Jayme soon got lost inside himself. Feelings were so strange. He could never quite put them into words, could never quite control them. He heard Néci sniffle, bringing his attention back to him. There was a pang in his chest at the sight of the tears rolling down his face. I’m horrible. Jayme knelt down to be even with Néci and moved his hand from his shoulder to his cheek. He wiped away some of the tears with his thumb, his breath becoming shaky.
“Oh…” he shook his head as well. “No. My grandparents were immigrants themselves, I could never say anything, even if you are from Hungary. But…” he hesitated. “I don’t think you understand what I mean…”
He stared at Néci, his cheeks still hot. “Ah… was I that obvious?” He sighed shakily, and rubbed the other man’s cheek.
Jayme paused. His lip trembled. Néci’s eyes had pierced him once more. He couldn’t speak for a moment or two. “I’m… I’m sorry, Néci,” he whispered back, blinking back tears. “I have been afraid for so long… I’m sorry it has made me act strange to you. I am still afraid. I don’t know how I could ever stop being afraid.”
He could lose everything. Beyond the goings on of his mind how he is afraid of himself, he could lose everything if it was known he was a deviant. His commissions, his studio, his career… it would all be lost. He had often thought about what he would do if that ever happened. Perhaps move away, to a place where no one knew him.
"No, I do not think I understand." His heart pounding made it difficult to hear. He kept fighting back tears but to no success. People have always seen him one way or another, but Jayme….Oh, he doesn't know how Jayme sees him. All Néci could guess is that those eyes sparkled at him like no other. There has to be a reason why they are together the way they are now.
Despite still sniffling and tearing up, he laughed a little. He shook his head, "Mama says that the eyes tell us what our tongues cannot." Néci sniffled again. He smiled at Jayme while relaxing into his touch.
"No no, it's fine…Please don't…" More tears made his vision blurry. So much is at stake for Jayme. His art and his career, all because Néci brought up loving him and being together. All those things that can put Jayme and his work in danger. The fear weighing down on the both of them cause of it. But if he can protect them from the danger…..if they are close in secret….Maybe they can share the fear.
His hands were shaky, yet they reached out to cup Jayme's face. "Then do not fear alone. I do not want to be afraid by yourself," He sighed. "Jayme, please. Let's be afraid together then, even if it is just in secret. Jayme, please, I will protect you. I will protect us."
What if they are successful? What if he never puts Jayme in danger and no one else ever finds out? "You are not strange…You are beautiful." Néci did his best to wipe away some of the tears rolling down Jayme's face. He shivered. His arms were covered in goosebumps. A few tears fell from his face. His breathing slowed, yet he struggled to keep it steady.
He could feel the heat in his cheeks, the pounding in his heart. He didn’t know if he loved it or hated it. As he reached up and wiped away more of Néci’s tears, his voice went very quiet. “Ah, w— well. Let’s just— let’s just say there have been many times where I have wanted to pin you against the wall. Among other things.” He looked away and coughed once, his face burning.
Jayme panicked a little, wiping away more tears with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry…”When he felt Néci’s hands on his face, he both froze and melted in the span of a second. His cheeks were not cooling down any time soon. He just stared, unable to speak for a moment or two.
“Are you sure?” He whispered. “I— I don’t want to burden you with my fears.” He swallowed. “But I suppose you may have your own anyway. How— how are you going to protect me… us?”
He shivered a little as Néci wiped his tears away, and looked up at him. Despite everything, he couldn’t help but laugh. “Néci, I must be the strangest person I know. You are the beautiful one.” Jayme wiped his tears in turn.
Never did Néci feel so safe crying around someone. Jayme wiping away every single tear that fell from his eyes was as comforting as it was consoling. He was confused. "Other things?" Like what? Despite being a little lost still, his face was completely red. He swallowed. It took him a while to understand what Jayme meant and it was all thanks to thinking about being pinned against the wall by him. A shiver went down his back when he realized. "Oh…oh…" He wouldn't mind it.
His hands gently cupped Jayme's face. They felt the warmth coming from him, but he knew that he was burning up himself. "You are fine," Néci assured. "You are fine."
In a heartbeat, he nodded yes. The hesitation to the second part of the question was what made him unsure. He knows that he can and will protect them, but how can he? No matter what, he knows he can. Is that all that matters? "I don't know…" He shrugged. "I just know that I can…that I want to."
The laugh from Jayme confused him. What he said isn't true. He is quite beautiful too. "You only say such things because you are used to seeing yourself through your eyes, but that doesn't mean you are strange." Néci started to comb his fingers through Jayme's hair for no particular reason other than wanting to. He blinked away the tears. "Jayme, you are beautiful. Or should I say quite charming, like a prince. You are handsome like one."
Néci let a deep breath slip through his lips. Between Jayme's gaze, touch, and the feeling of his hair, it all silenced the worries in his head. His eyes were pretty teary still.
Jayme coughed again, thoroughly embarrassed. “Yes. Perhaps now we can agree that the lust is definitely there.” He felt like a strawberry on fire. Red, freckled, and burning. He just leaned into Néci’s touch and nodded.
There was an uncertain look on Jayme’s face as he watched him. He didn’t know, and that didn’t do much to calm his fears. A slow breath released from him as he kept holding Néci’s warm cheek, slowly moving to trace his lip. “I will protect you too, then,” he whispered.
The strawberry kept burning. As the other man’s fingers drifted to his hair, he melted into the touch, his eyes closing briefly. “W— well, maybe I can be both strange and beautiful, then.” Then he laughed again. “A prince? How? You are telling stories now, Néci.”
Slowly, slowly, he let go of those feelings of shame and self-loathing from earlier. They still lingered, but they no longer controlled him, at least for now. Jayme slowly stood up and sat in the chair next to Néci, then took his hand.
"I think that we can." Néci sheepishly laughed. His fingers delicately breezing through little curls. "But…" He brought his face a little closer towards Jayme. "The lust…I do not mind it, Jayme. I quite like it."
A wave of sensations came crashing down upon him. His heart became lighter than a feather. A fire burning underneath it. Néci breathed, watching as Jayme's finger drifted across his lip. So many thoughts ran through his head. Most of which he was sure they were lust, yet they didn't solely feel like they were just lust.
The way Jayme was underneath his touch…He did not expect to see such beauty. Well, of course, Jayme is beautiful. But to be this intimate and to share such a tender moment, Néci wished he could capture it in more than a memory.
He laughed along with Jayme. "It is true. You are my handsome prince," He sighed. His eyes drifted away as he kept on stroking Jayme's hair. "I only tell stories in bed. Perhaps soon, if you want to, you will see."
Néci smiled, looking over at their hands. "Jayme…I will protect you with these feelings that I have for you…You will be okay, I promise." He sat on the edge of the chair. Leaning over, he sat his other hand on top of Jayme's.
This man is going to kill him one of these days. Or at least, make him stop functioning altogether from sheer desire. Jayme could only let out a soft breath as Néci leaned closer. “Oh… alright then. Perhaps I was worried over nothing.”
He wanted to say something, do something. A lot of things, actually. Yet, it still felt as though he should hold himself back. If only he wasn’t so afraid. He just sighed, letting Néci’s gentle touch comb through his hair.
His smile lingered, though. “I honestly don’t understand where you get that from. You are far more suited to be a prince. You have the looks for it. I could draw and paint you into royalty right now. I’m the pauper, on the contrary— wait, what?” His cheeks burned. “Oh, N— Néci, I… um. Sure. Sure. Later. Perhaps.” He didn’t know what else to say.
Flustered, he looked down at their hands. Jayme took them and entwined their fingers, squeezing a little. “But what about you?” He asked. “I should protect you too, Néci.”
"No, it is alright." His fingers momentarily left Jayme's curls to lightly touch the tip of his nose. Smiling, he returned to combing his partner's hair. "How would you have know otherwise? It is okay to have worried. But sometimes you have to just say what's on your mind, go for it, and then enjoy the weight that's been lifted off your chest."
Néci giggled, shaking his head. "I know where I got it from," He retorted. "You are kind, gentle, smart, artistic, adorable, and handsome just like one…You sure do have the perfect hair. And if you're to draw or paint me as one, you should add yourself too." He laughed softly then gave Jayme a wink.
"Hm?" He didn't know what to say. Sparks must have been flying from their hands as Jayme laced their fingers. There was heat between them. Heat that ran up the back of his neck and to his face. "I can assure you that you are protecting me," He replied. He looked down at their hands, giving Jayme's a little squeeze in return. "You are right now. You are doing well."
A soft chuckle slipped from his lips when Néci touched his nose. “Ah. You’re right. It’s just that I find myself worrying too much about things.”
Jayme’s cheeks could only get hotter and redder from here. Any more of this, and he really just might get a fever. “My hair‘s a mess,” he groaned, but good-naturedly, “and you’re not helping matters.” He sighed, shaking his head a little. “Maybe I will paint you as a prince for one of my commissions…” his eyes drifted, catching Néci’s wink before his soul nearly left his body at the sight.
His commissions… This made him start thinking about work again. How long has it been since they came upstairs? He should at least finish the painting, and then see how the people at Collier’s like it…
After taking a moment to breathe deeply, he calmed, though his cheeks were still warm, especially when Néci squeezed his hands. “Am I? Alright.” His hands itched. He glanced up at his partner, and wanted to do a lot of things, but held himself back. “Is there anything else we should talk about?” He asked. “Or, we should probably go back to work now.” He chuckled sheepishly.
"I find myself in the same place sometimes." He kept on letting his fingers weave through soft locks. "It is okay. I am here for you….and with you too."
It was hard not to laugh at Jayme's groan. No really, he thinks that Jayme has the perfect hair. He can only imagine what it would be like to brush through it when laying together then letting his fingertips drift down to his cheek. "I hope so. You can certainly make some money with such a commission."
His eyes grew wide. Right. The commission. They need to get back on it. He shook his head rather rapidly. "No, that is it." Still holding Jayme's hand, he stood up. "We should get back to work. I didn't mean to distract us for this long."
As much as it pained him to do so, he let go of Jayme's hand. His heart did take a little dive once he did, but he told himself that it wouldn't be the last time. "Last one to your studio owes the winner a drink!" Néci laughed then ran out, making his way down the stairs.
Jayme found himself frowning when Néci laughed, raising an eyebrow at him too. His hair was only perfect for him to comb his fingers through. If you just looked at it, it would be clear that it was messy. “Well anyway,” he sighed again. “I could say the same to you, as well as all those other things.”
Standing up with his partner, his frown melted back into a small smile. “Don’t worry Néci,” he said. “I think it was a good distraction, better than I’ve had in a long time.”
He blinked as Néci let go of his hand. “Oh— hey!” For a moment he thought they were going to hold hands all the way down. Who knew Néci would be so excited to work? Jayme rolled his eyes but raced after him, past the sitting area where Artemisia had decided to nap, and down the stairs.
A part of Néci was looking forward to work, but there is another part of him that has excitement for everything surging through his veins. Besides, he loves games, especially when he has a plan in place to go along with it. A game is a game is a game is a game.
He did his best to not look over his shoulder. It was quite tempting to do so. To get a simple swift glimpse of Jayme is awfully tempting, but he has to get to the studio first. He will have the opportunity to gaze at Jayme very soon.
Once he reached the studio, he quickly got in. Néci did not waste anytime hiding behind the door. Like he did in his childhood, he got up against the wall and made sure that he was still enough to not to lose his balance or to make a peep. It is very difficult though as he already had the urge to laugh quietly.
Jayme was mostly thinking about work at this point, and wasn’t so interested in games. As he came downstairs and crossed the hall, his mind became preoccupied with the finishing touches he should add to the painting. He knew he wouldn’t make it anyway, so as he approached the studio, he started slowed down.
“You know, it’s alright,” he said partly to himself and partly to Néci. He pushed the door aside slightly. “I think I want to buy you a drink anyway. I’m not much of a drinker myself, so you couldn’t buy me one.” He chuckled. He turned to where Néci had pressed himself against the wall, and a faint smile showed on his face.
“I see you,” he chuckled. “What are you doing there?”
"Oh…" He did wonder if Jayme was one to enjoy a drink or not. Néci wanted to use this game as a way to take Jayme out something like a date. He is more than fine to pay for a drink or two; he knows someone who owns a speakeasy. On the other hand, he is fine with what Jayme said. Would it still be a date? Is it too soon to ask?
When he saw Jayme in front of him, he bit the inside of his cheek. Anticipation made his heart feel like it was buzzing. He tried to stay hidden, but alas, mission failed. The man was frozen with wide eyes and a rosy face. Well, he had a plan and now he wishes he was more successful in said plan.
His lips puffed out. Néci held his hands in front of himself and began to fidget with his fingers. "I was going to scare you by wrapping my arms around your waist and pretend that I got here last then use the buying you a drink to ask you out." He walked away from the wall before standing in front of Jayme. Néci grinned then laughed softly, "I wanted to take you out for dinner and a drink or two. That's all."
Seeing Néci’s expression, along with his body pressed against the wall like that, made amusement dance in his eyes and lighten his heart. It seemed that he had foiled something.
He came closer to the other man, his hand reaching up to cover the smile growing on his face, and the red blooming on his cheeks. “Oh, Néci… you old chuck,” he grinned, shaking his head softly. He lowered his hand. “That’s sounds really lovely… though I got to say, my brother used to do the same thing when we were boys, though it was only to scare me.” He chuckled faintly. “I think an instinct kicked in, and I knew where you were.” He gently touched his hand to Néci’s arm. “I would… I would love to go out with you. Just name a time and place.”
Defeat was present in his face still, but he was unable to maintain gloomy eyes and pouty lips in front Jayme. Néci will never feel defeat when he has the sight of the blushing artist in front of him. His plan was foiled, but he does not mind the change of direction it is taking. He stared at the hand on his arm for a couple moments while smiling.
Néci bit his lip as he started to think of where they could eat. Where should they go? There are so many lovely restaurants all over the city. "Ah!" His eyes lit up then glanced towards Jayme. "How about Blanchard's, seven o'clock tonight? Then maybe afterwards we can go to a speakeasy that is two blocks away. What do you say?"
(So sorry)
He nodded, starting to get a little excited. “Blanchard’s? Oh, yes, I have not been there in a while. That sounds lovely.” He chuckled. “Oh, how can I work when I have this to look forward to?”
Jayme pulled away and reached for the chair at his desk to put on his apron, as he had left it there. As he tied it behind his back, he looked over and glanced at the painting. He found himself pursing his lips and furrowing his brow, not liking what he saw. Up until this point, he had been okay with how the piece was going along, but now he sort of hated it.
“I’ll probably need to create another, larger version of this in oils…” he murmured aloud, thinking to himself. “So I’ll finish this today and send it to them…” It was some comfort knowing that he would soon have external feedback instead of having to rely on his own internal thoughts.
A beam swept across his face. "You have been to Blanchard's too?" His ears turned pink. Néci chuckled before clearing his throat. "I wish I knew how," He shrugged, continuing to laugh a little while after. His eyes followed Jayme. They gazed at him with wonder, watching as he put on his apron. Immediately, Néci started to look around at random things when realizing that he was staring.
Glancing over at the piece gave him this feeling of awe that he had never felt before. To see a depiction of his face interpreted by a man and his brush, oh, it made him nothing but awestruck. Sure he may be fascinated as he is the model, and he is nor an expert nor an artist, yet he loved the piece. He thought that it was lovely.
Néci hummed softly while he ambled over to the bench. "I can help with sending the piece," He offered while sitting down. The bench made a little creak sound as he settled back against it. "Or I can deliver the piece to the client or we can go together! Yes? What do you think, Jayme?" While talking, he tapped his fingers against his knee. His eyes were sparkling. Whether it'd be due to Jayme, their date, this job, or the piece, he had not clue. All that he knew was that it is quite difficult sitting still when your heart is running to Budapest and back a thousand times.
Néci’s smiles were contagious. Jayme smiled back softly and nodded. “Yes. Usually with family.” He turned back to the painting, finding himself going back into work mode.
Maybe he just hadn’t mastered the watercolor quite yet. He was more used to oils, and this was technically only a small version of what he would eventually be painting. It’s okay that it wasn’t perfect, right?
Jayme sighed. The urge to fix every mistake and problem he saw was strong. He mixed some darker colors and went over the more shadowy areas before going over the cats again. Then he took the colored pencils he had taken out earlier and added extra details and texture, which seemed to make things better.
“Huh?” He only partially caught what Néci said. “Send the piece…? Oh—” he looked up. “You don’t have to. I have always done it on my own. It’s rather boring honestly— I’m not sure why you’d want to help.”
"Oh, that's wonderful." Néci wanted to go on, asking Jayme what it was like going with family and so on. A gap formed between his lips. They hovered till they shut closed. Jayme was focused on working that he didn't want to utter a peep. There was a flame of focus lit within his eyes that made Néci sigh to himself. Staring made his chest heat up. He wondered what the painting looks like now, especially after Jayme started to use colored pencils. It must be as mesmerizing as it was the last time he looked at it.
He tilted his head to the left. Humming in question, he bit the inside of his right cheek before releasing. Néci shrugged, "I just want to help a little more aside from my duties. Surely you do so much already." He paused for a second before talking again. Gasping softly, his eyes lit up. "We can go together! It'll be less boring for you. I can learn how you do it too. Please, Jayme." It can be a little adventure for the two of them too. Gazing over at Jayme, he smiled before forcing his lips to pout.
A soft smile grew on Jayme’s face. It was strange how Néci could capture his attention as fiercely as his work. Or maybe, at this point, it wasn’t so strange. “You’re very kind, Néci,” he said, setting the pencil he had been holding down on the desk. “I… well.” He chuckled. “Alright. We can go together. Perhaps it would be good, and would show that we really are partners…”
His voice faded as he spaced out for a moment. Then he blinked, looking over to his partner. “Ah, could you come and look at this, please? I want to know what you think.” He motioned for him to come over.
Néci leaned forward, eagerly waiting to hear what Jayme would say. Oh it would be so fun, the two of them walking down the streets to deliver such pieces of work! "Really?" He almost jumped out of the bench. "It would be a good, wouldn't it be, Jayme?" He beamed. The excitement left his face with a buzzing feeling. "Oh? Of course, hold on." Néci nodded before standing up. Briskly walking over, he went to stand behind Jayme. A couple of seconds went by where he didn't say anything. His brows pressed together as he stared at the piece.
Frankly, he was at loss for words. Not to mention he forgot the English word for shadows. His hand rested on Jayme's shoulder. "It is amazing, especially when you can see how much work you put into the…the uh…the things." He pointed at the shadows around the cats, but also the other details (that's the word he was looking for!) and textures. "You made so much progress and it hasn't been long since I last looked at it."
He just looked at him and smiled. Néci looked so happy, so excited. It was difficult to look back at his art again. He was entranced by Néci’s joy. “Yes, I think it would be quite enjoyable,” he agreed.
He looked between the piece and Néci’s expression. A soft chuckle left his lips as he followed his pointing. “Thank you, Néci. I see what you mean. Although, personally, it’s not my best work. I’m still new at watercolors, to be honest. When I show it to them, then paint it again in oils, it will look much better than this.”
He glanced at the hand on his shoulder, and placed his own hand on top. “However, I do think this is finished. Tomorrow, we will send it to Collier’s.”
"It is going to be fun!" He exclaimed before bursting into laughter. Néci could not stop beaming. No really, it was impossible for him to. Between going out with Jayme and now they are going to deliver the painting together, all of gives him the reason to smile. Not to mention there was a lot of energy going through him. His heart was jumping all over the place.
His eyes gazed over at the painting. Either it was just him or he wasn't good at imaging what the final painting would look like. Now, it looked wonderful to him. He loved it…Perhaps it's just because he had a different perspective, but something about the painting made him feel fuzzy. He loved it. Though not as much as he loved the feeling of Jayme's hand on top of his. That also made him fuzzy, yet so did everything about Jayme. "I can't wait," He smiled, "Collier's will love it, I know it. You can bet on it, Jayme."
“Well, aren’t you excited,” he remarked, still smiling with one brow slightly raised. After crying, agonizing over his feelings, and worrying about tomorrow, Jayme couldn’t quite match his partner’s zeal.
“We will see.” He took a breath and stood up. He took the painting and set it on top of the cabinet to be left alone, hopefully where Artemisia couldn’t get to it. He then took off his apron and put it up. “Okay Néci, all I need help with right now is putting up supplies,” he chuckled. “The colored pencils go here, the watercolors here. The palette can go here, it’s fine even with paint still on it. The brushes go here.” He pointed to each part of the cabinet as he spoke. “I can take the palette and the watercolors.” He learned quickly that it was better to be organized with supplies, otherwise things got messy very quickly. “Make sure to wash the brushes with paint still on them.”
