forum Advice please

Started June 26, 2018 by @Rvan group

tune

Yeah, sorry my explanation was a bit confusing lol

Demons turn into demons when their bargain is fully complete (i. e. When Rvan is under full control of the Demon King (that's a whole other story, but basically the king of the demon race as the name implies))

Rvan can successfully commit suicide, but not die from that (sorry I'm wording this really weirdly). Like if the demon bargain hadn't happened, Rvan would be dead from suicide, something that couldn't have been saved. Of course, the demons also kind of pushed him away from successful suicide, but things that could be considered a mere coincidence, like “oh, no, Erik's football game was canceled, guess we have to go home early… Rvan, what are you doing!?!", whereas the car crash where there wasn't a way to push him away from death that time (again, I'm sorry that's worded super confusing, I totally get it if I made no sense at all lol)

For Erik sellling Rvan's soul instead of his own is actually because, since the bargain is working to keep Rvan alive, of just the way bargains work if that makes sense. It works that way so people can't just offer sacrifices for immortality or something in the demon world, they actually have to give something up of their own. Erik is kind of a special case, the only way Erik could set up the bargain was because they were close blood relatives (like sibling, parents, children). Erik was more of a vessel for the trade to happen. Erik technically doesn't get anything out of it on paper (he does get to cherish his brother for longer tho) rather, Rvan keeps his life. It's a pretty crappy deal from Rvan's perspective because he doesn’t want to live, so it seems like a bad deal in general.
In any other situation it would seem like a way better deal, let's say Rvan was actually dying of cancer (<— Just to be clear, that's a made up scenario) Rvan would get something out of the deal, i.e. Rvan being cured, but he'd have to give up his soul.
The deal is crappy time-wise because the demons generally always get what they want lol, it's really all Erik could bargain for. The demons wouldn’t give up any extra time over one year. Demons who make deals with humans are taught to always get the better end of the deal, so they aren't very generous in certain aspects.

Yeah, some demons do kind of look creepy and just seem off even when they are human-like, for instance, some wear old fashioned clothing and don't really fit in with the modern era, some don't talk very much or just talk in riddles, some just kinda stare blankly at things/people. Maybe should I have the protagonist start noticing more of these “people" around where he lives?

oooookkkkkkkay now I get it. So, Erik is actually a sweet brother. This will be interesting, in Rvan's POV.
wow, I feel really sad for Rvan, I mean I don't support suicide, but just wanting to die so badly and not being able to, and then finding out your soul isn't yours. It'd be a heart-wrencher if he ends up wanting to live but then his soul fully belongs to the Demon King…
anyway, yes I think that he should start noticing, like right away, just put in these odd little scenes about people that Rvan notices or talks to, or something.
As he becomes more aware of these strange things, maybe he can start to notice more? At first it's just small things, like feelings, or flight-fight response to certain people, or the ones that speak in riddles, and then it goes into the realm of omg im hallucinating!? did I really just see that, oh god im going crazy!
… I think that'd be fun to write.
And then, boom, he finds out about the bargain, the demons, the supernatural, and he's like, okay, i guess im not crazy…but holy shit… I'm crazy,

Yay! Thank you so much for the advice. I really think the build up will really help me now :D

Yay! Thank you so much for the advice. I really think the build up will really help me now :D

Oh good, I was wondering if I was even helping at all.
Your story sounds wonderful (in a really sad depressing way… from what I know of it so far), and I would love to read it sometime, so please post something when you have something written and need feedback!

Hi! So, I'm currently very stuck with this story I'm writing. I thought I had a pretty good introduction, but I'm not sure if it'll come across clear to anyone who reads it. It's about a mob leader, who is trilingual. Another thing, does anyone have any good tips for writing bi/trilingual characters??

Trilingual linguist here, so I'll offer up my two (three?) cents.

You can have your character be completely trilingual, as in they know all the words of all three languages and can use each completely interchangeably, but what's more likely is that your character knows subsets of each language that they use in different contexts. Think about how they were educated - did they learn these three languages formally, or did they pick them up from needing to communicate with speakers of the languages, or are they self-taught just for the sake of knowing more languages?

Also, think about the culture they're in. If a large percentage of the population speaks two or more languages, speaking three is not something to be super cocky about. If it's a largely monolingual culture, knowing three is a bigger achievement, but you also have to think about why they know three languages if there's only one spoken in the area.

I would imagine what is likely to happen with your character is that they speak one language in one context, and a different language in another. For example, say they learned one language from their family and friends at home (I'll call it H), and another at school (we'll call it S). They would probably speak H with family, friends and in less formal contexts (at the market, at a party) and speak S in more formal contexts (when talking with officials, at work [if they have a job in addition to the mob thing]). They might even swap over to a different language if the conversation changes - for example, speaking in H with a friend as you discuss the weekend and then swapping to S when the conversation moves into talking about the chemistry project you're working on for school.

My siblings and I use our 'uncommon' language to ask our parents questions that would be awkward or reveal a surprise if the English-speaking company heard us, like "When are we leaving?" or "Where do you want me to put the present?". If we forget a word in the language we're speaking, we'll usually use some kind of substitute. Like, "Have you seen the [car keys] thing to turn the car on?" But like @Starfast said, it is very rare that we forget common words in our first language, and even if we did, we're hardly going to use a word that the person we're speaking to is even less likely to know.

Oh good, I was wondering if I was even helping at all.

You helped so much. It was really nice to hammer it out :)