions. now I have my two horses and no goal, no objective. our yard is usually too wet on the flat spot to do any real work, so its groundwork, bareback walk laps or running on the dirt road. all of these are boring, because I crave Drill Team like a drowning man craves air.

in September, I lost my best friend of eight years and my first love. I wont go into detail because I've done a lot of work these last few months to repress and gaslight my brain to cope, but eight years is a long time for something to matter that much when you're only sixteen.

in the end of the year, I lost another best friend, this one of two or three years. I trusted her and then she suddenly decided having three boyfriends in one year was more interesting than being my friend or something.

and I lost my weekly social interaction at some point; it was getting less and less fun over the year and then we quit and it was ok but then I started missing my sort-of friends who don't actually care about me much when Im not there and who reportedly talk a lot of shit about me behind my back. im homeschooled, and dont have a homeschool group, and both of my parents work so neither of them can drive me around to see my sort-of friends who live over 45minutes away, and losing that weekly social interaction was definitely bad for my stupid developing teenage brain.

I was cleaning my closet today. I still have my drill team costumes and pieces for my old routines. Silver and purple for quad Freestyle, Rocky Balboa for Quad Theme, Harry Potter for Theme, and Red, Black and Gold for Freestyle. I have five flags in my garment bag, all the outfits, and lots of components that go with everything. I dont do drill anymore, it's too expensive and I dont have a team. but I cant throw it away can I? it matters to me, my stupid sentimentalities. so I keep them there, taking up space in my tiny closet, for no reason at all. I ddont ever wear white or black or purple button-down shirts, or the pants with velcro down the legs for the bling stripes, or the ugly-ass Harry Potter cloak, or the aggressively red/white/blue silk boxing fit for Rocky Balboa.

my life is empty now. but it's NOT the good empty, the kind thats "Oh A NeW BegInInG fOr nEw ThInGs iN yOuR LiFe".
my life is empty like a stab wound from a serrated knife; when it left, it took shreds of flesh with it and its gonna take a long time to heal and its gonna be a bich for a long long time and its not gonna heal properly

yay crisis

the winter of 2023 was not a good time for me, and neither was 2024
my dumb ass going and reading my old posts to this thread and most of them I barely remember and they were mostly winter 2023 or early 2024