forum I need another opinion

Started May 29, 2019 by @amber_is_in_a_loop

tune

I have a book I'd love to finish, but I'm stuck. I'm also convinced it's terrible. I just need a fresh opinion to help me figure out where I'm going wrong

More info.

Oof
So, premise:
Lillian has died. She finds herself in the Underworld. Following a series of mistakes, she meets Sophie, and Nathan. Through them she learns about the system she's caught in and one more thing: she's not, strictly speaking, dead. The story is the two, Lillian and Nathan, as they try and get Lillian back to life.

This is the template for MC Lillian
Name: Lillian Nelson
Other name(s): Lili
Age: 14 but I can make her older for the story.
Gender: Female
Race/species: Full-blooded human
Blood type: AB+
Sexuality and relationship status: Straight, single
Nationality: Danish and Canadian
Family:
Parents: Molly and Lucian Nelson - STATUS: Alive
Mother is 46, father is 40
Cousin: Mia Nelson-Janes - STATUS: Alive
Facial deformity, orphan (military parents-mommy's twin sister and her husband)
Companions: no pets, rather cautious of animals
Affiliation(s): Qhizva
Nathan Seyres and Santar
Isabella Gray
Appearance:
Skin colour: Olive
Hair colour, type and length: purplish auburn, mid waist, wavy and sleek
Eye colour: blue
Height: 5’5
Weight: 137 lbs
Build: broad shoulders, muscly but not stocky (she's a swimmer)
General clothing: Fitted white tank top, grey jeggings, beige boots, baggy burgundy coat with a cinched golden belt
Physical abilities: Amazing swimmer and runner, very fit
Weapon(s) and items?: a terrible, terrible shot; fast so prefers blades, nothing specifically
Skill(s): very good at any sport, very street smart, extremely convincing and fluent in 5 languages (french, english, spanish, danish, italian)
Weaknesses: Very quick to trust, terrified of being at fault and blamed
Personality: Overprotective with a strong motherly instinct, very curious and quick to learn, fidgety, extroverted, quick to lose her temper but then quick to forgive you, proud and excellently faked confidence

to me that sounds really cool, nothing seems wrong w the book idea
(just fyi i think she a little too skinny, like gets dizzy when she stands up skinny)

Sounds like an interesting plot. What's the conflict?

The villain is Persephone, slightly different to her normal representation I think. The idea was that Lillian, part of a world that isn't in on all the magic (planet Earth), was killed by a magical anomaly. If she had died, Persephone wouldn't of been able to control her memories and Lillian would have exposed her mistake and caused a commotion. The solution was to pull Lillian's soul out of her body a split second before she died so they would be able to wipe her memories of the anomaly.
When Lillian finds out she's alive and tries to get back to life, it's obviously problematic. Persephone tries to stop them from succeeding, and she almost does (but that's a whole 'nother plot).
There's also conflict in a romantic subplot between Lili and Nathan, cause he's got a troubled past and refuses to let himself love Lili because he doesn't deserve her. But she loves him, he loves her, and only his self-hate and guilt is standing in the way of their relationship.

well that sounds p fuckin good

I agree, seems like you have a pretty solid plot going!! If you're feeling uninspired, step back and write essentially fanfiction for your own plot! Write a few backstories or one shots just to get back in the groove.

my virgo need for validation is appeased
Will do, thank you guys!!

gemini but mood