(WELP! I’ve disappeared from nb for the longest time but I’m back… sort of— ANYWAYS—)
Untitled.No811
I had never blew a candle on my birthday
When most of my time, I’m stuck here, wishing God for all my yesterdays
I wanted to be better, I wanted nothing more
I didn’t want to bother, but I couldn’t hold it anymore
I asked God for a blessing, God gave me a lesson
I asked God for a life, and God made me a burden
I asked God for a brighter later day,
His response was a nod, “Let me give you all your yesterdays,”
I saw the boy playing pretend on the playground
He was the prince of kingdom, and the stones made a town
He was loved, he was happy, he was brave
He was everything that I wish I am today
He found the happiness of building sandcastles on beaches
And finding winged crickets on the side of some branches
While I’m here stressing over grades and my performance
The boy I was before was running miles to test his endurance
AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE. WHY AM I SEEING ALL OF THIS?!
I was falling down a spiral deeper than I think I did
When I saw the ground, I closed my eyes, and pretend that it’s the end of it
But as it turns out, negativity has no end to it
I saw a million different memories I’d missed
I delved deeper down thinking that I’ll find the end of it
Under the depths of this heart I call mine,
I knew I’d find that kid somewhere, I need him to be alive
What I missed most wasn’t just roses on Valentines,
Neither was it just the presents on Christmas of 2009,
Neither were the trips to Japan when I was five,
All I wanted was for the childish side of mine to stay alive
And for it to live, and live on inside this body
It may not be perfect, but I crave childish fantasies
And God smiled, seeing that I embraced my own duality
I may not be perfect, but I’ll try to be the best of ‘ME’