Gazing into the eyes of my old partner, I realize perhaps his death wasn’t as sweet as I anticipated.
Seeing into a darker, more real reflection of my own face did not bring feelings of bittersweet memories, but instead brought small waves of grief to the backs of my eyes.
Staring into those icy blue eyes, how they sunk into the skull of the reflection below me, only sent shivers down my spine. They gazed up blankly, fixating on a point in the sky I could not see with my live eyes. Though they were blank, they held much more promise than what I have ever seen on M’s face. He seemed free, now. He was always trapped under something, and we both knew the only release he had was death. We never shared this with each other, but we knew.
Would I let this control me? No, of course not. He is only my twin. I have more family than him, now.
However, as I assisted in the task of bringing his body to the car that would be taking him to his final destination, I couldn’t help wondering what would become of me in the future. Of course M’s loss is heavy, but we can replace him.
As I gently soothed a member of our detective force, I had to feel bad. That person was supposed to be me, after all. I had just lost my brother.
But it wasn’t. I hadn’t shed a tear. I was the strongest person I knew, and I still am. I must be, and I always had been as a kid.
Yet more people ironically cared for his grumpy ass more than me. As I sat in that seat of the car that would take me back to my home, I couldn’t help but smile.
I was free, too.
You are reading this, probably a few days after my death.
It is selfish to assume you went and scoped this out, as selfish as it is for me to plan my own death. After Xanthe passed away, I knew my own death was close. I was fortunate enough to scrape some time together to write a will.
Everyone knew me as the selfish boss who made everyone get something or another for him. It was impossible to change in how little time I had left, but honestly, I don’t think I want to change it. I quite like the different look. Just don’t spit on my grave.
Yet as I sit here with a drink in my hand, I can’t help but sigh. This life was fun, but it will be better without me in it.
As I was told by a close friend before, I think I belonged somewhere else. Somewhere… without publicity. Perhaps they were suggesting a mental facility, or a prison. I think the latter was made for people like me?
anyway i dont really know what else to say. i kind of dont want to be here anymore. im ready to go. im ready to leave forever. i wished i could help more than i did.
enough preamble. my life was eventful yet it was painful to live. i hated every second of it and its all my fault. i didnt have to live it, im just a fucking pussy. dont be a pussy like me. whats the use if youre just going to be nothing, just a memory on some stupid stone or if your lucky, a pice of paper.
its all pointless but–
The rest was blotched out from a stain of ink.
Neo inhaled slowly, setting down the piece of paper in front of M’s former attorney. “Wow, okay. Why the hell did you let me read that?” He sat down slowly in a lush seat in his own office, sighing softly.
M’s attorney mimed Neo’s action except in a less expensive, typical waiting chair across from the King. “He asked me to give that to you. Something about ‘blame’ and ‘warning’. He was pretty hungover when he handed it to me, but I dunno. I was paid, so…” The man shrugged with a shifty grin to try to offset the mood. “Anyhow, we’re giving the money from his bank account to his children. His husband didn’t sign a prenup, and M didn’t leave anything to him that we know of, so Mr. Whembrooke will not be getting anything.”
“Well, damn, M wouldn’t have wanted that,” Neo protested without much care in his lofty, deep voice. He crossed his fingers neatly over his stomach, calmly watching the attorney squirm.
“It’s just what we were advised to do, er… sir.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, just leave. Do whatever you think is right and nice and legal.” Neo stood, smiling as bitterly as possible to the smaller man beneath him. “You’re just a small ant, anyway. Thanks for dealing with such a big problem.” He chuckled and turned on his heel weaving his way out of his office, smiling to himself.
I think I can start.