“Shhh. I’m not leaving,” Zedd consoled, already rubbing small circles on Nathaniel’s back again. He stood up only to set Nathaniel at the top of the bed, head on a pillow. He moved the blankets back and climbed in bed as well before moving them back. “I wanted to move you up here in case you just wanted me to sit here with you,” he said. Already knowing Nathaniel would want to be held again, he carefully scooted the boy closer to his chest. “But I can see that isn’t the case,” he attempted to joke with a light smile.
"P-Please hold me…" Nathaniel whispered weakly in reply, hiccuping a bit and burying his face in Zedd's chest. He clung tightly to the man, still noticeably trembling. His wings quivered like leaves in the wind and he was struggling to hold back tears. "D… D-Don't leave me, dad… please… I-I need you…"
Zeddicus complied, his arms still wrapped around Nathaniel’s small frame. He held the other close, gently playing with the boy’s hair again. “It’s okay. I’m not leaving… Just let it out, you’re gonna be okay,” he whispered. He moved his hand away from Nathaniel’s curls, setting his chin there instead. He hated seeing the boy so scared like this. It scared him because he had no idea what to do. Hearing the angel’s shakey pleas, he shut his eyes lightly. Nathaniel said he needed him. He could do something right. He could be a good father figure. He could figure out what to do. Seeing the boy smile again would even be worth getting very little to no sleep again. “However long it takes… I’ll be here.”
Nathaniel nodded and seemed to start slowly relaxing. "T-Thank you…" He whispered shakily as he folded his wings tightly against his back. "I'm sorry I'm apparently so fucked up, dad… I… I-I promise I didn't mean to…" He fidgeted nervously, his tears starting to subside as Zedd held him close to himself.
Zedd was so used to the profane language of the world that he nearly overlooked Nathaniel cursing again. He’d talk about it later when the angel was in a better mindset.
“It’s not your fault. I’m not exactly perfect either,” he said, a sad smile forming on his lips. He didn’t want to bring his own mess into the conversation, so he kept things very vague for now. Nathaniel didn’t need to know until he would be forced to explain it.
Nathaniel rubbed at his teary eyes with one tiny fist, hiccuping a bit. "Y… You're nicer than my actual parents…" He said softly. "They'd have killed me by now… I'm breaking so many rules." He laughed dryly, his voice still weak from crying. "I'm saying bad words and being emotional and asking for things and crying a lot… they'd be furious with me…"
Zeddicus froze. Did… did he say killed…?
“You’re pretty much an exception for me being nice,” he said with a small chuckle. “You deserve to be able to have a decent childhood rather than being scared of upsetting someone constantly. Just be your happy self like normal. And even if you’re not, that’s fine too. Be a little selfish once in awhile.”
"But isn't being selfish bad? I'm always supposed to put other people's needs before my own and never take things for myself… it's really not my place to do so. I've been really mean to you, haven't I? I… I-I'm sorry…" Nathaniel whispered, holding a bit tighter to Zedd. "I don't deserve good things… I'm just a disobedient, ungrateful child…"
"But isn't being selfish bad? I'm always supposed to put other people's needs before my own and never take things for myself… it's really not my place to do so. I've been really mean to you, haven't I? I… I-I'm sorry…" Nathaniel whispered, holding a bit tighter to Zedd. "I don't deserve good things… I'm just a disobedient, ungrateful child…"
Zeddicus moved his head off of Nathaniel's, one of his hands moving underneath the boy's chin again. "Nathaniel, listen to me. Never once have you been any of those things. You do deserve good things. If I seem upset, it's probably because I'm trying to figure out how to help you. I've never done this, but I can guarantee you that you've been better than any kid I've seen," he said, looking the angel in the eyes. Stars, he hated seeing tears in those beautiful blue eyes. "Now that you're here on Earth, forget all those dumb rules you had to follow and listen to mine. You're allowed to make mistakes without being hurt for them. You're allowed to ask for things and be selfish once in awhile. And lastly… relax and don't be afraid to talk to me about what's bothering you."
Nathaniel leaned into Zedd's hand, closing his eyes as a couple fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. He purred weakly at Zedd's gentle touch, trying to huddle closer to him for comfort. "B-But those rules are all I've ever known, dad…" He whispered in a broken tone. "I don't… I c-can't just forget them entirely… what if I do something bad? Breaking rules always gets me hurt somehow and I really, really don't wanna hurt… I'm s-scared, dad… I don't wanna hurt again…" He hiccuped weakly and gripped the fabric of Zedd's shirt tightly in his tiny fists. "P-Please, dad… please don't let them hurt me…"
Zeddicus hugged Nathaniel gently, wings embracing the boy as well. “Shhh. You won’t get hurt if you mess up. It’s normal to mess up. I promise,” he hummed, starting to rub circles on the angel’s back again. He hated hearing Nathaniel so scared. Whoever they were were going to pay severely if they ever set foot near Nathaniel. Zedd wished he could find the people in the angel’s past and show them the consequences of their actions. “You’re safe.”
"But I'm not allowed to mess up!" Nathaniel clung tighter to Zedd as he began getting more worked up again. "Mistakes fucking hurt, dad! If you make a mistake during training, they hit your knees and make you stay late. If you go somewhere you're not supposed to, they lock you in your room and don't let you eat for a while. If you step out of line at all, you get belted! That's just how it is, dad, and I just… I c-can't…" He started sobbing quietly into Zedd's chest again. "I c-can't do it, dad… I couldn't do it… that's why they kicked me out…"
“Nathaniel,” Zeddicus said, voice getting louder, trying to keep from sounding angry. “You’re not there anymore. I swear on my life I’d never hurt you. You’ll always get fed when you’re hungry, and never ever yelled at for mistakes. I get it. You can’t just erase everything in a moment, but you know what fucking hurts, Nathaniel?” Zeddicus asked, gaze never wavering.
“It hurts that you think I’m going to hurt you when I’m not. You know what all that shit’s called here? That’s called abuse and it’s illegal. I’m not angry, but it hurts to see you so afraid of me.”
Nathaniel hiccuped and sobbed harder, staring at Zedd with his eyes wide with fear. "I-I'm sorry…" He whispered, his voice faltering and breaking before fading to nothing. "I d… I d-don't know how things work down here, dad… I'm not… I'm not used to being taken care of… I'm not used to not having to live in fear of doing something wrong. I'm not used to not having to break my back with work just to be good enough. I'm not used to being allowed to just eat when I'm hungry. I'm not used to not being forced to train for battle every day even though every time I train, I end up freaking out and crying because I'm thinking about Lloyd. Life up there was different, dad. It… it was so much worse. I don't like being scared all the time, but I can't help it…"
“Shh… I’m sorry for seeming so upset, but I hate seeing you so torn up like this. I… I don’t know how to be a good dad, Nathaniel,” Zeddicus admitted, a sad smile on his lips. Stars, he sounded so self centered. This was about the boy sobbing in his arms out of fear. “I just want to help you. And I will. Nathaniel, I want to figure this out together, okay? Can we do that?”
Nathaniel buried his face in Zedd's chest again and nodded, still trembling violently. "I-I guess so… I d… I don't even know where to start, though… what are we even t— t-trying to figure out, anyway…?" He asked shakily, his wings still quivering even harder than the rest of his tiny form. He was struggling to draw in a full breath and he still seemed to be very nervous and afraid.
Zeddicus continued to gently pet Nathaniel’s back, tracing the base of his wings carefully. That area was usually a spot that allowed the other joints to start to relax if massaged. “You said you don’t know how things work here. I’ll help you. And… you can help me become a good dad, okay?” the man asked, doing his best to sound cheerful. “Now, just focus on breathing so you can calm down and get some rest.”
Nathaniel weakly nodded again, suddenly melting into Zedd's touch when the man bumped a particular spot on his wings. He hiccuped a couple more times as he huddled close, but he seemed to be controlling his breathing to try and calm himself down. "I… I'll try my best…" He murmured. Although his entire small form was still noticeably trembling, he seemed to relax considerably after a few minutes of petting.
Zeddicus gently stroked the spot that Nathaniel seemed to like. He offered a tired smile, suddenly feeling exhausted from the rollercoaster of emotions he had gone through. “I’ll still be here when you wake up. It’s late enough that I don’t have anything to make me need to leave,” he whispered. “Get some rest and I’ll make you choccy milk when you get up too.”
"Mm~…" Nathaniel yawned and nuzzled against Zedd a bit as the adrenaline drained out of his body. "Okay… thank you, dad…" He murmured sleepily. He tangled himself up with Zedd and soon drifted off to sleep in his arms, purring weakly until he had fully slipped into unconsciousness. He was completely drained from crying, so he was likely to sleep for a few hours at least.
From everything that had happened, Zedd found himself quite tired as well. He wrapped both arms around Nathaniel and made himself comfortable. The man shut his eyes and allowed himself to go back to sleep. It made him happy to know he was able to calm Nathaniel down enough to get him to get some rest. It was probably hard on the poor boy to have a breakdown somewhere completely new.
The two slept peacefully, both not moving an inch aside from their even breaths.
Nathaniel ended up stirring at around two in the morning. He glanced around the room with a yawn, completely unaware of what time it was. Zedd was blocking his view of the clock on the side table. He shook Zedd a bit in an attempt to wake him. "Dad… are you awake?" He asked in a whisper, stretching out his crumpled wings a bit. "Dad…?" He repeated, slightly louder this time.
Zeddicus groaned, obviously not sounding pleased at being woken up. He had no idea how long he had fallen asleep for, but insisted on keeping his eyes closed. He felt Nathaniel’s body beside him, moving an arm over the boy’s sides. “You’re okay…” he muttered, not understanding what was going on in the slightest. He then seemed to fidget slightly, trying to go back to sleep.
"Dad?" He called out again, gently touching Zedd's cheek this time. He was still a bit groggy himself, but considerably more awake than Zedd was. "Um… h-hello?" He glanced around again, clearly not quite sure. "Um… can… can I have the choccy milk now, dad? You said I could have some when we woke up…" He said nervously, fidgeting a bit with the tips of his wings.
