"That's stupid." I roll my eyes and cross my arms at the wrists and put them down on my knees. "Whatever. What can we do to fix this? How do we settle this?"
I just want to not have to deal with this stupid fae anymore. They drive me insane.
(It's ok)
The lawyer sighs and tries to keep a professional but sympathetic expression. “Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you. I can do some research and see if I can find anything but… I suppose the main problem is that you're both technically immortal.” he added thoughtfully. “Otherwise, the contract would end when one of you dies.”
“Contract?” Ashera asked softly, looking a little pale at the word choice.
"Hey pixie stick. Shouldn't you be jumping up and down in joy? I thought the fae loved contracts." I smile before looking to the lawyer guy.
"Techically I'm already dead. Well, sort of. I'm dead but I haven't stopped breathing if that counts."
Ashera shook her head, half glaring at the vampire. “Not a contract where I’m also a victim! Not one like this.” she sighed as she put her face in her hands.
“I’m afraid that does not count.” the lawyer told her, raising a knowing brow. “You should know what kind of dead I meant by that anyway.” he said as he stood up. “In the meantime, I feel like I should say congratulations to both of you.”
"Congradulations about what?" I swear to God if the next words out of his mouth aren't you can now go your separate ways I will drain him. I doubt he'd even taste good. I'm not thirsty either. It's just for the principal.
“Please don't say it.” Ashera begged as the lawyer headed towards the door.
The lawyer shrugged apologetically at Ashera’s request but was clearly smart enough to get away from the vampire, though he pulled a silver necklace with a cross out from under his shirt before answering. “On your marriage.” he said simply, quickly ducking outside the office and, no doubt, running away from the angry vampire woman.
I would bite him. I should bite him. But he's wearing silver. Silver burns suck. Plus, I can't bite him is its a silver cross.
I stand up, sending my parasol clattering to the floor. "What! We are not married! I would rather drive a wooden steak through my own heart than spend the rest of my immortality with miss pixie stick over there." I try to shout it loud enough for him to hear. Before ditching it and running to the door and shouting out. "Get back here dammit! There must me another way this plays out"
I wish I just drained a fucking possum.
Ashera let out a sound between a sigh and a groan. “Unfortunately, we are. He’s right.” she admitted. “The “contract” he mentioned… it’s a magical one that happened last night.” she explained, not feeling the need to elaborate on the details of when or how that contract was formed. “He said he was going to do some research and I hope he finds a way out of this.”
"Is he married? Nevermind. It's not his fault. It would be rude of me to drain his wife. or husband…" I mutter to myself.
Suddenly I'm nearly gliding across the linoleum floor, my heels making satisfying clicking noises with every step, back to my parasol. "Since it's magic, does that mean we can't get a divorce?"
Ashera ignored Belladonna’s rude, but understandably angry, comment about draining the lawyer’s potential partner before looking up to meet her gaze. “I do not know. I don't remember hearing about something like this happening before. Which is why I am also going to go home and do some research of my own.” she answered as she stood up, not breaking eye contact with the vampire.
"Lovely. See you later then alligator." I go to the door of the office and blow a kiss to my new wife apparently before stepping out on the night streets and opening my parasol.
I'm going to go find that fucking laywer and beat him half to death with my parasol. Or my bag. I just can't touch his silver cross. or drain him.
Ashera glared, offended, by the kiss but followed her out of the office. Normally, it wouldn't bother her at all but she knew Belladonna did it just to mock their situation. “You can't hurt him.” she warned as she walked behind Belladonna. “If you do, then he can’t help us find a solution to our problem.”
"I can't kill him. I can still hurt him. The only way he cant help us is if I drain him dry or bash his skull in." I gesture with my hands as I speak. I begin to walk away.
"Aren't you supposed to be careful with your words? Don't pixies love wordplay and carefully worded sentences?" I add before opening my bag and getting out my phone. It has a black case with a kiromi charm. The phone has wired earbuds tangled around it. I move to the side of the sidewalk and try to untangle them.
Ashera sighed, rolling her eyes at the assumption. “Sometimes. Other times it can be a little too tedious to bother with games.” she admitted as she stood in front of Belladonna. “But you still shouldn't hurt him. Would you want to help someone to the best of your abilities if they hurt you? I know several Fae who wouldn't. In fact that would only make things worse.” she almost smirked. “We can be quite vindictive when the mood strikes.”
"Is this how the rest of my immortality is gonna be? You never letting me do anything fun?" I finally get my headphones untangled.
“Do you think I want to spend the rest of my life babysitting you?” she glared. “If that is your idea of fun, you might have been better off in this situation with an Unseelie. They enjoy torture and cruelty.” she informed before letting out a short breath. “Obviously, I want this to be over with as soon as possible so until then can you just leave the lawyer alone so he can work on that?”
(bump)
"Fine. I'll leave him alone for now."
I put my bag back in the crook of my elbow. Then I open the parasol and swing it over my shoulder. I hope I look like a magical girl. I assume I don't. But if anyone calls me weird I'll just drain them.
"He'd probably help us to keep the vampire from killing him and his family though. But I won't go after them. Its not her fault she married his incompetent ass. Or his fault he married his. Whatever."
Ashera sighed, annoyed and relieved that she finally got this bizarre vampire to listen to her… this time. But she had a nagging feeling that this would be the first of many headaches from dealing with her. "Well, I have to admit, he seemed well prepared to deal with you just now. It's likely that you were not his first vampiric client." she mused out loud.
(do you want to continue?)
"I'll be dammed if I'm not his last. And it's not like nobody knows we can't do shit with silver, especially crosses. Did you know that vampires, along with many other types of demons and dark creatures, don't show up in mirrors or photos because of the silver used in the backing of the mirror? Also, the old way used to develop photos used silver. Now that digital photos and mirrors with aluminum are standard practice I can see myself in them!" I smile then stop.
"Sorry that was quite a bit of a tangent"
Ashera nodded slightly but shrugged. “It's alright. I believe I heard that as a rumor but I wasn't convinced that was the reason at the time.” she admitted. “For us Fae, it's actually iron that causes the most problems… though some are more uncomfortable around plastic since it's a man-made material.” she said in exchange for the new information about Belladonna.
"Silver is a picky metal, it won't work with the 'unpure'" I made sure to put air quotes around unpure. It's such a stupid word. Babies are the only things truly pure. And that's only because they couldn't have possibly made any decisions to fuck it up yet.
While Ashera understood, and could even agree with Belladonna’s comment, she had to bite her tongue to keep from saying that “unholy” might be a better word choice since she could hardly think of any living species that was completely pure.
“What do you have planned to do today?” she asked instead, choosing to go for a more normal conversation.
"Nothing much." And its true. I fed(a possum, which tasted horrible) before to make sure I'd be good for tonight. "I guess I was probably just going to go home. Watch something, read, prep outfits. Nothing important. Why?"
“Oh, no real reason.” Ashera assured. “I was just curious. Besides, I do have to go back to my place… I think I have an appointment later today that I need to prepare for.”
"Like to the doctor? Do the fae even need the doctor? I cant get sick so there's no reason for me to go. But is that different for you?" I asked, genuinely curious. I never talked to other creatures much.
Ashera couldn't help but giggle at Belladonna’s assumption and shook her head. “No, it's not that kind of appointment. I can get sick and go to a doctor but that is not what I meant.” she smiled. “I run a shop in my house and have customers set up visits for certain things.”
(I'm switching tenses im sorry)
"Hey! Don't laugh at me" Donna wanted to sound serious but they couldn't keep a straight face. So they ended up smiling brightly. "What kind of stuff do you sell?"
(no worries)
“I apologize.” Ashera smiled, still finding some degree of amusement in the misunderstanding. “I sell all kinds of things. Potions, plants, teas, runed stones: on their own or as jewelry… would you like to see?” she offered since she took particular pride in her merchandise.