forum The Artist’s Muse O/O- closed (stalkers will get some nice art)

Started August 28, 2021 by @Tired-but-passionate

tune

(Lmao, that is a perfect depiction of them)

Should he stay or should he let go? Nerves boiled through him. He wasn't sure whether or not to tighten his embrace or if he should just stay put. Is he even doing this right? But he has done this before; just not with a man, let alone with someone who already is sending his heart into a frenzy.

Néci remained as still yet comfortable as possible. However, he did slightly adjust his chin so it wouldn't slip or be in a weird spot. He moved along with Jayme. Naturally, the urge to stop and insist to help putting the plates away kicked in. Biting down on the inside of his cheek, he kept put.

It was odd. Being here now at this moment with his arms around Jayme feels so normal, so innate. Néci had to keep reminding himself that this is real, this is not a dream. He has to remain calm and relaxed; tensing up or becoming shaky is something that he shouldn't be focusing on.

The hugging at the waist wasn't what he had done before; although he is pretty sure resting his chin on the shoulder was what he had done. Well, he hopes. He isn't sure why he is going ahead with something so bold and daring right from the start. Then again whenever he flirts or tries to make a romantic gesture, he finds himself doing something along the lines of boldness.

Although he worried about ruining the moment, he felt the need to ask, "Are you alright with this, Jayme?" Néci wasn't sure what he was doing, and yet, he did know that it is better to be safe and sure. "I probably should have gone with something simple like holding your hand, but…..I wanted to cheer you up."

Once he was finished with the plates and cups, Jayme realized he forgot the silverware. He ambled over to quickly rinse and dry them, then place them in a drawer he had designated for silverware. There was the sound of metal brushing against light metal, and the smooth graininess of the drawer as he slid it shut.
The minimal sounds relaxed him further, as well as Néci’s warm breath on his neck. It was strange, unfamiliar, yet natural. Did he actually like it? He wasn’t sure if he could admit that.
His eyes flickered toward the sound of his partner’s voice. “Hm? Oh…” he felt his cheeks warm up again. “It’s— it’s new, but nice. I’m alright, Néci.” He found himself leaning against him, resting his hands on the ones around his waist. “Oh, you’re alright. Besides, if you had held my hand, I wouldn’t have been able to clean the dishes.”
He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get used to this feeling inside him, these sensations around him. “What… what do you want to do now? Do you… want to continue?”

Warmth kissed his face. The longer he stood there embracing Jayme, the longer he wanted to be there. His eyes fluttered shut. Néci breathed in and out slowly. This all feels like uncharted land, and yet, he likes it. Now he has to approach all of this with caution; he hasn't really felt so strongly about someone like his partner before.

He smiled at the feeling of Jayme's hands on his. He wanted to look down at them. Néci felt at peace where he is now. Peace may be an understatement though. Blood's pumping. His mind is racing to thousands of places.

"Hm?" Néci opened his eyes. What does he want to do now? Work? He glimpsed down at their hands. Snuggling his face into the side of Jayme's neck, he hummed out of decisiveness. Technically this is work, but he is worried about distracting Jayme still. But he isn't. Is he?

Either way, it'll just be the two of them. Removing his face, he sighed, looking at his partner. "Why not?" He smiled, "I would love to continue. I really….like this, and I hope you do too."

His eyes flew open as Néci buried his face into his neck, blood rushing to his cheeks. He felt his hum against skin and shivered a little. Jayme wasn’t sure how to feel, but he looked to meet his partner’s gaze and knew what he wanted.
His eyes landed on Néci’s smile and stayed there. Slowly, he turned around in his arms and wrapped his own around the other man’s waist. “I do,” he murmured. “As long as you do.”
For some reason, the urge to apologize and explain himself came over him. He didn’t want to be overbearing or pushy, or at least, he was afraid of becoming so. He just returned Néci’s embrace, and now he wants to do… other things as well. He wished he wasn’t like this, and yet, he loved being in his partner’s arms.
“You know…” he said, still staring at Néci’s lips. “Maybe you are distracting me. But I think I want to be distracted. Just for a little while.”

He removed his chin, only for it to tilt down just a little to look into his partner's eyes. A glimmering work of art in their own right. He felt snug being in Jayme's arms; it is as if he were being wrapped in a soft blanket resting beside a fire. A fire, in which, roared from his heart and mind.

The low murmurs of his partner left him to keep his eyes away. His lips thinned while he nodded. Néci was only able to sigh. "I do," He whispered. "I wouldn't be in this spot at this moment with someone like you if it were otherwise. I do, I really do."

And he really means it. While it is just the two of them and Néci is still rather nervous, he means every word. He cannot guarantee what he may say next or along the line, yet all he can promise is his feelings for Jayme are true. It is weird to him given how spontaneous this all is. He wants to ask if he will be a good partner or model, but maybe he shouldn't be diving into the depths of his anxieties. Especially now.

"Oh? Is that so?" He purred. Néci laughed softly as he continued to stare at Jayme with a fondly gaze. His gaze glimpsed to his partner's lips; he exhaled slowly. "Seems like you are distracted right now, Jayme….What is it that has captivated you now?"

Jayme sighed with him. He leaned into his warmth. He tried not think about how terrible he was being right now, how scandalous. Can his mind not complicate things for once? If only he could enjoy this simply, as if he or Néci were a woman. No, he enjoyed this like it was a guilty pleasure, like it was a lovely crime. It was a crime. But it is just the two of them. It is just the two of them. So why does he feel this way, as if a thousand people were watching?
His body shook a little. “Okay. Okay. I… I’m glad.”
Then his cheeks reddened. He tore his gaze away from Néci’s face and lips and just looked to his left. “Nothing,” he said quickly. “Nothing at all.” Jayme coughed.

A lot was going around in his mind. Even for just it being the two of them, Néci worried about the possibility of someone walking in or getting a glimpse somewhere. Now there is God watching over, but he hasn't said anything. Still, the fear of getting caught crept up onto him. It made him forget where he was at the moment. It made him shoulders rise up to his ears. He tried to convince himself that all is good, but the thoughts kept piling one on top of another.

He felt Jayme shake a little in his embrace. Néci blinked. "Alright…." He whispered. "Alright…" What else can he say? Words always fail him. And his gaze stuck on Jayme's flustered face, his lips, those little freckles. All of which made him want to say thousands of things, just to his partner and for his partner alone.

Removing one hand, he pressed the back of it against Jayme's forehead. "You are so flustered…." He muttered with a smile. His hand slid down, gently holding his partner's cheek. "You look just so breathtaking with red cheeks," He breathed. His lips quivered. "There is nothing distracting you right now?"

Jayme was unsure whether to let his eyes drift back to Néci or not. He was nervous, but at the same time, he chided himself. It was just the two of them, so he should make the most of this. He could feel Néci’s gaze on him, and, naturally drawn to it, turned his head to meet it.
His heart pounded in his chest as Néci felt his forehead. “Oh… um, what is it? Do I— do I have a—“ Before he could finish, his partner’s hand moved to his cheek. “Oh. I do?” His mind was scrambled, his thoughts a mess and uncontrollable. He nearly forgot to answer when his partner asked the question, just once again staring into his eyes or lips. “You,” he found himself saying. “Just you.”
He didn’t think he could speak anymore. The hand on his cheek made his skin tingle and his blood boil. Should he calm down? He should calm down, right? Jayme leaned into Néci’s hand, taking a breath.

Néci hummed. Even if he tried, he was not able to take his eyes off of Jayme. He really likes the blush on his partner's face. The sight of it is powerful enough to make him forget about everything else; as if he hasn't any time before when looking or staring at Jayme.

But the power Jayme has in just staring, looking at him, it is more than what he ever expected when falling for someone. Is that what this is? Huh, he is afraid, but the fear was kept at bay. With Jayme, Néci has no need to think much about it now.

He cannot really think to begin with. Aside from letting his thumb brush gradually against Jayme's cheek, he could not think nor speak. This world that they are in, he does not want to leave it at all. He does not want to focus on anything else.

Somehow his thoughts began to trickle back. His legs felt strange. Laughter resonated from his throat. He kept on rubbing his partner's cheek. "I don't want to move from this moment," He admitted, "I don't think I can move that much. I don't want to."

Gradually, he calmed himself again. His cheeks hummed with heat, and his legs felt numb and stiff, but his mind was no longer running in wild circles. Jayme took steady breaths, focusing his mind on Néci’s touch and his humming, the gentle sounds in the air.
He now stared shamelessly at his partner, leaning into his touch and getting lost in his eyes. He could not think of anything to say, just stared at the kaleidoscope of colors in Néci’s irises. How could he ever do them justice on canvas? He must paint them one of these days, to see if he could capture the wonders within.
Néci’s lips, however… he could paint them in five strokes. But the colors were intricate even here, and he would have to mix well. Pale reds and oranges, the color of flesh but with subtle variations. Soft curves and points of light. Jayme found himself pressing closer to see.
He managed a smile as his partner laughed. “Then… don’t. I don’t think I want to either.” Letting out a small sigh, he moved his arms from Néci’s waist to brush his back, and soon started rubbing it back and forth.

"Alright," Néci whispered. His thumb calmly brushed against Jayme's bottom lip, but his gaze remained still in his partner's eyes. "I believe to have found myself in the greatest place in the world, and I don't ever want to leave it…Have you ever held anyone like this before?"

He wondered how long they can hold each other like this before they have to stop. Will it be sooner than later? Will they get to do this again today? Or will ever get to hold each other for once more? If so, then he is going to treasure every second of it and hold the memories safe only for Jayme and himself.

While the rest of himself was calm and relaxed, the feeling of something on his back sent shivers down his spine. He looked over his right shoulder just for a second before assuring that all is well. Why wouldn't it be any other way? It is just the two of them; he never knew that he needed something like this and how he could never ask for anything more.

Removing his hand, he let it gravitate up and begin to comb through Jayme's hair. He beamed just as his eyes sparkled with content. In his mind, he can just imagine laying in bed and reaching out to run his fingers through this reddish adorably-messy hair. Oh, how he can only dream of it.

Red bloomed on Jayme’s cheeks at the touch, but he refused to let himself get flustered again. All the same, Néci’s touch still seemed to light something inside him. “I don’t know,” he whispered back, “Maybe once. Or twice.”
His hands in his hair were no different, but this time he wasn’t caught off guard. Welcoming the touch, he leaned into Néci’s hand. It felt so nice, and for a moment he closed his eyes and let himself lay his head on his partner’s chest. The rhythmic movement was soothing and calming. “Keep doing that,” he said softly.
This was actually pretty nice when he didn’t let the guilt and shame weigh him down. He just hoped Néci didn’t mind.
”Mrow.”
His eyes blinked open at the sound, finding the cat looking up at him, pawing his ankles. “Oh, hi Arty,” he cooed. “You want to join in? Or are you just hungry again?”

"I want to hold you like this again." Néci admired the way Jayme's face blossomed with red. Like holding a delicate rose rivals this. His fingers drifted through his partner's hair.

There was nothing he wanted to hear. Humming softly in response, he kept on with the gentle hair brushing. He let his fingers go through over and over again. The weight of Jayme's head resting against his ever beating heart was enough to leave him in a trance.

Almost for a little while though. The little meow snapped him out of it. "Well hello there, doll." He giggled watching the kitty at Jayme's ankles. "You know better than to not interrupt your papa like that. Silly…" Néci laughed incessantly just for a moment or two. The corners of his lips perked up.

“You do?” His voice came out with a soft breath. It took all of his willpower not to melt with sheer fluster and confused glee. “I— I do too.” His arms fell back to Néci’s waist, only to reach down to his hips. He hummed a little too, relaxing into his partner’s touch.
Jayme only let go to give Artemisia a scratch behind her ear, which seemed to please her. It seemed that they were being watched after all. “Ohh, you just wanted attention, is that it?” Putting his arms around Néci again, he chuckled as he watched the cat padded nearer, and decided to perch on top of Jayme’s shoes. “I think she’s interrupting because she’s jealous, I’m afraid.” He laughed with Néci. “She may like you, but her love is indeed conditional.”

Néci eagerly nodded. If he doesn't sound like a madman, he wants to Jayme again and again and again till his arms give out. He hope that he wasn't coming off as being odd when he spoke. Surely he has been doing a lot of hoping. The tone of his blush had only darkened. He giggled a little bit. Peeking over his shoulder, he look down at where Jayme's arms were now. With a gentle exhale, the pounding in his chest had only become heavier.

Watching Jayme with Artemisia made him laugh. "How adorable. I see she takes after her father," He sighed while looking back at his partner. Lowering his chin, Néci took another look at the kitty. "Oh, I am very sorry, dearie. I wasn't intending on to make you feel jealous, poor thing."

Carefully, he let go of Jayme and went to pick up the kitty. Like before, he held her like a baby. Turning a little in Jayme's direction, he sighed. "I understand, but we both care for the same man, yes?" Néci gently took one of Artemisia's paws, holding it up to make it look like she's waving.

He placed her back down. "Let's work together too, okay?" After scratching the top of her head, he went back to holding Jayme. "I can guarantee that my love will be unconditional, and that goes to the lovely kitty too."

Surely the red would stain his cheeks forever. Jayme had managed to calm himself again, but everything Néci did or said threatened to make him strange and incoherent. Surely his partner was determined to make his entire face rosy as well as his vision.
“Pfft, she does?” He looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “How so?” He watched, endlessly grinning, as Néci picked the cat up, the little thing meowing in protest. She had a disapproving look in her greenish eyes, but reluctantly let Néci have his way with her. Jayme watched, giggling uncontrollably. When she was placed on the ground, she quickly padded away. Apparently it was too much attention for her.
“Poor thing,” Jayme sighed. He leaned into Néci’s arms, a little surprised by his words. “Unconditional… love?” The words were strong. Surely his partner didn’t really mean it.

"You both are quite adorable….warm…and perfect to love and cuddle," He giggled. Whether or not it was actually funny, Néci found himself to be laughing. It only persisted when the poor kitty cat went away. He wasn't the only one to be laughing at this of course. And the other laughter had a more deep reaction within him. It rumbled in his heart like an earthquake. "Ah, and another thing to add, the two of you are quite funny as well."

"Oh…." Unconditional love, is it too soon to utter such words? He does not want to rush things at the expense of Jayme. "That is a hard phrase for me to say believe it or not," He tried to joke. Néci gazed down at Jayme. "I mean….I do care about you…I do not know if love at first sight is real, but you have already left such an impact on me that'd take a lifetime for others to do…Just like with the embracing, I want to love you if you'll let me."

Jayme put a hand to his cheek, surprising himself with its heat. “Ohh, stop it.” He shook his head, but kept grinning. “It cannot be true. I’m not…” he trailed off, chuckling a little. Oh, how was this even happening?
And now his heart was stuck in his throat. He could see the look on his partner’s face and knew that they had brushed upon the surface of something. “Néci… I…” Jayme suddenly found himself very stiff, afraid to move. “Love..?”
And just like that, the shame, the self-loathing, it all came back. He had given into his perverse desires and now he had somehow deceived Néci into this too. He remembered the moment he first saw his partner on the doorsteps, the thoughts he had. Slowly, he moved away, afraid of himself.
“Néci… I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I must have… seduced you somehow. It… it is good to know that— that you care about me, but I… loving me— loving me would be a mistake. Of course, I love h— holding you, and— and I—“ What was he saying? What was he saying? “I love being with you, but I do not think I— I can’t. I can’t return your feelings because what I feel—“ he took a breath— “What I feel for you is not love, it is— it is lust. Lust a— and infatuation, not love. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
He looked away from him, ashamed and quivering. Everything had spilled over, and he did not know how to clean it up. Maybe they should just go back to work and forget about all this. Jayme tried to quiet his thumping heart, breathing shakily.

The sudden change of course went in a blink of an eye. Néci went from smiling and laughing to standing still, looking in worry. The change was more swift in Jayme. It wasn't until the look on his partner's face did alarms go off in his mind. The stepping away sent tiny cracks appearing in his heart. Did he cause this? Was it the word, love? What is he to do now?

His hand reached out. Love, yes that's exactly what he feels. He knows that loving another man is not something he should do, but to hell with it! His fingers curled towards his palm before he dropped his hand.

Seduced? No, that can't be. Staring at Jayme, his ears pulled in every single word. They all stared to pile up onto him. A gap between his lips formed until his jaw dropped. Nothing came out. His vision became blurry. The tightness in his chest was just not from his feelings. No, he began to heave, fighting for air and relief.

Everything in his body suddenly became wobbly. He slammed his hand onto the counter before his knees would give up. His body leaned to the side. None of this could be true. Jayme doesn't mean any of this, right? Or maybe this is all a dream and when he does go to his first day of work, it will all be different.

"Please, that is not true," He snivelled. Underneath his breath, he repeated the word "please" over and over again till he stopped to take a deep exhale. Trudging over, he sat down in one of the chairs at the table. His eyes wanted to look over, but he he could not manage to get a glimpse.

"I do not believe that….it…it was lust and…infatuation that light up those eyes. And loving you is not a mistake…" He gulped. "How can it be? You fit so well in my arms….You have looked at me in a way that nobody ever has…I want to love you…I felt comfortable and safe around someone for once….Please Jayme, I can give you everything. I will do everything for you…Just please…."

Néci's head hung low. His hands pressed on his forehead while a few tears rolled down his cheeks.

He couldn’t look at Néci anymore. His vision began to blur with tears anyway as he heard Néci go quiet, then start to heave, saw his body slump and wilt out of the corner of his eye. Jayme’s own body continued to shake and quiver as he held his limbs close, making himself small.
He couldn’t speak. His eyes widened, and he felt himself sink to the floor. Néci doesn’t believe him! The unexpectedness of it took over him for a moment as he listened, but was soon replaced by shame, regret, and pain. He could not understand. He shivered as tears slipped down his cheeks.
“How… how can it not be?” His voice shook. “How… how long has it been since we met? Are we even friends?” He stared at the floor. “I’m sorry Néci… maybe— maybe you can love me, but I want to be able to love you in return. But I—“ a small sob crawled out of his throat. “I don’t think that’s what I’m feeling…”
Or maybe he didn’t actually know what he was feeling. Everything in his mind was all tangled up. His desires, emotions, they could not be distinguished, let alone the words that could describe them.
Finally, Jayme glanced up. Slowly, he got to his feet. He felt… safe around him? That was something he had never heard before. Perhaps that was a feeling he could return. He went over, reaching out to put a hand on his partner’s shoulder, but hesitated and drew back.
“Why?” He croaked. “Why do you want to love me?”

He shouldn't have said anything. If he had known that it would make Jayme upset, it would have been better if he had just went on about how cute Artemisia is. Néci just closed his eyes before hiding his face in his hands. Another tear escaped, but that was it. He just couldn't. His head was pounding as much as his heart was.

They only had met. They held each other for God only knows how long. He removed his hands from his face, but his eyes did not glimpse over at his partner. A lump formed in his throat. Could he say anything to Jayme? Would he even be able to?

What are they? Well, they are partners. Not boss and worker or anything like that. They have only known each other for hours, yet they held each other for some of that time. He feels things for Jayme that he hasn't felt before. Surely he hasn't felt them for anybody aside from….Jayme. Just Jayme.

But he cannot say such things. Jayme says he cannot love him back. To burden his partner with his own feelings…Something is telling him that he should just keep this to himself. They can go back to work, right?

With a lift of his chin, he looked up at Jayme. He just barely missed watching his partner's hand drawing back. He could only stare for so long at his partner before he had to fight the tears. "Why?"

"I feel safe with you, even now. The way you've looked at me….the first time you did….it gives me butterflies in my stomach…" Néci ran his hand through his hair, but it stayed halfway. "When we were in each other's arms, I just wanted to stay there with you. Your gentleness, your voice, the way your hair feels….I love it all…All of it and more makes me want to love you, Jayme."

Now that he was standing here, he couldn’t move anymore. He was frozen, his blood slowly slugging along in his veins. His heart was clogged in his throat. If only he could paint that. Maybe then the feeling would dissolve.
Néci’s gaze pierced him like an arrow through ice. He felt pinned to the spot, like he had done something wrong and been caught red-handed. Those clear blue eyes held him fixed, and he hated the thoughts, the images that went through his mind just then. But the man across from him was so, so beautiful, it made him weak and wanting. Jayme looked away, ashamed. How could he have done this to him? How could he have made him upset?
He was still and silent as frost on a leaf, but as he listened he slowly thawed. His pulse quickened, sending blood to his cheeks. “Oh… well…” he took a breath. “I think I do feel similarly… but you give me butterflies all the time.” He reached out again, hesitated for only a moment, and set his hand on Néci’s shoulder. Didn’t he do the same to him, some time ago? “I— um, Néci, I do return those feelings, I want to love you too… I— I’m just afraid something— something will get in the way. That something will go wrong. And I don’t want to treat you as though you are just a pretty face. And I—“ he stopped, grimacing a little. “Is it lust?” He muttered under his breath. “I…"

Néci had to look away even if it was just for a couple of seconds. His fight with the tears was one that he was going to lose. He didn't want to cry. A few tears managed to slide out, yet that was it. Biting down hardly on his bottom lip, he tried not breaking down. Everything in him felt like a raging storm in the middle of the sea. Feelings thrashing back and forth.

The shoulder with Jayme's hand buzzed. It sent shivers down his heart. He sniffled. Just a pretty face? For him, being treated as a pretty face has led him to some interesting places. Of course there was nothing more than lust, but it didn't matter. And to be with Jayme, he doesn't care about those things. They can be together. That's all he wants.

He somewhat made sense of what his partner muttered. His partner….Why is he calling Jayme that in this moment? What is meaning of it right at this very moment? They are not talking to each other in the terms of business and work partners. This is far from it. And lust….Lust is completely different.

"I think I'd find life more bearable if I was treated as a pretty face. It's better than a dirty immigrant." Néci sniffled again. He shook his head. Strands of hair fell out of place. "But I know….I know….I know you wouldn't treat me as so."

"I guess when…we first saw each other, your eyes said a lot to me…like they have so many times already…And I know lust." He didn't just see lust in those brown eyes. No. Despite not being able to put it all into words, he had confidence that there is and was more than just lust and beauty.

He swallowed. "We shouldn't be letting worries getting in the way," He whispered. "Fear will just hold us back. We don't need to know much except that we have feelings and we want to love each other…" Néci tilted his chin, staring up into Jayme's eyes. "Right?"