forum Under The Painted Sky (O/O CLOSED)

Started March 18, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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“I don’t want to be afraid of him,” she admitted quietly, painfully aware of him getting closer. “But I can’t help it, especially since he’s the one haunting my dreams. I don’t think I can stand a man’s touch when he’s so close.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to. Just know that I’ll be here for you if you need me,” Sterling reminded her as he stuck his hands in his pockets. “I think you should take at least your next class off, though. Read one of those new books we got the other day.”

It wasn’t fair. When she finally dropped her guard, when she finally started to feel human again, he came back. And Sterling… gosh, the second she started feeling more around him, things went back to square one.

“And you should head off to class,” she said quietly, looking away. “I’m going home. I’ll… text you.”

Sterling nodded slowly, giving her a small smile. “As soon as you get home. I want to make sure you’re safe,” he said softly, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I’ll see you later.”

Her eyes fell on his lips, wanting to feel them pressed against her own, but she didn’t stare at them for longer than half a second before they went back to his eyes.

“As soon as I get home,” she repeated softly before she turned around, arms wrapped around herself. She had to commend herself for not breaking down completely the second Adrien had addressed her. Even though the mere sight of him returned her to the pathetic coward she had been wrapped around his finger, she hadn’t broken down.

But as she left Sterling and made her way out of the school, she heard that familiar voice sending ice through her veins again.

“Boyfriend,” he mused, his voice just as beautifully cruel as the rest of him. “I never thought I’d come back and find out you’ve let another man touch you.”

She never texted Sterling when she reached home.

Sterling never got a text from Eden, so he texted her and asked if she made it. When she didn’t respond, he let it be for a while before texting her again. Still, no reply. If he wasn’t worried before, he was definitely worried now.

So, as soon as he had his schoolwork packed up and the final bell rang, he all but ran out to his car. As quickly as he could without speeding (too much), he made his way to Eden’s apartment. The door was unlocked when he arrived, which was even more concerning. He walked in and called for Eden, looking around. When he checked her room, she wasn't there, but the bathroom door was shut. He knocked, then listened for a response.

“Eden? It’s me…” he called softly.

Eden didn’t know when, why or how, but she was back there again, under the shower, trying to wash herself clean. She didn’t even know when she got home. She was just aware of bending over the toilet to vomit, feeling unwanted hands on her to the point where she snapped.

Unclean. That was what she felt. Disgusting. Used. Pathetic. And no matter how many times the water washed over her, it could not cleanse her. It wasn’t like she wanted to be there, but it was almost like an instinct to be back there, water running over her.

It would have been easier had there been a bathtub, but after what she attempted two years ago, she couldn’t be trusted with one. She didn’t remember exactly, but Eden knew she meant to do that. She knew she had meant to climb into the tub that day, fully aware that she would pass out. That had been the first day she attempted it. And when she and her brother got that apartment, her brother called dibs on the room that had the bathtub. They didn’t think she wouldn’t be so stupid to try it again. They weren’t wrong.

”Ah, I came back specifically for you, but you’ve started to avoid me. Ignore me. Aren’t you getting a little too ahead of yourself?”

She didn’t want to let her fear cloud her judgements. She wanted to show him she wouldn’t cower. She wanted to show him she wasn’t his toy—that she wasn’t his amusement.

Cold hands grabbed her arm before she could walk away, pressing her to the wall. The terror that clouded her prevented her from getting away.

But well, obviously it didn’t work. Within a matter of seconds, he reduced her to the girl she had been two years ago. Afraid. Cowering.

”Eden McArthur. Look at me.”

He touched her again. Even though clothes had prevent direct contact, he touched her again and it was enough for her to hate herself all over again. It was enough for the effort to pick herself up to shatter all over again.

”I don’t want to hurt you, Eden. I don’t ever want to hurt you again.”

And she was back to square one. Hurting herself to numb the pain. Wet, shivering, yet completely numb to everything else. Maybe she was hearing the phone ringing, but she couldn’t bring herself to see to it.

She let out a bitter chuckle, wrapping her arms around her legs, scratching them once again. Then she heard that voice, and she snapped out of it.

“Eden? It’s me.”

Sterling. What was he doing here? Oh. She had promised to text him once she got home, but she never did. Eden slowly picked herself off the shower floor, wet hair clinging to her back. She reached for the towel, wrapped it around herself and shakily walked to the door. She opened it without another thought, finding her forehead pressed against his chest.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore,” she whispered, shivering. Was it from fear, or the cold? She had no idea anymore. Her lips curled into a bitter smile. “I wanted to get his touches off of me, but no matter how hard I scrub… I can’t.”

Sterling paused, unsure of how to react. On the one hand, his girlfriend was naked in just a towel. On the other, much more important hand, she was shaking and wet and covered in scratches.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, resting his chin on her head. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head before burying his face in her hair.

“I’m sorry, Eden… I’m sorry you have to go through this again. You don’t have to hurt yourself to be rid of him,” he whispered, his arms tightening around her slightly. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’m here. I won’t let him hurt you more than he already has.”

Eden swallowed thickly, eyes half-lidded as his cinnamon scent hit her. She wanted it to numb the hopelessness she was feeling, but she couldn’t help it. She was drowning in it. She remembered standing tall, not letting others’ words get to her as Blackhole. Things hadn’t bothered her. Or at least, she made it so they never did. In the end, it all came crashing down. She came crashing down.

“I… didn’t even realize,” she murmured, hands gripping her towel, the cloth now loose around her figure. She swallowed again before she let go, having pressed against Sterling, and wrapped her arms around his waist. “It was already done before I realized what I was doing. I can still feel it—still feel him on me and—“ she gripped his shirt tightly in her hold “—I hate it. I hate what’s become of me. I hate what he made me turn out to be. I hate myself. So, so much.”

“It’s not your fault, babe. Not at all. You don’t have to blame yourself,” Sterling murmured, rubbing gentle circles onto her back. He was careful not to touch her skin, not knowing how she would take that. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll figure something out. We can figure something out together. He can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let him. He has me to go through now, too. You’re not alone in this. You’re never alone.”

You’re never alone. How long had she wanted to hear those words? Not ’I’ll help you,’ or ’I’ll protect you,’ but ’You’re not alone.’ Having someone beside you instead of the front… Eden didn’t know how long she wanted that.

Tears leaked from her otherwise dry eyes, blurring her vision further. She lifted her head to look at Sterling, the man she’d begun falling for. The man who made her feel her.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “For not leaving me alone.”

Sterling met her eyes and lifted a hand to cup her cheek. He brushed his thumb over it and gave her a tiny smile.

“I would never. I care about you so much, Eden. I don’t ever want to leave you,” he whispered softly. “I might jokingly call you my queen, but that’s what you are to me. You’re a queen, no matter how much you think you’re just the Blackhole. And I would never leave my queen.”

His words sent warmth flooding through her chilled veins, and Eden felt grateful with his presence. His touches, to her, meant so much to her. Wherever he touched, he sent a protective flame flooding through her, warming her to her core.

His queen. Not Blackhole. His queen.

“Lay with me,” her bottom lip quivered as she spoke, her heart squeezing as his words continued to ring through her mind. He had no idea how much they meant to him, these affections. “I can… tell you my story.”

It was time he knew about it, anyway.

“Of course. I’d like to hear it,” Sterling murmured, kissing her forehead. “I’m glad you finally trust me enough to tell me, that you’re comfortable enough with me to tell me… Would you prefer to walk to your bed, or could I carry you?”

Eden’s eyes had closed at the feeling of his lips on her forehead, but they opened again once he pulled away to speak.

“Maybe after I wear some clothes,” she murmured, glancing down at her towel-clad body. She shivered again. “I… wasn’t thinking straight when I came out like this.”

Sterling let his eyes drop to her and immediately blinked and glanced away. He couldn’t look at her like this, not right now. She needed time… time to heal and become more comfortable with him again. He could look at her later.

“Yeah. Yeah, you probably should. Do you want to stay in the bathroom, and I can grab you some clothes?” he asked gently, meeting her eyes again.

“That would be nice,” she answered quietly, silently thanking him for not looking her over. For understanding. Having a half-naked girlfriend around, never having taken her… it probably took a lot out of him to remain calm. She loved that about him. The fact that he kept those desires locked away as to not scare her away. “I’ll be in the bathroom then.”

Sterling nodded and (reluctantly) released her. “Any preferences? Pajamas, maybe?” he wondered, taking a step back. “And, uh, which drawer is your underwear in?”

Eden wrapped her arms around herself, flushing at his question. “The middle drawer,” she mumbled in reply. “And the spot above it has sweatshirts. Just pick any of them.”

When she couldn’t find it in herself to stand her brother’s arms around her, she chose to stole his shirts. Whenever she felt like this… miserable, she wore one of the shirts.

With that, she walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind herself.

Sterling watched the door even after she walked away, and he tore a hand through his hair with a sigh. He hated this. He hated whatever her ex had done to her, and he hated him for it.

Shaking his head, he made his way to the dresser. He opened the one she had said her sweatshirts were in and found those of another man in it. His brows furrowed, and he glanced over at the bathroom door as he pulled one out. It looked well-worn, so she must wear it often… Maybe it was her brother’s. That had to be it. She wouldn’t wear something from anyone else. Except for maybe Sterling himself…

After grabbing her clothes, he walked back to the bathroom. He knocked, leaning against the wall beside the door.

“Eden? I got your clothes.”

Eden cracked the door open a little, peeking out slightly.

“Thank you,” she said softly, grabbing the clothes. She shut the door again and let the towel fall before she slipped on her underwear, buckling her bra strap. She slipped on her sweatpants, tightening its elastic, and finally pulled on the shirt. The dark blue shirt was loose on her, but she liked it. Her brother’s scent had long washed off, but she still liked it.

Finally, Eden exited the bathroom, her eyes finding Sterling. She bit her lip before opening her mouth to speak.

“After… everything, I hated the mere thought of physical contact that didn’t involve the thrill of a fight,” she explained quietly, walking toward him, though she didn’t know why. “I had to constantly remind myself that it was my father who had his hand on my head, his arms around me. I couldn’t even handle that until it was burned in my mind. But Lucas… his was the hardest. No matter how much I wanted to be in the embrace of my older brother, I couldn’t stand it. So… I started wearing his clothes. Because even if I couldn’t have him touch me, at least I had his scent.”

Sterling nodded slowly as Eden spoke, watching her as she neared him. He stood by her bed, hands stuffed in his pockets. As she got closer, though, he held his arms out to her, ready for her to walk into them. If she was comfortable with it at the moment, anyway.

“I see… So that’s why you have another guy’s things in your drawer. That makes sense,” he mused. “Thank you for telling me, E.”

He listened to her quietly, not speaking, just nodding as a sign that he was hearing her. Then he opened his arms for her and she fell into them, burying her face in his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist.

“Yeah. That’s why I have these clothes in my closet,” she murmured, closing her eyes as she breathed him in. “Maybe… maybe I could have… yours as well.”

A grin broke out on Sterling’s face at her quiet suggestion. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed the top of her head.

“I think I could work something out… I’d give you the shirt off my back if you asked for it, you know. I’ll get you a hoodie of mine you can wear,” he said, rubbing her upper back with his thumb. “And then it’ll smell like you when you give it back, and I can give you a different one.”

Eden could practically hear the grin from his voice. He was really that happy with her suggestion? She leaned into his touch, finding the caress incredibly soothing. The scratches she’d given herself reduced to mere aches. Just by being there, Sterling made her feel… herself.

“Who says I’ll give it back?” she finally cracked a teasing smile, though it didn’t last long. “I’ll keep it.”