"Mhmm." Scipio eyed Xellis curiously, trying to understand the strange excitement. Well, strange to him. "What are you so giddy about?" He asked. "I didn't even say anything. Hardly did anything either." He met Xellis's golden eyes with his own icy blue ones as he struggled to understand him. His attention was only broken when the door slammed behind one of the leaving gods. His gaze flickered over to the door for a brief moment and returned to Xellis just as quickly.
“Just that you agreed to this,” he said, voice still holding just as much truth. “It’s been… a long time since I last had a soul.”
And it’s been a long time since I was praised by other gods, or taken seriously, he finished silently. He’d tell Scipio the story, but it was certainly for another day.
“Also… lighten up a bit, hm?” Xellis asked, raising an eyebrow. “You’re in the afterlife now. Leave all your life’s worries at the door and… ironically, live a little.”
"What happened to the last one?" Scipio asked curiously, keeping his arms crossed. "And I can't just 'lighten up'. That's dangerous. I could get myself destroyed somehow, probably." He jumped as someone slammed the door again. "Will you quit that?!" He turned to glare over his shoulder at whoever happened to be there.
Xellis narrowed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“That’s a story for when we’re drunk on the top of one of the Golden Hills at three in the morning, alright? Not any sooner, not any later,” he murmured.
Xellis momentarily looked back to the door, then back to Scipio. This guy was certainly… tight. Xellis just had to figure out how to get him looser. Food? A drink? He didn’t know. It had been forever since he last interacted with a soul.
“Are you… alright?” he asked quietly.
"I'm fine, they just keep making that loud, stupid noise and I hate how it's making me feel." Scipio scowled a bit, tightening his grip on his arms. He seemed to be trembling slightly, which he was trying to ignore. He was tense and antsy and he seemed almost… anxious. He didn't understand the feeling, which just stressed him out more. "It's bringing back bad memories and no, I don't want to talk about it."
“Okay, then let’s get you out of here, shall we?” Xellis said calmly, his voice as soft and comforting as he could make it.
He held up a hand, twirling his fingers until another portal appeared, one that looked about the same as the last. The only difference was that it lead off to the manor instead, the bright chandelier shining against the otherwise dark room. It must have been dusk by then.
“After you,” he offered, blinking back to Scipio.
Scipio nodded and stepped through the portal, sighing quietly. He was still quavering, but held himself as normal to try and appear more confident. He wasn't sure why the door was bothering him so much, but he wasn't a fan of it. He turned his gaze to the floor and sighed.
Xellis stepped in after him, the portal stifling to a close behind the two. The manor was quiet— Zayanzar hadn’t returned yet, and knowing her, she probably wouldn’t be back for a while. She would most likely go back with Ivodyr to discuss some controversial subject. She rarely made it home on the meeting days.
Not that Xellis wasn’t glad. He’d have the manor to himself, considering the other gods inhabiting it were away on various trips fulfilling prayers. Xellis was rarely at the manor with other gods there.
Xellis walked forward, giving Scipio a slight bigger bit of space as he asked, “Can I get you anything? To help, maybe? Or do you just want to… sit down, or whatever? Maybe get fresh air?”
"I'll just… sit here for a bit…" Scipio slid down to the floor and leaned his head back against the wall, trying to get his heart to slow down. He closed his eyes and drew in a few deep breaths, folding one leg up close to his chest and letting the other one lay flat. What the hell is going on with me? A wave of freezing dread washed over him as he tried to force himself out of his thoughts. Mind over matter… stop being weak, dumbass…
Xellis watched, concerned as Scipio slid down the side of the wall. Slowly Xellis slid down with him, sitting beside the other boy cross-legged.
He slowly lifted up his hand, hesitating before resting it on the boy’s head.
How do mortals comfort one another? he thought frantically, gritting his teeth. Hugs? I don’t know how to give hugs? What.. what do they do?
He slowly let his fingers drift through the other boy’s hair. It’s all he could think to do, although the action felt extremely unnatural to him. He hoped Scipio wouldn’t feel the same.
Scipio's breathing grew a bit more harsh and shaky and he winced, rubbing at his throat. "F-Fuck… I can't breathe…" He whispered, shifting his legs around uncomfortably. He shied away from Xellis's touch at first, but soon came to a point where he stopped caring what the god was doing. "What's… w-what's going on?" He asked weakly, keeping his eyes closed. "Why am I doing this??"
No clue, Xellis thought to himself. He’d never witnessed this before at all. But the way Scipio shook only reminded Xellis of fear… something he was pretty familiar with.
He began to remember talking to the actual Goddess of Fear. Her name had been Gaizodar, and she ruled over all kinds of fear. Even her general appearance was wretchedly threatening.
But she had told Zayanzar about something called post-traumatic stress. Xellis had only half-listened in on the conversation, thinking he’d never even need the information in the future.
“Don’t worry,” Xellis muttered softly, trying his best at a comforting tone. “You’re safe. You’ll be okay… I promise you that. Just take deep breaths, alright?”
Scipio choked and coughed as he tried to breathe, wincing again. His chest had tightened and not being able to control what he was doing was far more terrifying to him than anything else. He was pale and shaky, trying to force himself back under control. Unfortunately, his rough style of trying to force his fear into compliance was clearly not helping him at all. "I can't breathe…" He whispered again, gripping his throat with one hand. Pathetic… just get over it. Stop being weak.
Xellis swallowed hard. What was he supposed to do? It was only now he wished he had actually listened to Gaizodar when he could.
Gods damnit, he cursed internally.
He slowly let his hand fall from Scipio’s head and on to his opposite shoulder, draping his arm across the boy’s shoulders stiffly. Did humans do this? And if they did, did it ever help at all? What was comforting…? Or— did the boy need space? Shi— what the hell am I supposed to do?
Scipio flinched when Xellis attempted to hug him, squirming uncomfortably and trying to get away. "W-What are you doing?" He asked, his voice still weak. He was pale and clammy and had become very tense in his attempts to stop shaking, which wasn't helping. He ran his fingers through his hair, biting down hard on his lip as his chest rose and fell harshly. He was getting a bit lightheaded, which he didn't mention, naturally. His struggling quickly grew weaker and he just accepted that Xellis was touching him, even if he didn't like it much.
“I dOn’T kNoW???” Xellis replied, getting quite nervous himself, his voice slightly shaky. “How do I help you? Isn’t this what humans do??”
He let go, seeing as Scipio was clearly against it. Quietly, he rose from his sitting position, momentarily slipping from the room into the kitchen beside the main dining room. He appeared back in a split second with a small glass of water, setting it on the floor beside Scipio and sitting down next to him, although a little farther away this time. He stayed quiet, hugging his legs to his chest.
"U-Um… I dunno either? I'm not exactly an expert on people… I think a lot of people like hugs, I just… really don't want to be touched right now…" Scipio sighed and drank some of the water, which seemed to help a bit. "I… I don't know what's going on any more than you do. I-I've never done this before… I'm not a fan of it, honestly." He pressed himself up against the wall, still shaking as he continued drinking his water.
“Al-alright,” Xellis murmured quietly. He fiddled with his fingers as his hands clasped around his knees, his back shoved up against the wall. He kept his eyes forward, although they looked dimmer than they used to be. The situation had eased away the excitement of the fact that Scipio had decided to stay. The only thing left was concern. Xellis just hoped the soul would be okay.
“Let… let me know if I can help you, in any way,” he offered, eyes wandering over the contents of the manor’s main room.
"Mm…" Scipio soon finished the water and settled himself against the wall, gradually beginning to breathe more normally. He relaxed a bit once he wasn't gasping for his air, keeping his eyes closed for the time being. "What the fuck was that…" He mumbled almost inaudibly to himself. "Dumbass… get your shit together…" He rambled a bit in Italian, still being very quiet, although his tone was harsh. It seemed almost like he was yelling at himself, although more thoroughly than he'd done in English.
Because he was a god of culture and travel, Xellis knew just about every dialect of every language. He cringed slightly at the words Scipio spat in Italian.
“I… I think it’s something called post-traumatic stress…,” Xellis said, although he seemed unsure. “I heard the goddess of fear talking about it one time. It’s… something that happens when a certain terrifying event stays with someone even after it’s over. I think? That’s what she had said. Although probably in more… elegant wording.”
He gave a small uncomfortable laugh. “It’s normal for humans who had a rough past. You shouldn’t think of yourself as weak.”
He paused for a moment, glancing over slightly.
“It doesn’t show that you’re weak. It shows that you’re strong enough to endure the hardship, even if it stays by your side… At least, that’s how I see it.”
Scipio sighed softly. "But I'm not supposed to… to show my emotions. That's what got me killed. Fear." He toyed with his hair anxiously. "And I can't control emotions… especially fear. That's why I ignore them. It works fine most of the time, but then shit like the stupid door slamming can set me off, I guess…"
“You think showing emotions is weak?” he muttered, clearly offended. Although, he was a complete hypocrite, considering he refrained from showing his emotions, too. Well, most of the time. But he wasn’t very good at it anyway.
“I think… I think people strong for being able to show them. It shows they’re comfortable enough in their own confidence to do so,” he said quietly, almost inaudible. But he spoke the words with truth.
He absolutely thought he was weak for not showing them. It had been something he’d beaten himself up about. But it’s difficult to change, especially for such an unstable and unpredictable god. At least, that’s what Zayanzar had told him when he opened up in just the slightest.
“And… fear’s only natural. You can’t blame yourself for feeling it,” he said, resting his cheek on one of his knees. “Everyone feels it. Even gods.”
"People can take advantage of you when you're too emotional." Scipio unbuttoned another one of his shirt buttons so he could breathe more easily. "All the soft guys got killed almost immediately. Yeah, I still died, but I lasted two years. That's got to count for something." He let his hands fall to his sides and sighed. "I don't want to do that again, but I have a feeling I'm going to…"
“Show emotion? Or have another… scare?” Xellis asked, flitting over to meet Scipio’s eyes. “Because both are alright. You— We’ll get through them, right? I have faith in you.”
He paused briefly, flicking his eyes back to the floor.
“You’re a soldier. A strong one,” the god murmured. “And I have no doubt you’ll keep fighting. It’s honorable.”
"Mm… whatever the hell I just did, I don't want to do it again." Scipio started toying with his hair again, trying to relax. "I hated it. I couldn't control anything I was doing… my emotions took control of me and decide to fuck with me, I guess." He sighed and closed his eyes. "I should be able to handle it, but apparently I can't."