forum The Strangers in the Palace (Closed)(Fantasy)

Started October 31, 2021 by @LovelyRose

tune

Arquis relaxed, clearly relieved. “Do not apologize for that. You have had a long week, and I do not blame you for feeling poorly. It is perfectly alright to be a touch incoherent,” he said that part with a teasing yet still gentle smile, “after what you have been through.”

He nuzzled into their damp hair and just let himself breathe for a moment. It felt good just to hold them. No expectations, no worries, no responsibilities. No danger.

“Would you like to rest some?” he offered. “I could stay and watch over you, if that would help.”

They took a deep breath, nodding slightly. "Let me put some pajamas on, and maybe we could just sit on the bed for a bit?" They suggested in a quiet tone, looking up at him for a moment. "Is…would that be alright?" He cleared his throat softly, a faint smile twitching at his mouth.

“That would be perfect. If you would like to change in here, than I can dress in the bedroom,” he suggested. There was something so incredibly gentle about his tone, though it was a different sort of gentleness than the type that would come with caring for a sibling. This was intimate; romantic, even, in an innocent way.

Arquis eventually met their eyes and gave them a reassuring smile. He did not expect them to be alright that evening. They did not have to put on a mask or hide his feelings. If they needed a night to just relax with him or cuddle, then he would provide exactly that.

"I've got boxers on, so I don't really, ah, mind, but we can do whatever you would prefer." they replied. "So, I'll be out in a few minutes?" they reluctantly released Arquis, stepping back to give the other man room to move to the bedroom to change. "Thank you, Arquis, for being so understanding." he really didn't know where his head was at, only that he was having a bit of a rough time thinking or focusing.

“Alright. See you in a bit, then.”

Arquis stepped into the bedroom. While they were in the bathroom, he unfastened the tie to his robe and changed into a pair of clean boxers, slacks, and the softest shirt he could find. He really didn’t have many comfortable clothes. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too bothered by the stiffly-pressed fabric.

He quickly went about fixing the room up as well, moving the welcome basket into a corner and brushing some of the flower petals off of the bed. That would be more comfortable for the two of them. He glanced at the bathroom door, a bit worried still. They really had seemed out of sorts. Were they ill? Had he caught cold at some point? Or was he truly just stuck in their own mind?

That, at least, was a feeling he understood well. He stopped to put on some gloves and then returned to the bed, waiting for them to emerge.

Rin changed into their pajamas, throwing the robe back on over top. They knocked on the door. "Can I, ah, come out?" they asked, tone soft and quiet and a bit subdued. They would be fine in the morning, probably; it was only that they had spiraled a bit too much and now their head seemed to be a bit stuck in that space. He wished it weren't; he didn't want to be like this with Arquis, he wanted to just enjoy his company, but apparently they were going to ruin the evening instead.

“You may,” Arquis called back. He’d gotten up again to walk off his nerves and had found a very soft, long, clean blanket in one of the cabinets that he had bundled in his arms. Since Rin was having a rough night, he would try to treat them with tenderness and care. That involved a lot of blankets and possibly hot cocoa, if he was thirsty.

He settled onto the bed once more and tugged back the sheets, though he didn’t get in them. If they just felt like going to bed, then he could make that choice. Arquis was not going to guide their plans unless they wanted him to; he was simply prepared to do whatever he could to help them feel better.

Rin came out of the bathroom, heading over to the bed and sitting down on it. "I'm, ah, sorry that I'm not…that I'm not in a good headspace tonight. I know we've had a good day today, for the most part, and I hate to ruin it now with my…my shit. It's…I'm really sorry, Arquis, this is not how I meant the evening to go." they looked down at their hands, taking a deep breath.

(yeah that would definitely work! also it’s very interesting for reasons I won’t mention bc of secrets haha)

“Rin, I…” Arquis was speechless. Out of all of the things he’d been expecting, he hadn’t been ready for such desolate words. It took him a second to recover, and he shook his head vigorously.

”No, no, love, you have not ruined a single thing. There was no set plan for tonight, no specific way that it had to proceed. All I wished was to get here safely with you. That is it. And now that we are here, I do not mind looking after you, especially not while you are going through such a bad spell.”

He inhaled deeply and offered out his gloved hand. If they wished to come close to him, he could. But he would not push. There would be no making assumptions.

“A very wise bard once told me that relationships are not only about the good. I am here for you unconditionally, Rin.”

(great! Ohhh yeah doesn't the mom have some sort of control-y powers too?)

Rin took his head, shifting closer to him on the bed. He looked up at Arquis with a faint hint of uncertainty in his eyes. "Are you sure? I would not be upset if you did not want to have to, ah, deal with me tonight." hie voice was soft and quiet, and his gaze flickered away again after a moment. "You can just, ignore me, and we'll get up in the morning like nothing happened, it's okay."

(yes heh)

“I will do no such thing. You are not a burden, love,” Arquis responded, voice firm yet not unkind. He needed to make it clear to him that they were not something to merely ‘deal’ with.

His expression relaxed after a beat, and he smiled patiently at them. Not condescendingly, like the man in the carriage, but genuinely patient. He knew firsthand what it was like to feel unworthy of love and sentiment; to feel as if abandonment was just around the corner. They needed to be shown that he would stay with him even if it was hard. Especially then.

They looked up at Arquis, blinking at him and fidgeting for a moment. "Are you sure?" they asked again. "It's not…I'm only…I know that this isn't how you want to spend the evening, and…and you can just sleep, and in the morning we'll pretend nothing happened because that's what…it's…" he didn't know how to finish the sentence. It was all he deserved?

Arquis reached out very slowly to cup their chin and met his eyes. “There is no better way to spend the evening than with you. It does not matter if you are in high spirits or if you are feeling low. Unless you need time alone, my dear, then I am afraid you are stuck with me. I am not leaving you to struggle through this by yourself.”

Whoever had taught him that they were undeserving of attention was now his greatest enemy. To make someone so kind of heart—so brave, so hardworking, so loyal—feel so small was an unforgivable sin. It made his heart hurt.

“You mentioned how I would have liked to spend the night. What about you, love? What do you want to do?”

They bit his lip faintly, studying Arquis. "I just…can we just sit here? Together?" he asked, slow and quiet and a little subdued. "I don't know. Snuggle beneath the blankets or something?" his gaze flickered away again.

“Of course we can.”

Arquis would not admit how concerned he was, though all he could feel was worry. They didn’t need more negative emotions at the moment. That would be overwhelming. What he needed was a blanket and someone stable. And that was who Arquis would be. He took the extremely fluffy blanket, unfolded it, and draped it around their shoulders. It made him look tiny. He moved away from them up the bed and patted the other side, where he’d already undone the sheets.

“Here we go.” He paused and spread his arms. “Come cuddle?”

Rin watched him quietly, taking a deep breath and moving over to press up to Arquis's side again. "Thank you." he said softly. He really didn't know why he was suddenly doing so badly; all he could assume was that between being with Arquis all day, and the man in the coach, and then the memories of Lysander, and not having gotten a lot of sleep the night before…all they could assume was that it had all compounded to result in this mess. It was not Arquis's fault that Rin was like this; it was only, perhaps, a side effect, as the last relationship that Rin had been in was the one with Lysander.

“You do not need to thank me,” he replied quietly. If there was one thing that he could get into their head, he wanted it to be that. Arquis was not providing some great service. He was not being inconvenienced or handling an unpleasant task. Gratitude was nice, and he did appreciate it, but he didn’t want him feeling like they owed him something.

“Would you like to rest, or would you prefer a distraction?” he murmured, soothingly stroking their shoulder. “I could recite something from memory, if that would help. Or I could just talk for a bit. It is up to you.”

He shrugged slightly. "We can do whatever you would prefer." they said in a soft voice. "I just want to be, ah, with you. I don't care if…if you recite something, or if you talk, or…" he trailed off, taking a deep breath and shaking their head for a moment. "Just…as long as we're together."

Arquis sighed and kissed the top of their head. “Even when feeling so poorly, love, you are still very considerate.”

He brought them further into his arms and continued to rub their upper back in slow, even circles, hoping the touch would help. Then, reaching over his shoulder, he turned down the lamp that was lighting the room. It had been casting too harsh a glow over everything.

“Let me see.” His voice was low and as soft as the blankets they were under. “I would like to tell you one of the happier stories from my childhood, if that is alright. I will not mind if you fall asleep during it.”

Rin nodded faintly, leaning into him and closing his eyes. "That sounds good." he said softly, relaxing a bit as Arquis rubbed their upper back. "Thank you." he took a deep breath, trying to just calm himself and breathe.

Arquis noticed the deep breath and had to fight down a wave of anxiety. It’d sounded a bit like he himself did when he was trying not to hyperventilate. Panicked breaths; nervous breaths; the type that came when one felt fragile. But he didn’t ask about it. Someone fretting over them like a flustered mother hen would probably make him feel more of a burden. Instead, Arquis let out a soft, hopefully comforting hum and continued to hold them close.

“A little after Marsiquia was born, Quirisa and I decided we were old enough to explore the forest surrounding our home on our own. She must have been around five, while I was six or seven. I was very nervous. She, on the other hand, was already incredibly brave at that point. She’d made a wooden sword in between classes to take on our trip, just in case we ran into any monsters.”

He remembered his sister well at that age. Small, wild-haired and fiery-eyed, ready to take down dragons or particularly unlucky travelers. Not much had changed since then, though her craving for battle had adapted into something more malicious. He hoped she was doing well back at the Palace.

“We did not encounter any monsters, of course. There is not much in those woods. Some birds and small creatures, but nothing too malicious. I recall one summer someone catching a- well, I cannot remember exactly what it was, but it did have a lot of sharp teeth. That was not the same year, however. I believe it was later.”

Arquis stopped then to check on Rin. His eyes wandered across their face worriedly.

Rin was listening quietly, staying pressed close to Arquis. They did not speak while the nobleman talked, preferring instead just to listen and breathe silently. The calm, soft storytelling, the blanket, the way Arquis was holding them…it was all very helpful, to them, in helping them just calm down and breathe.

Arquis smiled and gave them a small, quick kiss on the forehead before continuing.

“So we went off into the woods with the sword and a basket that we had sneakily packed with food. I do not remember exactly what was in it—perhaps some dried fruit and bread—but it did take a while for us to put together. We were very proud that we were going to explore the wild on our own. No adults around meant that there would be nobody to help us cross streams or avoid dangerous plants. We thought it was awfully grown up of us to be adventuring so young.

“Quirisa was especially excited. For a long time, she had been the baby of the family, and that meant she was treated like she was made of glass. No roughhousing, no wearing anything other than the finest dresses, and especially no going near the forest. Every skinned knee she got was basically seen as a matter of life or death. She hated it. When Marsiquia was finally born, she was ecstatic. She had the chance to reinvent herself as the middle child, and she took it.

“Not much actually happened in the forest, at least not for the first half hour or so. We wandered around and did all of the things that little kids enjoy: digging up dirt, picking flowers, climbing trees. She eventually decided that we should play a game. We made a little fort out of sticks and played all sorts of games involving the imagination. We did not realize how much time we had spent out there, and by the time we decided to go back, it was already sunset. Even worse, it had started to drizzle.

“The drizzle inevitably turned into a downpour. While the trees shielded us from most of the wind and rain, the storm made it so that we could barely see. We got lost several times. The food we had packed was not enough to sustain us for long, and we were very tired and cold. We somehow looped back around to the makeshift fort and slept in it until morning.

“That next morning was one of the only times I have ever seen Muria concerned. My father was mad at us for leaving without permission, but Muria was almost hysterical. She would not tell us why. I still to this day do not fully understand it myself. We let her help us bathe and then settle into bed. Of course, both Quirisa and I ended up catching cold, which meant more babying. But it was still a very nice time. I remember it fondly.”

Arquis took a second to catch his breath and looked down at them again. He didn’t expect a response, really, but wanted to check in on them.

Rin listened quietly, still close. He looked up at Arquis when he finished the story, flashing him a faint smile. "Thank you." they said in a quiet tone. "For the story. It was…it was nice to have something to focus on." they leaned their head on Arquis's shoulder again, taking a deep breath.

Arquis caressed his cheek with a small frown. They still sounded shaken and a little distant to his ears, and it hurt him to hear his partner upset. “Is there anything else I can do, my love? Anything at all?”

Rough nights were the worst. In the daytime, there were numerous things that could serve as distractions: meals or music or events. But at night, the mind had a tendency to wander, and it often wandered down dark pathways.

“I could fetch something to help you sleep,” he suggested. “There are herbs that could make you drowsy, if you would like.”

They shook their head quickly. "No, no, I don't want…I don't want anything like that." he said, looking a touch worried about that. "I…don't want anything like that. Don't want anything that's going to change anything." their lower lip caught between his teeth, and his gaze moved away.

“Oh, Rin, I did not- I did not mean to suggest-” Arquis felt an icy wave of anxiety grip him, but he forced himself to remain calm. He hadn’t meant to frighten them. His mind began to wonder what his reaction meant; he shut that train of thought down immediately. They needed him present and deserved his attention.

“My apologies, love. I did not mean anything nefarious by it, but I understand that it was a thoughtless suggestion nonetheless. I will not ask it again.”

"Sorry." he said. "I…" he closed his eyes, shaking his head again. "I'm just not in a good place tonight, I'm really sorry." they looked down at their hands, working to steady their breathing. "I…just…I can't…I'm sorry." he went quiet now, still trying just to breathe and breathe and breathe.

Arquis very carefully untangled himself from him and sat up, wanting to give them space. He considered placing a hand on their arm to comfort them—to let him know that he was still there—but decided otherwise. Clearly, something had upset them, and he wasn’t going to exacerbate the issue by acting careless.

“Rin,” he said quietly, heart sinking at the familiarity of the scene, “Rin, my dear, I am not upset with you, but I need you to breathe, alright? Try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”