(it has come to my attention that damien is only good at compliments when he sounds like a total fucking dick when he says them)
“You’re not pathetic, seriously.” Damien frowned, hugging Rowan just a little bit closer. “I get that that sucks. I do. It must be scary to experience, but that doesn’t make you this useless little friend.”
(Lmao kinda yeah)
"I just… I don't even feel like a person sometimes. Like I don't even deserve to be here because I'm constantly burdening someone else by existing…"
Damien squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back. He knew those thoughts. He’d had them plenty of times before. “Stop. You’re not a burden, okay?” How am I even supposed to refute this? “Those thoughts fuckin’ suck, but your brain is lying to you. You’re a person and you deserve the fuckin’ world. You aren’t a burden.”
"B-But you're stuck here with me right now because I got left alone for a couple hours and couldn't fucking handle it on my own." Rowan looked up at Damien meekly, tears stinging his eyes. "I'm just causing problems for you and the guys. Why do you even keep me around?"
Damien cupped Rowan’s face in his hands. “Listen, Ro. I honestly don’t give a fuck about any of that right now. You’ve been through so much shit, I fully get why you’re freaked. And this is a new thing, man. Don’t think we’re gonna drop you for this- we’d be shitty friends if we did.”
Rowan drew in a shaky breath, a tear rolling down his cheek. He wanted to quickly brush it away, but couldn't with Damien holding his face like this. "I… I-I'm scared, Damien… I don't like feeling like this… I don't get why I'm so averse to being alone… there's something fucking wrong with me and I'm terrified."
Damien let go of Rowan with a sigh. “I don’t know either, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of love and respect.” He tried to fumble for his next few words. “I get being scared, I do. I-if you ever need to talk or vent or just scream, I’ll listen, you know that.”
Rowan rubbed at his tears when he was released, trembling slightly. "I-I just… I don't know what to do… I feel so helpless and I just don't wanna be here anymore."
Something in Damien’s gut sunk at that moment. He got a little dizzy. “Fuck, Rowan, no, no, no..” He mumbled, holding Rowan close to himself.
Rowan clung tightly to Damien, his quiet tears soon turning into sobs and his shaking growing stronger. "My parents barely know I fucking exist, I can't even be alone, and you're literally the only person who'd care if I was gone…"
Damien nervously watched Rowan, wracked with sobs. “Hey, hey, no, that’s- that’s not true-“ He tried to calm him down, but wasn’t sure where to even begin.
"I-I just… I c… I c-can't do this anymore…" Rowan sobbed, quickly growing less coherent. "I can't… I c-can't do it…"
Damien hugged Rowan, trying to calm him down to the best of his abilities. He looked over at Milo. “Ro, hey, hey-! You’ve gotta relax, man. Your head isn’t on straight right now.”
Milo was whining loudly and trying to get closer to Rowan. He judged Rowan's arm, but Rowan didn't even seem to notice.
“Deep breaths, please, Ro. Deep breaths.” Damien repeated, trying to stall the sobs just a hair.
Rowan tried to obey, but he just choked on his sobs at first. "I c… I c-can't breathe…" He whispered weakly.
“Olay, okay, just try, okay? Sit up..” Damien nudged him upwards a bit, holding steadying hands on his shoulders. “Remember, in through the nose, hold it three seconds, let it out through your mouth.”
Rowan continued hyperventilating for a few seconds before he started struggling to do what Damien told him to do. His timing was way off and he couldn't even do it consistently without choking again, but he was trying.
Damien paled, and he was worried that he was doing more harm than good. His brain fumbled for more coping skills- grounding was the first one to pop into his head. “Okay, this isn’t working right now, let’s try something else. Can you find five things that you can see?”
Rowan seemed a bit confused for a few seconds, but then shakily started looking around. "M-Milo…" He pet the dog gently. "…you… the…the c-couch, the… TV… and… a-and um… t-the wall…?"
“Good job, good job. What about four things you can touch?” Damien pressed on gently, head cocked a little.
Rowan kept petting Milo. "S-Still Milo… still… still you, still the couch… a-and… uh… myself…?"
“Three things that you can hear?” Damien let go of Rowan’s waist, hoping he was steady enough to hold himself up.
Rowan was still clinging tightly to Damien, so it didn't make much difference. "Um… Y-Your voice, my voice… Milo bitching…"
Damien snickered at that, but continued with his questions. “Okay, this one can get tricky. What are two things that you can smell?”