I wrapped my fingers around his wrist again, silently begging him to stay. The contact, the closeness… it was easier when I initiated. And anyways, I wasn't usually this sensitive. Normally, I could hug and be close to those I knew, even the boys, without fear of a panic attack. But when I was anxious and off-balance, everything seemed to amplify.
"I don't hate you," I whispered. "You were just trying to help. I–I'll deal with Joe."
“God…” I muttered shakily. “I make really shitty impressions on people, don’t I?” I shook my head both depressed and amused by my own failings.
"You put up a tough shell," I defended him, "To nearly everyone but Romeo. I just got to know you, and I can already tell how good of a person you are. Please, stay. If you leave again…" I swallowed. "I don't know if I can let you back in."
“I’ll stay.” I promised hoarsely. “I don’t want to lose you, Marina. I… I feel better when you’re here.”
I slowly unwrapped my fingers from around his wrist and opened my mouth to speak, but the sound of the door creaking open cut me sharply off. I flinched back, terrified that we'd been found out, but immediately relaxed when I saw that it was only Joe. He approached us slowly, holding up two sleeping bags. "You two can sleep wherever you want. Mercutio, I have an extra pair of pyjamas. Marina, I grabbed a pair of my sister's for you."
“Thanks.” I replied quietly, refusing to take my gaze off Marina. The urge to cuddle up to her was tempting, but I suppressed it the best I could. I took off my glasses, cleaning them absentmindedly to distract myself.
I accepted the bundle of clothes when Joe handed them to me, pressing the soft cotton against my chest. He inclined his head in the direction of the washroom, which was linked to his room by an adjoining door, and I was quickly disappearing into it.
“She knows what you know.” I told Joe quietly once we were left alone, clutching onto the bundle of clothes.
Joe went still.
"She doesn't trust me…" he whispered, "Right?"
“It’s not like that.” I raised my head up to look at him. “She… She’s fragile but she doesn’t want to announce it to the world. I think she didn’t tell you because she cares that much about you.” I explained, my voice hardly above a whisper.
Joe turned his head away, and when he looked back, his expression was contorted with rage. "I'm going to find the shithole who did that to her," he hissed, "And I'm going to make him pay."
“This is why she didn’t want to tell you.” I hissed back. “She doesn’t want to relive it just because you want to get revenge. She shouldn’t have to.” I clenched my fists, glaring at Joe.
Joe's eyes smouldered dangerously. "So, you're just going to let him go free and unpunished? I thought you cared about her," he growled as his posture grew tense. "She's not going to relive anything."
“I do! She’s not stupid, Joe!” I shot back, ready to fight if I had to. “How are you going to find him without asking her about it? You care more about revenge than her recovery. The best thing to do is let the past stay where it belongs. We need to help her move forward.”
Joe's hands tightened into fists. He was right, of course he was……… The young man merely looked away, struggling to mask his fury and frustration.
I settled back down once I realized Joe wasn’t going to pulverize me on the spot, fiddling with the clothes in my lap. I waited for Marina to return, unwilling to get into another fight with Joe.
I pushed the bathroom door open, fixing my gaze to the floor. Naturally, I pretended to be oblivious to their very loud conversation, but… It was easier said than done.
I looked up as soon as Marina walked in, my eyes locking onto her. “Feeling any better?” I asked quietly.
I nodded quickly, automatically, silently praying that neither of them sked me any more questions. I just wanted to forget about my stupid slip-up and pretend to be normal for the rest of the night…
I sighed, but didn’t ask anything else. “I’m gonna go get changed.” I mumbled, scooping the clothes into my arms and slipping into the bathroom.
Joe and I sat in total silence. I hated the thick tension between us…. why couldn't I just contain my panic?
It didn’t take long for me to get changed, although I was still a little unsteady on my feet. I made my way out of the bathroom, trying to ignore the lingering tension as I crept back into the room.
By the time Mercutio had returned from the bathroom, I was already unrolling and setting up my sleeping bag.
I copied Marina with my own sleeping bag, trying to figure out how to undo it. This would be the first time I’d ever even used one of these things…
After spreading mine out on one of the two foam mats Joe had brought in, I crouched beside Mercutio to help him do the same.