Since the time she had gotten home, Melissa couldn't figure out why she felt all… floaty. The airy feeling grew in her chest, a grin having stayed on her face. Her parents didn't ask questions, and she was grateful for that. She herself didn't even have an answer, doing her best to try and push the feelings away. Yet no matter what she did, she couldn't manage to shake it.
So instead of trying to push it away, she elected to ignore it by letting her earbuds to drown out her thoughts while she picked up her room. From there, her night was a blur. Eating dinner with her parents was as awkward as usual, and the little bit of homework she had left didn't really take very long. So without much to do, she sat in the living room reading a book to pass the time before she could make herself go to sleep.
The knock on the door wasn't very loud, but it did catch her attention. She tried to push aside her irritation, as she was pretty content sitting in her cozy little spot with her book, but she chose to set it aside. Getting up from the couch, she made her way to the door, pulling the door open, not expecting the face she saw.
"Lucas..?" Melissa asked quietly, rather confused. "What are you doing here?"
"H-Hey, Mel… do you mind if I stay the night…?" Lucas asked weakly, adjusting his grip on his bag. "Just— just the couch or whatever is fine, I-I just… I can't deal with my dad right now. Fighting, or… whatever, I… sorry." He laughed nervously, looking anywhere but Melissa's eyes. His cheeks and under his eyes was pink and blotchy from crying, and he definitely looked more disheveled than the last time Melissa had seen him. His stomach growled; he'd neglected to eat since he'd spent that time fighting with his dad. He honestly had no idea what time it was right now, he just knew that he couldn't stand to be around his father at the moment.
He exhaled shakily and looked over his shoulder as though he expected to see someone following him. His chest rose and fell a bit faster than it should, and his eyelids kept fluttering as he forced back more tears. He didn't want to cry in front of Melissa if he could avoid it. "I-I'm sorry for the short notice… did I interrupt anything? I'm… I'm sorry. I— I should have called to give you some… something."
Any of the leftover feeling from earlier had completely disappeared as she stared at him, her heart deflating completely. Choking back her own tears, she nodded, leaving space for him to walk inside. "Yeah- come inside." She whispered, shutting the door behind him. At this point, she was at a loss for words. She had offered, and offered, and offered, but he never took it. So the fact he was standing in her living room right now worried her beyond all ends.
Quietly she took his bag from him, setting it on the floor by the couch. "You don't need to apologize, I just… didn't think you'd actually ever come." She mumbled, kicking at her own foot. "How… how bad was it?"
"Thanks…" Lucas whispered, heading inside with a shaky sigh. He allowed Melissa to take his bag from him and sat down on the couch, anxiously tapping one foot on the ground and still frequently glancing to the door to make sure his dad hadn't come after him. He didn't really think that he would, but he couldn't shake the anxiety about it regardless.
He looked up at Melissa at the question and held his breath for a moment, considering. "Ah, well… um… a lot of the usual stuff, he just— he took it too far." He started, his voice stilted with nerves. "Bringing up Claus and stuff, you know… b-but what really bothered me was when he started talking about you. He— h-he barely even knows you, he has no right to be… t-to be…" His breathing hitched and he apologized softly, rubbing at his eyes again. "He's just a stupid, drunk bastard… I know he's hurting too or whatever, b-but he has no right to be taking it out on me or you or— or anyone else." He rubbed at his arm with one hand and winced, staring at the carpet at his feet with a distant expression.
When she noticed his constant glancing at the door, she went over and locked it in hopes it would help settle some of his unease. Having made sure it was locked, she carefully sat on the edge of the couch, hesitating before taking his hand and listening to him. When he started talking, she didn't think her heart could be wrenched any harder- but when he mentioned that she had been brought up, she couldn't help but go down the path of wonder. She even almost asked, but she couldn't do that to him. No matter how much she felt the curiosity digging into her.
"It's okay… just breath." She whispered in response, rubbing circles into his back. When he had finished, she gently leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. "Well, you're welcome to stay as long as you need. My paren- um… well, my dad won't mind. And you should know I certainly do not. Because you're right- no one deserves to be treated like that."
Lucas relaxed a little when Melissa locked the door, but he was clearly still worked up. He held tightly to Melissa's hand, using his other hand to keep his tears at bay. "I… it's been so long since I've seen him sober. I-I don't know whether or not he actually believes anything he's saying, you know? D-Does he actually hate me? Does he… does he really wish it was me instead of Claus?" His voice fell to a whisper, and he was having more trouble holding back his tears. "God, I hope not, I… who says that to their own son anyway, though? Christ… no one misses Claus as much as I do, b-but I don't go around telling my dad I wished he'd offed himself instead. He's basically the whole reason I…" He paused, a couple tears rolling down his cheeks only to be quickly brushed away. "Nevermind… I'm just sick of dealing with it, you know?"
Melissa pulled him closer, wishing there was something she could do to comfort him. Although she realized it had been rough, she never imagined how badly it had affected him. So without knowing exactly what to do, she continued to rub his back.
"The whole reason what?" Melissa asked softly, looking at him with as much tenderness as she could muster. "And yeah, I get it. I mean- not exactly of course. But I understand that it's gotta be really hard." Pulling back, she kept her fingers locked with his.
Lucas winced when Melissa pushed the topic when he tried to brush it off, but looking at her expression, he didn't want to lie to her. "Um.. h-he's why I've got issues, more or less…" He replied, hoping the vagueness both carried the message and implied that he didn't really care to talk about it further. "I-I don't want to leave for good. Well, I… I do, I just… don't want to lose him. Don't want to lose the only 'family' I still have." He exhaled shakily, brushing away a few more tears. "He'll drink himself to death if I'm not there to fight him on it. It's just so… exhausting. I-I don't know how much longer I can put up with all this. Why am I the only one who cares enough to try at all? Why am I trying so hard to keep him alive when all he really wants is to see me dead too? God, I just… I c-can't let myself think that he really believes that… but it's hard not to."
She didn't fully understand what he meant, but she understood she needed to let it go. For now, at least.
So she listened to him continue on, trying not to get distracted by all the questions she wanted to ask him. They could be answered another time, and her curiosity wasn't the most important thing at the moment. "Family can be… well, a really difficult thing. But one thing I know for sure is that love should come before blood. Lucas, I know you don't want to leave him, but… if he can't stay sober long enough to help you, and take care of you when you need it… is that really something you want to stick around for?" She asked softly, hoping what she was saying didn't make things worse.
"I know you're trying to hold on to the hope it's all out of grief… but don't you think he would have at least healed enough to not take it out on you constantly? I mean, come on. Grief is not an excuse for the pain, and suffering he causes you every single day. It shouldn't be your problem to take care of a man who won't take care of you back. If he cared…" She stopped herself, trying to bury the anger rising in her deep down. She couldn't be like that right now. "Sorry- I just… nevermind."
Lucas sighed, running his fingers through his hair as an anxious habit. He was still shaking and his vision shifted in and out of focus, and his breathing hadn't slowed either. "I-I don't… I dunno, Mel… I feel like if I leave, I— it'll be my fault if something happens to him, you know? Like I wasn't— wasn't there to stop him. But on the other hand, god, I… I'm so tired of hurting all the time. Verbal, emotional, physical, whatever, it just hurts… all the time…" His breathing picked up more and he started tugging at his sleeves, looking conflicted and like he was considering whether or not to do something.
"I'm… I'm sure you've made your assumptions, b-but I never really flat out told you that he was… w-what he does to me." He tugged more insistently on his sleeves, feeling hot and cold and clammy and like he quite possibly might throw up. After a few seconds of fighting with himself, he pulled off his sweatshirt. He had an undershirt on, but the bruises and bandages on his arms were enough to show what he meant. Bruises also peeked out of his shirt around his collarbone and stomach, where his skin was briefly visible.
Melissa was about to argue, telling him that it wasn't his fault what his dad did to himself. But when he began tugging at her sleeves all her arguments walked away. When he tugged his sweatshirt off, all color from her face had gone. How could she not have figured that out by now? How could she so blind, and ignorant to ignore the signs. How could she have not put it together?
"Lu…" She whispered, tears whelming up in her eyes. At first, she thought they were out of the deep sorrow she felt for him. But when she clenched her fists, and gritted her teeth, it all turned to anger. "How could I be so stupid! Why didn't you tell me before now, Lucas? I could have helped, or… I- I could have done something!" She was trying not to yell, knowing her anger should be directed at his father, but she couldn't help herself. "You can't go back. You just can't!"
Lucas paled and cowered when Melissa started to get upset, his heart racing faster. "I'm… I-I'm sorry, I should've— I should've told you sooner, I-I just… I didn't…" He floundered, trying to placate Melissa as well as he could. "He— he'll only be more angry if I don't come back… he'll come looking, a-and I don't have my stuff anyway, and… god, it's just a lot all at once, I'm not— I-I'm not ready. I'm not ready." He was hyperventilating by now and his gaze kept flicking around, anywhere but Melissa's eyes. He hated when she was upset, and he knew it was his fault this time, and his judgement was starting to cloud. His lip trembled and he fumbled to put his sweatshirt back on as though that would fix the problem, but lifting his arms only made him grimace and, being as stressed and shaky as he was, he wasn't able to do it. He kept whispering apologies even though he was breathless, and more tears stung his eyes, threatening to fall down his ghostly white cheeks.
The second he started to talk, Melissa snapped out of her own thoughts. She was being selfish, and had no right to be upset right now. She shoved her own feelings aside for the moment, kneeling down in front of him and reached for his hand. But she stopped herself, worried it would only make the situation worse.
"I'm sorry- I shouldn't have said anything," She whispered, pulling her knees to her chest. "I'm just… worried about you. I care about you a lot- and I just hate to see you in so much pain. But please, let me help you. We can figure this all out, and you could stay here. We can figure out how to keep your dad away from here, and you won't have to worry about him anymore. We can put him somewhere where he can't hurt you, or himself. I just need you to let me help you, Lu. I…" She stopped herself, and instead decided to scoot a little closer to him.
"Just try to breath, okay? And you can talk to me when- or if you're ready to."
Lucas whimpered and screwed his eyes shut, holding one hand up to his mouth as he struggled to breathe. His heart and stomach fluttered, and he wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't going to throw up. He could feel waves of terror traveling throughout his body, starting with a sinking feeling in his stomach that then spread outward and made him shake more violently. His chest felt like it was under an immense amount of pressure, as though someone were sitting on it, which only made it harder to breathe. His throat tightened and he looked up at Melissa with his eyes wide and shining with tears. He couldn't speak, but his eyes conveyed how scared he was without him having to say so.
It took him a few minutes to be able to breathe a little more normally again, breath that he was using to apologize some more. He still wasn't sure if he was going to throw up or not, but he definitely felt shaky and queasy. "It's just… a lot, Mel…" He whispered. "I-I don't know if I'm ready…"
Melissa never took her eyes off of him, ready to run and go get something in case he really did throw up. When he finally looked at her, she tried to push her most loving, kind-hearted look onto her face. She tried to ignore her own tears, as she eventually got up, sitting beside him on the couch.
"Then we can sit here, and just wait…" She whispered in return, still hesitating to take his hand. "We don't have to do anything- or we can do it all. If you need to cry, go ahead. If you just need a hug, I can do that to. If you need to yell, or rant, I'm ready to listen. Anything you need right now- I'm here." She smiled softly, fidgeting with her fingers.
Lucas rubbed at his eyes and sighed, looking exhausted. He had dark circles under his eyes and crying had drained what little energy he had left anyway. The adrenaline he'd had before was gone, and he was left running on empty. "I… I-I know it's probably hard for you to see me like this. I'm sorry for putting you through this, it's just… it's hard. This is all I've known for years now, and even though he hasn't done a damn thing to deserve it, I still love my dad, in some twisted way… I'm so stupid. I know that I should leave, obviously. I want to be away from him more than anything. B-But I guess I'm just so desperate to not lose anybody else that I'm willing to put up with an alcoholic asshole like him."
He coughed a few times and wrapped his arms around himself, feeling very self conscious and exposed with his wounds out in the open like this. Judging by the neat bandages, he'd done this many times before. "I'm just so tired, Mel." His voice broke and tears welled up in his eyes again. "I can't— I c-can't do this anymore. I'm sick of being stuck here, and— and conflicted, or whatever. I just don't want it to be… I dunno. I don't want it to be my responsibility anymore. I want to be free of him, but he's my dad. It's my job to take care of him when he's compromised like this, right? Even… even when I'm compromised too."
Melissa gritted her teeth, letting out a soft sigh and trying to let go of all the angry thoughts she had about his father. It wouldn’t help anything right now, so she kept them to herself, reaching over to take his hand. “It’s not your responsibility. He’s a grown man, who should be taking responsibility for himself, and not need a child to take care of him. He shouldn’t depend on you to feed him, and keep him safe. That’s his job- not yours.” Her tone had an edge to it, that she was doing her best to keep out. “Lucas, I lo…” Cutting herself off, she gave herself a moment to sort out the words she wanted to use, that wouldn’t cause mounds of embarrassment and regret later. Surely she wasn’t going to say she loved him, right?
“I really care about you, so I say this because I care. The way he’s treating you has no exceptions. Nothing is acceptable, no matter how hurt he is. He… he doesn’t deserve your love, and you don’t deserve to have the responsibility to take care of someone who couldn’t seem to care less. I can’t say stop loving him- because that feels wrong, but what feels worse is telling you to keep caring. You shouldn’t- but I know that’s not you. So what I will ask, is that you put your needs above whatever you think he needs. Because honestly, he’s had his chances, and doesn’t deserve another one. You’ve been hurting too long, and you shouldn’t put yourself in more danger for him. So please, please, please don’t go back. We can figure out somewhere for him to go, but right now I’m concerned about how you’re going to hold up if you keep living there.”
"B-But… if I leave, I'm abandoning him." Lucas whispered weakly, rubbing at his eyes with one fist as more tears rolled down his cheeks. "I shouldn't leave him. I'd be a… b-bad son." He drew in a harsh breath and coughed, trembling and curling in on himself on the couch. He was quiet for a bit as he listened to Melissa, hearing what she was saying, but not processing it very well. His emotions were so shattered and scattered right now that it was difficult to piece himself back together to form a coherent feeling. He could think, but connecting any feelings to his thoughts was difficult at the moment.
"I… don't want to go back." He murmured softly. "I-I don't wanna be around him. But… but he's my dad. But… I'm scared of him. He's… he's so mean sometimes. He's an awful man. But all my things, a-and he would be so angry with me. I don't want him to be angry with me, Mel… he's dangerous when he's angry. H-He hurts me when he's angry." He was pretty much just rambling at this point, but he was managing to get some of his thoughts across in some convoluted way. "I haven't slept properly in ages, Mel. I'm so exhausted. I-I don't… I don't feel safe there, so I can't ever sleep. I hate my room so, so much. I can't stand to be in there. It's unbearable… n-no matter what I do, I can't stop seeing him. I feel like he's watching me…" He hugged himself more tightly, his eyes welling up with tears again. This time, he wasn't referring to his father when he said he'. This was about Claus, but Lucas had barely given Melissa any details about his death when it had happened. It hurt too much.
Melissa tried to pay attention, but her brain was starting to run out of ways to calm him down. She was frustrated, mostly with herself, as she couldn’t come up with a solution to his problems. She felt useless sitting there, not being able to do anything to help. It felt like anything she did only seemed to make things worse.
“Do… do you wanna sleep now?” She asked softly, hesitating before reaching over to rub circles into his back. She had no idea if it would help or not, as she was more of a words to solve problems kind of person. But she continued anyway. “Or- I can just keep listening, but I don’t think this is helping you. I… I honestly think it’s making things worse.”
She didn't want to pry for details, because again, everything she did seemed to make it worse. So she wasn't going to ask any more questions about all of this until he got some proper rest. Even then, she wasn't sure she would ask for anything else, afraid he might revert back to… this. Scared, exhausted, and completely drained mentally and physically. It wasn't her Lucas- and it worried her. Especially if this really was how he was when she wasn't around. As selfish as it was- she didn't know if she was going to be able to help him be who she knew him as- and she was scared maybe that little bit she did know might not be real.
"I… I dunno. I probably should." Lucas sighed, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. Now that the adrenaline from his panic and fear was fading, he was pretty much just exhausted. He'd run out of tears by this point, and he could barely think. Even sleeping on the couch here was infinitely better than sleeping in his own room at this point. He'd brought enough things in his bag for a night or two, but if he was going to stay here, he'd have to go back to his house and get it. And his father never left the house, so he'd have to get lucky with him being asleep or passed out.
"Is… is the couch fine? I don't want to get in anybody's way… should we tell your parents I'm here? Is it too late right now?" He asked. "God, what time is it even? I didn't check the clock before I left…"
"The couch is totally fine- unless you want to sleep in my room for the night." She offered, curling up on the couch. She watched him with a gentle expression, feeling slightly relieved as he seemed to slowly be relaxing. At least the distraction helped some.
"I can sleep here on the couch, and you can sleep in my room to catch up on some much needed sleep. But if you'd be more comfortable sleeping here, that's alright. And I'll deal with my parents, so don't worry about that." She told him, reaching for the side table to check her phone. Swiping the notifications away, she told him, "It's after ten, and normally I'd stay up later, but we do have school tomorrow, still."
"No, no, I'll stay on the couch. It's totally fine, I really don't mind." Lucas insisted. He definitely would feel terrible if he made Melissa sleep on the couch while he was sleeping in her bed. He would definitely be more at ease here, and either way, it had to be more comfortable than his pathetic mattress back at his house. Anything was better than being back in that room. He figured he'd be answering more of Melissa's questions tomorrow when he felt more stable, so he started to prepare himself mentally for that. Sleep would definitely help a lot, though.
"Alright… um… we should probably go to sleep then, huh?" He laughed weakly and sighed, yawning again. At least staying here would probably help me in school… could stay awake and be more aware to get stuff done. It was nice to think about staying here, but he still wasn't completely convinced he could do it.
"Probably not a bad idea," Melissa hummed, starting to get up off the couch. Without saying anything, she disappeared from the room, and headed up the stairs. When she came back moments later she was carrying a blanket and a couple of pillows that were overflowing in her arms. "Figured you might want something to get settled in with." She smiled, dropping it on the other end of the couch. Slowly she began to build a makeshift bed for him to sleep on for the night. "Can I get you anything before I go back upstairs?"
She was pretty sure he wouldn't accept the offer, but she asked anyway as she smoothed out the blanket and adjusted the pillows.
Lucas laid down when Melissa left, moving his bag so he could get more comfortable. He closed his eyes, but looked up when he heard her return. "Oh, thank you…" He sat up to help her make the couch more comfortable and then flopped back down with a sigh. "I don't need anything else… thank you, though. For everything." He offered a tired smile to Melissa, which fell quickly as he closed his eyes and turned his face to the ceiling. "I'll see you in the morning, Mel…" He huddled up under the blankets, hugging a pillow close to his chest. It normally took him a while to be able to get any sleep, but a combination of his exhaustion and feeling more secure here caused him to pass out pretty quickly.
(Feel free to skip to morning aha)
(Lol, will do.)
Melissa smiled in return, hesitating a moment before making her way upstairs. If her parents were awake, she would probably have gone to have a rather lengthy conversation about what Lucas was doing here. But luckily for her, they were fast asleep, oblivious to the world. So instead, she made her way to her room, to finish any homework before going to bed. She had a feeling it was going to be a long restless night, but she needed to try and sleep.
As she suspected, she didn't seem to get much rest. So instead of trying to go back to sleep, she got up early to try and do something productive. By the time Lucas woke up, she had showered, completely gotten ready for school, made breakfast (for Lucas, and herself), and cleaned up the majority of her partially messy room.
