"Yes. Of…of course." He stammered, watching Dacian go as an ache made itself known in his heart. He wished desperately that he could have said something, anything, other than what he had said. But he couldn't. Didn't. It would only lead to heartbreak and anxiety.
Dacian wondered how he would have felt if he did not say anything. He wondered how things will be after this, how the king would be around him. Deep down, a part of him wished that he wouldn't have done anything, yet at the same time, he felt a little relieved. Of course it would be difficult to see King Evander. He worried that his heart would lead him to be selfish or to be in a dreadful mood. All he wishes is that things would be better for both him and the king. Maybe something will happen between them, maybe not. The only thing he could do as of now is to walk back to his chambers.
Evander stayed in the gardens for a while, wandering the paths and trying to think about what had just happened. He didn't konw what to think, what to say or do about all of this. It was…it was a lot to process.
Suddenly, his feet rolled to a stop. Dacian was just outside of the entrance doors. He looked over in the direction he was just at moments before. Turning around, he stood there for a second. Should he go back over? Should he continue on? He shook his head then walked inside. No, he really shouldn't. His heart wouldn't really be able to contain much more.
Evander sat at one of the stone benches, eyebrows gathering together in confusion and uncertainty. This was not something he knew how to deal with. He'd never been trained. Years of war hadn't left opportunity for romance, nothing like this. He'd had one-night stands, a few times, mainly to have some way to relieve tension, but after the monster he hadn't. Hadn't wanted that added strain on his mind and body, of struggling to stay in control.
Every now and then, Dacian stopped. His head turned. His eyes looking over his shoulder. The silence around him was filled with the thumping of his heart. He was not sure what was making him keep looking back or making his heart beat so much. By the time he actually reached his chambers, he slid down the doors till he was sitting on the floor.
He rested his forehead against his hands, shaking his head just a little bit. He wished dearly that his father was still alive, that he had someone to talk to, to help him. But there was no one. No parents, no siblings, that he could have consulted. There was no one he could go to, no one he could lean on for their assistance.
It took awhile for him to get up. Dacian had his face buried in his knees as he tried to move on from what happened. He couldn't. Maintaing a singular thought without interruption is impossible for him. Swiftly, he stood up and left his chambers. Dacian dashed down to the courtyards. With all his might, he kept going faster and faster till he reached the doors then found the king.
He paused for a second as he took deep breaths. Never in his life did he expect himself to run so fast before. Putting his hands on his hips, he continued to pant before calling out, "Your Majesty!"
Evander had been sitting in the same position for a long while, and then he sat up a little, looking over at Dacian with soft, hesitant confusion in his eyes. "Yes, ambassador?" He asked, straightening up a little bit and tugging on his shirt sleeves, a little unsure what Dacian wanted to say.
Dacian sped over to King Evander then quickly got down on his knees. "Your Majesty….." He said in a low voice. Resting his hands on top of his thighs, he tried to catch his breath. It took him a moment to gather up the courage to glance back into the king's eyes. "Please forgive me for leaving after being so irrational. I have no right to be this way, especially towards you. My heart has gotten the best of me."
Evander studied him quietely for a long moment. "I…no, it's alright." he said softly. "I'm not upset at you, Dacian, and there is not anything about this that you need to apologize for." he gave the other man a soft, faint smile.
With wide eyes, he looked up at the king. Something tugged at his heart as he noticed King Evander's smile. Oh how he cannot help the feelings that were burning inside him. Dacian wanted to beg for a chance, but he was unsure; it probably will not work out for the best of the both of them anyways. Why does he feel this way? He shook his head, "No….Your Majesty….I should not have poured my heart out in such a manner. While I am grateful for your kindness and forgiveness, I do not feel that I deserve being forgiven for my actions. I am grateful for you and every moment I see you, I should be better regardless."
Evander's gaze stayed fastened on Dacian, listening to his words. "I didn't mind hearing it, Dacian, and there is nothing that needs to be forgiven. We all have feelings and we cannot help who they become attached to, nor can we help the desire to tell the person we developed feelings for." he replied. "Your actions are not anything bad that you must be forgiven for."
The look in the king's fixated eyes left his jaw to drop ever so slightly. He grabbed the fabric of his jacket while lowering his chin. Carefully, he took in each word King Evander said. Dacian was not able to assure himself on the king's words; he felt guilty for some reason. "I just wish that my feelings do not get in the way of anything, Your Majesty. If my heart explodes like a cannon, I do not want you to be shot by it."
He blinked a few times as he took in the analogy. "I dearly hope that your heart does not explode, ambassador." he replied. "And your feelings will not get in the way of anything. That I can promise you."
"Oh….I promise that it won't, Your Majesty….I-" Dacian stopped. His hands were out, trying to reach for the king's, but they stopped. "I will use my affection for you in other ways, so that it will not overwhelm anyone, whether that be as your ambassador or a friend or in whatever you want me to be. I am your servant…..I am yours…"
Evander gave him a soft smile. "I understand." he replied softly. "And I…Iwant you to know that if you need anything, you can come to me when you need to."
"Thank you, Your Majesty. Your grace is immeasurable," He smiled. Gradually, he rose up, lightly brushing off his knees. Dacian felt more relaxed, although it was hard to shake kf his concerns. He stood there for a moment until an idea hit him. "Your Majesty…..Could I ask for a favor? It is nothing grand or anything, it's a rather small one…." He said, biting on his bottom lip. "Well, I suppose it would be strange to ask this, but may I hug you?"
Evander blinked at him, not a little startled by the request. "I…you may." he said slowly. "If…that is something you desire." he stood, studying Dacian quietly and a little unsure what the other man wanted him to do now.
Dacian was not sure where this was going. His heart spoke faster than his mind did, but him and King Evander are friends. Right? Well, he hoped so even after he revealed his affection for the king. Once the king stood up, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. He gently stroked the king's back for a few seconds before letting go and stepping back.
Evander cautiously returned the hug, releasing Dacian as the other man stepped away. He didn't quite know what to say to Dacian now, just looked up at him, then away again.
Again, he rubbed the back of his neck. Under his breath, he whispered a soft 'thank you', though his lips did tremble a little. Dacian could not believe that he had done that; he felt like he was about to melt into ground right then and there. "You always look like you need a hug, Your Majesty," He admitted. "From the first day I saw you, I have always thought about that."
Evander let out a faint hum of acknowledgement. "I…do not know the proper response to that, Dacian, but…" He trailed off, shrugging a shoulder and looking away for a moment. Affection was such a rare thing for him. Allowing anyone close enough for affection was perhaps the hardest thing he could possibly do. It was a foreign creature that he hardly knew how to interact with. He flushed faintly. "Perhaps I did." he was still reeling a bit from Dacian's earlier confession. It was a lot to take in for him.
(hey, so…you're a wonderful RPer, and I would love to do one with you again, whether we picked up this one again or did a new one? If you're open to that, of course. If you aren't, then that's totally fine too, no pressure :)
(Hey, thanks! Yeah, I'm totally down to start a new one if you're cool with that.)