Rosaline brought her knees up and hugged her legs tightly to her chest. She tried to think of something, anything she could do to calm herself down. But her mind was running rampant with thoughts she didn’t even want to think about, so she stopped trying. Instead she stayed in her panic, nearing the verge of passing out.
Her vision, which had already began to tunnel, was shrinking by the second. Her entire body began to tingle, and her head fell back and collided violently with the wall behind her. Rosaline winced and cried out quietly in pain. She brought her hand up to her mouth and covered it to muffle the curse that came out.
Surely that was enough to alert Horst. Rosaline hadn’t even thought of him coming to her aid. He was still a complete stranger, but she needed him now. She needed someone to break her out of her mind before she drowned in her own awful thoughts. And now she was seeing stars with an additional throbbing pain from the back of her head. Great.
Horst continued to search for the laundry room, seeking any sign of where it and Rosaline would be. Then, a minute later, he heard a quiet yelp of pain. Horst threw caution to the window and almost ran toward the sound.
He finally found the laundry room and saw Rosaline deep in some kind of fit. No, not a fit, a panic attack. He knew the signs well enough from both experiencing and witnessing it.
“Rosaline? Rosaline, it’s alright. You’re in a safe place, your own haven, and there is nothing here, physical or otherwise, that can get to you. I promise you that,”Horst immediately cooed.
He quickly kneeled beside her, studying her. Questions flooded his mind, but he pushed them all aside. In his experience, the fewer questions, the better the outcome. But, he didn’t know what had started her panic attack, and that would become a hindrance sooner or later.
Rosaline jerked her head up at the sound of another voice. It was Horst, and his words were soothing to her jumbled thoughts. But she trembled and was still breathing fast and hard. Her eyes were wide and tearful as she stared back at her knees.
"No," she pleaded desperately. "No, no, I don't want to go back. Not again. Please." Her chest ached, and another wave of panic rushed over her. "Please," she begged again. "I can't handle it."
But as Horst knelt beside her, Rosaline felt calmer, if only a small bit. She wasn't big on physical touch, but she appreciated his presence with her. Especially knowing that she wouldn't be able to pull herself out on her own. However, as she tried to even out her breathing, it felt like her lungs were still stuck in panic mode. They refuse to let her take a deep breath.
“It’s alright, Rosaline. You’re not going anywhere you don’t want to,”Horst reassured.
He saw her calm slightly as he kneeled, and was glad for it. He also noticed that she didn’t seem to be looking for his touch. So, he didn’t offer it. If she wanted to be held, she’d let him know. And, Horst knew how to read whether she did or didn’t, as Eau Claire and Dinia were polar opposites in seeking touch. Eau Claire typically refused to be touched at all, whereas Dinia often needed hugs and small touches to calm down.
After a second, Horst saw the way she was breathing. His concern grew.
“Easy. Think of something that makes you happy. Think of something that’ll make you laugh. Focus on it, and keep focusing on it, so you can relax. You’re safe, and you’re not alone. I’m here to help, Rosaline, however I can,”he cooed.
Rosaline cringed at his words. It wasn't really her choice, the place where she didn't want to go. White walls surrounded by white curtains and white beds with white sheets… If she was having a recurrence again, she wasn't sure she'd make it through this one.
His suggestion seemed futile to her. She couldn't think of anything right now but her mindless panic. "I can't," she sobbed. "I can't!"
But then the image of the lake flashed into her mind. Walking through the cold water with her hand in Jacob's. The delirious joy of the moment overcame the anger she'd felt toward Becca only minutes earlier. Rosaline didn't think she'd ever laughed harder in her entire life. And then returning to his car, their cold bodies bundled back in their barely warm clothes. The sweet and tender kiss they'd shared behind his car.
Slowly, finally, the panic began to subside and her breathing returned to normal. Rosaline let out a long sigh and released the tension in her legs, arms, and shoulders. She leaned back against the wall, seeming to come back into herself once again. Her eyes suddenly seemed tired as she glanced over at Horst.
"Thank you," she said quietly. "I'm sorry you had to see that." She made to get up off the floor, but her muscles had been so wired and tight during her panic attack that she found it difficult to move again. "Shit," she swore under her breath.
“You can, Rosaline. Just try,”he cooed.
He watched her closely, studying her with concern. Slowly, she started to relax and Horst breathed a subtle sigh of relief. He recognized the exhaustion that came into her eyes and he nodded at her thanks.
“You’re welcome. And, it’s no big deal. I’ve dealt with situations like this before,”he said.
He noticed her failed attempt to move, understanding what had happened. She was going to have to wait a second, to let her body fully settle down. Dinia did that sometimes when she had bad attacks.
“Just give yourself a minute. That was a rough moment you had there,”he said softly.
Rosaline took several deep breaths after the panic attacks ended, as if trying to fix the damage it had done. She winced slightly, the soreness in her chest growing more. Her lungs were tight and tired. Her attacks were fairly infrequent, but when they did happen, they were sudden and severe. If her current condition was anything to abide by, they were debilitating.
She glanced over at him, pain in her eyes. “You have?” she asked.
As she always wanted to do at the end of a panic attack, Rosaline wanted to lay down and nap. But she couldn’t. Not with Horst at Bayview. The stress of her day had become too much, and the feeling of her chest hurting again woke a deep seated fear in her. It became too much to handle. And the worst part about it all was that Jacob still didn’t know about her panic attacks. She hadn’t told him.
Again, Rosaline tried to force herself from the floor, but the effort was in vain. She winced and hissed through her teeth. She needed to get up. She wanted to run. She had to convince herself that her biggest fear wasn’t coming true. Prove that she was doing everything she could to avoid it.
Horst watched her still, noting every movement and every twitch. He wanted to make sure she was alright, though he was fully aware that it would take a bit for her to recover.
“Yes. I’ve been on both sides of this moment, so I understand what you’re going through quite well,”Horst admitted softly.
Horst saw that she was wanting to rest, but something was bothering her. Something deep. And, if she didn’t find a way past or around it, she was likely going to have another panic attack.
“Easy, Rosaline. It’s alright. Do you want me to help you up? Can I get you anything? How can I help?”Horst asked, his voice gentle.
Rosaline’s entire demeanor softened as he admitted to having panic attacks as well. “Oh,” she murmured quietly. “I’m sorry. I’d never wish this in anyone.” Except Cathy. As much as the thought might have been true, Rosaline swore at herself internally for thinking it.
Though her struggle was feeble, that didn’t stop her from trying again. But Rosaline reluctantly admitted defeat and went limp instead of forcing herself to fight her fatigue. Her thoughts were still racing, trying to figure out what had specifically caused the panic attack. It hadn’t been the glass of alcohol she’d downed, had it?
She inclined her head toward him and replied, “Please help me up,” she asked meekly. Rosaline guessed he had a lot of questions, and she was ready for them to start coming at any moment.
“Nor would I,”he replied. That wasn’t necessarily true, as he could name a few aggravating people that could use a good bout of panic to knock some sense into them, but he didn’t much care about them right now.
Horst suppressed a sigh as she tried and failed to get up again. She was stubborn, a trait he shared, but this was the wrong time to be stubborn. She needed to relax.
At her request, Horst nodded. He stood up, then bent down and extended his long-fingered hand out to her. Though, he noted some other form of tension in her body language, like she was expecting him to do something besides help. It was needless, as he didn’t plan on doing anything other than making sure she was alright. All of his other concerns could wait.
Rosaline swallowed heavily as Horst held out his hand. She reached for it and slipped her slender fingers into his palm. Her hand was still trembling slightly, and she prayed he wouldn’t notice it even though he almost definitely would.
Which her full-blown panic attack had subsided, there were still little snippets of anxiety circling her mind. One of which almost made her physically shiver.
If the biopsy came back negative, why would you start to feel symptoms again?
Would she need to return to London and schedule another biopsy? And if she were in London again, would she see Nick? Her grip unintentionally tightened on Horst’s hand, but she swiftly shoved herself off the floor to cover the action. Let him think it was only a natural response to pull herself up. He didn’t need to know about Nick right now.
Horst quickly picked up on her anxiety as she swallowed and took his hand. Her trembling fingers immediately caught his attention, but he wasn’t too surprised, given what he’d already witnessed.
“It’s alright, Rosaline,”he cooed.
He felt her hand tighten just before she got to her feet, and questioned if the two actions were actually connected. If they were, it was no big deal. If they weren’t, then Rosaline was hiding even more anxiety. Eau Claire would call her a ‘cryptic’ for that, just like she did Horst. He didn’t mind, but other ‘cryptics’ were a pain in the ass to deal with, because he often had to open himself up to get them to do the same. He didn’t like doing that unless he was sure things would work out, and they rarely did.
“Where do you want to go from here? A chair? Another room? Just point the way,”Horst asked gently.
(OMG… the potential for a future argument between Rosaline and Eau Claire…)
Rosaline took a few breaths to calm herself before she attempted to stand again, this time with Horst's help. A sudden realization dawned on her. Horst had been saying her name the entire time with such gentleness, such patience, that she had never heard before.
Once she was standing, she clung to his hand rather tightly. It was pathetic how she needed to rely so heavily on someone to stand and pull herself free from her own nightmares. But her therapist had told her that her hyper-independence was the cause of her dysfunctional relationships. The least she could do now was accept Horst's help.
"To the sitting room," she answered, pointing down the hallway. "I don't know if you saw it when you came in or not, but it's just inside the front door on the left."
(Lmao! There is actually a lot of potential for an argument between the two. Eau Claire is a viciously jealous woman, and her eyes are set on Horst. She’s going to be biting a few heads off when she comes around, lol. There’s even potential for conflict between Eau Claire and Jacob. A ‘why didn’t you stop them from getting close’ sort of argument)
Horst didn’t mind the tight hold she had on his hand. It told him that she still needed, and was still willing, to have his help. And, Horst wasn’t going to neglect her, particularly since she had been courteous enough to take him in when he needed it.
“Alright. I think I saw it on my way in,”Horst replied softly.
He led her out of the room and toward the sitting room. He moved at an easy pace, so he wasn’t rushing Rosaline. He didn’t want her to feel like he was dragging her around. As he did so, he unconsciously rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.
When they reached the sitting room, Horst led her toward the nearest and most comfortable-looking seat. He didn’t force her to sit down, in case she didn’t really want to, but he still wanted to be courteous.
(Ooooh, yes! Damn… this rp is going to be fucking intense XD)
Rosaline winced slightly as she tried to take her first few steps. She stumbled for a moment, tripping up over her own feet before easing into a slow pace beside Horst. Her body was finally starting to calm down, but her mind was still tumbling over itself. Since moving to the Isle, even since arriving, she hadn't had the time. Everything had been moving too fast.
The slow, subtle movement of his thumb over her hand was simple, but it worked wonders in calming Rosaline. She wasn't a touchy-feely person in the slightest. However, every now and again, she allowed someone in. Right now it was Horst. In response, Rosaline gave his hand a light squeeze.
When they finally reached the sitting room, Rosaline sank into the chair Horst guided her to. She closed her eyes and inclined her head back with a drawn-out exhale. Without opening her eyes, she spoke, "I'm sure you have questions."
(Yeah it is, lmao!)
Horst held her hand firmly but gently, acting as an anchor as she stumbled through her first steps. He then kept to his slow, easy pace as they walked, keeping an eye on her in case she stumbled again.
He finally realized that he was rubbing her hand when she squeezed his. It brought a light smile to his face and he, consciously, continued his little rubs. He loved simple touches like this, and it also showed that it was helping her, which made him even happier.
Horst gently let go of her hand as she sat down, and he found himself a seat in another chair close by. He then watched her, humming at her words.
“I do, but they can all wait. Right now, only one question matters to me. Are you okay? I know you’re going to be feeling rough for a bit after that panic attack, but I just want to be sure that’s all,”Horst replied.
Rosaline appreciated the firmness of his hand and the grip he provided. She couldn’t bear to look like a fool in front of a stranger— But was Horst still a stranger? She didn’t know much about him yet, sure, but… was he still a stranger?
The gentleness of his hand in hers was so different from anything else she’d ever felt. Yes, she’d held hands with other men before. But those situations, those relationships were so drastically different from this one right now.
She heard him lower himself into a chair and him at her question. His answer, however, surprised her. So much so that she opened her eyes and looked over at him. “Yes,” she answered quietly. “I’m fine. Or at least, I will be anyway.” Her expression relaxed as she added, “Thank you.”
Horst noticed the way she opened her eyes and figured that he’d surprised her. Though, he knew few people that would put their concern over their questions, so her surprise was warranted. He then nodded at her words.
“No problem, Rosaline.”
He watched her with a patient gaze, contemplating how quickly he’d opened up to Rosaline. Sure, he liked helping folks, but he was still guarded with them. With Rosaline… he felt a bit more comfortable around her. Why? Was it because of her kindness? Maybe. But, she did remind him of Eau Claire as well…
Horst decided to avoid going down that road. Once he started thinking of Eau Claire, Horst got distracted. And, he didn’t want to get distracted in case Rosaline needed his help still.
There it was again. The way he said her name. His accent and the softness of his voice presented it back to her in a way that was new and familiar at the same time. Rosaline just couldn’t place it.
She noticed the way he was looking at her, studying her in the present moment while also thinking of whatever was on his mind at the moment. What that was, Rosaline had no clue. But she recognized the look.
“If you have questions, I don’t mind you asking them now,” Rosaline prompted. If she was in Horst’s situation, the questions would have been flowing from her lips. Rosaline was a curious person, needing to know answers as often as she could.
Horst’s attention returned fully to reality when Rosaline spoke. He contemplated what to do, but decided to see what she wanted to do. He still didn’t want to push her.
“Some of them aren’t necessarily directed at you. I’ve had a lot on my mind for a while now. But, if you’re sure, I’ll ask. Otherwise, I’m in no hurry to question you. Or, maybe we could even do a back and forth thing, asking each other questions. I’m sure you have plenty of your own about me. However you want to do it,”Horst said.
It was a risk, he knew, offering to be interrogated. But, it was the least he could do. She had found him in bad shape, had offered him a place to stay, had given him new clothes, and had overall been courteous to him. He owed it to her to explain himself.
The longer Rosaline sat and relaxed, the more she felt her energy coming back into her body. Her muscles were releasing their tension, and her breathing was even and level. She was calming down, slowly but surely. Though she still didn’t want to move.
She nodded slowly at his suggestion. It was fair enough, especially since she had no knowledge of him before today and now he was living with her, albeit temporarily. “Alright. A question for a question,” she agreed. “Who will go first?”
Horst saw her slowly relaxing and was glad for it. She needed the rest, the relaxation. Clearly, she didn’t get a lot of that, and it was past time she did, even momentarily.
He hummed at her question, considering the answer. He typically preferred going first, so that he could gain more info quicker, and get in a few more tough questions before the other shut down. But, he decided to try something different. Another risk, but he still felt he owed it to Rosaline.
“You go ahead and ask first. You’ve shown me a considerable amount of courtesy, despite having no obligation to do so, so you’ve earned that,”Horst answered.
Rosaline was surprised when Horst allowed her the first question. Yes, she had many ready that she wanted to know, but she’d figured his would be more immediate. Obviously not.
Now the struggle drifted to which question to ask first. She didn’t want to ask meaningless questions, but she also didn’t want to go too deep too fast. She settled for a neutral question, similar to one Jacob had already asked in the taxi.
“Why have you come here?” she asked. “The Isle of Man. Laxey, even. What reason was there to come here?”
Horst waited patiently, aware that he’d surprised her again and that she had many questions. He didn’t mind waiting. The quiet always helped him think.
Horst chuckled when she finally spoke. She and Jacob had similar minds, it seemed. It was a neutral question and a good start to further questions. Though, if she would’ve dived right into the heart of things, he wouldn’t have really cared in that moment.
“I’m a wanderer. I’ve always loved exploring, traveling, and that sort of thing. I was actually on my way to Ireland, but I haven’t been here before, so I decided ‘why not’,”he answered.
Horst then took a moment to consider what question to ask her. Though he, of course, had many, one was nagging at him. It wasn’t exactly a neutral question, but it wouldn’t leave him alone.
“Why did you help me? A strange man, who, at the time, looked like he’d just walked out a swamp, that was sitting against a random building with nowhere to go. You could’ve just ignored me, maybe given directions to a hotel, or even just told me to ‘fuck off’. I wouldn’t have blamed you. So… why?”
Rosaline nodded at his answer. Well, he’d certainly fit the bill of a wanderer when she’d found him. And it seemed that her line of thought was unconsciously steered toward his question.
She couldn’t help a quiet laugh at his words, but then she took a deep breath and thought for a second. “I’ll try to keep my answer brief. It’s only been… what, a little over a week since I first set foot on the Isle. And it was five or six days ago when I decided I wanted to stay at Bayview.
“My sister and I talked about the potential of renting out the house before I made the choice to move into it. Our mother left the house to us in trust, so we can’t sell it. I quit my former job in London in hopes of applying for a promising one here. I have the interview scheduled for later this week, but I thought maybe renting the house out a room at a time to make extra money.
“With all that being said, the simplest answer is… you looked like you needed help,” she finished. “And I suppose part of me wanted to prove that I wasn’t a big city snob anymore. So there’s several reasons.”
It was only when she stopped talking that Rosaline paused and thought back on what she’d said. And she’s opened the doors to a lot more questions without even thinking about it.
(Imagine if her answer was “because if I ignored you or left you to sit there, this roleplay would’ve died within the first five responses” and the looks over at us lmao)
