Cassio glanced back at Erix when he spoke, nodding slightly. "My parents loved this place." he said. He didn't usually talk about his parents, not much. It always dug up too many memories about everything that had happened. Too often, in his memories, even normal things were replaced by the memory of what his parents corpses had looked like. Their bodies, twisted and rotting and– he physically shook the memory off, whole body twitching as he forced it away. He knew what would happen if he lingered too long on those horrific memories.
The gardens were laid out in various ways, with passages and hedges and tall walls dividing up certain areas from each other. They were a beautiful place to wander, a beautiful place to get lost in. When Cassio had been sane, he had taken dates here a few times. They always liked that little peek into the private gardens, and he had enjoyed showing them. The gardens at dusk were beautiful too, as there were some flowers that only bloomed at night, only bloomed at certain times. The fireflies, too, would show up when the sun went down.
But for now, the sun was still high in the sky. It wasn't too hot of a day, luckily, so it was a perfectly comfortable temperature to be wandering outside in. Cassio led Erix down the paths, pace slow and wandering. He didn't have a destination in mind, more happy to be out here than anything else.
Erix kept at least one pace behind the prince at all times. He didn't want the other to feel bombarded with his presence more so than he most likely already did. At least with a few steps back he hope he wouldn't feel so overbearing. As tall and intimidating. Erix somehow doubted that impression of him was going to fade anytime soon. It never did. Not with anyone, not completely. Good in ways where he needed to use his height and stature to his advantage, bad when he was trying to provide at least some sort of comfort, in whatever way that might be. If he wanted to build at least some form of trust with the prince then he was going to need all the help he could get.
The guard rolled his sleeves to his elbows, one hand settling on the hilt of his sword a moment later. He watched as Cassio shivered, his signature frown making an appearance. He didn't comment, didn't say a word as they meandered through the gardens. Erix took in the hedges, the walls of dividing grass that rose high into the air. How many times had Cassio stared out across these grounds but been unable to visit? He assumed far too many. It was unfair, almost, that he was being held as practically a prisoner in his own home. Erix wondered what else was going on behind the scenes that he didn't know about. Maybe he could find out, if he stuck around for long enough.
"Do you have a favourite flower? Or a favourite place in the gardens?" He asked instead, taking in the rows of yellow roses. It was heavenly. Beautiful beyond anything he had ever seen. Well kept and taken care of, he silently praised the gardeners for their work.
He paused, glancing back at Erix. "Let me show you." he replied, steps quickening slightly as he started to head to a more specific place. Now he knew where he wanted to go, what he wanted to do. He led Erix through the gardens, then to a stone archway, which he led Erix through. The archway led into a hedge maze, and he paused so that Erix could catch up.
"The maze isn't too hard to navigate, but the center is my favorite part." he explained, starting to walk again. The layout of the labyrinth didn't really change, and he had the directions of it memorized. So he just… led Erix through it, not moving too fast so that Erix could keep up. He didn't want to leave him behind. Erix didn't have the layout memorized like Cassio did, and if Erix got left behind, then he might get lost. Though, that wouldn't be that bad. He'd have some moments alone, and not in his room, for once.
But he didn't purposefully leave Erix behind. No reason to antagonize his new guard on his first day. So he just… led Erix through the maze. It didn't take long before they were at the center. The center was a rounded courtyard area, with cobblestones and a tree, and a bench underneath. There were flowers, and some grassy patches too. It was secluded, and peaceful, and… it was no wonder that Cassio liked it here. A soft, pleasant place like this was perfect for a troubled mind like his.
Erix kept pace with the prince easily enough. It was easy to do when his strides were long enough that he only needed one to match two of Cassio’s with ease. He wasn’t exactly a fan of getting lost on his first day, and was more than happy that Cassio was slowing down a little for him even if he was able to match his steps. It didn’t help thst he wasn’t a fan of mazes to begin with. At least he had a good memory. If he ever lost the prince in the gardens he would know where to find him if the time ever came. He hoped it wouldn’t. He would be in deep shit if he lost the prince.
The garden was beautiful, and Erix did a small spin on his heel to take in the little courtyard when they arrived. No one could reach them there. It was a little bubble of peace away from the rest of the palace, the rest of the world. He could imagine why Cassio liked this place and it was almost a shame that he wasn’t able to come out to see the gardens and be surrounded by the peace whenever he wanted. Erix made a note to bring him back when he could, if things went well, and on days that he was more of a sane mind.
“It’s beautiful, Your Highness,” He said, turning back to Cassio, “I see why you like this place.” With the tree that provided enough shade that in the summer it would be cool enough to sit under and feel relaxed, enough grass to lie under the sun on the cooler days and warm up. A perfect sanctuary, and much nicer than being cooped up in a room all day.
Cassio looked over at Erix, watching as the taller man took in the courtyard area. "Mhm." he hummed a little bit. Every now and again, he would sneak away and come out here, but considering he always suffered the consequences for sneaking away like that, he didn't do it often. Only when he felt it was necessary to get out, to get some time alone. He looked around the courtyard area, tipping his head back a little bit to take in the sunshine that filtered down into the rounded courtyard. When he and Marcus were younger, they had spent so much time chasing each other through this hedge maze. So much time running through it and chasing after each other.
He closed his eyes, arms spread faintly. He liked being outside, liked the sunshine and nature, and he didn't get it enough. He was in his room so much, and while he could go out on his balcony, it wasn't the same as being out here, in the gardens. He stood still for a long few moments, before he took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. He headed over to one of the grassy areas, sitting down in the soft shade of the tree. That tree had been there since… well, since before he could remember. He had climbed it when he was younger, though he hadn't tried to climb it in a long time.
He reached out and ran his fingers along the bark, feeling the rough bits of it catch against his skin faintly, scratching his hands just a little. It wouldn't leave a mark, he knew that, and he liked the feeling of the bark against his skin. Just getting in touch with nature was something that he had missed. Something he always missed. It was… painfully obvious that Cassio wasn't getting enough variety, that he was cooped up so much that he wasn't getting enough of other things.
As Erix watched the prince take in the sun, the gardens, he made a note to bring him out lore often. They didn’t have to leave to leave the palace grounds, he was sure to be crucified if he even attempted to take Cassio out without the King, or a caretaker, or more guards, but simply just out his room would be enough. He couldn’t imagine the life that he lived, having to be inside all the time, being forced to stay where he was. Freedom was little when you were royal, he had heard, but even more so when you were deemed insane. His heart hurt just a little for the other. Maybe if it came out that he was more crazy than he seemed it would be different, but right now, all it looked like was a man who hadn’t been let out enough.
The guard moved slowly until he was near the tree, circling the large trunk and taking in the size of it. Long brown limbs cast shadows over the garden enough to keep them cool from the sun, even if it wasn’t too hot of a day. This was nice. Erix wished that he had had a place like this during his childhood. Instead he had spent it working and training and doing all he could to provide for his family. A part of him wondered what life might have been like if he had been royal. Or at least noble. Instead he was nothing more than a commoner. A soldier. A knight, maybe. But now a body guard for someone who was deemed the most dangerous in the kingdom for the time being.
“Did you come here a lot as a kid?” He asked, moving to the other side of the tree where Cassio was sat. Erix didn’t sit, not yet, just in case the prince didn’t want him so close to him. Instead he stood, a few steps away so he wasn’t looming over the man and giving him some space.
He glanced up as Erix spoke, eyes moving up to where the taller man stood. "Marcus and I both did." he replied after a moment. "Though I liked the maze more than he did." his mouth quirked faintly. When he and Marcus had been very young, he had once purposefully gotten his younger brother lost in the maze. He hadn't thought it was that big of a deal, but Marcus had cried for nearly thirty minutes about being lost in that maze. Looking back, maybe it had been cruel, but they had been children. Cassio hadn't understood how scary being lost in the maze might be for a five year old, considering he had only been seven or eight himself.
"We didn't come out here together much once we were older." Cassio had usually been so busy with his schoolwork that, well, the times he was able to come out to the gardens were few and far between, and usually didn't align with his brother. Plus, he and Marcus had grown more distant as they got older. They didn't see each other much, and for better or for worse, Marcus had lived most of his life in Cassio's shadow. Which didn't help things either.
It felt like he saw Marcus more now that he was mad, ironically enough. Marcus didn't come by every day, but he came by at least a few times a week to check up on his older brother. And of course there was the public functions that Cassio was allowed to attend, always with a Caretaker in lockstep with him. Gods, he hated the clothes he had to wear during those functions. They were always so stiff and heavy and he knew, he knew that the reason was to keep him from being able to move as well or as quickly. Once, on a day where he had been particularly out of his mind and difficult to control, they had settled for drugging him, and he had spent the entire day in a nightmarish stupor.
Erix stayed standing for a little while longer before he finally took up a position in front of Cassio, sitting with one leg folded under himself while the other stayed bent to allow himself to lean against it. Maybe it was a bit casual, but quite frankly he didn't care. If Cassio wanted him to move away, to stand and take a few steps back to allow for space then he would, but right now he didn't seem to be minding the company. Or maybe that was because Erix was terrible at reading people and never understood when someone was mad at him or not. Well, that was a bit extreme, but for the most part it was correct. It didn't help that Cassio wasn't a normal person. Not only was he a prince, he was mad, and that made things all the more complicated.
"I never had the opportunity to experience places like these with my younger siblings." He said, offering up a piece of information about himself, "As much as you and His Majesty didn't spend much time here when you became grown, at least you both have the memories of when you were children to enjoy."
The guard had spent his whole childhood working. The moment he had been able to work he had done so. The moment he had been able to earn he had saved and spent every penny on his siblings. Some weeks they barely had enough money for a meal each and often he went hungry in favour of feeding his younger family members. There had never been an option for fun, when it came to Erix. He was and always would be the worker, the earner, and the caretaker for his family. Joy and fun were not anything he was able to experience in life.
"Do you have many siblings?" Cassio had only ever had Marcus. And, to some degree, Nola, but she hadn't really been his sibling. She had been Maura's granddaughter, and as Maura had been his and Marcus's primary caretaker, when they were little, they had ended up being around Nola a lot. She was a sweet girl, even if many times Cassio could not recognize her for who she was, and many times would call her by her grandmother's name. Today was an easy day. Today he had known her, and could talk to Erix about things like this. Who knew what tomorrow would bring.
But he could let himself have today. Even if tomorrow he was wild and out of control again, today he felt closer to sane. North by northwest, rather than a spinning compass needle that could not find its true north. He didn't quite have north now, he never did, but he had northwest and that was almost close enough to function. He could almost pass for knowing his north, and that was what mattered for today.
He was leaning against the tree, legs stretched out in front of him and hands resting in the grass. He looked relaxed, for the most part. Contented and calm and quiet. For now. If every day was like today, then this would be an easy job for Erix. But they all knew that this wasn't going to be every day. They both knew that today was an easy one, even if neither man spoke of it to the other. They both knew that the conversations of today might not be possible tomorrow, but yet here they were, pretending that it was.
Erix leaned back on his hands, feeling the soft grass beneath his fingers and the dirt under his nails. The small creatures that climbed over his skin and made him flinch just a little at the sensation. Grounded. There were no mind games going on today, nothing that his magic would cause or create. That was always the issue when it came to dark magic, being connected with forces that weren't good like most of the other guards like him. He had always been the outsider in that regard. No one wanted to deal with a person who could easily bend reality, create illusions, dabble in the darkness and change minds however he pleased.
But Cassio didn't know that. Hell, Marcus didn't even know that, not to the full extent. Maybe that was also part of the reason as to why he had gotten the job so easily. Either way, he was grateful. Because right then it was like he had no responsibilities to who he had to be and who his magic made him be. The man that presented to the world a strong facade that would never fade. In the gardens of the royal palace, with a mad prince, Erix could talk about himself and feel okay with it. The chances of Cassio forgetting what he told him tomorrow were high if he was less than sane, and maybe that was a good thing, but he would have to wait and see what tomorrow would bring in order to understand the extent of his words.
"I have- had, I had two," Erix said after a moment, tilting his head up to the clouds above. He squinted at the light from the sun before looking back down to the prince, "Brother and sister. My sister is exploring the world, that was always her dream. I don't see her all that often anymore." And his brother was resting in a place he hoped was far more peaceful than the waking world that the two of them inhabited now.
"What happened to your brother?" Cassio asked. It was easier to be grounded out here, easier to feel more himself. It always was, but he was so rarely out here that he forgot how easy it was. Was it just being out of his room that made it easier? Or was it just a coincidence, since he tended to be out here on the easier days anyways? Who could tell. Certainly not him. His Caretakers cared more about control and keeping him leashed than about anything else. The dirty little secret (well, one of them) was that they weren't really there to make him better. Just to keep him from becoming an embarrassment in public.
Marcus didn't really care what they did to Cassio, as long as nothing left any marks where the public could see, and as long as it didn't make Cassio actively worse. Sure, ostensibly the caretakers were there to improve things, make it better, but in reality… in reality, they just had free reign to do whatever they wanted. Anything Cassio said about them, he had long ago learned that no one was listening. And even if they were, no one believed him.
He pressed his hand into the bark of the tree, feeling the roughness of it scrape against the skin on his palm. It wouldn't cut him, of course, but the feeling of the bark was a nice little touch of pain to help ground him, keep him focused and sane and present. At least for now. For now, he could keep that control he had gained. If he was lucky, it would last through tomorrow. But if things were normal, it would vanish away at night like the dew in the morning sun.
Erix, for a long moment, stayed silent, as if he was contemplating whether or not to actually tell Cassio about what happened to his brother. It wasn't tragic in the grand scheme of things, but considering he had been the caretaker for his family after his mother had passed away giving birth to his sister, it was to him, in a way. Because he had never known his father, and had only had his mother for years before his brother and sister came into the picture. Then his mother passed, and he had joined the army, and became his mentor's protégé, only to ensure that his siblings survived. The life of a soldier had never been the one he had desired, but it was the one he had ended up in, for better or for worse.
"He grew sick," He settled upon finally, clearly deciding to share some details with Cassio. After all, what did it matter? Sure he didn't trust the man, but there was nothing stopping him from sharing something about himself. They were supposed to bond in some way, "Plague. Emyr, he… I couldn't help him. Didn't have the money for proper care."
For a boy that had always been so happy, so carefree, it had been awful to watch him slowly fade away into grey. Erix had worked his Gods damned ass off in order to try and afford some sort of medicine, a healer, anything to help his brother. Fuck, even Eira, his sister, had tried getting a job in order to help but she had been too young at the time for anyone to take her in. So they had to stand to the side and watch as their brother grew weaker, unable to move, unable to help, until he had passed during sleep. Erix had been the one to find him, and he hadn't stopped blaming himself for his death ever since.
Cassio nodded faintly. "I'm sorry." he said softly. "That must have been hard." he knew how much loss could hurt, though the circumstances of losing his parents was… a little bit different than what had happened to Erix's brother. His loss had caused a cascading effect that had affected the entire country. So, it was a little bit different. But he still understood how much loss like that could hurt.
It was a hard hting to think about, when he thought about how Erix's struggles were outlined with a lack of money, and Cassio had never had to think about that sort of thing. The gulf between their upbringing was, well, rather big. Cassio had never had to worry about money or food or clothing. He had had schooling, had been raised well. But neither of them had had perfect lives. If they had, they never would have met. If Cassio wasn't mad, he wouldn't need a personal guard right now.
He exhaled softly, looking over at Erix. The fact that they hadn't been able to get access to medical care was not a realization that he liked to hear. It was…hard. His parents had been good rulers, but they hadn't been perfect. Marcus was a decent ruler, but, just like their parents, he wasn't perfect. And making medical care easier to access was something that needed to be worked on. Gods, if he had been the king, would anything be different? He hoped so. But, well, it was a moot point. He would never be king now.
Erix hummed, "It was."
Because with no father to care for the family they had had to rely on their mother for the longest time. Emyr had come into the picture, and not long after that Eira. But with the birth of the only other woman that had ever been important to him came the loss of the first. It had been a grief that Erix had never completely healed from from being taken care of by the most loving woman in the whole kingdom to losing her in a matter of seconds. Erix had never once blamed Eira for her death and had cared for her as if he were her father, really. They had all been close because of the loss, but because of it the soldier had never come to terms with the death of his only parental figure. Fuck, for a time he had attempted to try and reach his deadbeat dad, who had fucked off and only ever came around when he wanted something - mainly money - from him and his mother. Erix had given up after a year of trying.
It seemed that loss followed the both of them. With Emyr passing years later. Erix hadn't healed from the original loss, on top of that the guilt from being unable to care for his younger brother… it only contributed to the mental downfall of his own mind. Different to Cassio's but still frightening nonetheless. The guilt ate away at him every day, maybe it was why he had hoped to die on the battlefield when he had been given the opportunity. Instead, he had survived yet again, close to death but not quite reaching it, and being left with a nasty scar to remind himself that while he was living and breathing, those that should have been there, were no longer.
"I just hope things change so others don't have to go through the same thing," Erix said with a sigh.
Cassio nodded a little. "I no longer have any power to make change." he said softly. "For myself, or for anyone else." it was hard, to know that he had once had the power to do so, had once had the potential to form this country into something even better, but instead, he was like this. On his best days, like this one, he was coherent and somewhere close to sane, but those days were not common. It was only a few days a month that he was this coherent. Erix was lucky that his first day meeting Cassio was like this. It might be more difficult tomorrow, though.
"But, well, we can both hope for my brother to make good changes for this country." he added after a moment, shifting slightly. He was still leaning back against the wall, sighing softly and running a hand through his hair. His brown eyes were soft and relaxed, and a little less wide than they had been earlier. He looked almost perfectly normal, though there was still something in his eyes that wasn't quite… normal. There always was. Just that little hint of madness, boiling below the surface, omnipresent.
He looked over at Erix, studying him for a long moment. Even sitting down, Erix was a big man. Cassio wasn't used to being smaller than the people around him. He wasn't the tallest person in the world, he knew that, but he was still generally on average with most people he was around. But Erix was far taller than him. It made sense, sure, to have a guard who could physically overpower him easily, but it was still a little unsettling.
Erix sighed through his nose. He didn't know if it would be wise to speak of politics and rules and laws around Cassio. A part of him tried to reason that it didn't matter, because the man was seen as mad and so anything he said should be taken with a grain of salt. Who would believe him if he said something radical or against Marcus? Certainly not the king himself, it seemed, as Marcus presented as if he had no belief in anything his brother said anymore. At least it appeared that way. But on the other hand that was his brother. A brother who had taken his freedom, however, as well as his crown. Erix didn't know whether the prince before him would take kindly to him making remarks about Marcus' ruling and way of running the country. It also didn't help that he wasn't one to really care about what happened as long as he was able to find work, and so far, he had been able to do so.
The guard picked a flowering weed out of the grass, hunching over just a little as he began to pick the yellow petals off the plant, "Do you think he has made good changes so far?" He asked instead, deciding to keep his own thoughts to himself. Erix didn't know how to feel about Marcus as king just yet. If he hadn't been so focused on surviving maybe he would have more of an opinion.
But now that he had met the man on a one-on-one basis during his interview, something about him seemed off. Not in the way that Cassio was deemed mad and insane, but something else. Like he was hiding away a secret just tucked below the surface but everyone was unable to see what it was. Maybe Erix was just going crazy and he had spent far too long dabbling with dark magic that it was fucking with his head, but he didn't think that was the reason.
Cassio hummed faintly, shrugging a shoulder. "I don't know much about what he has done." he responded, shrugging a shoulder slightly. He didn't know much about the things Marcus did, seeing as how most of the time Cassio wasn't sane. It made it rather difficult to know anything about what was happening in the world around him, so while he was pretty sure that Marcus was doing a decent job, he didn't know for sure. It was tricky.
"What do you think of the things he has done?" he asked instead. Better to glean an idea of Erix's opinion on Marcus, rather than speak too much about his brother and what he suspected his brother was doing to him. At least, what he suspected on the days he had the ability to think through things. His madness didn't always feel…natural. But most of the time, he couldn't follow the line of logic to actually know that.
Erix had been chosen by Marcus, after all. Maybe the guard was perfectly loyal to Marcus, and thought of Marcus as a great king with no flaws. If that was the case, then Cassio absolutely couldn't speak of his madness to Marcus. Not that he could talk to anyone of it anyway. He had tried to tell Maura, once, and she had just shaken her head at him like he was a rambling child and told him that that was nonsense, his brother loved him and would never have done this to him.
Erix tilted his head to the side as he thought through his words. If Cassio didn't know about what Marcus had done to the full extent, maybe he could speak freely about what he thought of the King. No one would believe Cassio if it ever came out that he had basically been talking shit about Marcus, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something off with the man. There always had been, ever since the first day that Erix had seen him in public, when he had made this first appearance not as prince, but as King. He could have been going crazy himself, maybe all of this was just him getting lost in thought to entertain himself, but he didn't know.
"I… question, if he has the country's best interests at heart," He eventually settled upon, casting his gaze over Cassio once before settling back on the prince's face, "He could- should be doing more for people like me who cannot afford to live half the time, yet he seems more focused on appearances than that of making real change. Or at least change that will help further the low socioeconomic factors of the country." A shrug, as if he hadn't just spoken against the man.
"That's not to say that he hasn't made good change," Erix followed up a moment later, "Because he seems to be trying, at least. I don't know much about politics so I am not the best person to ask about all this." Another shrug.
No one ever believed Cassio when he said anything about things. It was… a bad situation to be in. If he tried to speak up about things that happened to him, no one believed him because he was "just insane" anyway. If he tried to defend himself, he would end up restrained and with an even harder time moving or defending himself. So most of the things that happened, he had to just let happen and not breathe a word of it.
"It can be hard to make things happen." he remembered that much from all his training to be king. "The nobility is slow to adopt changes, and even a king cannot unilaterally enact decisions and force things to happen. He can put in as many edicts as he likes, but without the cooperation of the nobility, edicts, acts, and new laws are useless." a monarch was only able to put through as much change as the nobility was willing to let him, his ability to make change hobbled by them.
"Politics is complicated." he added after a moment, looking over at Erix. "And there are always layers to getting cooperation out of the nobles. Some of them do not like to change things unless it will directly benefit them." and acts put into place to help people like Erix would not necessarily directly benefit the nobles. It was all backwards and messed up, but that was how it worked. They wouldn't see the use in helping out those who struggled, sicne the nobility had never struggled like that.
Politics was complicated, Erix could agree on that. He stayed out of it as much as possible, not wanting to be drawn into a line of fire that he couldn't defend himself from. The inner workings of how the government and how the laws and rules were made were a mystery to him that he didn't have the brain to unravel. To him, it was as complicated as dark magic was to others, or how to use a sword or a weapon. Erix didn't have the brain for it. Unlike Cassio, who had been raised to understand politics since the day he was born and had been deemed the best fit to rule the country the moment he was able. But that had all gone to shit the moment he had been captured and taken away, when he had come back presumably mad and when Marcus had deemed him unfit to ever rule. A part of Erix felt that, if given the right treatment, maybe the damage that had been done could be reversed, but he didn't know the full extent, and so he could only hope that Marcus had done his best to help his brother thus far.
"The nobility don't care about people like me," He mumbled, sucking in a deep breath, "It's why no change is ever made to benefit those like me and my family who could barely afford to eat half the time. It's a system that doesn't work. But no one is changing it."
Marcus certainly wasn't. He was feeding into it, if anything. By enabling the system at hand, by letting the nobles get away with the fact that they could influence the decisions and prevent real change from happening to benefit those that really needed it, was he really a good king? In Erix's mind, he wasn't. How could he be, if he was letting those dictate what he could do to help the people in his country that needed him the most? He didn't know. Maybe that was why he stayed away from commenting or getting involved in politics, because he only grew angry when he noticed all the flaws in the system that he was apart of.
Cassio barely heard what Erix said, but he did hear it. His lip caught between his teeth, and he exhaled softly. "I know." he said after a moment. "Marcus is… he was not quite raised for this, and I am unsure how well he is adjusting to wielding as much power as he does." Cassio sounded so level-headed right now. Like he knew what he was talking about, like he could have been the one making the decisions. It would be easy for Erix to be lulled into a false sense of calm, easy for the guard to be tricked into thinking Cassio was not as mad as the rumor mill had made him out to be.
It was interesting that Marcus was not yet married. Many kings his age, especially with as vulnerable a family line as his, would be working to set up an engagement, using a marriage to further their political power. But Marcus had not done so. He remained a bachelor king, despite the fact that his only heir was his ostensibly mad brother. Not, of course, that there wasn't pressure for him to marry. There was. He just had not yet bowed to it.
If Cassio had not been mad, he likely would have been king and married, now. After all, when he and his parents were first set upon, they had been on their way to set up an engagement between himself and the daughter of a noble. It would not have been a love match, but they had been a powerful family, that would have been a wise choise for the Ardens to align themselves with. But that had fallen through upon Cassio being found, and being mad. No one wanted their daughter married to a man who had lost his grip on sanity.
Erix was more than aware that Marcus had not been raised for this life. Cassio had been the one that had been brought up to serve and rule the kingdom, to make the hard choices, to be the person and the king that everyone looked to. But that had been taken away from him the moment he had gone missing with his parents, and the moment he had been deemed insane the kingdom had known that there was no hope for their beloved crown prince to rule the country how he had worked hard to attain. And Erix couldn't help the trickle of sympathy that coiled in his chest with the words of the other.
Having lost so much in his own life Erix was more than aware of what it was like when it came to loss. He didn't understand to the degree that Cassio might have felt, with the loss of a crown, the loss and torture of his parents, his own sanity, but he understood enough. Understood because he had been in similar positions throughout his life and had been unable to change anything that had happened. Just as Cassio was unable to change what was going on in his world. With the guards, the caretakers, and the constant rumours milling around in regards to his welfare, Erix could only presume it was exhausting.
"As long as he makes the right choices for the country," Erix said after a couple of moments of silence. And as long as he had a job. A job that paid enough to put food on the table. To have at least a little bit of comfort when he laid down on a bed at night. A sense of security. Something that he hadn't had for a long time. If ever, "The people seem to love him. He has that going in his favour."
Cassio nodded slightly. "As long as the people love him." he replied dryly. The people had loved him, too, and now look where he was. What he had become. The people had adored him, but he was no longer fit to rule in any real sense. It was why Marcus had taken the throne in the first place. Because Cassio was unfit. Because he was mad. Because the things he had gone through had fractured his mind.
"The people loved me, too." he echoed the words he had bene thinking, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the tree, face tipped up towards the sky. "And now I have become this." he spread his arms in a faint, easy gesture, shrugging a shoulder as his hands flopped back down to his sides. "Their love is fickle." he knew he was not loved now. At least, not in the same way. Now, he was more likely to be just pitied than anything else.
The fallen prince, out of his mind. The whole kingdom had grieved his parents, and for many it had felt like they had been grieving Cassio, too, or at least grieving the future that they could have had, had he ruled. It was a rule that they would never have, a king whose name would never be written into history. His story might, but never under the name of king. History would remember him only as the mad prince, and nothing more. He had lost the chance to be anything more.
Erix tapped his fingers against the hilt of his sword, even though he had no intention of using it, more of a self-soothing gesture than anything else. Love. A topic that Erix was not versed well in. He had felt it from his mother, and from his siblings for a time, but no one else. He had had no friends, too busy working in order to care for his family to form any sort of social circle, and he had been secluded and quiet, keeping to himself when he had joined the military. He didn't have friends. He wasn't good with friends. With people. He was good at observing, sticking to himself. That was what he was good at.
Of course, a part of him yearned for love. For someone to love and be loved in return. Who didn't? It was an inherent part of life and nature to want to be involved with someone in a way that was intimate and special. Love from family was different, it was because they were blood. Sure, they could come to not love family, Erix certainly didn't love his father in any capacity, but romantic love? The guard had never experienced it before. He wanted it, deep down, but never gave in to the desire that he so desperately craved.
"I'm sure they still do love you, Your Highness," He said, taking a deep breath, "You might not be king, and you might not be the same as you once were, but you're still their prince." Maybe it was a useless point to make, maybe it didn't make any sense, because Erix didn't know much about what was occurring in the realm, but he was sure that there were still those out there that loved Cassio.
Cassio let out a soft, vaguely amused hum. "Do they? Their love is reliant on performance, it always has been. If I do not act the way that they want me to act, even in madness, they will turn. That is how it has always been." he was mostly cut off from the rumors now, but it was still something that happened. When his madness was more visible in public, in ways that people didn't like, mad in a way that people thought was wrong, then the rumors always reared their heads again.
There were so many rumors about what had happened to his parents and to himself, and, well, most didn't hold hardly any truth in them. Some thought that Cassio had had a hand in his parents' deaths, and he hadn't. He had been there, he had witnessed it, gods, but he hadn't had a hand in it. He had never wanted that, had never wanted his parents to be dead. If they were still alive, things would be… so much different, in so many ways.
He exhaled slowly, opening his eyes and looking over at Erix. His brown eyes were soft and warm, especially in the sunlight. The prince had always been a pretty attractive man, and he still was, even with that hint of madness in his eyes that never really seemed to fade away. He had been adored, when he was younger, and, well, he had known it. He hadn't exactly been a playboy, but he hadn't been shy about his looks either. He didn't have the muscle mass now that he used to have, but he still had some.
"Then what kind of people are they if their love is only based on how well you serve them? Are they even people worth helping, if that is the case? I might not know much about love, but I know that certainly isn't what it is." If the people only loved Cassio based on performance, what kind of a country were they? What kind of a people? Were they that concerned with only themselves that, even after their prince, a man who had spent his years slaving away to learn how to rule them, had been deemed mad, they couldn't bear the thought or have the capacity to love him anymore?
Erix, for all his lack of experience when it came to the subject, knew that wasn't right. Cassio should still be loved no matter what his state of mind was. It was like if a King fell ill, would the people not love him then if he was incapable of making decisions? Would they turn their back while he was sick only to come running to the palace doors the moment he was better? Reason and rational seemed to have no place in the hearts of men, of people who were only looking for themselves.
He couldn't really talk. Sure, he had spent his life looking out for his young siblings, but he couldn't help but deem himself selfish, in some capacity. Selfish because he wanted a bed and food and safety when others could not afford nor achieve it. Selfish because he wanted to make it ahead in life, in some way, so he would never have to worry about basic needs ever again. Selfish because he found himself wanting that, rather than using his talents to help people.
"A king should take care of his people whether or not they love him." Cassio replied. "But the point is moot when I am not king, and likely never will be." not when Marcus had wanted that power so badly to begin with. He would not now release those rens again, not willingly. Not easily. And certainly not with Cassio in this state to begin with.
"And it's not about me serving them, it's about… about me fitting into the box that they want me to fit in. If I am the heir, I should be the perfect one. If I am mad, then I should be mad in… in a way that is palatable. In a way that is aesthetically pleasing and elicits pity, rather than scorn." he was trying his best to give Erix a cohesive explanation of this, but he could feel the frayed edges of his own mind even now. He could hold together for the rest of the day, but tomorrow the threads would be pulled and he would unravel again. He never could stay this lucid for very long.
He looked over to Erix, awaiting his response to the things that Cassio had been saying. After all, he was right. Even if Erix disliked it, Cassio was right or at least thought himself to be. He really believed that people loving him, or at least the people he would have ruled, was contingent upon him fitting into their expectations of him. And wasn't that true, at least in some sense? Their love was not unconditional, it never had been. It was not, even now.
Erix couldn't help but frown. That wasn't right. It might have been true but it wasn't right. It wasn't fair with all the pressure that the people put on the royal family, let alone that of the family after all the shit that had happened with the brother's parents and Cassio himself. The system was rigged. Set up to put them in boxes and bring them down when they didn't meet the set standards that they all wanted for them. Well, what the people wanted from them.
He knew what it was like, to some extent. Standards for the army in the military were high, you had to fit into a box just like the ones the prince had to fit into. It might not have been the same situation or to the same level of madness and pressure, but Erix could feel for the man. More than he ever thought he would. The guard remembered the days where he had tried so desperately to hide himself - his magic, that part of him that set him apart from the rest of the men that he had trained and worked with. How difficult it was to put such an important part of himself away simply for the sake of 'fitting in.' It wasn't fair, and he had hated every moment of it, despite the pay and the security of the job that he had needed.
"You shouldn't have to deal with that," He said, brows narrowing a little, "You cannot control your… madness, how it presents itself. It's an illness. None of that is 'aesthetic' nor should it be taken as such." A small shrug, "But what do I know? When it comes to people I am as clueless as a child." Erix didn't do people. Talking about feelings or comfort. He wasn't used to it, wasn't good at it.
"Ah, but they want my madness to be something visible but palatable. They want to pity me, but madness elicits scorn nearly as much as it elicits pity." he knew that. Knew that the looks people aimed at him were usually pitying, but every now and again were full of scorn. Scorn, that he could not seem to recover, to grow better. That he seemed stuck in place.
He kept his gaze on Erix, watching the other man as Erix processed the things that had been said, watched as the guard spoke. The conversation was…nice. Generally, the only conversations he had were with Maura and Nola, and even then, the two of them had seen him completely out of his mind too much to take him seriously when he was speaking. It wasn't that they mocked him, but sometimes he could see in their eyes that they didn't quite believe the things he said. Erix would become like them soon enough. Everyone always did.
His Caretakers he could not have conversations with. Not real ones. They were more here to keep him under control than anything else, and the questions they asked were probing and difficult to answer at the best of times, impossible to answer much of the time. It was frustrating. But at least today he could talk with Erix as if they were both any normal man.
Erix leaned back on his hands, squinting up at the sky as the sun shone down on them. He almost moved into the shade to get out of it, and he shifted on his hands just a little before looking back down at the prince before him. Cassio was a mystery, that was for certain. He spoke of how the people viewed him and almost seemed sane. Normal. Self-aware. But he wasn't, the guard knew. It was a good day, a day where they would speak like this, have a conversation and for Erix to get to know the man. Tomorrow? Who knew? He could be totally batshit crazy and it could all go downhill from there. He hoped that things would work out in the end. Maybe even if Cassio wasn't completely insane all the time he would be okay.
Even when he eventually saw Cassio in the ways that the world saw him, he was more than aware of how people changed. People didn't seem to take that into account enough. Maybe it was simply because he was more in tune with the mind than most people. He dealt with it on the daily, had slipped into other's minds, taken them, broken them, and learned from them. Dark magic wasn't exactly the norm, neither was the ability to invade and control and understand the mind on the level that he did. Probably why he wasn't worried about the inevitable moments where Cassio wasn't sane on the days they were together.
"If they feel scorn over the fact that you had something traumatic happen to you that resulted in a change of who you are they aren't worth it." In his mind, at least. But that was because he didn't have the experience that Cassio had when it came to ruling a country. Or at least the training. The prince's whole goal was to rule and to a good king. To have the people love him and he love them in return. The whole role revolved around people. Whereas for Erix all he knew was how to kill people. How to fight and destroy. He didn't need to talk or understand people for that.
