forum Next Steps [Private RP — Closed]

Started January 16, 2019 by @Imperfect_Autumn group

tune

Gray’s POV:

I felt like tearing everything apart. Anger was coursing through me and I wanted nothing more than to punch the lights out of anything or anyone that tried talking to me.

Perhaps my fury was evident because no one tried to talk to me. Or because I’d put up a mask on myself, cold and unforgiving, that people had no choice but to stay away.

How could she do this to me? To Aria? After eleven years of constant neglect and mental abuse, she decided to ruin what little happiness Aria and I had built with such difficulty? How dare she.

At this point, all I wanted to do was ruin them. Ruin them so bad they wouldn’t even think about looking at Aria again. I didn’t even bother attention classes. I was too afraid of losing my cool and lashing out. I didn’t even want to face Violeta, the only person who was capable of calming me down. I was afraid of seeing the disappointment on her face, or even hurting her.

So I avoided her.

Gray had been avoiding me all day, and I didn’t think I had been this frightened all year.

He didn’t look at me once in our morning class. I sought him out at noon, but he just pretended he hadn’t seen me. I sent him a billion text messages, and he left me on Read.

What was going on?? Why was he upset? Had I done something wrong? Did he….. did he want to end what we had? The prospect frightened me much more than jt should have.

Gray’s POV:

“Don’t you dare,” I snarled into the phone. “You touch her once and I’ll break your fingers. She’s my sister, you pig.”

I wanted to break my phone in half. Or smash it to pieces—whatever helped dispel even a little bit of anger present in me.

“I’m warning you,” I hissed, acid dripping my voice. “You even think about taking her away from me—don’t you dare hang up on me—“

She hung up on me. I’ll ruin her. I’ll kill her if she so much as tried taking her away from me.

My phone buzzed with a message and I opened it angrily, finding it to be from Violeta. I ignored it.

What were the chances of her actually confronting me about it? She was better off with someone who could actually provide her with something. Not an orphan who could barely keep his own sister with him. Not someone who had a well-known baker giving him pity and paying him more than the work required.

And I wasn’t it.

I stared down at the little ‘Read’ symbol beneath my latest message, the last of my confidence crumbling to dust. I sat curled up on my bed, barely touching the sandwich I’d half-heartedly slapped together for lunch, chewing on my lip.

VIOLETA: Gray, you’re scaring me. Please answer for the love of God.

Gray’s POV:

I stared at her latest message, guilt coursing through me. I wanted to respond. I wanted to call her and talk to her. I wanted to hear her voice, but what would I say?

I was currently outside for some fresh air, hoping it would distract me from the old hag’s threats, which wasn’t working. I often found myself walking towards Violeta’s dorm building before I would catch myself in time and walk away.

I sighed. It had been better had I not allowed her to take me to her dorm that day, when we first kissed.

GRAY: I’m sorry. Please don’t text me.

I stared at his text for a very long time. It was as if my limbs were frozen, unmovable, and I was unable to tear my eyes away from the content of the message my boyfriend had sent me.

Something warm and wet trickled down my cheek; a tear. Was this how he was trying to end it? End us? By ignoring me? They say after he told me that he loved me?

Gray’s POV:

She’d read my message. I’d stared at what I sent, nausea bubbling inside of me. What was I doing? Why was I doing this to her? To Violeta? My beautiful girl…

I shook my head. It was better for her. She was better off without an idiot like me who wouldn’t be able to do anything for her. My heart clenched painfully in my chest and by the time I snapped out of it, I found myself standing in front of her dorm building. How long I’d been standing there, I had no idea.

Exactly what was I doing?

I cursed, slipping my phone back into my pocket and turned around, hoping she hadn’t seen me.

I wiped the tear away, suddenly furious at myself for being this weak. But the anger quickly drained away, replaced only by an unshakable sense of dread and melancholy. Rising to my feet, I grabbed hold of my plate and carried it over to the sink. It wasn’t as if I could bring myself to eat, anyways. But when I moved to set it down, my eyes drifted to the window, and what I saw made my heart stop.
Gray.

I was sprinting out of my room and down the stairs before I’d even realized what I was doing, practically stumbling down the front steps of the building. “Gray, wait!”

Gray’s POV:

I froze, turning around slowly, watching as Violeta ran towards me as fast as she could.

Shit. How stupid could I get? I couldn’t see her right now. She couldn’t see me like this. Yet I couldn’t bring my feet to move.

Once she finally reached me, I caught her red eyes. Tears. She cried. Because of me. Despite what I told myself, I wanted nothing more than to cradle her in my arms. Gosh, I was such a needy guy, wasn’t I? I wanted so many things…

I looked up and into his eyes… God, he looked so angry. What had I done to upset him like this? And how was I ever going to fix it?

I reached out instinctively but pulled back at the last moment and wrapped my arms around my middle. “You know,” I said quietly, hating the fact that my voice was trembling this much, “If you want to end what we have, you can just say it to my face.”

Gray’s POV:

She looked so hurt. It broke me to pieces. I wanted her to wrap her arms around me, but at this point I didn’t think she would want to. It’s better off that she thinks I played her.

I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“Vy…” her nickname rolled off of my tongue so easily. I opened my mouth to tell her off, to clearly say that we were finished, but I couldn’t. “… I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

I felt like I was falling apart, my heart fracturing into a million tiny pieces all over the pavement below my feet. Tears began to fall, one by one, until they were steaming down my cheeks. No. This couldn’t be happening. Not after everything—this couldn’t be happening.

“Just yesterday,” I choked out, “You told me that you loved me. And now you ‘can’t do this’? What changed? What did I do?”

Gray’s POV:

Was it possible for my heart to break more than it already had? My arms were aching to take her in, my lips craving to press against hers. I almost reached out to wipe her tears. I hated seeing her cry.

I winced.

“Violeta… I’m sorry,” I repeated. “You aren’t at fault. I am. You deserve someone who can actually keep you happy. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

(This is breaking me)

“Are you blind?” I all but yelled at him, my voice cracking on the last word. “How can you possibly believe that this decision is going to keep me happy? You keep me happy—But you cant just tell someone you love them and then—and them break up with them right after.” I kept wiping away my tears, but they still came running down my cheeks, in unstoppable flood. “I thought I would mean more to you than that.”

(Me, too…)

Gray’s POV:

“Then what am I supposed to do?” I cracked. I wasn’t very good at holding myself together when people I cared about were crying. Violeta was crying. She was crying and so was my heart and I just wanted her to smile. I just wanted to live a normal life with my sister at one side and my girlfriend at the other. I wanted my parents. I wanted my mom to sing me to sleep again and I wanted to run around causing trouble with my dad. But I couldn’t get any of it. “I’m an orphan. I’ve got one family left, one, and I’m going to lose her, too! The second I start building a life for myself, it all comes crashing down. The second I start being happy, life slaps me in the face and takes away everything that I’ve worked so hard to build. I’m an orphan, Vy. Don’t you understand that? I can’t make you happy. I can’t give you what you deserve because what you deserve is far out of what I can get. And the only reason I even have a job, a well paying job that lets me and my sister live a comfortable life, is just because the owner knows me from way back! She knows me and my history and that I need this job to protect Aria and she wanted to help me with that. I’m always afraid that I’ll wake up one day and I won’t have Aria by my side anymore. I’m afraid that she’ll be taken away from me, and then you came in and I love you more than my life. And loving you has made me terrified because I know I’ll do anything for you and it still won’t be enough. So I’m doing what I think is right by walking away so you can have a chance at a happy life I can’t give you.”

I was breaking down bit by bit, the dam inside of me breaking apart. I wanted to control my tears, but halfway through my speech, I lost control.

(It was extremely worth the wait)

I just stood there, rooted to the spot, my eyes as wide as saucers. After a long, long time, I finally managed to unfreeze myself. “What—What do you mean, you’re going to lose Ari?” I swallowed thickly. “And Gray—If you were doing this for yourself, there wouldn’t be anything I could do to stop you. But the fact that you’re doing this for me is going to destroy any chance at happiness I have right now, because you’re the main thing keeping me from falling into this dark pit right now, but you think that by removing yourself from my life, you’re going to make things better. I—I wish you still had your parents. I wish you didn’t have to suffer like this, I really do. But you not having them has nothing to do with my happiness, or how I feel about you. You’re—you’re barely a few feet away, and you’re crying, but you seem so far from me and all I want to to do is hug you but you’ve made it so I can’t. I’m begging you, I’ll do anything, just take me back. Please, if you value me at all anymore, let me be yours.”

Gray’s POV:

My body moved on its own. It closed the distance between Violeta and I, cupped her cheeks and crashed our lips together.

I ached to hold her close and the second I felt her pressed against me, in my arms, my lips against hers, I instantly felt so much better.

I couldn’t leave her. For once, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to keep the person I desired, and I desired Violeta and I didn’t want to live a life without her.

I was falling to pieces, crumbling to dust, but all of a sudden, Gray was there, his strong arms wrapping around me, holding me together. And we were kissing, messy and desperate, tears streaming down both our cheeks. It felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. The wave, no, tsunami of relief crashing down on me caused my legs to go weak, to buckle beneath me.

Gray’s POV:

“Thank you,” I whispered against her lips, pulling her closer to myself as if there was any space left. “For not giving up on me. For giving me another chance…”

I held her tighter, kissing her messily but desperately, passionately, hoping to get my emotions across, wishing she knew just how lost I would be without her in my life. Even though I was the one who wanted to cut her off.

When her knees buckled, I held her tighter, my grip getting stronger. I wasn’t going to let her fall. I was never going to let her fall.

( m y h e a r t )

I was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay—Gray was staying. And for that brief moment, that was all that mattered.

But I forced myself to pull back from the kiss, grabbing hold of his hands. “Come up to my room,” I pleaded gently, “Please. So we can talk.” And kiss.