forum Choking on Crimson Ash [OxO // mature 18+ // closed]

Started May 16, 2023 by @ElderGod-Carrots

tune

Two words. One question. One that Caeso couldn't answer with a single word and yet it didn't find its way to his tongue. 'You okay?' No, he was far from okay. He didn't think he would ever be okay again at this rate. Everything he had worked so hard to fight for and protect had come crumbling down in mere minutes and there had been nothing he could do to stop it. The most he had hoped for was the safety of his men, his friends, but instead, he had been face-to-face with their deaths. He watched them die. Watched as they screamed and cried and called out for him to do something and had been met with nothing but disappointment in their final moments, along with the agony they would have undoubtedly been in. Disappointment in their captain. Disappointment that the man who was supposed to save them had abandoned them in their time of need.

Words failed. Everyone that he could try and think of to say, no, disappeared by the time they reached his mouth. All Caeso could do was open his mouth, close it again and shift on his feet. Nari was holding him again. Nari had his hands on him once more just as he had been touching the spirit moments before but only this time it was him being offered comfort. Emotional comfort, sure, rather than the physical help that he had given, but help nonetheless. They may have gotten off to a rocky start and this didn't mean Caeso no longer thought Nari was an ass or an annoyance, because he still was, but the longer they spent in one another's space the less of an annoyance he was becoming. At least right now. Nari was the only comfort that he had and the man had no reason to offer it up to him. He didn't have to, and yet he still was. Was here, was going to help with his mission to take out Ezekt, was here being the comfort that Caeso needed, as much as he didn't want to give in.

Captains didn't cry. Captains didn't need help from others because they were the one that was supposed to be offering the help. Caeso was supposed to be the pillar. He was the foundation of an army that protected one of the biggest civilisations on their continent and yet he had failed more than once on that front. And now? Now that pillar was fracturing from the ground up. One wrong move and it would fall completely and he would tumble and Caeso didn't think he would ever be able to come back from that. Not after so much loss that he was taking as his fault. The weight of it all held him down, pushed him further until more cracks formed with every passing thought. The longer he stayed in his own head the worse it became. The longer he refused help the more he was going to suffer. Even though he didn't want to accept it, he couldn't stop himself.

One moment he was standing as still as ever and the next he was pressed his forehead against Nari's chest. It didn't matter that the spirit didn't have a shirt on. It didn't matter that he could feel his skin on his forehead from where he was now headbutting his chest. All that mattered was that Nari was there. Caeso didn't move his arms, as if he was still waiting for a confirmation that he was able to move and ask for a proper hug, but it was a start.

Nari stayed still and patient as Caeso stood there in silence. He kept the gentle touch to the other's cheek to keep reminding him that he was there, he didn't need to fight on his own, there was a world around him that wasn't his head. Rushing Caeso or demanding he answer him wouldn't make much of a positive difference; if anything, it would drive the captain away and ruin any chance he had at letting himself breakdown like he needed to. The time in the palace counted only a little. He had let himself feel his emotions and grief for just the smallest of moments, then bottled it right back up like nothing was wrong, nothing had happened. That wasn't good for him by any means. The silence of the room was heavy, like the air itself bathed in Caeso's internal agony and soaked in it like a bone-dry sponge.

Eiya wouldn't be back until a little bit later. They were alone, and Nari was there already. He knew what the palace had been like firsthand, even without the attached sentimentality and dead family. Caeso wouldn't even need to talk, just let Nari comfort him in a way that he needed and wanted. No pushing, no bullying, but still the spirit hoped that the man would cave to him again. Not for personal gain despite the brief moment of selfish imagination and thoughts, but to make sure he was still taking care of himself. This time it wasn't physically, but mentally, which was just as important. Caeso could defeat Ezekt, save his people and home and see it be rebuilt, but he'd still be destroyed, nothing but a shadow hiding away from his now figurative demons. Always fighting, and always losing. Nari didn't need to have Mai's sight to know that's what would happen if he continued to bottle everything up and blame himself for the attack.

A soft headbutt. That's all Caeso did, just tap his forehead against Nari's chest and stand there limp. The spirit raised his arms on either side of him, startled and unsure as he stared into nothingness. No request for comfort, no demand he go away or that they continue on. Just a headbutt. But maybe that was his request, up for interpretation. Whatever the case, after debating in silence, Nari wrapped his arms around Caeso and bundled him up into a tight but gentle hug. It didn't matter if he was shirtless and could very clearly feel Caeso's breath on his chest or how his slightly damp hair brushed against skin. All of those previous thoughts escaped him and was quickly followed by concern.

He wouldn't talk. Talking wouldn't help in this situation. So, he held Caeso in an unyielding embrace that fully encompassed him, especially when Nari rested his chin on the top of his head. If this was all he needed at the moment, then Nari was more than willing to oblige. He ignored how easily Caeso could be folded into his arms, but he couldn't ignore the warmth that radiated from him. Still very living, still doing better than Nari was. He could make it through, the spirit was sure of it. If he could get the captain to care for himself and actually address the thoughts that were plaguing him, he would come out of this okay. He wanted to believe it, anyway, for Caeso's sake.

Your fault.

Useless. You’re not even a proper Captain.

You should have died with the rest of them.

This is all. your. fault.

Each thought only grew louder and louder with every steady thump of his heart beneath his skin. Alive. He was alive, and that was the problem. He shouldn’t be. He should be dead with the men that had given themselves up for the sake of trying to save the city, to save someone, at least, in a last ditch attempt to make good at the vows they had made when they had been sworn in as soldiers. Caeso had managed to break pretty much every vow and oath he had taken that day and that was going to live with him forever.

Live with him for as long as he did, at least. Mentally his mind was already dying, and maybe that was a good thing. The weight of it all, the burden he now carried of hundreds of deaths resting on his shoulders and each voice screaming that he was the reason that they were gone would break any man, no matter the title they carried. In Caeso’s instance it was as if every death that he had caused - directly or otherwise - had each voice and person now stuck inside his head, and every time they spoke they only became angrier as he continued on, as he continued to live while they had died. He should have been at the gates when they opened. He should have been fighting from the start rather than staying away and flailing around in a library looking for books. Or he at least should have been with the king. He had failed to protect the man’s son, and now he wasn’t even with the king himself trying to protect him from anything that might come his way.

Because of they had come for Indrigos, they had coke for the Fae and no matter how far the king fled he would be found eventually. If Caeso didn’t stop Ezekt then the whole world could shatter and break just as he was. He had no doubt there were demons already on the tail of the Fae king, sniffing him out like hounds to the dead to take care of the last living royal to the Fae throne. With no leader and no home they would be nothing more but a scattered people, doomed to wander for eternity until time and death caught up with them and they ended up in The Under like the rest of them. If the Death God was freed he would make not only the Fae city rubble but the rest of the continent, too, and turn the living realm into nothing but ash and smoke for his new home. And by taking out the most powerful civilisation first? The God only proved how powerful he was to the rest of the world. Everything would be lost and it would all fall back on him and his men who should have stopped him to begin with. But mostly on Caeso. The man who should have been at the gates and slaughtering demons before they even stepped foot on this plane but he hadn’t. As a result, hundreds were dead. All your fault.

Feeling Nari wrap his arms around him was the confirmation Caeso needed to do the same back. His arms wrapped loosely around the spirit’s middle, pressing his face further into his chest if at all possible in a feeble attempt to hide himself away from his blackened mind. Nari might not have been warm but he was warm enough and certainly solid enough to provide some sort of comfort. Caeso wasn’t letting himself cry. Wasn’t going to let any of his emotions out on him for the time being because he didn’t want to scare him away or be a burden any more than he knew he already was. Everything would stay bottled up inside but for now, the hug was the most he was allowing himself in terms of comfort. If Nari hadn’t had asked him that question he probably wouldn’t have done so, but regardless of how much his brain was fighting so many wars, he would give himself one hug. One hug and be done with it.

Nari curled his arms tighter around Caeso and buried a hand into his hair at the back of his head, like a cradle and encouragement to bury into the spirit's chest and hide from the world. Maybe, if Caeso stayed hidden enough, his thoughts couldn't reach him, couldn't haunt him through the day or night. Nari would take them away at night, when he couldn't argue or protest or question what his intentions were. He'd take away the possibility of dreaming of nightmares and demons just so Caeso could have a decent night's sleep. But here, in Nari's arms, he could do nothing of the sort without starting an argument that wasn't needed. The spirit closed his eyes and focused on just being there for Caeso, just holding him through the pain and letting him have another moment of vulnerability away from everyone else.

Because Nari was just a stranger. A nobody. He wasn't one of Caeso's men, wasn't family, wasn't a friend. He was quite literally no one to him, and the best person to bear witness to the captain break down. There was nothing to gain from telling others, and nothing for Caeso to lose by being seen. Maybe a little bit of his ego and dignity, but Nari was still a nobody that didn't matter. Once all of this was over, they'd part ways, and this moment right here? Gone, like it never even happened. Caeso could continue life without anyone knowing just how much the destruction of his entire world affected him, and Nari wouldn't have the care to spread gossip or hold it over the man's head, even now—a stupid hypothetical to begin with.

The thought didn't settle well with him, though. Separating and forgetting. Nari's subconscious violently rejected the idea of having anything to do with Caeso that involved never seeing or speaking to him again. Even the idea of simply forgetting him was met with a wall of denial and rejection. It made no sense, but there wasn't time or the need to figure it out. It would happen, just not right now. Right now, Nari needed to make Caeso feel as safe and free to grieve as he possibly could. To do that, the spirit carefully shifted his weight like a warning right before he inched them further into the room and away from the door. Further into a corner of Nari's things and away from open space, until he was surrounded on all sides. Boxed in, protected from open air and open space where anything could happen.

Nari often found that he liked hiding away in corners if he needed to get some things out of his system, like a purge of his emotions in the comfort of a tiny nook where they'd stay hidden away and unseen. Unfelt. He didn't know if Caeso felt the same way, but it was a quick fix that would involve minimum effort on both of their parts to adjust. It was the best he could do in the silence and the uncertainty of it all. Nari had no idea who the captain was outside his title and portrait. Well, that wasn't true. He knew a man that liked being held and blushed when his face was held and when he was forced to hold eye contact. He knew a man that was stubborn beyond compare. A man that neglected his own needs for the health of others, even annoying asshole strangers.

Who he knew, though, didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. He'd never be found in Caeso's social circle, so this? A vulnerability he couldn't use even if he wanted to. Which he didn't. No, and he didn't even try to exploit it in any way, taking to cuddling the man into his chest with a full embrace (not unlike that of a giant stuffed bear), and staying silent to let the captain figure out what he wanted to do and what choices were going to be made—what he wanted to let out and give to the starving air around them.

When Nari moved them Caeso more than obliged and moved with him. He wasn't going to protest, he didn't have the energy for that right now. Not when he was being boxed in and was finally somewhere he could feel somewhat safe for the first time that day. There was nowhere else safe for him anymore. His home was gone. Both of them. His city, and there was no longer a person that he could feel safe around to let himself go. The only person he had now was the spirit that was holding him as if he were about to break. Which, in all fairness, probably wasn't far from the truth.

No longer being in the open and by the door made it easier. He didn't have to worry about Eiya potentially coming downstairs, wherever he was and whenever he decided to return, and seeing him having a mental breakdown. He already knew that the other spirit was jealous of him, he had seen it in the way he had practically glared and had moved his hands deliberately around Nari's waist when he had got into his space on the counter. Why he was so jealous he would never understand. Why Caeso Cared on the other hand was a different story and something else he didn't wish to untangle right at that very moment. But he definitely didn't want to see him like this. Weak. Suffering. Silently clawing away at his mind from the inside until he was nothing more than a spirit himself, only he would have far less personality and will and endurance than the other two. Fuck, spirit wasn't even the right term. A ghost. A shell. Nothing more than a body relying on ingrained memory and movement to get him through each day until the inevitable shut down completely.

If he made it through all of this shit then would it even be worth it by the end? He was already losing his sense of self and it had only been a day of the destruction that Ezekt had caused. What was he going to come back to and who else was he going to lose along the way? Kia? Fuck if he lost her and never heard from his actual family again then he really would be nothing. Caeso hadn't heard from them since the attack and was deliberately avoiding thinking about them because he knew that the longer his thoughts stayed with them the more upset he was going to be. Especially if he found them dead at the end. They wouldn't know where he was, either, and if they were alive they were most likely as worried as he was. Leaving them behind and the thought of never seeing them again, the thought of them already dead was enough to have him clinging onto Nari tighter.

Having him there was a blessing. As much as he didn't want to admit it, it was. Without Nari, he wouldn't have even stopped to wash. Caeso would have kept fighting and going until he physically could not move anymore and there was nothing left. Even if he had all the keys and collapsed at the final gate due to it. Physically, Caeso knew he could take much more of a battering. Emotionally? Emotionally he was drained dry. Like a desert with not even an oasis to look to. Numb. That was what it was. Numb and empty. Nari holding onto him, asking if he was okay, was that soft glimmer of rain on the horizon he was letting himself believe in for once. It was why he wrapped his arms around him tighter, tried hiding his face into his chest more and tucked himself in as small as he could make himself as if that was going to stop his mind from screaming. It wouldn't but it was worth a shot.

Nari could track Caeso's racing thoughts by how often he was squeezed tighter and when he felt the man burying further into his chest. Holding the captain was clearly not doing enough to calm his mind and ease the emotions clearly bubbling up, and the spirit was at a loss for what to do. But when Caeso adjusted himself so that he was hugging Nari even tighter and trying to hide away, Nari acted on instinct alone because he couldn't just do nothing. He shifted just enough to squeeze Caeso into his body like a full body compression and rested his chin on the top of the man's head. "I'm still here," he whispered.

Still here for him through the silent agony, even if they were strangers with no obligations towards one another. Still here for him to cling to and hug as tight as he needed. Nari's hand splayed over the back of Caeso's head like an extra encouragement to hide away into his chest and away from all the screams in his mind. Ultimately, it didn't matter if Nari was there for him when his presence was inconsequential to the numerous important people and places that had been destroyed and lost to the hands of Ezekt's demons, but he still wanted Caeso to be reminded that he had at least one person with him. He still had one person willing to hold him up when he needed to collapse. Nari had seen the man crumble and panic twice now; it wasn't any less distressing the second round.

They didn't know each other, not yet, but Nari already knew enough that he wanted to keep this—keep Caeso at his worst—away from others. Not because he wanted to be selfish and be the only person the captain could rely on, but because he didn't want to subject the man to any more humiliation and distress at being so vulnerable around other people. Nari happened to be around with both instances, and this would remain between them for as long as he could help it. He wouldn't push Caeso to seek out help from him—that wasn't what this was about, it wasn't a power play—but if he needed anything from him in times like this? He'd give whatever was needed and help Caeso heal himself. Then, he would keep everything behind closed doors and so hushed that no one would ever know about the captain's true feelings unless otherwise allowed.

So Nari hugged Caeso so tight and so close, like he was someone who was important, like he was once long-lost and was welcoming the man back into his arms after an eternity. He shielded him from the world and cornered him away from the emptiness. He let the warmth of Caeso seep into his skin and disperse equally between the two of them, Nari's natural chill a counter. No rush, no demands to pull himself together or a suggestion that they wrap things up as the food might be on its way. Caeso had the spirit's entire attention and comfort, even if it was silent and minimal.

"Why?"

The word held so much, too much weight and there were so many questions that Caeso could be asking with just one word. Why was Nari still here? Why was he offering his help, his comfort to a man he had just met? Why was he did he want to be there, anyway? Why Caeso? Why was this all falling on him? Why couldn't he have just been a normal man with a normal life? Why did he have to be stuck in the middle of all this shit? Why did he have to lose everyone and everything he had ever loved and cared for? Why did he always have to lose?

The captain's voice was soft and quiet, and even in the silence of the room it was barely even audible, made worse by the fact that he was pressing his face into Nari's chest. Each thought had him attempting to hide away more, to cling on and sink into the hug as if it was going to be the last one he ever received. It might be, though. This might be the last time anyone ever held him or offered comfort. Nari, in Caeso's mind, was only doing this to repay the debt of Caeso stitching him up. Nari was only there because he felt he owed him something in return. So why should they ever hug again, after this? They wouldn't, was the answer that was forming in his mind. They would go on to fight the Death God and if they made it out alive part ways and never see one another again. Whatever relationship that the two of them may have should be, was most likely, only ever going to be professional.

But this, the two of them here and now with Nari holding him so close as if he meant the world? Caeso could forget about what was going to happen between them after this. Already the thought of parting ways and only having a professional relationship wasn't sitting well in his stomach, along with the multitude of other uncomfortable and depressing feelings and thoughts he was experiencing. It was a question that he didn't want to answer and wasn't going to answer anytime soon.

For now, he was going to cling onto the spirit as if this were the last hug he was ever going to get. Caeso was going to seep every ounce of warmth, every soft squeeze that he felt from Nari. He needed it. For right now, he needed it. He could shut down his emotions later, when he was alone, maybe, and had time to himself so he could reset and reform, but he knew Nari wasn't having that, so he would let whatever he was feeling out, one way or another.

Nari could've interpreted that question in a multitude of ways. He could've answered it in several more. Why? Why anything? The world was strange and complicated, and people even more so. Why do what we do at all? Why make the choices we make? Why pick the people we choose to treat one way and the people we treat another? There were too many things going on to really address all the questions that could be asked in that single, too heavy word. Nothing would quite encompass the entirety of it. Nari didn't have all the answers to the questions Caeso was asking, but he could go with the simplest one and go from there. The spirit hummed, debating on what direction to go in. Because I'm not as much of an asshole you think I am. Because I might just be a fool. Because life is unfair, and it's not worth making it worse. He pressed a soft, soothing kiss to the top of Caeso's head and murmured his answer.

"Why not?"

Why shouldn't he be there for Caeso? Granted, they weren't friends or anything, barely even acquaintances, but Nari had repeatedly shown concern over the man's well-being and care. He wasn't going to explore the "why" behind him being so focused on caring for Caeso, but the fact of the matter was that he wasn't cold-hearted enough to deny something as simple as a hug to someone that clearly needed it, even if he wouldn't let himself let go of everything he was bottling up. If squeezing the spirit and hiding away into his chest was comforting to him, then Nari would stay there and squeeze him back without complaint. He didn't have anything else to do, nothing pressing enough to make a big deal out of it.

And maybe a part of him still wanted to make amends. Nari had done some horrible, unforgiving things while serving Ezekt. He wasn't a good person by default because of those things he had done, and it would forever haunt him long after they stopped the Death God in his tracks. There was no going back and fixing the things he had done. Too many people suffered because of him, perhaps worse than death in some aspects. Psychological torture in the worst cases, and permanently ruined lives in the best. Nari regretted those years he had gladly served someone so cruel and bloodthirsty, and not because his escape had cost him his sight and his full happiness. If he really wanted to delve into those memories, he'd admit that he was too scared to find out just how those people turned out after he had touched their lives. Too scared to find they had ended it all because of him.

But Caeso wasn't like them. He was a victim of Ezekt, not Nari, and the spirit wanted to protect him as much as he could from the God. Ezket took and took and took until everything and everyone dropped dead to their knees in servitude to his undying reign. He would do anything to have more of a hold on the realms he should not have a hand in, and Nari was afraid he was too late in saving at least one person from the life too many had befallen to at his own hands.

Because I'm not worth it. Caeso wanted to say. He wasn't worth the time nor the energy to be cared for. He wasn't worth the effort that Nari was showing him, by allowing the captain to draw comfort from him when he was in a vulnerable state, by giving him that stupidly nice kiss on the top of his head or how he had his arms wrapped around him as if the spirit was going to protect him from the world. He wasn't worth caring for. He wasn't worth any of it.

All that he seemed to be good at, good for was fucking things up and never fixing things before they needed to be. How in Gods name he was still captain of the royal guard after his last mistake, after it had cost him his best friend, more than that, he would never know. The fact that the King had left him as his captain after it was his fault that his son was dead? The man had too much trust in the man, and Caeso would forever be confused and grateful for that. And then he had gone and told him that it was his job to fix this mess. It was up to him to heal a whole city, to imprison a vengeful, spiteful God who could literally control death with a flicker of his fingers. A God that had demons at his neck and call, followers that would be in The Under waiting for people like Caeso to come and try and lock him back up. Yeah, it was supposed to be him to get through all of that and come out victorious.

Because if he didn't he would have truly lost everything. He would have lost his prince, then his family, then his home, then his people and in the process lost himself and the entire continent to go with it. Had Nari not snuck into the library and scored the life out of him, Caeso knew that he would be alone, and he would have easily failed before he got very far in the job that he had been tasked with. something else to be grateful for, he guessed, when it came to the spirit. The longer he thought about the man the more he was beginning to find that he was offering more support and time and energy than anyone had in recent years and that was both sad and lovely. Caeso wasn't going to let himself get attached. He wasn't going to let himself believe that the other was going to stay because after this they would part and forget, but for now, he would, maybe a little.

Caeso needed it. He needed something to keep himself going, at least through the first gate. After that he could believe in something else but not right now. Right now he had Nari and maybe that would be enough. Whatever fire or energy he had was fizzling quickly and there was nothing he could do to get that back, he just prayed that he would be fine without it, "We should go."

Nari stayed right where he was, breathing in the scent of Caeso's freshly washed hair and holding him tight to his body without hesitation or falter. The man might've been drowning himself in his thoughts, a torrential downpour that the spirit was unaware of, but Nari wasn't going to abandon him in that moment or even give a single hint that he felt Caeso was a burden or that he didn't want to be there with him. It was a hug, nothing extravagant required a ton of effort, so there was no real reason for Nari to be upset over being asked for it. It meant more to Caeso than it did to Nari.

But, just a little part of him appreciated it more than he was letting on. He was simultaneously touch-starved and too overwhelmed with the attention he'd get from Eiya. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy it, it was fun to play around a bit, but Eiya didn't quite suit what Nari needed. It was hard to pinpoint what exactly the difference was, but he just knew that it was different, and there was something about Caeso and how he responded to anything Nari did that was far more satisfying than the jealous hands on his waist and the insistence on carrying him around on a whim. Maybe it was because Eiya was so temperamental and independent, while Caeso had an attitude all the way up until Nari got in his space, or he needed comfort. He summoned a side of the spirit that didn't show up too often.

Whatever it was, it kept Nari where he was and prevented him from even thinking about pulling away or abandoning the captain. When Caeso finally spoke, Nari wasn't very quick to pull away or even move. He was talking about going, but hadn't even made a single twitch towards removing himself from the hug or letting the spirit go. So Nari turned his head so that his cheek was resting on top of his head, and moved one hand to cup the side of Caeso's face, his fingers curling around to dig into his hair by his neck. "Patience, love," he murmured after a moment of thought. How did he gently steer the man towards staying put, whether that be right here in his arms or in his home, so that he got a chance at food and eventually rest? Caeso himself didn't have to do anything else besides wait on Nari. "I have to wash up and dress, first. Then we can figure out what we're going to do, okay?"

Gentle, soft, sweet—Nari kept his voice low and soothing while talking to Caeso, but not patronizing. Just giving him the space and softness he needed to not feel pressured or crowded. Sometimes that was effective, as he learned, but the captain needed just a bit of light coddling and allowance to go his own pace. Still, Nari didn't move or pull away from the man, still held him just as he had been.

They should go. They should start on the road, find the portal or entrance to the first layer of The Under and go. They needed to. They had to. They didn't have time for coddling or hugging or pitying Caeso for being upset. But he didn't move, he didn't make a single motion except leaning more into Nari when the man dug his fingers into his hair and held his neck, when he felt his cheek on the top of his head. If anything it made him want to stay there longer, and he didn't know whether that was part of the man's plan or not. Nari, despite being cool, was slowly warming with the hug and it was seeping into his own skin. Each touch, every gentle, soft and sweet word had him relaxing into him as if they had known one another for years. It was the kind of hug he expected from his prince, not from a stranger.

Yet the longer that they stayed in the embrace the less like a stranger Nari was becoming. Literally, they were spending time with one another and they no doubt would be with one another for quite some time. By definition they weren't going to be strangers for much longer. But there was something familiar about the spirit that Caeso had never experienced with anyone else before. As if some part of the cpatisn had known him before and was being drawn to him in a way that was unexplainable and definitely not something he wanted to think too deeply about for the time being. Whatever it was could be discovered later, when he wasn't fraying at the seems quicker than he wanted to be with no way to stitch himself back together. This wasn't a wound that was so easily fixed with a needle and thread.

As much as he didn't want to move, Caeso managed to pull himself away. The move was slow, as if he was still thinking about whether it was the right thing to do or not, but his arms unhooked from around Nari's waist. For a brief moment, he paused to look up at the other but whatever he thought about saying left his tongue before he could even open his mouth to say it. Caeso silently cursed Nari for being able to get into his head so easily, but at the same time, without the man, he probably would have broken down even further, on his own. Fuck, he probably wouldn't be able to complete the mission he was tasked with. So as much as the spirit was an annoyance, he was helping.

"Okay," He settled upon, and finally moved to put more space between them. The lack of warmth, the lack of someone else there with him sucked more than he had thought it would, but there was nothing he could do now, "I'll… leave you to wash up." His voice was just as quiet as his steps were as he made his way out of the room and back up the stairs.

Nari nearly preened with a muted sense of pride when he felt Caeso lean into him even more even though he was the one saying that they had to go. But there was also that warmth that seeped into his skin, reminded him of a time long before that he couldn't remember, couldn't imagine ever feeling until he had gotten so close so often with Caeso. The hug lasted a lot longer this time than it had in the palace, and for once, it was the captain that had initiated and prolonged it. It had been up to Nari to make it into a proper hug, but he had been asked in the smallest, cutest way possible. He seared that little request in his mind—that headbutt to his chest—to keep an eye out for a next time, or any other times after this. Maybe, just maybe, Nari would wear the captain down enough that he would be more willing to seek out comfort from him.

But, stubborn as always, Caeso finally heeded his own words and moved. Undoubtedly reluctantly, with how slow he unwrapped his arms from Nari's waist. The spirit wished that he would just give into what he needed instead of listening to whatever was telling him that he didn't matter nearly as much as the mission. Maybe it was from Nari's solitary upbringing and inevitable rebellion from the one thing keeping him tethered. Maybe he was pushing his selfishness onto Caeso by insisting he prioritize himself over all of his people. Maybe Caeso really shouldn't listen to him and go with his own system. But Nari had him in his territory now, in his home and arms, for the time being. Here, he would go by his rules. Caeso could self-destruct later if he wanted, even if the spirit would do everything in his power to stop it, but right now? He would be taken care of and prioritized above all else. Nari had told the God to fuck off once before, he could do it again.

The pause in Caeso's movement confused him, and for that moment he wished he had his sight to see what the captain was thinking or looking at, but then it was over and he was fully pulling away. Putting space between them that only sucked the warmth from Nari the further away the man moved. The spirit dropped his hands and didn't try to grab at Caeso to keep him there, just flattened his ears some in disappointment and kept his eyes on him as best as he could judge. He didn't have the chance to say anything, either, before he was left alone in his room with just the softest echo of Caeso's steps and quiet words. Nari couldn't follow him, but he did keep an eye on him as he went up the stairs by listening. Only when he was sure that he would be okay on his own did he get moving.

Grabbing a clean outfit—and swapping his pants for a pair that weren't quite as loose but still comfortable—Nari slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Locked it. He didn't need another incident with Caeso walking in on him. Then the spirit braced his hands on the counter and let out a long and weighted breath. Finally, he could sort through the rush of emotions. The sudden lust was gone, but his head was back to being a swirling and confused mess of conflicting emotions. If he thought about it too long, he could feel Caeso's gentle touch along his stomach and hips. Holding him and sliding over his skin. His breath, at just the right height from kneeling. But then the memory of Caeso against his chest, broken and holding him so fucking tight conflicted with everything else.

He needed a scalding bath to wash everything away. With that, he stripped and did just that.

Caeso didn’t know what to think when it came to his desire to want to stay cuddled up to Nari for longer. He really didn’t want to think at all, about anything, but at least the thoughts of the spirit weren’t causing him to break down and rip his soul out until it was nothing but ash. It was probably the best case, the best thing, for him to think about for the time being. For someone who had annoyed him so greatly within moments of meeting and was now - even though still annoyance - wasn’t as bad as he had originally seemed. Of course, a part of his first impression of the man had been in the midst of an anger filled search through books that had more dust than the palace catacombs, but still, Nari had been a bit of a pain.

Now? Now he didn’t know what to think. There were too many thoughts flying around his brain to make any sense of a singular one, and it didn’t help that he had the added confusion of the whole ordeal on top of it. Gods, he wanted to wash his brain out with freezing water just to reset the damn thing and hope that he could make some sense. He doubted his head would be any where close to clear anytime soon. Not until this whole situation with Ezekt cleared up and he was back home. Or at least, somewhere that resembled his home or somewhere he could make a home. Those thoughts of disappearing into some cottage somewhere still in the back of his mind and was sounding more and more like a good plan the longer he let his mind linger there. If the King ever made a reappearance he knew that wasn’t going to be possible since he would be back working once more. Not that he minded, he supposed, it was work and it was for the man he had served his whole life under, once again tasked to protect him and his people, but after the last few times of failure, would he even want him back?

Up the stairs back into the living room Caeso took a breath. Slowly in through his nose and slowly put through his mouth again. He couldn’t shake the feeling of doom and gloom hanging so heavy over his head. As he walked into the room he almost sat down instantly but instead his eyes were drawn to those lights once more. They were so colourful, and practically calling his name. He’d always had the obsession even before he knew of his magic regarding the stuff and it was only amplified when he realised why he was drawn to them. Obsessed probably wasn’t even too strong a word. Light was comfort. All forms of it. Sunlight, moonlight, candle light, starlight. They all whispered and called for him, wrapped him in a warm embrace and kept him safe.

For a moment he hesitated and then Caeso was reaching for the nearest one, a soft orange, until it was in his hands. The moment he was able to feel and touch the light on his hands he relaxed just a fraction. Now he had something else physical to distract him from his thoughts, and the light was certainly doing just that. He held the ball lightly and moved until he was back in the nest of pillows once more, only this time he was relaxing further into them, trying to make himself comfortable. He didn’t know how long Nari was going to be, which was a problem since he didn’t want to get caught playing with one of his lights, but Caeso was too busy already moving the thing between his finger tips and hands, brightening and dimming the light and sending it around his arms like a physical ball rather than just a clump of light.

As Caeso got comfortable upstairs, Nari sunk into the hot bath and rubbed at his face, the water splashing around his movements. "Fuck," he whispered into the silent room. A mess. He had gotten himself into a huge mess that he didn't entirely know how to clean up, and it wasn't even entirely the conflict that Caeso drew from him. The moment that Ezekt's influence had shown up in the wrong realm, Nari had known his fate was sealed if he didn't do something. Death was on the horizon, just behind a few layers of bars, and he was due to join soon. Once upon a time, he had been happy to carry out the orders given to him because they hadn't been all that awful. But slowly, eventually, he opened his eyes to the true level of cruelty he had been asked to inflict. Nari had narrowly escaped death when he defied the God—only losing his sight periodically was a blessing compared to what could've happened—but now karma was on his ass. Two narrow escapes from death was one too many. It was inevitable.

But his heart violently rejected the idea of giving into that and leaving Caeso all alone. Whether that be during their mission or after, if Nari died, he'd be leaving Caeso alone. Alone to fight Ezekt, alone to face the world after the fact, face it while forever changed. The spirit sunk even further into the water until his entire body was submerged, and held his breath just long enough that he felt the burn, then created a small air bubble by his nose so he could breathe. Eyes open and up towards the ground ceiling. What should he do? What could he do? Caeso didn't deserve being left alone to the uncertainty and horror of losing his entire life, and even if he had friends and family that survived, would he ever lean on them for help? Nari could bully his way into taking on the weight of Caeso's trauma, but what about them? It was all too much to think about or even consider. After a moment of being submerged, Nari rose back up to the surface and mechanically worked on washing off the blood and grit off his skin and the fur of his ears.

When he was sufficiently clean and mostly dried off, Nari dressed and made his way silently up the stairs to check on Caeso. His vision was hazing back into functionality, just enough to let him see lights and silhouettes of dark color and deep shadows. Which means, at the top of the staircase, he got a glimpse of Caeso holding one of the fox-fire lights and playing with it. Nari stopped at the stair he was on and started hovering just as he lifted his legs to cross them and sit mid-air, his arms folded over the railing and chin resting on them. Quiet and undetected. Even in the hazy vision he was working with, he was glad to see how cute Caeso was being. His conflicting emotions were enough to mask his liking of the moment from his curse, thankfully, and he settled down to watch from a distance.

Subtly, the spirit flicked his fingers and let a few of them drop down in a slow float, like they had lost their buoyancy, then settle all around the captain. They were all different colors, and as much as Nari wanted to create more for Caeso to admire, he held off for the sake of remaining hidden. He looked so cozy nestled in one of the many nests on the floor, pillows and blankets piled up all around him, and the lights cast a soft glow over his face. Nari couldn't see him clearly, but it was just enough, especially when it had been since the library that he got an actual look at the man's face. He looked content, at least. As happy as he could be at the moment. If it just took a few lights to keep him that way, then that's what Nari would give him.

One light had been enough to keep him distracted, but multiple was definitely doing the job. Caeso was only a little confused when he watched the lights drop from their place above him. They had been secure before, so why they were dropping was a mystery but he wasn't going to complain. He had only grabbed the nearest one and even then had had to jump slightly to knock it off balance and into his hands, now he didn't have to do any of that. Which was good since he was settled deep into the nest of pillows with no intention of moving anytime soon. He didn't know that Nari was finished with washing up or that he was watching him from a distance and figured he had a little time to reset his thoughts into someplace more focused on the mission at hand rather than the horribleness that they had just escaped from.

The soft orange light settled in his palm as his other hand flicked softly in order to bring the others closer. Now that the light was in his vicinity and he was concentrating they were easy to move out of their small casing and into his hands, like slightly larger than normal fireflies dancing around his arms. Each felt different, and Caeso was more than aware that if he ever tried to explain to someone how lights were different depending on colour and type he would come off as crazy. But these were soft, warm, although some of the cooler colours like the deep blues were more crisp than the oranges and yellows that were sitting in one hand. Unique to themselves but the way they interacted was as if they were all pieces of a larger puzzle slowly connecting now that they were free to move. Well, as free as Caeso was letting them, at least.

He kept them fairly controlled, not juggling the lights but certainly playing with them to some capacity. They twirled around his fingers and arms, the back of his neck and looped around each other as they fed off the different energies they expelled, taking turns as to which light nuzzled near Caeso's face and the others in his palm. Every light, Caeso had found over the years, had a glimmer of personality that he was able to pull whenever he used his magic. Had he, or anyone else, left them alone they would be unnoticed, because who would think light had personality? But he knew, and he was sure that if there was anyone else in the world with the same ability, they would know, too.

Caeso had never met anyone with the same talent in his life time. For a while, he had searched and hoped that there would be someone he could talk to about all of it but had fallen short. As a child, he hadn't unlocked his powers until later much like his mother, but when he had they had been difficult to control, especially with the amount of light surrounding him at all times. But the stronger his connection with them grew the easier it became until he didn't need a mentor and he stopped looking. It didn't matter either way. If there had been another Fae with the same abilities in his home then they were most likely dead, and Caeso was trying to steer away from those thoughts right now and focus on controlling the pretty lights in his hands.

Watching Caeso interact with the lights that Nari had put up only made his conflicted feelings worse, but better at the same time. It didn't help his growing attachment to the man in the slightest, or the evoked feelings he got when thinking about how they had interacted not long ago. But it also fueled his confusion on the matter and the stress of what he was feeling versus the situation. It was all sorts of a mess. But Caeso was letting go for even just a moment, and it had the spirit stopped cold in his tracks and gave him all sorts of fluttery feelings that he pushed way down to hide from the curse, to prevent himself from feeling anything other than muted affection for how cute such a man could be when given a few lights to play with. It wasn't appropriate for the timing, nor their relationship. Just strangers, hardly even acquaintances.

Nari buried his face in his arms and bit down on himself in an attempt to keep his head on straight and not do anything impulsive. He wanted to make more for Caeso to have fun with. To see just how happy he would be to be surrounded by what little light the spirit could conjure, given that he could only manipulate air. Fox-fire was a fluke, ghost lights that mimicked the will-o'-the-wisps that floated about here and there, all because he was a fox type spirit. But Caeso was playing around with the lights he had strung up for some color and light into his home, and though he had never really given them much thought before, he wanted to give more. See what all he could conjure and let the captain have his fun with each and every one of them.

He couldn't though. Even though Caeso was beyond fucking adorable with the way the lights took turns nuzzling up to his face and he gazed at every single one, Nari couldn't indulge in them both with his whims. For one, he would be found out. Secondly, though, there was no telling how Caeso would react to being essentially coddled and given a thing to play with. He might be more happy about the lights than upset at Nari for indulging him, or it might be the other way around, and Nari wasn't too keen on ruining the moment just because he was being a little selfish in his wants—even if he was looking over the captain in the process.

His hazy vision stopped expanding, leveling out to the same blackened colors and silhouettes that he had been seeing, which meant a few things. The most disappointing but not surprising was that he wasn't going to get it back for a little bit yet, at this rate. Perhaps overnight. But the most damning was that, it meant he was enjoying this, enjoying a painfully cute Caeso, far too much. Enough that the curse was picking up on it and keeping his established punishment level to how it was. No improvement, but at least no worse. Nari would take the win while he could, even if it sucked, and he wouldn't be able to see Caeso in what felt like ages until a while yet later. For now, he soaked in all that he could, and ended up biting down even more to resist his instincts. The captain would notice him eventually.

The lights buzzed around his body, each emitting their own magical signal that was unique to them that Caeso was able to hear and pick up on. He was in tune with them all, to everything related to light and the properties it held, and even though the fox fire was something that Nari had conjured, it was still the same premise. They all had different aspects that stood out, whether that be from the colour to the buzzing to the way they moved and it allowed him to differentiate between them, to pick up on which was which even if some overlapped in colour. Good in this sense, since there were quite the few now floating around him. Bad in other cases where there had been too much light and the frequencies of them all had been overbearing.

Now that he was older he didn't become so overwhelmed with the amount that he could sense and feel when it came to light and his connection with it. When he was younger and his powers had first been unlocked he had often hidden away in a dark room for hours on end when it had become too much, especially in places like the palace. There was always something happening, always far too many candles for one room, or the chandeliers bounced the sunlight into every corner of the space until he couldn't get away from it. A dark, black and quiet room had been the only way to calm him and bring down his sensitivity levels. At least he didn't have that problem anymore. Now he was able to tune them in and out or ignore them entirely. Pick up on which signals he wanted to control and feel and the ones he wanted to leave alone. Caeso supposed that came with the fact that he was older and more experienced now than he had been years ago.

The fox-fire was an odd frequency he was now tuning into, but as Caeso let himself feel them more he realised why they were starting to feel familiar, and it was because they were linked to Nari. They offered the same or at least similar, comfort to the spirit, and one that had him calming and relaxing just as he had done in his arms only moments before. How the lights, or even Nari, had that impact on him Caeso didn't know but right now he wasn't going to complain when he needed it. The captain wasn't going to ask for it, but he needed it, and that much was obvious. You didn't have to see to know that he was struggling, no matter how hard he tried to hide it.

But with the realisation that the lights and Nari were tuned in to the same comforting feeling, Caeso took to thinking about the spirit, and the hug, and how nice it had felt, and how the longer he was staying in that nest of pillows the more inclined he was going to be to give in and stay for the night. They should go. But the lights were calling and comforting and Nari was… Caeso blinked at his own thought. Surely he would be back by now. He sat up a little and that was when he noticed the spirit hovering in the shadows of the staircase. How long had he been there? Fuck, how much had he seen? Or well, sensed? He went red, "How long have you been there for?"

Nari lifted his head and lowered his feet to the ground, the picture of innocence. His ears perked up from their relaxed state of contentment, straight towards Caeso like he had his full attention. Which he did. Nari's attention hadn't been on anything but Caeso the moment he spotted him with the lights, or even since Eiya had left the place. Unfortunately, he couldn't let the captain know that, couldn't let him know that he had been solely focused on him the entire time they've been alone, even when not in the same room. So, he had to lie. "Not long," he said. An ear flicked, while the other briefly flattened, before both resumed their upright position in no time.

Long enough that he had completely melted in the face of Caeso's cuteness. Long enough that his vision was stunted in its recovery because he couldn't help but think he was the most adorable thing in the room. Long enough that he had seen everything he needed to know a trick or two in calming down the captain and keeping him happy. Nari went up the rest of the stairs before heading over to Caeso. As much as he wanted to feel the man's warmth again, to envelop him in his arms and have him press into his side for comfort, he resisted the urge to sit right next to Caeso and instead lowered himself into another pile a decent distance away from him. Habit kicked in and Nari started shifted the blankets and pillows around to optimize his temporary nest, then sunk into it and got comfortable while facing Caeso, legs folded and curled up towards his chest and head and folded arms resting on a large lump. Too far for his liking, but he could say he was being nice and respectful while blatantly staring under the guise of total blindness.

"Are you at least comfortable?" Nari asked, as if he couldn't see Caeso playing with the lights or snuggled into his own pile of comfort. "I'd hate to keep you prisoner here and not have it be halfway decent." Prisoner was a strong word, but he was smirking, the slightest up tilt of a corner of his lips directed right at Caeso. Similar to the Nari that the captain had met, but softer. Muted. Smoothed over with the exhaustion from the entire day, the comfort of his home, and the gentleness he was showing Caeso more and more. The spirit was still that arrogant, playful, slightly annoying man he was from the start, and it showed in the way he looked at the man before him and the simple joke, but there was that something else that was bubbling up to the surface.

Maybe one day he would develop a balance between the two, a treatment for just Caeso and Caeso alone. It was already starting to happen with the need to comfort and take care of the man. He already itched to be closer to give him someone to lean into, at least until the food arrived, so that he could keep taking that comfort and support he needed from someone. Nari was the only one left at the moment, and he would have to do. But for now, he stayed put, only there to give when beckoned for—and stealing stares while he could.

Not long could mean a multitude of things. Not long could have meant a minute or less, where Caeso had looked over at the exact moment that the spirit had tucked his legs under himself as he was hovering, but it could have also meant that the man had been there for longer than five and seen the whole situation with him and the lights. Gods he hoped that wasn't the case. It was one thing to say that he didn't want to stay long in Nari's home in favour of wanting to get to the mission, it was another to say that and then be found playing with the lights that the spirit had strung up for light in his place. The realusation that it could have been either of those options only had his cheeks darkening.

For a moment he forgot that Nari was blind and couldn't see him. At least, in his mind, he was completely blind and was unaware that Nari could, in fact, see him a little. Could see him nuzzling into the lights. Could see him rolling them around in his hands and arms and wanting to keep them close. Now that Nari was closer it was easier to feel the connection between the spirit and the lights that he had created. They were in tune with one another. Nari wasn't exactly alive, since he was a spirit, and light wasn't alive, either. The spirit was already linked to the magic that he had made and now that they were closer it was easy for the Fae who could control such an aspect of life to pick up on that now.

He watched as Nari moved the pillows around so he was seated in his own little nest and Caeso snuggled further into his own. One of the lights snuggled into him more, sitting in the crook of his neck in a way that had the captain biting back a soft, tiny smile. Easy to get distracted by things that were so sweet and could feed off his energy. Definitely far too easy to relax and want to stay and experience them more. The longer he was seated the harder it was going to be to get up. Although he was tempted to move closer to Nari, to say that he needed the comfort from the other man - not entirely false - but he wanted to sit closer. Caeso wasn't going o make a comment on the matter but after being so close it was strange to feel Nari so far away.

"I am perfectly comfortable," He replied, clearing his throat as if that was going to help matters in his heated cheeks and fluttering heart, "I guess it's more comfortable than some dirt." Because that would have been where they would have slept or stopped to relax if Nari hadn't dragged him into his home.

Nari buried his face further into his arms and pillows to hide his smile, though he couldn't stop the squint of his eyes or hide it any if he wanted to keep watching Caeso be cute. Just barely, he could make out a hazy spot of delicate pink where the man's face was, so he made the conclusion that he was blushing, and it was the cutest thing to think about. Playing around with something in someone's home like that was bound to cause embarrassment went caught, and it's the exact reason why the spirit had lied about how long he had been there—not that he knew how long had it been or that it really eased Caeso's mind any given the presence of his blush. And it would seem that he still felt comfortable enough to continue with the lights, as the soft glows of them circled around the captain's figure and nuzzled up against him.

I want to do that. The single thought was jarring and wildly out of line, but true. Nari wanted to be able to have Caeso's warmth again snuggled into his side, with the two of them mutually leaning into one another. He knew that he shouldn't want it or even make an attempt to get it, but under the guise of adjusting himself and finding a better position for comfort, Nari shifted closer before settling down again. Too much would be suspicious, and he didn't want to push his luck. His ears had gone slightly floppy once more, a testament to his comfort as he blinked over at Caeso and watched him closely. Gods, he was unnecessarily adorable. Who knew a captain could be that way.

"Definitely more comfortable than some dirt. Be happy I tend to hoard forms of comfort." With all the blankets and pillows that Nari had collected to throw on the floor to create his own nest, there might as well not even be a floor, let alone the dirt that they would've had to sleep on had Caeso dragged them along without stopping. Nari wouldn't have had an issue, just change into a fox, but the man would've been completely left to his own devices and exposed to the harshness of the ground. And the longer they sat there, the more he saw Caeso snuggling further into the blankets and playing with the lights, the more Nari was sure that this had been the right decision, and that he would be more apt to cave and stay there during the night. A small victory that the spirit reminded himself to not celebrate too early.

Instead, he gave Caeso a silent gift. His hand draped over the pile he was leaning against. Nari's eyes weren't completely blind, but he didn't want to tear his limited gaze away from the man as he did this, so he worked from memory and drew out a symbol against the blanket: a circle with three lines spiking out at the bottom, then a squiggle through it all. There wasn't an obvious shift of magic, but Caeso would be the one to feel it the most. The fox fire had a job of casting light through the house. As the symbol faded away into nothing, that job faded away along with it, giving the lights a sense of freedom—at least, as much as light could have freedom. Nari had no idea how it would reflect to Caeso's magic over them, but he hoped it would be positive, even if small.

Caeso was more than happy that his travelling companion was a sucker for comforting items. The pillows and blankets were soft to the touch where he had sunk back into them and surrounded him in his own little nest. Some might have called it excessive, considering the amount that Nari had, but Caeso was loving it for the time being. Combined with the lights it was a level of comfort that he hadn't experienced for quite some time. His chambers back at the palace had been fine enough. When he had first moved in the space had been empty bar a bed, a desk and a few chairs around the fire but nothing else. The last captain hadn't cared much for personal items or making places their own and so the space had been fit for the taking and turning into whatever space he wanted.

Which was exactly what Caeso had done. He had turned the empty space that had lacked anything but comfort into his own space that he could retreat to when he had the time. Not that he did, really. Half the time he was working till late, up before dawn and repeating the pattern until he was too exhausted to continue and he took a day off. He knew that it was unhealthy but Caeso was the king of terrible self-care and that wasn't about to change anytime soon. But the room still wasn't quite the same as how the nest of pillows around him felt. Sure, his bed was comfy, and there were enough pillows for more than one person but something about them had always felt off. Something in Caeso had always told him that the space wasn't entirely his own. Someone else had lived there before him, there was supposed to be someone else after him but with the downfall of the kingdom that wasn't going to be happening anytime soon, so it had felt wrong, in a way, to go too far. And besides, he wasn't royalty, he had no need for excessive pillows and blankets and comfort, not when he wasn't in the room half the time.

But being here in Nari's home, being sunk into the gorgeous nest had him almost wishing he had experienced that comfort long before now. Maybe it was a good thing, because he wasn't about to get attached to the feeling and want to come crawling back to either Nari or anything comforting, when the Death God was locked away for good. It meant staying on the dirt floor with rocks digging into his back wasn't going to bother him as much as it would have had he been missing this feeling. He would be okay with the fact that his back was going to ache and stab after a restless night's sleep. He would be okay with the premise that he wouldn't have this anymore. Maybe not ever again.

Caeso watched as Nari moved closer ever so slightly and the captain, if on instinct, did the same. It looked like he was also doing nothing more than readjusting but he was turning more towards the spirit, inching closer towards his space. The other provided even more, even better, comfort than the pillows and blankets ever could. He wasn't going to think about the why, but he would let himself chase it, if only for the next few hours, "Thank Gods you do." He replied, and when the lights seemed to pick up more of a sense of their own self, starting buzzing and interacting with one another, almost playing and calling for Caeso to join, he couldn't stop himself from reaching up with one arm to let them dance around his fingers and wave his arm softly through the few of them.

Nari wasn't much of a collector of things, given that he was a nomad with a history of not really being his own person until later in life, but comfort items were things that he just couldn't pull himself away from. There was something about pulling a warm blanket over himself and curling up under the heavy weight of multiple blankets, or surrounding his body with a multitude of pillows that he could lay on or against, whatever it may be. He liked the feeling of being surrounded by comfort no matter where he was, and maybe that's why he always insisted on bringing his collection wherever he went. Never adding to it, unless it was a gift or a replacement of something getting too old, but carting it around all the same from place to place.

Caeso enjoying it made Nari far too happy. Eiya and Maikota always expressed their support of his hoarded nest, but there were frequent mentions of liking someplace elevated to sit, since that they were all on the taller side. It made sense, and he didn't fault them for it, but Nari had always liked falling into his messy nests and adjusting them to how he pleased. So Caeso getting comfortable, shifting around to face him better and consequently getting closer, only sent a happy little flutter through his chest—and caused him to move closer without thinking much of it. Instinct kicked in, and before his brain remembered that he could see, Nari reached out and grabbed for Caeso's arm to judge distance. His fingers found his neck, then gently and slowly slid down until he had them brushing against the man's side, and he had a clear idea of where they were in relation to one another.

Close, closer than they had been before, but not too much. A sudden, forbidden thought popped back into his mind. Move closer. Hold him against you. He won't mind. Except Caeso might just mind more than a little bit. But he had moved towards Nari, had turned his attention more directly towards the spirit even when he raised his arm so cutely to play with the released lights. Hesitation gripped him, because there were too many what if's to counter his impulse, but Nari chose to take the signals he was getting and roll with them before he paused for too long and lost the opportunity. Moving the rest of the way, which wasn't much, Nari slid his touch over Caeso's back until he had an arm wrapped around the captain, and gently tugged him into his side—fitting perfectly, even when not fully relaxed into him. He desperately hoped that his pulse wasn't rocketing too much from nerves. If he fucked this up, he'd never get to see Caeso like this again.

"Might as well," he reasoned gently before he could be questioned. "Already close enough." And Nari had selfishly missed Caeso's warmth and the weight of the man pressing into him. Eiya would be here any second. He would be insanely jealous seeing the two cuddled up together. Maybe Caeso would push him away like he had in the library, and maybe Nari would make a joke about how he was just 'testing the waters' and play it off as a tease. Maybe Eiya would never see it. Nari knew that he shouldn't be entertaining the idea of getting too snugly with a traumatized and grumpy captain that was too dead set on personal rules—but he was, because Caeso had melted into him every time, and Nari liked the warmth of his touch too much to not be just a little self-serving.

When Nari pulled him closer Caeso couldn’t help the soft ’ooft’ that escaped him. It was one of surprise but not discomfort, as the spirit pulled him into his side. The arm that was currently lifted into the air and had those soft lights dancing around his fingers gently lowered, and the lights came with them. They stayed around his palm and fingers as if they were attached however Caeso wasn’t using much of his magic to keep them there. They had every ability to move away from him if they so wished or maybe even disappear entirely if Nari didn’t keep or want them around, yet they stayed. They stayed and continued to buzz around his fingers as if they were fireflies dancing around the leaves of the lowest willow tree and kept making their way up his arm to his neck. Now that Nari was closer, they seemed intrigued by him, too, and a few made their way to the fox spirit and began their round of looking and what seemed to be accessing the man.

As if waiting for confirmation from Caeso that Nari was indeed okay, they swooped under Nari’s neck, down his arm and around the two of them where they were now linked, before stopping back in front of the captain. Caeso could feel and hear the buzzing from them, the softness, and with the softest tilt of his head in the spirits direction, it was all the conformation that they needed to know they could buzz around Nari, too. Not as many, but a few, moved in a similar fashion to those around Caeso.

Even though for the briefest moment the captain was tense and looked ready to pull and push away, that voice in the back of his head calling for him to stay was the one that was calling the loudest, and too loud for him to ignore. Having Nari’s touch on his back, his neck and arm as he had obviously used the touch to gauge how close they were had been soft and warm and nice but he hadn’t expected to be pulled into him. But Caeso wasn’t going to complain. Not when he was comfortable and provided the softness that he needed right at that moment to feel semi-okay. Caeso didn’t want to think about why, out of all people, Nari was the one who was able to draw such reactions from him and easily. How within only hours of meeting he felt comfortable enough to be this way with him when he had shut himself off from everyone else for so long. Comfort wasn’t something he deserved after what he had done to his prince and yet here Nari was, practically begging and telling him to take it as if it were nothing at all.

It was why Caeso settled into the spirit not long after his initial hesitation. Either way he fit perfectly into his side and the captain nuzzled up, much like the lights had been doing to him, but into Nari. His other hand came to rest on his chest, and if he felt the others racing heart - which he certainly could - he didn’t comment, for his own was beating much the same and there was nothing that could be done about it now. Caeso let his head drop to his shoulder, and fully relaxed himself into Nari while his other hand continued to flick around those lights, “Eiya should be back with food soon, yes?” He didn’t really want the other to see them this way and things quickly turn into an argument.

Nari tried not to watch the lights too closely, partially because they distracted him from the man he had pulled into his side and partly because he didn't want his increased vision to be made blatantly clear. If Caeso found out that he could see, even if a little bit, he might be less indulging of Nari's antics and curl right back up into his shell after realizing what else was seen. His ears swiveled with each pass of the lights around his head, and mindlessly flicked at them when they coasted a little too close. There was this gentle smile on his lips as he reached up with his free hand and let one perch on his crooked fingers for a moment. He could see why Caeso was so fascinated by them to some extent, but the spirit enjoyed seeing him get so adorable and soft in the face of some pretty lights even more. Perhaps he'd leave the lights for someone who appreciated them more than him.

Mostly, though, he was giving the curious little flames extra attention to give Caeso the breathing room he undoubtedly needed to make a decision over whether or not he wanted to allow this. And, surprisingly, he relaxed quicker than Nari had anticipated. With Caeso's relaxed weight pressing into him, Nari seamlessly adjusted to support him without even giving it as much as he wanted to put into it, then angled his head to give the man more room to nuzzle up into him. He left the lights alone after that and rested his cheek against his knuckles, eyes going so hooded and heavy that they nearly closed. Whatever he was looking at didn't matter, not when the entirety of his attention was centered around Caeso. The captain who had his head on Nari's shoulder and hand on his chest.

He cast idle strokes over Caeso's side from where he held him, random intervals interspersed with random patterns, all self-soothing and working to calm his racing heart. Panic, relief, anticipation for backlash, comfort—they all warred with one another to take precedence over Nari's mind, and none of it was good for his pulse. He ignored it all, though.

There was barely a hiccup in Nari's breathing at the mention of Eiya returning. "He should be," he said, and the words were punctuated by a subtle but personally pointed adjustment that brought Caeso a sliver closer. The spirit didn't want to play into his friend's jealousy by allowing this, but at some point, Eiya would have to accept that fact that Nari had a life of his own and that it wouldn't be shared with him in the way that he wanted it to be. Whether it be with some poor soul that stumbled into his path or even Caeso—hypothetically. Eiya getting jealous was a non-issue until he made it one, then Nari would deal with it. He didn't need Caeso under the crossfire of the two friends' sudden feud over a boy. Of all things. And not even a partner. Stashing that string of thoughts entirely, Nari turned his head and bumped his nose against Caeso's hair. "Do you need anything?" Specific food request, drink, space, sleep, what-have-you—Nari was bound determined to provide for just this night to keep his travel companion alive.

Even though they were so close, Caeso was unaware of the fact that Nari could see, even just a little, more so than he had been before. If he had been aware, and also had been aware that the spirit had been watching him from the staircase for longer than he had let on before, he could have definitely moved away and made a fuss over it. But he didn't. He was too focused on the lights to notice. He also was, maybe just slightly, refusing to look up at Nari because of their proximity. If he did look up, they would once again be nose-to-nose almost and would have even ten shades darker than he already was. It seemed to be a running theme between them, and Caeso disliked it as much as he found Nari annoying.

He found Nari annoying and yet he was still cuddling up to him as if they were close friends and not strangers. He found Nari annoying but found him comforting - warm and soothing - and causing him to think rationally, maybe, or at least rationally enough to consider staying for the evening and not fucking off after food had come back. He found Nari very annoying that he was able to even cause such reactions and ideals in his head when they had a mission and a goal that they needed to get through. They had to move. They had to get those keys. The longer that they waited the more Ezekt was going to be able to free himself from his chains and cause chaos in the overworld and The Under was going to spill more and more into their realm and they weren't going to make it much longer than a few days, weeks at best. Instead, they were curled up with one another in a bundle of blankets and pillows and playing with lights.

Ridiculous. It was ridiculous. He hated that the other was able to draw such reactions but he couldn't bring himself to move away. Nari was far too warm and Caeso was far too comfortable and even the lights seemed to be wanting and urging him to stay where they were. It didn't help that Nari adjusted him a little more to pull him closer and that was when all his self control over the situation slipped away. Stay. Stay there. That was what he was going to do, if only for tonight. For the next few hours. Caeso couldn't help the way he pressed in closer, head slipping a little, body slumping more into the spirit with a soft sigh. Food would be there soon. They would have to move, Nari would undoubtedly want to help cook so Eiya didn't make a mess in the kitchen and he would be alone again. Maybe that would be a good thing.

Caeso shook his head softly at his question, "No, I don't need anything." He just needed those lights, the warm body next to him. Currently, he had both, and he wasn't going to give them up just yet. He didn't want Nari to move to get up and grab him something that he didn't really need.

Nari wrapped his arm tighter around Caeso when he slumped even closer, like he had finally given in to the embrace and accepted the comfort that the spirit was offering. Normally, he would fight Caeso on it, insist that he get some snacks or water, or be honest about what he needed. But the both of them were seemingly comfortable where they were at, and Nari had already pushed Caeso as far as he could with the task of taking care of himself, so there really wasn't a point to fighting for more when there wasn't a reason to. If the man didn't need anything urgently enough to push Nari away or force him to go away, then Nari wasn't someone to fight it. A small part of him warmed that he had the solider cuddling into him to begin with—or maybe that was just the man's warmth seeping into his body and radiating between them.

With a soft sigh and a return cuddle, Nari absently kissed the top of Caeso's head before resting his chin there. "Okay." No argument, no question. Just sinking into the man and closing his eyes. The lights swirled around the two of them like they were one entity, skirting around Nari's ears and jerking away just as they flicked them away. He had no idea if Caeso was still controlling them or if they were being left to their own devices, but he didn't care. At the moment, Nari didn't really care about anything but the body warming his and the man who was far too tired and traumatized for him to even admit or for his own good. The spirit didn't care about the fact that Eiya would eventually barge in with food for Nari to make them, that Caeso would distance himself once they separated and it wouldn't be like this again. Maybe he shouldn't care that they wouldn't be like this again, because they didn't like one another. Not when things were normal and Caeso was back to hating him.

Another absent kiss, and the little exhale that Nari did as he adjusted sounded suspiciously like an airy purr. "Never met a light user," he mumbled into Caeso's hair, and a tired little smile lifted at his lips. "Didn't realize they'd be so cute when they get to use their magic. If only I could've seen it." Even though he had seen it, but Caeso couldn't know that. It would be his tiny little secret, to see the captain's walls down while he thought the spirit couldn't see him like that. He'd enjoy it while he could, until the morning when he told him, when it wouldn't be a secret any longer.

For someone who had been so cold when they had first embraced, Nari was certainly starting to really warm now that they were next to one another, and this close. Now that they were cuddling. Maybe it was because Caeso was practically fire in comparison. Half the time he was as warm as could be, and that was probably from the fact that whenever he used his magic it warm his skin. He supposed that was what happened when you had light as your form of magic. Light usually meant warmth, and that was generally the type of light he found himself using. Now that Nari was warming it made it far easier to sink into the spirit, into the hug, the cuddle and the pillows and let himself just be.

Fuck, how long had it been since he had just existed like this? Just sitting, cuddling, embracing another. Far too long, was the answer to that question. He never had a break, never allowed himself to take a break. It was work all day, into the evening until eventually he tired himself out and he couldn't function anymore, sleep, and repeat. There was no time for rest. There was never enough time for rest. He had jobs to complete, people to protect, and men to command. Caeso supposed he didn't even have that anymore. He had no army, no men, not even a king to look after. What was he? He certainly wasn't a captain. A captain had an army, whether it was small or not, and Caeso? He had no one. Well, he had Nari, but did that count? Half of him yelled at him, screamed that yes. Yes, it did count. Nari was someone. Nari was someone who was currently here with him, holding him, offering comfort, food, a safe space, for one last night. The other half wanted to pull away because Nari was an ass and annoying and he didn't need anymore.

But as much as he tried to tell himself that, the former half of himself was winning, and Caeso was too weak to fight it. The kisses, the comments about cuteness. He wanted to protest because, well, he wasn't cute, at least not in his mind, but he was the only light user there so he couldn't even deflect it on someone else. He ignored the fluttery feeling that came with it, pushed it down until he tried to forget about it, "I haven't met another light user, either," He mumbled, trying to move on from those words, "No idea if there are even any others left."

Nari stared down at Caeso with his limited sight, his gaze drifting from place to place on the expanse of the man's body. It felt as though they were in their own sort of bubble, outside of the real world, where even their aversive relationship was suspended in favor of bringing Caeso closer to the spirit and alleviating any of the burdens weighing down his shoulders. They were actually being civil with one another. Normal, even, with Nari planting idle kisses to the top of Caeso's head as the Fae talked about light users and ignored being called cute. They were huddled in the piles of blankets and pillows, and Nari was steadily warming up from the warmth being shared between them. And in that bubble, Nari could only smell and feel and see the Fae sinking further and further into his side, until he was sunken enough that there was a clear sight of the expanse of his neck.

The spirit's ears flicked back very briefly. He shouldn't. It was a stupid and impulsive and purely hormonal impulse. How could he resist an objectively attractive man, who was warm and cute, and was so easily accessible with just a strategic shift? He, too, was a man, and never claimed to be much better than most. But it was such a stupid idea. He'd for sure get the shit kicked out of him just for making one wrong move, and doing what he was thinking about, picturing, was way past the 'wrong' move. But fuck, it was tempting. So tempting.

Nari's head bent until his nose dragged against the length of Caeso's neck. He hummed faintly in acknowledgement of the man talking about other light users. "I'm sure there's more out there." The spirit's lips, still a touch cooler than Caeso's overheated skin, brushed against his neck. "Somewhere." Then he was pressing slow kiss after kiss up and down Caeso's neck, doing the very thing he told himself not to, because he really couldn't resist. Not when he had that warmth countering his chill, the weight of another pressing into him. The spirit was practically nuzzling into Caeso as he did so, and his breath skittered over the other's skin. It felt too right, too comfortable, and Nari chose to ignore that feeling and simply enjoy the moment without overthinking it.

Caeso was unexpected. Everything about him was unexpected. Between his first appearance down to just how receptive he was to the spirit's attention once he wound down and accepted it, he was a wild card that had Nari thinking about what it would be like if he hadn't run across him. Would he still be fending off Eiya, and end up facing Ezekt on his own? The thought of this exact moment not happening had Nari shutting it down instantly and focusing his attention on Caeso.

Caeso could admit to himself that, when Nari was like this, when he wasn't being an arrogant asshole and teasing the fuck out of him all the time, he was beginning to like being around him. Liking the closeness that the two were beginning to share with each other. The soft touches, the gentle kisses. How they were both sinking into the nest of comfort and pillows and warmth that the surrounding space was giving them, and the warmth that Caeso was giving the two of them, too. It was… nice. It felt.. right, and he hated to admit that to himself so instead he took to ignoring that thought, just like he took to ignoring all the thoughts and feelings that seemed to arise so easily and quickly. No, it wasn't supposed to be like that, and he wasn't going to allow himself to be like that. Latching onto the first person that was willing and so able to grant him comfort. He wasn't supposed to form any sort of attachment. They were going to work together another nothing more than that. But it was so nice and maybe it was just because he was tired he was being more lenient than he should have been, but he didn't want it to stop, not yet. Five more minutes. At least until Eiya came back and would undoubtedly cause a scene at the sight he was going to be presented with.

The Captain let his control over the lights drop. Now he had calmed down more he didn't need the comfort that they offered as much, especially when he had Nari right next to him. It seemed as if he was trying to pull him closer, too, as if wanting Caeso to be as close as he could possibly get to the spirit. Right now he didn't have a problem with that. He didn't want to move. The part of him that disliked the spirit could fuck off for the time being.

But then the spirit was right up against his neck. Simply feeling the touch of Nari's nose was enough to have him sucking a breath between his teeth. Sensitive. Too sensitive. The most sensitive for the captain. Even just the other's breathing had his breath stuttering. He should push him away. Should tell him to fuck off. No attachments. No affection. They couldn't, shouldn't, and didn't need it. Probably a step too far. Fuck was it good though. Too good. Too good that Caeso found himself ignoring rational and not pushing Nari away from him. Instead, he did the exact opposite.

Caeso's heart rate picked up, he was sure that it was felt but it didn't matter. Ever so softly, he craned his neck a little more, tilting it to grant Nari more access, more space to plant those damned good kisses. His neck was hot and red and Nari's lips were soft, wet and cool and felt so good there. How could he not give in? His head dropped a little more, granting as much space as he could allow the spirit in the position that they were in. The hand on Nari's chest slowly grabbed the fabric of the shirt he was wearing, bunching it up in his hand to keep himself steady. The other dropped into Nari's lap, resting on his thigh, fiddling with the fabric there, trying to ground himself as he spoke, "M-Maybe. I don't- I don't know where they might- might be, though." Stuttured words and breathing made his face redder.

This was a very risky move on his part, and Nari was incredibly close to chickening out of the entire thing. Maybe wish Caeso well, hope he's comfortable in the pillows and blankets, and bolt to the kitchen. The spirit's entire body tensed with the anticipation of leaving when Caeso sucked in a breath. Definitely too much. Nari lifted his head, his heart hammering, while disappointment and the urge to flee rose up in a rapidly growing wave. Fuck, fuck, fuck. A massive mistake that would ruin whatever chance he had at staying on Caeso's good side if he kept going—

The captain craned his neck, dropping it low to give Nari more space. Not a very direct allowance, but one nonetheless. Nari bit his lip and dipped his head back down, easily slotting right into that open area like he belonged there. Against Caeso's skin, his lip-bitten smile was undoubtably felt, but it disappeared in favor of resuming the sweet little kisses. Gentle nuzzles were added to the mix, letting Caeso just simply feel Nari in his space, against his skin, with breath and lips. The spirit could certainly feel Caeso's reactions, all-too aware of the grip on his shirt and the hand resting on his thigh to play with the fabric of his pants. The captain was so easy to get the best reactions out of him, once the right angle was used. He was the most responsive that Nari had ever encountered, and it made everything a thousand times better. He loved it. Well, he loved it and hated it, because Caeso touching him in return—even in presumably unconscious moves—was doing him in. Not as bad as him kneeling, though. Not quite.

Nari's breath puffed against the shell of Caeso's ear as he planted a kiss there, still smiling. It was obviously his typical shit-eating grin when he got a desired reaction out of the captain, but it was muted by the unmistakable fondness—and the barely there noise that was most definitely a purr now that it was right in his ear. "You're stuttering," he teased, running his fingers over Caeso's side in idle strokes while he kissed back down the man's neck to start all over again. "They might be just as shy as you, hiding in plain sight. I found you—maybe I could find another that is willing to be seduced."

The most off-hand tease, especially when Caeso was absolutely open and willing at the moment, and when Nari actually wasn't trying to seduce. He was just… comforting him, and himself in turn. Inciting relaxation and letting go of all the stress of the shit show they were in. Caeso needed it the most, and anything that the captain was willing to take from the spirit, Nari would give tonight.