forum The Strangers in the Palace (Closed)(Fantasy)

Started October 31, 2021 by @LovelyRose

tune

Honey looked tired. He rubbed the knuckle of his thumb over his mouth, not saying anything at all. There was a small amount of stubble growing on his jaw. It felt out of place, making him look young and old at the same time.

“I know it’s bad for me,” he finally muttered. His teeth bit down on his nail, and he tore at a loose piece of skin. “That’s kinda the point.”

Arquis knew he shouldn’t, but he looked away. It was too hard to watch him when he said such things. He said them factually, like he was reading off a report, but his eyes held tension. The effect was devastating, and it made the nobleman feel intrusive. He felt like he was watching a surgery, his attention glued to a patient as they were unclothed, made vulnerable, sliced open. As if all of the important parts that made up Honey, everything he’d tried so hard to keep inside, was spilling out before an audience.

"I know that, Honey." Rin's voice was still quiet. "That's why you need to find something less destructive." they reached out to gently pull Honey's thumb out of his mouth. "What if you squeezed ice cubes instead? Or snap a rubber band? Those are both good coping mechanisms that are, uhm…not destructive or leave permanent marks behind."

“Maybe that’s what I want,” Honey said gruffly. He yanked his hand back towards his chest and picked at the hangnail he hadn’t full ripped off. Self-loathing bled into his every word and action.

“Make myself ugly enough that no one will wanna touch me. Make myself bleed so that they can’t. They can’t leave bruises that are already there, can’t leave scars on scarred skin. Maybe that’s what I want. Make the outside match the inside.”

“Honey,” Arquis said softly, looking his way again. “They are gone. No one is going to hurt you anymore.”

“There are more,” he gritted out. “There are always more. You guys will leave someday and go wherever you wanna. You’ll get to forget all of this, forget me. And that’s fine. I don’t need to be missed or remembered or whatever. I don’t care. But you’ll go, and I’ll be stuck in this damn place, and eventually everything’ll go back to the way it was.”

Rin frowned a little. "Just because we leave doesn't mean that you'll hurt yourself again." they said in a quiet tone. "It doesn't mean that everything will go back to how it was. Honey. Lovey and Pretty will help you, you are not alone, even when Arquis and I have to leave."

Honey inhaled and shook his head. “I love my sister. Have a hard time saying it, but I really do. She’s got a real good heart. She likes puppies and flowers and making people happy. And- and those cheesy romance novels. She loves those.” He laughed, but it sounded really sad. “I don’t wanna be a burden. Don’t wanna make her stop believing in good stuff or people. Not when I can handle it on my own.”

“You are not handling it well,” Arquis started. It’d been the complete wrong thing to say. The blonde looked infuriated, and he cut him off before he could get the next part of his sentence out.

“I’m trying my best!” He pushed himself onto his feet and stomped to the vanity. “I know it’s not good enough! Shit, I know that! But you don’t get to come in here and tell me that I’m- that I should just- that I’m not trying hard enough!”

“That is not at all what I meant, I was simply-” It was as if he hadn’t said anything. Honey kept ranting.

“Not everyone’s got money or a palace to go home to, you know that? We die if we don’t work. That’s what happens to people like me. We go out on the streets and we die alone, or we die in front of the few people who actually give a damn about us. And it’s always ugly. We starve or freeze or take one too many beatings and that’s it! That’s all we get. So yeah, I’m real sorry that I took this shitty job, and I’m sorry I’m all screwed up ‘cause of it, and I’m so, so sorry that you don’t think I’m doing my best, ‘cause I am.”

Arquis shrunk back. That wasn’t what he’d meant to imply, and he felt thoroughly rebuked. Honey was right. He was privileged. He’d never had to worry about if he’d have enough to eat, never had to sleep in the cold.

Rin frowned. "Honey. Do not attack my partner." Their voice was firm, if a bit sickly. "He did not mean it that way." They paused for a moment. "And you are correct. Yes. But that doesn't mean you can't have a good life. I have met so many good, happy people, that are poor as dirt." He had met so many people in tiny little towns, who couldn't pay him for his music in anything but food and shelter and that was okay. They only kept a small amount of coin on them anyways, preferring to be paid in food and shelter. It worked. It made sense. "Not everyone starves or freezes or get beaten to death, those are not your only options."

Honey looked truly angry. Not in a threatening sense—even when he was this mad, Arquis knew that he wouldn’t hurt them—but his posture was tense and his face bright red. He snarled out a string of swears as he paced back and forth.

“Attacking him?” he repeated incredulously. “You think I was attacking him?”

“Honey, please-” Arquis tried.

Honey yanked off his sweater and threw it to the ground, where it lay crumpled like a dead animal. He whirled around so that they could see his back. The scratch marks that weren’t bandaged stood out against his fair skin. He gestured to them wildly.

“That’s being attacked! And- and-” He yanked off his pajama pants as well, and Arquis grimaced. He hadn’t known about the scratches and bruises on his hips and thighs. Honey jabbed a finger at them accusingly. “And these! And-” He lifted his leg and pointed to an older scar on his ankle. “And this!”

“Someone broke your ankle?” Arquis asked, voice quiet yet horrified.

Something flashed across Honey’s face. Humiliation. He looked suddenly deflated.

”I owed them money,” he muttered. “Still do.”

Everything began to click into place. His obsession with working and money. His insecurity of never being good enough. His acceptance of pain. His fear of leaving. Even his name, which Arquis doubted was real.

“Yeah, maybe you know some happy poor people. Maybe those really weren’t my only options.” Honey looked so vulnerable, standing there mostly undressed. “But don’t try and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Rin closed their eyes for a moment, then forced themself to look. "Honey, I'm sorry." They said softly. "I didn't mean to upset you." They really hadn't. "And..and I'm not saying you don't know what you're talking about, I just…those aren't your only options. Please get dressed and…and we can talk about this, or…" They trailed off, helpless and uncertain what the right thing to say was anymore. He took a sip of his tea, clearing his throat.

Honey took a shuddering breath. His eyes were glistening. “What, you don’t like me like this? You don’t think I’m pretty?” It almost sounded as if he was begging, which was confirmed when he sank to his knees. What he was begging for was unknkwn. He dropped his head to the floor, exposing his scratched back. “You don’t want me?”

Arquis slowly untangled himself from Rin and slipped to the edge of the bed. A lot of this had been his fault. He hadn’t been careful with his words, and now he was paying the price. Making his footsteps just a bit louder than normal, he made his way to Honey’s side, then knelt. Honey let him place his hand on his unscarred shoulder. His skin was warm. Not like Rin’s feverish forehead, but warm with life.

“Honey,” he said softly, sympathetically. “We might not be attracted to you in that way, but we do care about you very much. You are a good person that has had a hard, terrible life, and you are upset because that life has suddenly changed. That change, however, is not negative.”

Honey didn’t answer, just trembled silently. Arquis glanced back at Rin. He wasn’t sure what else to do. Would they need to get Lovey after all? But then Honey was rising, pulling his clothes back on, and stumbling over to the bed.

“I’ve been awful, I know. I’m sorry. Sorry. I’m so sorry. I just can’t seem to get it all under control, it’s like my mind’s going a million miles a minute, y’know? Sorry, I know I’m going too fast. I just feel so much, and it’s all so bad, and I tried to hard to be stable, but I just can’t anymore. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I yelled at you. I’m really sorry. Please don’t leave. Please?”

Rin let Arquis do the talking, just keeping their gaze on Honey. "You're not awful, Honey. You're traumatized, and some…some negative reactions are understandable." they said, voice still soft and quiet. "We aren't going to leave you unless or until you want us to." he reached out to gently touch Honey's hand. "It's okay. Just…please don't shut us out, or…I know we all have very different worldviews, but Arquis and I mean you know harm. Even if we say the wrong thing."

Honey flinched away from their soft touch and buried his face in his own forearm. Thankfully, it was his non-injured one. He stayed there for a moment, chest heaving, before he nodded.

“Nah, you didn’t say the wrong thing. Guess I’m just real sensitive right now. Everything seems to set me off.”

“That is alright. Perhaps you should sit for a little while?” Arquis suggested. He’d just been through a lot. Scraping his hand, yelling, exposing himself to the both of them. Talking about subjects that he clearly struggled with, like money and whoever he owed. He’d been right about the inn. It seemed a source of misery for him, more a prison or a trap than a workplace.

“Alright. Alright, yeah, I’ll do that.”

Honey sat down hard on the side of the bed opposite from where Rin was laying. He nibbled at one of his nails again, a nervous habit if ever there was one. Arquis gently removed his hand and set it on the comforter.

“Bad habit,” Honey muttered. “Sorry.”

Rin immediately pulled back at the flinch. "It's alright." they said, very softly. "It's…it really is, Honey. Please just sit down and…and breathe for a moment." their voice strained for a moment, and they cleared his throat again, sipping at the tea to try and soothe it. They took a few deep breaths, brows pulling together for a moment.

Honey looked over at them, his own brow furrowed. Their voice really didn’t sound too great. The fact that he was also apparently having a difficult time breathing wasn’t comforting. He wondered if he really should get them that stuff for his throat.

Arquis had noticed the issue as well. With a fond yet worried expression, he came to their side and stroked his thumb down their cheek. He could still feel the heat there. It didn’t seem to be a super high or dangerous fever, but it also didn’t seem like it would be letting up soon, either. He went on one knee beside the bed and looked up at his partner lovingly.

“That did not sound right, my love. Medicine might be necessary.”

Rin looked down at Arquis, shaking their head. "I'm fine. It's just, uhm, a cold or a bug or something." they replied quietly, taking a few more sips of tea. "Please. It's nothing." their voice did sound a bit more strained now, but he was fine. He was fine. They had to be.

Arquis took his hand and rubbed his thumb over the pulse point in their wrist. While it soothed him to feel their heartbeat, it didn’t stop him from worrying. Was he imagining the slight pallor to their complexion? The tension in his voice? That glassy quality of their eyes? Surely not.

“It is not nothing. You sound unwell, my dear. I am not positive that tea alone can cure you.” He paired that with a small, charming smile, then kissed the middle of their palm. “No matter how much of it you consume.”

“Yeah. Your boytoy’s right. Even if it’s just a cold or something, you still don’t gotta suffer through it, y’know? Might as well get some meds in you. The good stuff, the kind that’ll knock you out. I’m sure we’ve gotta have those somewhere.”

“Boytoy?” Arquis repeated, bewildered.

“Trying it out. Don’t like it?”

“That is not even remotely related to the subject at hand,” he argued. As if remembering where he was, he suddenly turned back to his partner. “So? What do you think, love?”

Rin shook his head quickly. "I-I can't do the, ah, the drugs. Medication." he said, stumbling over his words a little bit. "I can't…I can't do that, please don't make me do that." he had had too many drugs forced into him by Lysander, and the idea of more terrified him. He took another sip of tea, hands shaking faintly.

“Oh,” Arquis breathed, heart aching. “Oh, my love, I had forgotten about that. I am terribly sorry. You do not have to take anything that you do not want to take.”

Honey looked both guilty and mortified. “I didn’t know. Swear, I had no clue. Wouldn’t have said it like that if I did. Wouldn’t have said it at all.”

Arquis took their hand, frowning at how it shook, and squeezed it. He wasn’t sure what to do next. It was understandable that Rin wouldn’t want to take medication due to his past, but he was ill and apparently growing even more so. Not using medicines for recreational purposes was alright, but denying them in a situation involving his health was risky. Would he deny himself antipyretics? What if he began to get worse? Would he be fine with cough syrup? This was dangerous business, indeed.

“If medicine is out of the picture, then perhaps there are natural remedies that could help. Vapor or steam, for example, often tends to clear congestion. Water will keep you hydrated. A cold bath might bring down your fever.”

Rin nodded faintly. "It's…it's fine." they said softly, still holding onto their tea. "I'm fine. It's just a cold or something, I don't need anything." they cleared their throat again, looking down at the mug of tea in their hands. He closed his eyes.

Arquis felt a surge of worry rise within his chest. “It does not have to be fine. And while you might not need anything, nobody here will fault you if there is something that you want.”

Honey was giving the two of them space. He’d settled into a spot on the edge of the bed. One of his legs was dangling over the side. His knee bumped up against the mattress as he fidgeted with his sweater. He was quiet. Not guilty any longer, just quiet, sensing that they needed room to talk.

The nobleman removed the cup of tea from his partner’s hands. It had gone cold, and there wasn’t much left. He cupped their face and gently massaged his temples.

They shook their head faintly, leaning into Arquis's hands and taking a deep breath. "Okay." they breathed. They didn't really want anything. Thye just wanted to help Honey, without upsetting anyone, but they weren't feeling great and it was so hard to try and help.

“You have done so well, my dear,” Arquis murmured, almost as if he’d read their mind. The way they leaned into his hands made him smile. He kissed them right between the brows, smoothing away the creases there with his lips. Their skin was still very warm under his mouth.

“Probably shouldn’t do that.”

He looked at Honey, baffled. “I should not comfort my partner?”

“Nah, that’s fine. Kissing, though. Bad idea. He’s sick.”

He hadn’t thought of that, but it was a very solid argument. If whatever Rin had was in fact infectious, it would be dangerous for Arquis to catch. Especially if it had anything to do with the chest. He’d just recovered from the poisoning and asthma incident of the previous week, and even then his lungs still weren’t in the best shape.

But that didn’t matter. His lover was hurting, and he wished to help. He fixed his expression and kissed Rin again, this time on their jaw.

Rin just stayed cuddled up to Arquis, quiet and tired despite only having woken up a few hours ago. He still felt overly warm, and chilled at the same time. "'m fine." he mumbled, even though he clearly wasn't.

Honey hopped off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. There was the unmistakable sound of someone rummaging through a cabinet. A moment later, he returned with a glass thermometer.

“Just remembered I had this,” he said as he came over to Rin’s side of the bed. “Lovey had a cold a long time ago, and Divinity got all worried. Went out and bought a whole bunch of stuff for sick people. Soup, some medicine, tea, y’know. Rest of it went bad, but this is still in working condition.”

He tipped Rin’s chin back and slipped the thermometer in their mouth. Arquis stroked their arm with his hand, whispering praise under his breath. They did look rather tired. It was just their luck that they’d fall ill after making it all the way out to the inn. He remembered his persistence when walking all that way through the snowy night, their bravery in the carriage, his charisma on stage at the party. How irritating, that they’d made it this far only to not be able to enjoy it.

Honey took the thermometer out and whistled. He tipped it so Arquis could see the results. “Yeah, definitely sick. Sorry, sweetheart. Looks like you’re gonna be bedridden for today.”

Rin grumbled faintly, leaning his head on Arquis's shoulder with a tired sigh. "'m fine." he insisted. "Just…I'm just a bit cold, that's all. I'm okay." they sighed softly, shivering and drawing the blankets closer around their body.

Arquis gently removed the top blanket and moved it to the side. They needed to keep warm, but getting too hot would only make him worse. It’d cause him to sweat, which would lead to dehydration, and keep his body heat high. He kissed them apologetically on the cheek.

Honey took the thermometer to the bathroom to clean it. In the meantime, Arquis slipped his arm around his partner’s stomach and adoringly caressed their side. He pulled them in close.

“I think you are cold, my dear, because of the fever,” he teased, though it was gentle. “Which would mean that you are indeed ill. Would you like to return to our room? I did mention a bath earlier.”