Theo found his gaze drifting back to the other man, looking everywhere except meeting his eyes. He was standing still, but silent. Was he going to stay? They felt that weird feeling tighten his chest as their eyes traced the curl of his hair and the petals of the flowers nestled inside them.
Your Highness, he heard Vivi say, you should let him stay. He’s a pretty human, isn’t he?
He looked down to see the snake’s beady eyes staring up at him, and an exasperated sigh was released. At least it distracted them from the strange feeling.
“Vivi, you know I can’t do that. He probably has things he wants to do,” they muttered as quietly as they could. Then a thought entered his brain, and his brow furrowed. “Do you like him, Vivi?”
Yes. That crowd was awful, and he came with us to get out of it. He even asked how you were.
Theo considered that fact again. Why did Kuno come with them in the first place? Why did care about how they felt? Should he let him stay because he did? Why should he? But he couldn’t turn him away either. He didn’t know how to say it without being awkward or rude.
“Huh,” he murmured. “I didn’t know snakes could be so aware of how they felt about something.”
It’s because our emotions are more simple than yours are, she hissed, flicking her tongue.
“True,” they agreed. They turned to Kuno again. “Vivi has taken a liking to you,” he began tentatively. “I think she wants you to stay, if you’d like.”
(I’ve been so busy dndejb)
(Ah, you're good! I understand completely. :)
Kuno was very grateful when Theo broke the silence, so much so that he didn't comprehend what they'd actually said for a few seconds.
"Oh. Oh?" Kuno blinked at Theo, trying to wipe the stupid grin he was sure he was wearing off of his face. He should not be this happy that Theo's snake had said he was allowed to stay. "Alright. I'll, uh, I'll stay." He carefully clasped his hands together. "Do you want to go sit down somewhere? We could go back to the lily pond. Or I could give you a real tour of the gardens? They're probably the most beautiful place in the palace." Kuno glanced at the scenery around them, sighing in contentment. If Theo let him show them around the gardens… well, that would be something, wouldn't it?
Theo blinked. Kuno was actually okay with staying? That smile… he looked so happy. Why? So, they weren’t inconveniencing him or taking him away from something he wanted to do back there, with the crowds? How was this happening?
“Um…” they honestly didn’t know what to say. “I— I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
He suddenly felt nervous again, but somehow it was a different nervousness from before. His heart beat sporadically, there were butterflies in his stomach. The nervousness from before had been because there was too much. Now this nervousness was because there was too little.
"If you don't have a preference, I think we should tour the gardens. I think you'll really like it." Kuno turned towards Theo with an excited smile on his lips. "Shall we?" He held out his hand towards Theo, suddenly wondering what it would feel like to have Theo's hand in his. Obviously, he would never find out– he was sure the chance of Theo actually grabbing his hand was zero– but it didn't hurt to wonder. Or, well… why was he wondering that in the first place? Sol help him, he was losing his mind. He shouldn't have held his hand out in the first place, but he was too far in now to just take it back now. He would when Theo had started moving. It had just been a 'let's go' gesture. Yeah, that worked. In an effort to stop imagining Theo taking his hand, Kuno tried to figure out where he was going to take Theo first. Maybe the zetai-lasy grove? It certainly was one of the best-smelling places in the gardens.
“U— uh, alright then,” Theo stuttered. His stomach flipped when Kuno held out his hand to them. Suddenly it wasn’t Kuno standing before him, it was Isla. Come with me, I know a place where they won’t find us, she had said that day, wearing the same smile Kuno was now. Theo had taken her hand, thinking that she wouldn’t like it if he didn’t. That old, yet childish notion rose in their mind now. Is this was what Kuno wanted? It would be bad if they didn’t do what he wanted, right?
And so, he took Kuno’s hand. Too late, he questioned why in the world what Kuno wanted mattered so much.
But then the feeling of handholding itself struck him like a slap to the face. Kuno’s hand was surprisingly soft and warm, or maybe it was just because they hadn’t been touched by another human in a while. Theo felt a rush of blood in his cheeks, and a strange need to release a few tears.
Your Highness. I think you forgot to breathe. Vivi hissed softly.
They blinked, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay, and began to take rhythmic breaths. They decided not to speak any more, letting Kuno take them where he wished to go.
Sol help him. Theo had actually taken his hand. Kuno quickly turned towards the direction of the grove, his face warm. Why… why had they… oh, never mind. If he tried to figure that out, he would be there forever. Kuno had promised a tour. "Uh… our first stop is the zetai-lasy grove. It smells absolutely amazing." He shifted his hand in Theo's slightly, then started walking. The path that led to the trees wound through bushes of yellow and blue flowers, then a bed of golden-orange grass. Kuno ran his free hand over the tops of the soft grass. It was called olum yiner, and was used to make the finest, softest cloth. It was amazingly soft, even as it was. Kuno could smell the grove before he could see it. The trees smelled a bit like cinnamon, though they were slightly sweeter and lighter. The trees weren't that tall, only rising about one story into the air. Golden-brown bark and orangy leaves dancing in the slight breeze. Silvery grass grew at the base of the trees, shining slightly in the dappled light. "Here we are." Kuno stopped in the middle of the path, gesturing around them at the delicate trees. "What do you think?"
Thankfully, Theo was able to get over himself fairly quickly. He reminded themself to breathe every now and again as they gazed around at the flora around them. They avoided Kuno’s gaze as they watched the grass go from golden to silver, a sweet scent fluttering in the air.
“It’s beautiful,” he said, taking a deep breath and exhaling. “It does smell very pleasing too.”
Although he did his best to avoid Kuno’s eyes, it was still difficult to ignore the handholding. Their movement and posture was stiff, and they hoped his hand wouldn’t feel too clammy to Kuno.
Father and Mother always said Opria was a terrible place. Nothing good can be said of it, nothing at all. And yet, how could a place so terrible be so beautiful at the same time? Theo was surprised to find how genuine the words they spoke were. These plants and trees and flowers were all native to the country they called the enemy, and yet they carried as much beauty as the ones in Indri did. Was it bad to think like this? The thought then entered his mind. Guilt began to creep into him.
"I'm glad you like it," Kuno said, looking at Theo with a relieved smile. He had been pretty sure Theo would like this place, but there was always the chance that he got it wrong. He did notice that Theo was moving pretty stiffly, which suddenly reminded him that yes, he was still holding their hand. "I, uh, I'm sorry if you felt compelled to take my hand. You can let go if you want to. I promise I won't get mad or anything." Kuno's eye flicked from the trees around him back to Theo, trying for a reassuring expression. "But if you want to continue, that's fine too." He forced himself to look away from Theo, a task much harder than it should have been. In his defense, they were really too beautiful. It was unfair. "Um, anyway. Up next I think we could go… um, we could look at the sea." Although the cliff behind the palaces wasn't a part of the gardens, the meadows up there were absolutely amazing. And the view of the water below was one of Kuno's favorites.
That smile again. It seemed to bury itself into Theo’s mind, making it not so easily forgotten. It took him a moment to register Kuno’s words.
“Oh, well… it’s just—“ They panicked a little, as they suddenly didn’t know what to do. Kuno was saying he could do what he wanted, but what did they want? Why was it so difficult to ask that question? Considering that it had been a while since Theo had physical contact, perhaps it was another thing he should try to get used to. But then they remembered whose hand he was holding. There was blood on those hands, Theo’s own blood and kin. Their own hand shook a little before slipping out of Kuno’s. “Nevermind.”
At the prospect of a change in location, he glanced up. “The sea?”
Ew, the sea, came a hiss from his neck. They glanced down, allowing the corners of their lips to pull up as they chuckled.
“You don’t like it?” He asked.
No. I don’t see how you humans like it. Vivi flickered her tongue in disgust. So slimy and sandy.
Theo shook his head. Indri was a rather coastal country, so the sea and any body of water provided a nice sense of peace and familiarity. Perhaps going there could clear their head.
“Alright, you can skip out on this one,” they said, taking the snake’s long, gray body and setting it on the ground at his feet. Once she had slithered out of sight, he gave the other man a nod. “The sea sounds lovely.”
Kuno slipped his hands beneath his robes with a nod. "Yes, the sea." He nodded, waiting for Theo's verdict. Apparently, his snake wasn't a fan of the idea– at least, that's what Kuno was getting from what he could hear. Kuno hoped Theo was more for the idea than his snake was. He really did want to show him the view. And if they were okay with it, he would take them down to the beach.
"Yeamelo!" Kuno's face broke into a wide grin. "This way." He turned and started towards the back of the palace. They left the gardens behind, wound through a couple of corridors, then went through a door. On the other side was a meadow of soft grass and wildflowers that faded into rock and a steep drop to a sandy beach below. Although it was a terrifyingly long drop, he had never minded it. Kuno walked straight to the edge, looking out over the sparkling sea. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" He glanced back at Theo. Even if they didn't go all the way to the edge, it was still a lovely view.
He seemed to keep attacking Theo with his smiles; they almost put a hand over his chest as if he had been stabbed. He could never say no to a smile like that, could they? The thought terrified him slightly. If only they weren't such a people pleaser. If only he didn't have to…
He stopped himself. They were going to do it. They had to, for Father and Mother. No matter how adorable this man seemed to be. Kuno had taken them away. He had taken them away…
Theo followed him, clutching their dress with one hand. He could feel Mother nearby again, breathing down his neck. Whispering apologies and pleas to placate her, they felt the cool wind touch his skin and play with his hair as they passed through the door. Endless blue waters opened up before them, and he could feel his mother's presence fade. Their lips slightly parted.
"Yes," he breathed, at first not saying much more. Then a sudden chuckle came over him. "Oh, poor Vivi," they said. "I don't think she would mind this. She's missing out."
They bent down, crossing their legs to sit in the soft grass, eyes still fixed on the sea.
Kuno's face lit up. Thank Sol Theo liked it. "She is." He turned back to stare at the sea. Blues and greens mixed with the white of breaking waves far below him. A gentle breeze rustled his clothes, brushing the hair away from his face. He could stay out here forever, just staring at the waves breaking onto the sandy beach below.
After… the first few days after the queens had let him leave the infirmary, he'd come out here. Stared at the waves, at the sun, and the sand far below. There it was just him and Sol, and he could forget the pain of his missing eye and fingers. He could forget the pain in his heart, though it was harder. And he could forget about the dead queen and king. About the disgust in their eyes whenever they'd looked at him. He could try to let go of the anger he felt whenever he thought about what they did to his people. Kuno let his eyes close, trying to let go of all those terrible memories. He was here with Theo, by the sea. There was no use bringing up the past, not when the future suddenly looked so bright.
For some blissful time, Theo was relaxed and at peace. However, at some point, it became harder and harder to maintain that feeling. He tried to stop himself from retreating into their mind and focus on the gentle crashing of the waves, but even though the sea was a place of peace, it was also a place of memories. When did going to the sea suddenly become so… painful?
Oh Isla… I wish you were here now.
A girl's voice seemed to answer them out of the blue. Io, I'm here. Do you want to go down to the beach? It'll be fun!
Don't… Not like that. I wish…
It doesn't do to wish for foolish things, darling, a new voice rose up, making the hairs on the back of Theo's neck stand up. They shook their head, tears springing in their eyes, and thankfully he didn't hear the voice again.
I know, Mother. I'm sorry.
He tried to just focus on the movement on the sea, blinking the tears away. No one was here except for Kuno and him. Their gaze shifted to him, hoping that that the other man could somehow keep away the ghosts with his… realness.
Kuno sat down, feet dangling over the edge. He took a deep breath of the fresh sea air and glanced back at Theo. They had a weird look on their face that Kuno couldn't quite place. It made him a bit sad, though. And he didn't like the idea of Theo being sad. He wanted them to be happy… which he still didn't understand.
"Are you okay?" Kuno asked, getting up and kneeling in front of Theo. He placed a light hand on his shoulder before realizing that he probably wouldn't like that. "Oh, sorry." Kuno quickly removed his hand, glancing at the flowers around them for a second before looking back at Theo. He settled his hands in his lap, feeling very unsure all of a sudden. Every time he was with Theo, he felt confused. It wasn't a bad confused–at least he didn't think it was– but he didn't know why he felt that way.
There was that question again. If only Theo could focus his mind on the real world without having to deal with consequences. Which was worse? His internal world or the external world?
And the question. Why did Kuno care? Of all the people they knew, this Opreian should care the least, even if he didn’t know who Theo really was.
“I’m fine,” he said mechanically, almost not noticing the hand on his shoulder. Then they heard Kuno apologizing. “It’s fine,” they echoed, looking down as well. The flowers Kuno had given him lay beside him, but for some reason, he couldn’t remember putting them there. Maybe when he had first sat down.
He looked back vaguely in Kuno’s direction, not making eye contact. A strange mix of emotions slowly trickled into them, including that weird feeling from before. They tried to ignore it, instead focusing on Kuno’s arm or something and the sound of the crashing waves.
"Alright." Kuno was pretty sure Theo was, in fact, not okay, but he didn't push them. He didn't want to make them uncomfortable in any way. And he was also realizing that when it came to feelings, he was probably absolutely useless. The best he could do was just sit there. Kuno carefully sat down next to Theo, making sure to keep a respectful distance between him and them. If Theo wanted to talk, he could. If not, Kuno would just be there to keep him company. Although he liked the view much better from the very edge of the cliff, the sea was just as beautiful from here. He watched a group of birds dip and weave through the air over the waves, marveling at how sure their movements were.
(Happy Halloween ^^)
He was glad when Kuno didn’t question him further. They couldn’t even make sense of what was going on in his head, only that the dead keep visiting them sometimes. Well, Isla isn’t dead, Theo reminded himself. At least, I think she isn’t. I wonder how she’s doing… better not wonder, though. Just in case.
After a few moments they seemed to regain that peace from before, though the strange feeling still stayed there as Kuno moved beside him. They found himself resisting the urge to scoot closer to him or reaching out for his hand. But there was blood on that hand. Why did Theo want to feel it again?
He simply decided to close their eyes, focus on breathing and the sound of the waves. On the other hand, he could probably take a nap here. That sounded nice.
(Happy late Halloween! :)
Kuno turned his attention from the waves and the birds for a second, glancing over at Theo instead. The moment was so peaceful… almost too peaceful. Could he really be enjoying this? Should he? Sol, he shouldn't have drunk all that june-uwen. It was messing with his head way more than he had thought it would. Well… Kuno tore his gaze away from Theo. It wasn't only the wine. Theo was confusing him, making him feel things he'd never expected. Around them, Kuno was acting like a total fool. In the past, Kuno would step on those feelings immediately, crush them into dust, and never think about them. Now that he was thinking about it, that is what he should do. But… the war was over. The canyu were dead. He was safe and so was Theo. Maybe… maybe he could keep those feelings around just a little while longer.
A nap sounded nice, but then Theo remembered that napping could mean dreaming, which could mean more nightmares. Not in the mood for a nightmare, they sighed and opened their eyes only to find Kuno looking at him. Theo stared back at him, trying to search for something in his gaze. Why do you care? Why are you here, instead of with your people?
Of course, they didn’t want to actually ask him. That would be a whole ordeal that they weren’t sure they could handle. Instead, he searched for something else to say that could fill the silence.
Eventually, they gave up. “Sorry, I’m not sure what to talk about. I hope you aren’t bored or anything,” he admitted.
"Hmm?" Kuno blinked, Theo's voice pulling him out of his musings. "Oh, no. Sitting in silence with you is peaceful." He bit his lip, suddenly realizing what he'd just said. That was way too… why had he said that? Sol help him. It was probably best they weren't saying anything to each other. He would end up saying something else stupid. "I mean, the view is also beautiful. I couldn't be bored." Oh, Sol, he'd been looking at Theo when he'd said that. Kuno quickly looked at the ocean, hoping Theo hadn't taken his words to mean that they were the view he found so beautiful. It wasn't that Theo wasn't beautiful, but… ajix, he was losing it. Just because he'd sort of accepted the fact that he was allowed to be happy now didn't mean he had to immediately turn into a fool.
Theo blinked. “R— really? Oh, I… I didn’t know…” he paused. “I’m glad,” he managed to finished, surprised to find how genuine their words were.
The alternative meaning of Kuno’s words went over their head. “It is,” he agreed, though he was also staring at the other man when they said it, completely unaware of what other meaning his agreement could take.
Is it possible to be completely at peace here, next to the one who took Mother and Father away from them? Then he realized it was too late to decide that, he was already feeling at peace, the presence of a living person chasing away the ghosts of the past. They closed their eyes, turning to the waves ahead before opening them.
Then a subject finally struck him. “Um… do you mind if I borrow some of the books from the library to read?” they asked.
Kuno inclined his head towards Theo, still feeling like a total fool. Though he felt a little less like a fool when Theo agreed with him while also looking directly at him. Did that mean that he was just agreeing with him about the actual view? Or were they agreeing with him about the person they were staring at–Kuno, in this case–being the beautiful view? Sol, he was losing his insul mind. He should just relax. Ease into it. There was no reason to jump straight into… whatever this was. "Hmm? Oh, of course! The library is open to everyone. Even if it's a total mess right now." Kuno nodded. "Do you want to go right now?"
There was that word again. Want. But that was just the thing. Theo didn’t know what he wanted half the time. He mulled over the decision for several seconds, still staring at the waves in front of them. “Uhhhh…. Mmm,” they hesitated. “We can…. Well, we don’t have to. It’s comfortable here. I just saw a few books yesterday that caught my eye, that’s all.”
After another moment, they leaned back and fully layed down in the grass, the little stems poking their back. Now the sky was his view. Endless clouds letting just a sliver of sunlight peek through. Theo’s eyelashes fluttered, close to closing completely.
"Ilah. Just let me know when you want to borrow them so I can note which ones you want to check out." Kuno gave Theo a small smile, turning his attention back to the sea. Although it wasn't sunset, a fragment of a song, or maybe it was a poem, surfaced in his mind. "Da menile jolu ipekuz wuj. Nyla ey june miet mea olumdao. Uyax xynakuz, ele sa mea alea." His words were soft and slightly melodic. Hopefully, Theo wouldn't mind him spouting random lines of poetry. Kuno gently cupped his necklace in his hands, eyes sliding shut. "Selija, Sol, joy xenukuz li wenil." That wasn't poetry, but a thank you to Sol for watching over him.
“Alright,” they agreed, that small smile worming its way into his brain again.
Since the words were recited softly, they didn’t jar Theo. Its cadence and rhythm was like a lullaby, and lured him to the edge of consciousness. As he dozed, their sense of sight and hearing became muted, though they were still somewhat aware of Kuno’s presence beside him.
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