It's the year 2575. Technology is advanced, everything basically is advanced. But there are still corrupt governments and still people who need rescuing. Obviously. After the United States is nearly totaled by a new nuclear bomb prototype, the government is scrambling to pick up the broken pieces of the economy. Finally a woman, Syndula Parvati, suggests creating an organization of teens and young adults to keep problems like this from resurfacing. The President was the first to agree with her, provided she took point on the program. So Parvati started assembling her team, the best and the brightest minds of the young generation that would soon inherit the messed up world. What happens now? Well it's up to her recruits to decide their fates……….accept her challenge, or let the world fall to ruins…………………
~
So the first mission they get is to find the bomber, as well as smaller side missions to start fixing everything, and oh the organization is called S.R.Y.A.D. And it's also kind of like a school too.
~
There are several holes in the plot that I could use some help with.
-Who was the bomber?
-More stuff later
There was no bomber, or at least, the bomber doesn't matter. This story reminds me a little of Ender's Game, so I think it'd have more impact if the team finds out towards the end that the government did it to themselves. Not on purpose, of course, but their greed, imperialistic nature, and the need to remain the world power was nearly the world's end. They finally choked on their own capitalistic excess, and now it's up to a new generation to fix the mess of their parents, so to speak, and lead us to the future. You can make it a coming of age story and have it have an overarching anti-war message at the same time.
Interesting. Okay. That does kind of work. Here are some other plot holes. I'll just do this a little bit at a time.
-One key point in the story is that three of the main characters(siblings) have something happen that impacts their dad and he begins drinking and he becomes abusive to his children, and originally the brother was supposed to die, but now he's become slightly more important to the plot. So I can't figure out if I should still kill him or if the mom should be the one who dies.
-There is one character who is kind of an outcast, misunderstood and kind of edgy at first glance. But really he's really kind and caring. I can't figure out how to bring out that side of him.
Well one, what's the point of killing any of these characters off? What are you trying to accomplish? If it's pathos, yeah, a dead mom'll do that. But if killing them hurts the story more than it'll save it, why bother? Character death should have weight behind it, so if the mom and the brother are so interchangeable that either of them could die and it would serve the exact same purpose, you might wanna hold off on that and develop their roles a bit more.
For the outcast character, have an event happen that pushes him closer to the group. In fact, the (aforementioned) death could serve that purpose. I don't know who this character is, but if if he's not one of the siblings, you can make it so that he understands their pain after one of their family members die because he has his own dead-family-member baggage. It would show that underneath it all, he's just a kid who's in pain, and now he finally has someone (or some people) to share in his pain, which in turn allows him to open up.
You make excellent points. The outcast character…………well yes let's say that he knows how painful it is to lose someone close to him and that's why he's pushing everyone away. Lightbulb OOooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So hold on………………..SSSSYYYYYYDDDNNNNEEEEEYYYYYYY I'VE GOT A LOVE INTEREST FOR YYOOOOUUUUUU
NNOOOOOO I DON'T WANT THAT NO PLEASE!!!
BUT YOU'RE PERFECT FOR THIS!
NO I'M NOT!
(and this continues because now I have another problem.)
Lol well I'm glad I was able to help.
I will post more plot holes when I find them, but for now, thank you very much.
Absolutely! I'm happy to help when I can.
btw Ammy I really liked Ender's Game…
And as for your plot, I like Ammy's idea, or maybe the bomber could be an anarchist who wants to basically start the world over, starting with the US (maybe it wasn't as successful as the bomber hoped, and so the US government was able to survive). So then you can have the conversation of "yeah, lots of governments are bad and lead by corrupted people, but government is also necessary. We can't have anarchy, otherwise the world will literally burn." Then you could have the complicated line to walk of how to make a good government while avoiding anarchy. The question of the history of the earth…
You could do that, but that's played out. It would be way more subversive, especially in today's age, to have the characters explore what it means to be betrayed, or at the very least let down, by their own government, and then strive to build a future where there's a better one. Why have a generic bad guy when you can have a more complex plot, where the "bad guy" is an outdated ideology.
Yeah, having a generic bad guy is definitely cliche, but I wouldn't say it's played out. Since in real life, "bad guys" still exist and wreak havoc. But having an ideology be the "bad guy" would make your story more unique, for sure.
AUGUSTUS FLANDERHAUL. HE'S A POLITICIAN WHO WANTS TO DESTROY THE GOVERNMENT AND HE IS THE EPITAMY OF CORRUPT POLITICIAN.
@Masterkey You make an excellent point. People often forget that Character(s) vs Society is a type of conflict. There doesn't necessarily have to be a "bad guy". Also point of view is very important. Sometimes people stand against those who oppose their ideas but if you switch sides they have their reasons for it. If you are gonna have a bad guy I would recommend sorting out some motives for them first and kind of look at things from their side to get a better understanding of what they stand for.
Augustus has his reasons. And I will post them when I figure out what. Also when I have access to a computer I would like to show you the description for Anaideia's and S.R.Y.A.D.'s headquarters.
AUGUSTUS DON'T NEED NO STINKN' PLAN HE DOES WHAT HE WANTS
(Augustus would ya just shut up alread?)
NEVER! I AM THE RULER OF THE UNIVERSE YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
( ehem I am your creator and you do not yet rule the universe so shut ya trap.)
Lol iconic creator to antagonist dialogue right there.
(Yazoinks ookay so I did some tweaking to the story. And I pulled some characters out for now, they might come in the second book or sometin. The trio of unstoppableness(yes I know that's not a word it's not what they're called either but it's fun to say) Damian, Sydney, and Peyton. And then of course the 'outcast' Tyler is there too and guys I figured out tons of plot twist for him I'm so happy but also sad bc some of the plot twists(some of them involve Damian) are not the happiest…….others(also including Damian) are like rear jerkingly happy ones.
