"I… I plan on it eventually…" said Arthur… "All my siblings are there…." he looked down at the table sheepishly. "I… I just need time to figure things out.."
more like I still need to learn how to live with myself after All I did to them..
"You should certainly visit them, at least. If I could, I would visit my own siblings," James said, something sad behind his eyes now. "Cherish them, and you will not regret it, I assure you that."
"I do… all I ever wanted was to protect them and…." Arthur stopped himself, shame washing over him. It's my fault… I wasn't strong enough…
James seemed to sense Arthur's distress, and he felt a familiar, painful twinge in his heart at the sight. "You did what you could. That's all that counts," he murmured, reaching across the table to gently rest a hand on Arthur's arm
Arthur flinched, pulling away. No I didn't…. I could've done more! He buried his face in his arms, not wanting to face James.
James pulled his hand back almost immediately when Arthur flinched, that twinge in his heart only growing stronger. "It's alright, Arthur. It's alright," he tried to soothe softly
Arthur was tense, "It's not ok…" he said, his voice quavering… "I'm the one that hurt them…"
"And that is inevitable in the case of family. If I had a dime for every time I had hurt my family, I'd be rich. It's okay," James tried to soothe
"You wouldn't understand…" said Arthur fimally manging to look up at him, his eyes clouded. "I didn't just hurt them… I tried to kill them…. I hunted them…"
(Poke….)
"And did you do it out of cold blood, or was it involuntary? There is a distinct difference," James said, resisting the urge to snap at Arthur, tell him he understood more than he knew
"I… I was being controlled….." he said sadly…. his voice barely audible.
“Then it is absolutely not your fault. It is only your fault if you actively hurt them. On purpose,” James said, voice soft but firm
Arthur sighed, knowing he was right. "It still doesn't change the fact that there's a rift…. one that may never heal…"
"Well, if they're your family, they'll understand it wasn't your fault," James insisted. "If I never forgave my brother for the stupid shit he did, I would have thrown him out myself when we were younger. But I didn't, because he was family."
"Yeah… but.. my brother…. Every time I look at him I see fear….." Arthur's voice was quiet, "They fear me…… and the one person I wanted to protect the most…… can barely bring himself to trust me……"
"Do they know you were mind controlled? That you're yourself now?" James asked. But even as he spoke, he wasn't sure himself that Arthur was…well, himself
"Yeah… but it doesn't change the fact that the first they ever saw of me was the first time…." he trailed off, "It doesn't change the fact that seeing me meant danger for them for over a decade…."
"Did you ever apologize? Did you ever go to them and explain what happened?" James asked, raising a brow now as he spoke
"They know… they're the ones that saved me…." he said quietly… "but… it doesn't change the fact that I hurt them….."
"Do they talk to you anymore? Or have you just resigned yourself to staying away from them?" James asked. In the back of his mind he wanted this kid to just stop with the negativity since it was so irrational, but he'd put up with it for now
Arthur wasn't sure how to answer that. "I… I left… I needed time… to figure out how to actually live….." he whispered, tense, and upset.
James felt a little bit of sympathy for him now from the way Arthur seemed so upset. "Hey, it's okay. You don't need to talk about it anymore if you don't want to," he tried to soothe
Arthur nodded, pressing back waves of guilt and fear. he pulled his hood further down, hiding most of his face.
Why did I tell him so much? I know he's an Alpha…. but I'm not affiliated to any pack!
"Hey, hey, it's alright," James soothed, gently reaching across the table again, resting a hand on his arm gently again. "You're alright."